-
海绵宝宝
第二季
英文字幕
目录：
Season 2
21 Your Shoe's Untied
Squid's Day Off
22 Something Smells
Bossy Boots
23 Big Pink Loser
Bubble Buddy
24 Dying For
Pie
Imitation Krabs
25 Wormy
Patty Hype
26 Grandma's Kisses
Squidville
27 Pre-Hibernation Week
Life of Crime
28 Christmas
Who?
29
Survival of the Idiots
Dumped
30 No
Free Rides
I'm Your
Biggest Fanatic
31 Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III
Squirrel Jokes
32 Pressure
The Smoking Peanut
33 Shanghaied
Gary Takes A Bath
34
Welcome to the Chum Bucket
Frankendoodle
35 The Secret Box
Band Geeks
36 Graveyard Shift
Krusty Love
37
Procrastination
I'm
with Stupid
38
Sailor Mouth
Artist
Unknown
39
Jellyfish Hunter
The
Fry Cook Games
40 Squid on Strike
Sandy, SpongeBob and the Worm
21. *Your Shoe's Untied*
Dialogue
(SpongeBob is watching sea-creatures on
TV)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary! (changes
channel to a football game) Uhh, I was just
looking for
the sports channel, Gary.
(knock on door) Come in!
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob,
wanna see my new shoes? (shows blue tennis
shoes)
SpongeBob:
Wow!
Those
are
great,
Patrick!
Let's
see
what
they
look
like
on
your
feet.
Patrick: Uhh,
wouldn't you rather see them on my hands? (puts
shoes on his hands)
SpongeBob:
Ok.
(puts
white
gloves
on
his
feet)
And
we
can
wear
gloves
on
our
feet...
(puts hat on his back) and hats on our
captain's quarters, too!
Patrick: Uhh, actually, I
have a confession to make. (whispers in his ear) I
don't
know how to tie my
shoelaces.
SpongeBob: (laughs) Do you know how
lucky you are to have a friend like me?
Patrick: Yes.
(SpongeBob places one foot on the
chair)
SpongeBob:
Look
at
this
knot.
Have
you
ever
seen
a
more
perfectly
executed
shoe-fastening bow?
Patrick: Gosh,
probably not.
SpongeBob:
I
learned
when
I
was
just
a
boy,
Patrick,
and
I'm
willing
to
pass
on
what
I know. Go sit over there and let an
old pro show you how to do it. (Patrick sits
down
in
the
chair
and
SpongeBob
sets
his
foot
on
the
chair
arm)
Pay
close
attention,
Patrick.
(unties
his
laces)
Well,
you
start
by
taking
one
lace
per
hand.
(grabs
both
laces) And then
you...uhh, you gotta...loop
the...uhh...
Patrick: Are you sure you know how to
do it?
SpongeBob: Patrick, please! Shoe-tying
requires peace and quiet! Okay, where was
I?
Patrick: Your shoes are still untied.
(SpongeBob takes his shoe off the
chair)
SpongeBob: Well, I guess you don't want
me to show you how to do it.
Patrick: I'm
sorry! (covers his mouth with his shoes) I won't
interrupt anymore!
SpongeBob:
I've
got
it!
The
first
rule
of
shoe-tying
is
always
start
with
your
right
foot.
Now the lesson will officially begin. (sets his
right foot on the chair arm
and
unties
his
laces.
Ties
his
laces
but
they
come
undone.
SpongeBob
laughs
nervously
and tries again but the laces untie
themselves once more) That's
(laughs)
Get it? Knot...right?
Patrick: No.
SpongeBob:
Okay, no more fooling around! (tries to tie the
laces again) I've got
it! (lifts up
hands to show them tied in a lot of
knots)
Patrick: What was that? Are you okay,
SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Patrick, aren't you late for
something?
Patrick: Oh, poop deck!
You're right! We'll have to do this lesson later!
Bye
SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I can't believe
I've forgotten how to tie my shoes. They've been
tied
as long as I can remember.
(flashbacks to being a baby with legs and shoes
only)
Well, I'll remember after a good
night's sleep. (when morning arrives, SpongeBob
looks at his shoes and they are still
untied) No big deal. I'll remember sooner or
later. (opens the front door) 'Cause
I'm ready! I'm rea... (takes a step and
trips)
...dy!
(stands
up)
I'm
rea...
(takes
another
step
and
trips)
...dy!
(stands
up) I'm
rea... (takes
another step
and trips)
...dy! (stands up)
I'm rea... (takes
another
step and trips) ...doy!
(Patrick, who is eating a Krabby Patty,
notices SpongeBob)
Patrick: Well hiya,
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob:
(gasps)
Oh,
no.
I
can't
let
Pat
see
I
still
haven't
tied
my
shoes.
(stands
up
and puts two holes through the floor with his
feet)
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, you're shorter.
Have you been dieting?
SpongeBob:
Well,
a sponge has to
look
his
spongiest. (walks
to the kitchen
putting
a line of holes in the floor
with his feet) Well, I've gotta get to work.
(opens
kitchen
door
and
plops
on
the
floor,
face
first)
Oh,
barnacles,
maybe
I
should
just
lay here.
Squidward:
(peeks
his
head
through
the
order
window)
Those
patties
aren't
gonna
cook
themselves, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: He's
right! Got to make... Krabby Patties! (he holds
out a spatula and
gets
up)
Laces or no
laces! (crawls
over
to the
grill) I
just have to stand in this
one spot. (makes a Krabby Patty) Ta-da!
A perfect patty.
Squidward:
Alright,
SpongeBob,
hand
it
over.
Well?
(SpongeBob
takes
a
deep
breath.
Then imagines his
shoe laces as
snakes who squeeze him
then the hallucination goes
away)
SpongeBob: Hey,
Squidward! I've got an idea! How about you come
get it?
Squidward:
Oh
gee,
SpongeBob,
that's
a
great
idea!
And
maybe
I
should
cook
the
patties,
and
do
the
dishes,
and
wear
square
pants,
and
live
in
a
pineapple...
while
you
wait
in the unemployment line!
SpongeBob:
No!
Squidward: Then bring that patty here
now!
SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward. Here I
come. I'm coming over. (scoots his feet across
the
floor
inch
by
inch)
I'm
bringing
the
patty
to
you.
Here
comes
the
patty.
No
problem.
I'm
walking...the
Krabby
Patty...over
to
Squidward.
All
right,
Squidward!
I'm
giving
you
the patty...for the hungry customer. So they can
eat it when I give it to you.
Which is
right...now! (holds out the patty but the scene
zooms out to show that
SpongeBob never
moved)
Squidward: Uhh, SpongeBob. I'm over
here, now move!
SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward! (looks down
at his feet) Just slowly move your leg.
(tries to take a step but trips himself
and sends the patty flying through the air
at Squidward) D'oh!
Squidward:
SpongeBob! (the patty lands in his
mouth)
SpongeBob: I'm sorry,
Squidward!
Squidward: (chewing the patty)
SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I'll just make another.
(makes another patty but trips again throwing
the patty towards Squidward)
Squidward: Sponge... (patty enters his
mouth)
SpongeBob: Hold it! (makes another
patty and trips again sending the patty into
Squidward's
mouth
again)
Let
me
just...
(makes
another
patty)
D'oh!
(he
trips
again
and launches another
patty. This continues for a while. Pretty soon,
Squid is
extremely huge. A group of
customers is standing at the register. An old man
pokes
him)
Customer: What's the
holdup? (Squidward turns around and burps really
loudly)
Squidward: I think my heart just
stopped. (customers complain) It's Sponge...
(burps) ...Bob's fault! ('SpongeBob's
fault' echoes in SpongeBob's head)
SpongeBob:
I've
failed.
My
career
is
over.
I'm
sorry,
spatula.
(puts
down
the
spatula
and takes his hat off) I'm sorry, hat.
(puts it back on) I'm sorry, floor. (hugs
a box of patties) I am sorry, Krabby
Patties. (lies in a puddle of tears while Mr.
Krabs is working on a crossword
puzzle)
Mr. Krabs: Let's see, a five-letter
word for happiness. Money. (laughs)
Customer:
This
is
the
worst
service
we've
ever
had!
We're
going
to
the
Chum
Bucket!
(Mr. Krabs opens the bathroom door to
see what the problem is)
Mr. Krabs: Wait, wait!
Don't go! (his pants are undone)
Customer:
Oh
yeah,
we
are
definitely
out
of
here.
(Mr.
Krabs
runs
over
to
the
door)
Mr. Krabs: Wait, wait!
Don't go! That's me money walking out the door!
What's the
meaning of this, Mr.
Squidward?
Squidward:
It's
SpongeBob's
fault.
(Mr.
Krabs
gets
upset.
His
eyes
turn
into
steamboat whistles)
Mr. Krabs:
SpongeBob, get out here! (peeks out the kitchen
door) More. (SpongeBob
peeks out a little more) More.
(SpongeBob stretches himself partially through the
door)
All
the
way,
boy!
(SpongeBob
falls
to
the
ground
completely
out
the
door)
What
be the matter, SpongeBob? I ought to
make you walk the plank for this.
SpongeBob: I'm sorry Mr. Krabs, it's
just that I...I...
Mr. Krabs: Yes?
SpongeBob:
I...I...I...I...I...
Mr. Krabs: Yes? Yes?
Yes?
SpongeBob:
I...I...I...I...I...
Mr. Krabs: Out with it,
boy! What is it?
SpongeBob: I forgot how to
tie my shoes.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) That's
all?
SpongeBob: So you'll show me
how?
Mr. Krabs: I don't wear shoes.
(SpongeBob gasps then runs over to Tom)
SpongeBob:
Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
Tom: Uhh, fins?
(points to his feet. SpongeBob runs to another
customer)
SpongeBob: Could you show me how to tie
my shoes?
Eel: Well I would but,
sadly, I am only an eel. (wiggles her tail in
front of
SpongeBob's face. SpongeBob
runs to Jellyfish Fields)
SpongeBob:
Could
any
of
you
show
me
how
to
tie
my
laces?
(jellyfish
sting
him.
scene
cuts
to
SpongeBob
looking
under
a
rock
of
leeches)
Could
you,
you,
you,
you,
or
you
show me how to tie a
knot? (leaches run off. Scene cuts to SpongeBob
looking into
a cave) Could you show me
how to tie a simple knot? (pair of eyes become
multiple
eyes
and
the
monster
eats
SpongeBob.
He
notices
a
fisherman
skeleton
inside
its
mouth)
Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
(monster spits him out of its blow hole and
onto the painting of Painty the Pirate)
Could you show me how to tie my shoes?
Painty: Arr, I
be just a painting of a head.
SpongeBob:
DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO TIE A KNOT?!!!!!!!!!
(lightning appears as
well as the
Flying Dutchman)
Flying Dutchman: Did
somebody say knot?
SpongeBob: (eyes grow
large) I did.
Flying Dutchman: So, you wanna tie
knots, do ya? Well, do ya?
SpongeBob: Yes, please, Mr.
Flying Dutchman, sir.
Flying Dutchman: Then
you've come to the right flying ghost, kid. You're
looking
at the first place winner in
the fancy knottin' contest for the last 3,000
years!
SpongeBob: Hooray! (floats up into the
air and into a heart)
Flying
Dutchman:
(grabs
SpongeBob)
You're
gonna
have
to
not
do
that.
And
stop
staring
at me with them big
old eyes! (SpongeBob's eyes shrink) Now, stand
back and watch
me
be
knotty.
(laughs
and
pulls
out
a
rope)
Haha!
Behold!
(rope
is
in
pretzel
shape)
The pretzel knot!
SpongeBob: Ohh. (Flying Dutchman makes
the rope into 2 diamonds)
Flying Dutchman: The
double-diamond knot! (holds the rope, now in the
shape of a
square, in front of
SpongeBob) The square knot! (rope slithers over
and squeezes
SpongeBob) The
constrictor. (Grabs SpongeBob and pulls him apart
revealing a knot
that
looks
like
intestines)
The
gut
knot!
(Flying
Dutchman
makes
a
knot
in
the
shape
of
a
pillow)
The
pillow
knot.
(turns
the
knot
over
where
SpongeBob
is
sleeping.
Then
he
makes the knot into a butterfly) The butterfly
knot.
SpongeBob: Ohh...
Flying
Dutchman: Wait! There's more. (SpongeBob takes out
a pen and paper and his
glasses) The
monkey chain! (shows the rope as a chain) The
monkey's fist! (shows
the rope into a
ball) The monkey! (shows the rope as a
monkey)
Monkey: Ohh, ohh!
Flying
Dutchman: This one here's a loop knot, otherwise
known as the 'poop loop'.
(pulls the
rope)
Rope: Pooooooop!
SpongeBob:
(laughs)
Those are great,
Mr.
Flying Dutchman, sir! Now can
you show me
how to tie my
shoes?
Flying Dutchman: (laughs) I don't know
how to tie me shoes. I haven't worn shoes
for over 5,000 years! (holds a sock
with two blue stripes up) But sometimes I like
to wear this little sock over me
ghostly tail. (laughs as he flies off. Scene cuts
to SpongeBob crawling into his
pineapple)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Not
now, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: I'm not in the
mood, Gary.
Gary: Meow. Meow.
SpongeBob:
(crawls into bed) Just leave me and me untied
shoes alone. (Gary roars
knocking
SpongeBob
off
the
bed
and
onto
the
floor)
Okay,
Gary.
You
have
my
attention.
Gary: Meow.
(ties SpongeBobs shoes)
SpongeBob:
(gasps) Gary! Well,
I'll
be. You can tie shoes! (Gary
shows
hes wearing
shoes under his shell) Hoppin' clams!
How did you learn to do that?
Song:
Wanna learn how
to tie your shoe?
It's a
very easy thing to do.
Just
sit on down and I'll give you the
scoop,
What's that? It's
called the loop-dee-loop.
You gotta take a lace in each
hand,
You go over and under
again,
You make a loop-dee-
loop and pull,
And your
shoes are lookin' cool.
You
go over and back, left to right,
Loop-dee-loop and you pull 'em
tight,
Like bunny ears or a
Christmas bow,
Lace 'em up
and you're ready to go.
You
make a loop-dee-loop and pull,
And your shoes are lookin' cool.
You make a loop-dee-loop
and pull,
And your shoes are
lookin' cool!
*Squid's Day Off*
Dialogue
Narrator:
Ah,
beautiful
springtime.
A
time
for
fun
and
frolic
for
most,
but
not
for
this poor
slob.
Squidward: Ohh... what a beautiful day.
And here I am trapped in a prison of high
cholesterol. (bell rings) No one ever
comes in on Sunday. (bell rings again) Why
can’t
Mr.
Krabs
just
let
us
go
home?
(bell
rings
again.
Squidward
gets
angry.
Scene
cuts
to SpongeBob ringing a bell set on the order
window. Squidward runs up to
SpongeBob)
SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell!
SpongeBob: I
was just testing it.
Squidward:
(leans
through
the
order
window
getting
in
SpongeBob’s
face)
I
w
ill
ring
the
bell
when
there
is
an
order.
But...
(scene
zooms
out
to
show
restaurant
empty)
...there’s
no
customers!!
There
hasn’t
been
one
all
day,
and
there
isn’t
gonna
be any! (picks up the cash register and slams it
down making a bell noise)
SpongeBob: One Krabby Patty
coming up!
Squidward: No! (register drawer shoots
open knocking Squidward out of the way. A
bunch
of
coins
fall
onto
the
floor.
Scene
cuts
to
Mr.
Krabs'
office
where
Mr.
Krabs
hears the money
dropping)
Mr.
Krabs: That sounds like me money dropping. (he
opens his office door to find
Squid
picking up the coins) What’s going on out here? My
babies! (runs up to
Squidward and
shoves him away) Get away, you barbarian! What
have you done? Nice,
clean
money...soiled!
(scoops
up
the
coins
in
his
hands)
I’ll
take
care
of
ya.
Let
papa clean ya up. Clear the way! (he
runs into the kitchen and starts washing them
off in the sink) No, no, no, don’t cry,
little ones.
SpongeBob: What’s wrong, Mr. Krabs?
(Mr. Krabs gets scared and throws the dimes
in the air)
Mr.
Krabs:
Me
dime!
(a
dime
rolls
into
the
sink
but
does
not
go
down
the
drain
until
Mr. Krabs gives a sigh
of relief) Noo! (grabs the dime in the drain)
I got it, boy!
(tries to
take his hand out) What the? It’s stuck! You gotta
help me, Spon
geBob!
SpongeBob: You’ve gotta let go of the
dime.
Mr. Krabs: I
can
think of ten good reasons to never let
go of a dime, boy. There’s
got
to
be
another
way!
Grab
me
captains
quarters
and
heave!
(SpongeBob
pulls
on
Mr.
Krabs
from
behind
a
couple
times
until
Mr.
Krabs
gets
thrown
back
without
his
arms)
Me arms!
SpongeBob: Oh no, not
again. (Mr. Krabs hits the wall which makes the
shelf slant
and
drop
a
pan,
a
glass,
another
pan,
a
mug,
a
chest,
an
anchor,
a
buoy,
and
a
scuba
suit
on
Mr.
Krabs
head.
A
giant
bump
rises
up
on
Mr.
Krabs
head
and
then
a
dime
falls
on
it
causing
Mr.
Krabs
to
blacken
out.
Scene
cuts
to
an
ambulance
outside
the
Krusty
Krab and two
paramedics carrying out Mr. Krabs on a
stretcher)
Mr. Krabs: Wait. Squidward, I’m putting
you in
charge of thing around here
while
I’m gone.
Squidward:
(smiles)You
can
count
on
me,
sir!
(a
third
paramedic
carries
out
Mr.
Krabs
arms) Take care! Hurry back! Get well
soon! You’re in our thoughts! (ambulance
drives off) Takes more muscles to frown
than to smile! (shuts the door) Okay,
SpongeBob, let’s get down to business.
My first official act as new manager is to
give you a promotion. (SpongeBob’s
pupils form into stars to stars)
SpongeBob:
(screams) Ahh, really?
Squidward: You get to run
the cash register.
SpongeBob: The cash
register...wow! Squidward, who’s gonna work the
grill?
Squidward: You are! It’s part of the
promotion I mentioned earlier. You’ll be
wearing two hats now. You’re gonna take
the orders, and then you’re gonna make
them! (put
s his hat next to
SpongeBob’s hat)
SpongeBob: This is the best
day of my life!
Squidward: Me
too.
SpongeBob:
Wait,
if
I’m
running
the
register
and
the
grill,
what
are
you
gonna
do?
Squidward: I’ve got some very important
boss
-like errands to run. See ya,
later.
(he runs off)
SpongeBob:
Squidward!
Squidward: What is it?
SpongeBob: You
forgot to teach me how to use...the cash
register.
Squidward:
You
push
the
button
and
put
the
money
inside.
Okay,
you’re
on
your
own.
(walks
off as SpongeBob is hugging on the cash
register)
SpongeBob: I can’t believe this is
really happening. (sits on the cash register
box) Today, I start living! (scene cuts
to Squidward walking outside)
Squidward:
Well,
Squidward,
you’ve
really
outdone
yourself
this
time.
A
beautiful
day
of
relaxing
and
pampering
with
pay.
Hmmm,
I
guess
I
do
kinda
feel
bad
about
poor
little
SpongeBob,
all
by
his
lonesome...ohh,
ohh,
it’ll
pass.
He’s
probably
just
standing at the register with that
stupid grin on his face. (scene cuts to Patrick
and SpongeBob in the Krusty Krab with
dopey looks on their faces)
Patrick: Hey,
SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick!
Patrick: Hey,
SpongeBob, could you give me change for a
quarter?
SpongeBob:
No
problem!
(bangs
on
the
register
and
gives
Patrick
a
million
dollars)
Here ya
go!
Patrick: Thanks.
Squidward: (gasps) I forgot
to tell him how to make change! (he runs back to
the
restaurant, banging the doors open)
Sponge... (sees only SpongeBob in the Krusty
Krab)
...
Bob.
(checks
the
cash
register
to
see
if
everything
is
still
there.
Gives
a sigh of
relief)
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward. All done with
those errands?
Squidward: No, I am not. I just
remembered I needed change for this
dollar.
SpongeBob:
Do
you
want
four
quarters?
(holds
up
four
quarters)
Or
ten
dimes?
(shows
ten dimes on his
hand) Or twenty nickels? (shows ten nickels on
each arm) Or one
hundred
pennies?
(shows
one-hundred
pennies
on
his
back)
Or
one
quarter,
three
dimes,
seven
nickels,
and
ten
pennies?
(shows
the
quarter
on
his
nose,
3
dimes
on
his
fingers,
7 nickels on his thumb, and ten
pennies, in the shape of the cent symbol, on his
foot) Or, if you give me a five dollar
bill, your options are...
Squidward:
Alright,
goodbye.
(walks
off.
Scene
cuts
to
Squidward’s
house
where
he
comes
out wearing sunglasses and has on sunscreen and
carrying a lawn chair) This
is great.
My day off, no worries. Just relaxation. (sets his
lawn chair down and
puts sunscreen on
himself) I’m
the boss.
I
deserve this. Ah... Everything will
be
fine.
There
won’t
be
any
customers
today
anyway.
He’ll
probably
just
stand
there,
bored.
(imagines
SpongeBob
behind
the
counter
just
standing
there)
SpongeBob,
bored.
SpongeBob:
Ehh,
gettin’
kind
of
bored.
(yawns
and
falls
asleep.
Krusty
Krab
catches
on fire and
Squidward tries to blow it out but its a thought
bubble. Begins to run
to the Krusty
Krab but stops)
Squidward:
Oh,
what
am
I
doing?
(he
pulls
out
a
watch)
I
am
wasting
valuable
relaxing
time here, that’s what I’m doing! I
mean, really. What are the odds?
S
pongeBob
setting the Krusty
Krab on fire. (he walks back down the road. Then,
a fire engine
whizzes
by.
Squidward
is
startled
and
runs
to
the
restaurant
with
a
fire
extinguisher.
He sprays the galley with foam. As the
foam subsides, Squidward, now with a foam
beard, walks over to Sponge, who has a
foam mustache)
SpongeBob: May I help you,
sir?
Squidward: (wipes off his foamy beard)
It’s me, you dunce!
SpongeBob: Oh, hi,
Squidward! (mustache falls off) How are those
errands going?
Squidward: What’s that supposed to
mean? I’m very busy.
SpongeBob: I’m sure you
are.
Squidward: I don’t like your
tone.
SpongeBob:
(high-
pitched
voice)
I’m
sure
you
are.
(normal
voice
again)
How’s
that?
Squidward: Just
do your jobs. (walks off)
SpongeBob:
Aye-
aye,
Mr.
Tentacles!
(puts
the
spatula
in
his
forehead)
Boy,
no
wonder
Mr. Krabs put him in charge. (scene
cuts to Squidward’s house)
Squidward: Must...rel...
(breaks the chair) ...ax! (pulls out a mirror)
Look at
yourself.
You’re
losing
your
bluish
glow.
Stop
worrying
so
much!
Now,
repeat
after
me...you
will
not
go
back
to
the
Krusty
Krab.
(his
reflection
turns
into
SpongeBob)
SpongeBob:
I
will
destroy
the
Krusty
Krab.
(Squidward
screams
and
throws
the
mirror
at the wall and runs
to the Krusty Krab)
Squidward:
SpongeBob!!
SpongeBob: Have you
finished...
Squidward: No! (walks out)
That’s it. That’s it. No matter what sick
fantasies
run through my mind, I will
not go back to that restaurant! (walks into his
house
then runs out towards the Krusty
Krab)
SpongeBob:
Have
you
finished
those
errands?
(Squidward
runs
back
to
his
house
then
back
to the Krusty Krab) Have you finished those
errands? (Squidward runs back to
his
house)
Have
you
finished
those
errands?
(Squidward
runs
to
the
Krusty
Krab)
Have
you
finished
those
errands?
(Squidward
keeps
running
back
and
forth
while
SpongeBob
is
repeating
'have
you
finished
those
errands?'
Finally,
Squidward
enters
the
Krusty
Krab and stops) Have you finished those
errands? Have you finished those errands?
Have you finished those
errands?
Squidward: No, I am not finished with
those errands and I never will be! So quit
checking up on me! (walks up to
SpongeBob) I know what you’re up to. Forcing me
to come back here every time you mess
up!
SpongeBob: But I haven’t...
Squidward:
Okay, maybe you haven’t messed up yet, but you
will. You will. (walks
backwards) And
when you do, I’ll be there! I’ll be there!
(laughs)
SpongeBob: Gosh, Squidward sure is a
hard worker. He makes me proud to wear these
hats. (puts all sorts of door locks on
his door so he can't get out)
Squidward:
There!
Now
I’ll
have
to
stay
here
and
enjoy
myself!
I’m
not
even
gonna
think
about you know who at the you know what doing I
don’t care! (laughs) Just
gonna
relax...
(turns
on
the
water
and
puts
on
his
bathing
cap
sits
in
his
bathtub)
Let
Squid’s
day
off...begin.
(Squidward
hears
SpongeBob
laughing
outside)
What
was
that?
(SpongeBob's laughing is heard again) It’s
SpongeBob! He’s spying on me,
to see if
I’m really doing errands. But, but he left his
post, and I’ve finally
caught
him
messing
up!
(peeks
out
the
window)
A-ha!
I
caught
you,
Sponge...
(notices
that its only the wind blowing onto the
coral) ... branch. (Squidward notices a
SpongeBob look-
alike behind
his shower curtain) Heh, here’s that
r
ubber duck Mr.
Krabs wanted
me to get. (reveals what’s behind the curtain)
I’ve got you now!
Wait’ll Mr. Krabs
finds out you’re a... toilet. You’re losin’ it,
Squidward,
calm
down.
If
I
let
this
get
to
me
again,
I’ll
just
end
up
running
down
to
the
Krusty
Krab, bursting through the
front door, up to that yellow headache SpongeBob,
and
he’ll say... (SpongeBob appears
next to Squidward in the bathtub)
SpongeBob:
Hi,
Squidward.
Are
you
finished
with
those
errands
yet?
(goes
under
the
water)
Squidward:
A-ha! (goes under the water and appears as an
actual octopus) I know
you’re
in
here.
(gasps)
What?
(SpongeBob
is
not
in
the
drain.
He
winks)
He’s
heading
back to the Krusty
Krab! I’ll beat him there! (slams through the
locked door with
nothing on but his
showe
r cap and bubbles foaming around
his waist) I’ve got you
now,
SpongeBob!
Citizen: (puts her hand over her son's
eyes) Hey, put some clothes on!
Squidward:
(runs past Patrick's rock) The truth will be
revealed!
Patrick: (stands up) Whoo-ho! Right on,
Squidward! (scene cuts to hospital where
the doctor and Mr. Krabs are walking
out of it)
Dr.
Gill
Gilliam:
Okay,
Mr.
Krabs,
get
plenty
of
rest
and
if
things
don’t
seem
right,
come back. (walks
inside)
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, doc. (Squidward runs
past him)
Squidward: You can’t beat me! Ha! (Mr.
Krabs walks back into the hospital. Scene
cuts
to
Squidward
running
into
the
Krusty
Krab)
A-
ha!
I
caught
you
now.
You
didn’t
think
I knew you were a stick outside my window. Ha! Or
the toilet in my bathroom.
And then,
you were in my bathtub! And I... And-and you...
And I... And you... swam
down the drain
and beat me to the... Krusty... Krab.
SpongeBob: Uhh,
does that mean that you finished those errands?
Squidward: Yes,
SpongeBob, I am finished with those errands. (hugs
the register)
I guess I want to take my
place back at the cash register. I really
do.
SpongeBob: (takes off his pants and
hands them to Squidward) Then you might wanna
put these on. (Squidward looks down and
notices a bunch of bubbles. They all pop
so he puts SpongeBob's pants on) Hey,
Squidward, you know what? Look! (walks back
with
a
sign)
We
forgot
to
switch
the
‘Closed’
sign
to
‘Open’.
It’s
almost
like
we
could’ve taken the whole day off! (He laughs.
Squidward’s nose falls off and
he
deflates)
22.
*Something Smells*
Dialogue
SpongeBob:
(foghorn
sounds.
SpongeBob
turns
it
off
and
launches
himself
at
his
big
calendar.
He
hits
the
20th
day)
Wow!
It’s
Sunday,
Gary!
Guess
what’s
for
breakfast?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob:
That’s right! (puts a bowl
on the
kitchen counter) A sundae! (runs to
the
freezer and finds it empty) Whoops, looks like
we’re out of ice cream. Guess
I’ll have
to use something else. Ketchup! (squeezes a bunch
of ketchup into the
bowl. Then runs
over to the storage bin) Hmmm, bananas, cherries,
boring. (closes
storage door) Ahh, here
we go, onions! (runs up to the counter with two
sacks that
say
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob:
(Gary
plays
a
violin
while
SpongeBob
cries
while
peeling
the
onions
into
the
bowl) Just one more thing! Pea... (opens up
another storage door but finds an
empty
jar) ...nuts. Gary! Our peanut jar is totally
empty! (Gary burps) Hmmm...
(snaps
fingers) Wait! I know one other place we can find
peanuts. (looks in the
bathroom and
finds a peanut plant in front of the window) Good
thing I still have
these peanut plants
growing in the windowsill. (throws the plant into
the sundae
bowl) A little texture never
hurt. There we go. (gets out a spoon) This
sundae’s
gonna taste great! Aren’t you
goin
g to help me, Gary? Gary? Oh well,
more for me!
(takes a few spoonfuls.
Scene cuts to SpongeBob coming out of the kitchen
with a
bunch
of
sundae
smoke
coming
out
with
him.
He
drops
his
spoon
while
Gary
hides
behind
a
coral
plant)
You
know
what
they
say,
Ga
ry.
I’m
easy
like
Sunday
morning.
('morning'
comes out of SpongeBobs mouth and wraps
itself around Garys eyes, twisting them)
Ok, let’s see my to
-do list.
(takes out a big long list) Go to work, go to
work,
go to work, go to work, go to
work...wait, that’s
not right. I need
the one for
Sunday. (takes out a small
piece of paper) Ah, here we go. 'Say hi to
everyone in
Bikini
Bottom'.
(runs off. Scene cuts to SpongeBob
running up to a
citizen) Hello.
(citizen runs off in disgust of his bad
breath. SpongeBob waves) Some people are
even late on Sunday. (SpongeBob notices
a mailman) Hi mailfish! (mailfish breaks
its skin into a smaller
fish
and then into another smaller fish.
SpongeBob notices
a crossing
guard) Hi, Mrs crossing guard! (crossing guard
gets a whiff of his bad
breath)
Crossing Guard:
Mother of mercy! (kids walk across the street and
then the sound
of a crashing car sounds
but its a parade)
SpongeBob: Wow, a parade!
Hi, parade! Hi, tuba player! Hi, drummer! Hi, guy
with
the cymbals! Hi, trumpeter! Hi,
tambourine girl! Hi, timbale man! Hi, didjeridu
player! (didjeridu player is playing
his instrument) Hi, triangle player! Hi, guy
with the kettle drum! Hi, pianist! Hi,
guy with the flute! And hello, Dolly! (all
this
time
that
SpongeBob
is
giving
a
shout
out
to
the
parade,
his
bad
breath
is
forming
into
a
ball.
When
he
finishes,
the
ball
rolls
into
the
parade
and
knocks
them
away.
Everyone runs off) Was
it something I said? Something weird is going on
today.
Everyone is running away from
me. (notices some pink pile of gum on the bench)
And
now...giant piles of bubble gum?!
Ohh, what next? (Patricks head pops
out)
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Ohh,
hi, Patrick. I’m confused.
Patrick: Yes, I
am.
SpongeBob: Patrick, everyone is running
away from me. Watch. (walks over to a
building) Hi, building! (building moves
farther away) I just don’t get it.
Patrick: I
don’t either.
SpongeBob: I just don't get
it.
Patrick: I don't either. Maybe it’s the
way you’re dressed. (scene zooms in on
SpongeBob's clothing from the feet
up)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Nah.
Patrick: Maybe
it’s your voice. (SpongeBob laughs then
stops)
SpongeBob: Good one,
Patrick.
Patrick: Well, maybe it’s just because
you’re ugly.
SpongeBob: Ugly? (wipes his forehead
with his wet finger and strikes a pose) You
gotta be kiddin' me.
Patrick: Better
try the reflection test. (takes out a big
mirror)
SpongeBob:
(talks
to
the
mirror)
Hi.
(SpongeBob's
reflection
smells
the
bad
breath
and breaks the glass with a
hammer)
Patrick: Ugly.
SpongeBob: Oh, no! I
can’t be ugly!
I can’t be! I
can’t be ugly! (runs up
to two
citizens)
Am
I
ugly!
(two smell the bad breath and
pull down
a hook then bit
on
it.
Both are sent up into the air.
SpongeBob jumps onto a car windshield) Am I ugly?
(bad breath smell goes around the
windshield and into the drivers eyes)
Driver: My
eyes! My eyes! (car explodes)
SpongeBob:
I’m
ugly.
(scene
cuts
to
nighttime
in
Bikini
Bottom
at
SpongeBob's
house)
Patrick:
(walks
in
SpongeBob
house)
SpongeBob,
can
I
borrow
some
bath
beads?
(walks
into SpongeBobs
library and notices someone playing the piano)
SpongeBob? (lights
turn
on.
SpongeBob
turns
around
and
reveals
himself
wearing
a
Groucho
Marx
glasses/nose and a
black cape)
SpongeBob: Go. Run away
like all the others. No one would want a friend as
ugly as
I am.
Patrick: Sure they would!
It makes them feel better about the way they look!
Maybe
a story will cheer you up.
(Patrick grabs SpongeBob and sits him down in a
chat)
It’s called,
e there
was a ugly barnacle. He was so ugly
that everyone died. The end. (smiles
big)
SpongeBob: That didn’t help at all.
(sobs) How long? How long have I been ugly,
Patrick?
Patrick: As long as I can
remember. You poor ugly thing, you.
SpongeBob:
He
lp
me,
I’m
so
ashamed!
I’m
spiraling!
I’m
spiraling!
(Patrick
slaps
SpongeBob)
Thanks,
Patrick.
(Patrick
is
about
to
slap
him
again
but
SpongeBob
stops
him) It’s ok, Patrick.
Spiraling, over.
Patrick: Just do
what
I
do when
I have problems. Scream!! (Patrick
grabs SpongeBob
and runs off) Come on,
I’ll help you. (scene cuts to SpongeBob and
Patrick on
SpongeBob's roof) Ok, now,
say it. (SpongeBob is hesitant) Say it.
SpongeBob: I
can’t.
Patrick: SpongeBob, you’re never going
to feel better unless you g
et this
thing
off your chest. (scene shows
SpongeBob having some creature on his
chest)
SpongeBob: I know, Patrick. (pulls the
creature off and tosses him away)
Patrick: Say
it. Say it.
SpongeBob: I’m ugly.
Patrick: You’re ugly and
what?
SpongeBob: Square?
Patrick: No.
Proud.
SpongeBob: I’m ugly and I’m
proud.
Patrick: Good! Say it
louder.
SpongeBob: (louder) I’m ugly and I’m
proud.
Patrick: Louder.
SpongeBob: (louder) I’m
ugly and I’m proud.
Patrick: Louder!
SpongeBob:
(loudest)
I
’m
ugly
and
I’m
proud!
I’m
ugly
and
I’m
proud!!
I’m
ugly
and I’m
proud!!
Squidward: (tanning on his roof) Is
that what he calls it?
SpongeBob: (breathing hard)
That felt great! I feel empowered!
Patrick: So
whaddya wanna do now?
SpongeBob: I don’t
know. How about a movie? (scene cuts to
the movie theater.
SpongeBob
&
Patrick
walk
down
to
the
front
row)
Pardon
me,
ugly
sponge
coming
through.
(two fish smell SpongeBob's bad breath
then float into the air)
Patrick: People
respect self esteem. (SpongeBob & Patrick sit in
the empty seats)
SpongeBob:
(leans
over
to
the
lady
sitting
next
to
him)
Hi,
I
am
very
ugly.
But
you
should
enjoy
the
movie
anyway.
(bad
breathe
disintegrates
the
woman's
face.
SpongeBob leans over to the fish
sitting next to Patrick) Excuse me, sir, I hope
my horrible ugliness won’t be a
distraction to you.
Fish: Not at all, boy.
(smells the bad breath and freaks out)
Patrick: Don’t
worry about him, SpongeBob. He’s just a...
(SpongeBob starts to
cry) SpongeBob?
SpongeBob, what’s
wrong?
SpongeBob:
I
can’t
do
this,
Patrick!
I’ve
tried,
and
I’ve
tried...
(turns
around
with a distorted
face) ...but I’m not always as confident as I
look. Maybe I’d
better just go back and
hide. (Patrick gets angry)
Patrick:
(stands
up
and
turns
around)
What
is
wrong
with
you
people?
Afraid
to
look
ugliness
in
the
face?
(picks
up
SpongeBob)
Well,
here,
look
at
it!
(bath
breath
covers
the
crowd) It’s ugly, isn’t it?! (group of 5 smell
SpongeBob's breath and run)
Here! You
look at it!
SpongeBob: Hello. (group runs
off)
Patrick: You, look at it!
SpongeBob: Hi.
(group of people run)
Patrick: Look at
it!
(everyone runs out)
Look at it!
Look at
it!
Look at it!
I
want
all of you to look at it!
(everyone in the theater runs out)
SpongeBob: They
all ran away, Patrick.
Patrick:
I
bet
there’s
no
line
at
the
snack
bar.
(scene
cuts
to
SpongeBob
&
Patrick
at the snack bar)
Hello? Hello? Must be on break.
SpongeBob:
Oh,
wait,
Patrick!
I
just
remembered.
(takes
out
some
of
his
sundae
from
his pocket) I’ve
got some of
my peanut onion sundae we can share!
Patrick: That
looks great! (sucks all the sundae out of
SpongeBob's hand. Stomach
gets
upset
afterwards)
Ohh,
I
gotta
go
to
the
restroom!
(Patrick
is
using
the
sink.
Notices he is out of
soap and asks the
fish next to him) I’m
out of soap, can I
borrow... (fish
smells Patrick's bad breath)
Fish #2: Stay
back!
Patrick: I just want some...
Fish #2: (takes
out some money from his pocket) Here! Here’s my
money! (lets go
of the money) Take it!
Take it and go away! (runs away)
Patrick: My
hands aren’t (that) dirty. (walks over to a line
of people waiting to
use
the
bathroom
stalls)
Hey,
you
guys
want
to
hear
a
bathroom
joke?
(Patrick's
bad
breath causes them to get
angry)
Fish #3: You tryin’ to kill
us?
! (three of them walk off)
Patrick:
Oh...oh! I caught the ugly!! (SpongeBob walks into
the bathroom)
SpongeBob:
Patrick,
is
everything
ok
in
here?
(opens
bathroom
stall
to
see
Patrick
wearing a blue & yellow striped bag
over his head) What are you doing in there,
Patrick?
Patrick: Wouldn’t you like
to know?
SpongeBob: And why is that bag on your
head?
Patrick: Why? Oh, no
reason. Except you gave me the ugly! (takes the
bag off his
head. SpongeBob gasps) What
am I gonna do? I can’t go out looking
l
ike this.
SpongeBob: Just remember
what we talked about. There’s power in
pride.
Patrick: That may be fine for you, but
I was one of the beautiful people. Now look
at me! (SpongeBob holds his nose) I’m
almost as ugly as you! I always thought if
I was a
s ugly as that guy, I
don’t know what I’d do.
SpongeBob:
Patrick?
Patrick: What’s my mom gonna
say?
SpongeBob: Patrick?
Patrick: Oh my
gosh, if my sister finds out, wait, I don’t have a
sister, if the
bank, I mean it’s one
thing if you have bad sho
es, or even
bad hair, but...
SpongeBob:
(enlarges
himself
to
get
his
attention)
Patrick!!
(shrinks
back
to
normal
size) You’re not
ugly. Your breath stinks. Really bad.
Patrick:
(breathes out the bad smell in SpongeBobs face)
What a relief.
SpongeBob: Barnacles, Patrick! What did
you eat?
Patrick: Oh, some roast beef, some
chicken, a pizza...
SpongeBob: No, I mean just
this morning.
Patrick: Some roast beef, some chicken,
a pizza...
SpongeBob: What
else?
Patrick: Well, I had some
of your sundae.
SpongeBob:
Sundae...
(takes
out
some
sundae
from
his
pocket)
Patrick!
My
sundae
gave
us rancid breath!
Patrick:
Whatcha mean? (SpongeBob coughs)
SpongeBob: I
mean, we’re not ugly, we just stink!
Patrick: Stink?
(both cheer)
SpongeBob & Patrick: We stink! We
stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink!
We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink!
(while they are chanting this, the theater
disintegrates
from
their
bad
breath
filling
up
the
place.
Both
run
up
to
Squidward,
who is looking into a wig shop
window)
SpongeBob: Oh, guess
what, Squidward?
SpongeBob & Patrick: We
stink! (both hug Squidward and run away)
*Bossy
Boots*
Dialogue
[At the
Krusty Krab, we see Squid at the ordering boat and
Sponge looking out from
the ordering
window. Krabs’ vo
ice is sounding on the
P.A.]
Krabs: Attention! Attention! All Krusty
Krew employees, attention! [we pan out to
see
that
Krabs
is
standing
next
to
them,
speaking
into
a
megaphone]
Get
the
anchors
out
of
your
pants
and
report
to
me
office!
[pause]
That
will
be
all.
[Squid
and
Sponge
go
into Krabs’ office and sit down] I have an
important announcement to make.
SpongeBob: Woo!
Hooray! [Sponge jumps up on top of the chair and
twirls it around]
The new spatulas are
here!
Krabs: Sit down, boy.
There’s no
new spatulas! [Sponge sits
down again]
Squidward: [sarcastically] How
disappointing.
Krabs:
You
may
know
me
daughter
Pearl.
She’s
growing
up
fast.
[he
looks
at
a
picture
of
Pearl and Krabs is swim attire jumping up from the
water] It seems like it was
just
yesterday
I
was
teaching
her
how
to
breach.
Me
mammalian
angel.
Oh…
[puts
the
picture
back
on
the
wall]
Anyway,
uh,
so
she’s
going
to
be
working
here
during
her
summer
vacation.
She’s
got
a
lot
of
fresh
ideas
to
bring
in
some
hungry
customers!
[a bell rings]
Pearl: [off-screen] Hello? Daddy?
Krabs: Thar she blows! [Krabs leaves]
Squidward: SpongeBob, do you realize
what this means?
SpongeBob: No new spatulas?
Squidward: No! It means some bratty
teenager’s coming in here to tell us what
to
do. We can’t have that!
We have seniority, right?
SpongeBob: Right! [Sponge
and Squid shake hands]
Squidward: So, we’ll work
together to protect our pathetic positions.
SpongeBob: Okey-
dokey,
Squidward. And then we’ll get those new spatulas!
Krabs:
All
right,
men.
Say
hello
to
me
Pearl.
[Sponge
hugs
one
of
the
giant
pillars]
SpongeBob: Hello, pole.
[pan out to see Pearl holding a box]
Pearl: Hi guys.
Krabs:
It
makes
me
jolly
as
a
roger
to
have
you
finally
aboard
the
family
business!
Pearl: Great dad, because I
have so many new ideas. [Krabs sniffs the air and
his
eyes conjoin to make a dollar sign
shape]
Krabs:
I
can
smell
the
money
already!
I’ll
be
in
me
office
if
you
need
me!
[he
walks
off]
SpongeBob: What’s in the
box?
Pearl: It’s a surprise.
SpongeBob: I
like surprises.
Pearl: Great, then close
your eyes. [Sponge does]
SpongeBob: I’m ready!
[Pearl puts the box’s open end over Sponge]
Squidward: Well, I like it so far.
[Pearl lifts up the box]
Pearl: Ta-da
!
[Squid gasps. We see Sponge is wearing a new
uniform. It’s a full
body
suit
and
only
Sponge’s
face
has
an
opening.
The
body
suit
is
pink
with
purple
flowers and on the top are two K’s
being held up by springs] It’s the new Krusty
Krew uniform. I designed it myself.
[Pearl hands Sponge a mirror]
Squidward: OK,
this is it, SpongeBob. Now tell her how you really
feel about that
uniform.
SpongeBob: OK,
Squidward. Pearl… this is the greatest uniform
ever!
Squidward: Fishpaste.
Pearl: Oh SpongeBob, you look so
adorable. I could just eat you up.
SpongeBob:
Sorry Pearl, but this item’s not on the menu!
[giggles]
Squidward:
Well, I didn’t
think it
was possible SpongeBob, but
you look even more
ridiculous than usual.
Pearl: Don’t
feel jealous, Un
cle Squiddy. I made one
for you too. [holds up his
uniform]
Squidward:
Don’t
bother,
only
a
fool
would
wear
that.
[Krabs
bursts
out
of
his
office,
wearing the uniform]
Krabs: Avast,
ye shipmates! Don’t these just shiver your
timbers? [laughs, then
sh
uts
the door. Krabs peeks his head out] Get that suit
on, sailor. It’s already
been paid for.
[we cut to Squid now with the uniform on. The two
springs give and
the K’s fall over
Squid’s eyes]
Squidward: Rage. Fury. Irritation.
Humiliation.
Pearl: Squidward is such a barnacle.
SpongeBob: A stick in the sand.
Pearl: But not you, SpongeBob. You are
full of style.
SpongeBob: Me? Really?
Pearl: Totally, SpongeBob. You ooze
fashion. And I’ve got some completely coral
concepts
for
this
old
joint
,
and
I’m
going
to
need
someone
with
your
kind
of
talent
to help
me.
SpongeBob: Well, I have been trying to
get Mr. Krabs to make a few changes around
here. [he looks at a picture he drew of
Krabs, himself and Squid with moustaches]
Pearl: Why, with
my girlish
instincts and your… sponginess, [cut to a view of
the
Krusty
Krab
as
a
deserted
place,
where
a
skeleton
is
sitting
at
a
table]
we’ll
turn
this worn-out lunch wagon into a
teenage paradise. [cut to Pearl with a notepad,
thinking]
Pearl: SpongeBob, what do
you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
Squidward: For what, dare I ask?
Pearl: Our new name for our new look. I
mean, “The Krusty Krab” has got to go.
Who wants to eat at a place they think
is crusty? Bleh!
Squidward:
Well
,
sure
it’s
a
terrible
name,
but
this
is
a
terrible
place.
Therefore,
the name should be left alone. Right,
SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I got it! How about The
Khaotic Krab?
Pearl: Hmm… how about The Kissy Krab?
[puckers up lips. Sponge is now in royal
attire]
SpongeBob:
The
King
Krab.
[Pearl
holds
up
a
lollipop,
which
bears
an
odd
resemblance
to her father]
Pearl: The Kandy Krab! [Sponge is now
dressed as a jazzy beatnik]
SpongeBob: The
Kool Krab. [now, he’s a cowboy riding a stick
horsy] Or the Ko
wboy
Krab.
[now, he’s totally stretched out] The Kurly Krab.
[now, he’s like a mad
scientist
holding
a
brain
with
Krabs-like
arms
coming
from
it]
The
Kreepy
Krab.
[now
he’s a crazy killer
jungle man with a loincloth] The Killer Krab!
Pearl: Aaah! No!
SpongeBob:
You’re right, too scary. [they both
think and finally get
the name
and
hug]
Sponge
&
Pearl:
The
Kuddly
Krab!
[a
rainbow
of
colors
fills
the
screen.
Pearl,
Sponge
and
an
anguished
Squid
stand
outside
the
new
restaurant.
The
sign
for
the
restaurant
is now a heart
and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop
it. The restaurant
outside itself is
tye-died with colors and rainbows and the flags
are now hearts.
Balloons
are
hanging
from
the
roof
and
giant
lollipops
come
from
the
chimney.
Pearl
a
nd
Sponge,
giggling,
walk
back
in
the
restaurant.
Squid
is
so
mad
that
the
two
K’s
on his
uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. A
couple drives by in a car]
Woman: It’s a shame old man
Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
Man:
That’s
a
darn
shame.
Hey
,
lady!
Do
you
know
where
we
can
get
something
to
eat
around
here?
Squidward: That’s it! I quit! [he rips
off his uniform, revealing nothing under
it.
A
police
whistle
is
blown
and
a
cop
comes
over.
He
writes
him
a
ticket
and
places
it
between
his
legs.
Inside
the
restaurant,
it’s
a
total
makeover,
like
Pearl
said
before, it’s a teenage paradise]
Teen:
Finally!
A
cool
place
for
teens
to
just,
you
know,
hang
out!
[Pearl
and
Sponge
marvel at their
makeover]
SpongeBob: Pearl, you’re a genius. All
thes
e young, hip new customers. Fooey
on
Squidward. He can’t keep up with the
times. You’re a true visionary, Pearl.
Pearl: Thank
you, SpongeBob. I do have 20/20 vision.
SpongeBob: Well, hip people have to eat
too. Back to the grill. [Sponge is in the
kitchen at the grill] The customers may
be hot but my grill is hotter. [he pushes
his spatula on the grill and imitates a
sizzle. Pearl is in the ordering window to
hand Sponge an order]
Pearl:
SpongeBob, order up!
SpongeBob: Two…
sal
-ads. Never heard
of it.
I got to stay hip. I don’t want to
end
up like silly old Squidward. But what in the name
of Davy Jones’ locker is a
[pronounces
it wrong] sal-lad? [cut to Sponge walking up to
Pearl with a tray with
two Krabby
Patties] Here you go. Two sa-lads.
Pea
rl:
Ew, gross.
Those
aren’t salads.
Take
those back. Remove the bun, the patty
and the condiments.
SpongeBob: But that just leaves the
lettuce and the tomato.
Pearl: Exactly.
SpongeBob: All
right. [walks back to the kitchen and sadly
removes the buns] OK,
no
buns.
That’s
hip.
[removes
the
patty]
No
patties,
happenin.’
[crushed]
Oh
yeah,
that’s definitely the
coolest
meal
I’ve ever saw.
[Sponge
walks over with a tray
of
sal-lads
to
two
girls
at
a
table,
who
are
talking]
Two
salads.
[he
drops
the
tray
on the
table and walks back to the kitchen] That was
awful. I hope I never have to
tear
apart a perfectly good Krabby Patty ever again. I
don’t think my heart can
take it. [he
screams, noticing the grill is gone] Where’s the
grill?
Pearl: Come on Sponge
Bob,
you’re a hip guy. You know that fried foods are
o
-u-t
out!
SpongeBob: Uh…
right on.
Pearl: Check out this new menu I came
up with. [Sponge takes the menu]
SpongeBob:
[reading it] Salad… and tea. But where are the
Krabby Patties.
Pearl:
Sil
ly,
those
aren’t
hip.
And
you
won’t
be
needing
that
thing
anymore.
[takes
the
spatula
from
Sponge.
He
starts
to
stutter]
I’ve
got
something
more
fun
for
you
to
do
anyway.
[cut
to
Sponge
outside
the
restaurant
in
a
crab
suit,
waving
at
cars.
One car stops]
Man:
Hey
buddy, you need a ride?
I was just on my way to
the
big
doofus
convention!
[laughs and
drives off]
SpongeBob:
This
is
humiliating.
I’m
a
fry
cook,
darn
it!
You
can
take
away
my
spatula,
but
when
you
take
away
my
dignity,
that’s
when
I
get
mad!
I’m
going
to
march
right
up to Mr. Krabs’ office and tell him
this is just too much! [he walks toward the
restaurant,
but
gravity
gets
the
best
of
him
and
he
falls
over.
He
struggles
to
get
up and starts to whimper. Cut to Sponge
at Krabs’ door, outside
the costume] OK
SpongeBob,
you
can
do
this.
Come
on…
[he
knocks
on
the
door
and
peeks
in]
Mr.
Krabs,
can I talk to you? [Krabs’ office is
just as elaborately decorated as the rest of
the restaurant]
Krabs: Come on in, me boy!
Have a seat.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. [he sits
down in a bear bean bag chair, but starts
to sink inside it]
Krabs: Don’t
you just love me new office? Pearly designed it
for me. [Sponge has
sunk in, now you
can only see his eye]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, um, I
think we have a problem.
Krabs: Isn’t that the
neatest $$40 chair you ever sat in? [Sponge has
totally sunk
into the chair and he
sticks out his hand]
SpongeBob: Sure Mr. Krabs, but I’ve got
some bad news.
Krabs: How about my cuddly executive
buddy? [picks up a blue stress-relief doll]
Reduces
stress
for
only
five
easy
payments
of
$$9.95.
[Krabs
squeezes
it
and
its
eyes,
nose
and ears pop out. Sponge pops out of the chair]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, Pearl is ruining
the Krusty Krab! [he covers his mouth]
Krabs: What?! Why, Pearl is saving the
Krusty Krab! I mean, the Kuddly Krab. [goes
over to a picture of a seahorse] What
would we do without these beautiful $$20 sea
unicorn
wallhangers?
[goes
to
a
strand
of
lights]
How
could
we
ever
survive
without
these $$35 art
lights? How could we go on without a sea fern on
every last table?
[holds
one
up] It’s hip! It’s
coral! It’s… it’s
losing
money! [starts to cry]
Oh you’re right SpongeBob. But I can’t
fire me pride and joy, it’d break her
fragile little heart! What am I going
to do?
SpongeBob: There there, Mr. Krabs. I’m
sure there’s another way.
Krabs: That’s it boy! You
could fire her! It’s OK if she hates you.
SpongeBob: That’s not what I said, sir.
[Krabs brings Sponge to the door]
Krabs: Great
then, it’s all
settled: you
fire Pearly, I’ll wait in me office.
[Sponge is pushed out the door and
accidentally runs into Pearl]
Pearl: Totally
rude, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Pearl, can I see
to you in the kitchen for a second?
Pearl: Sure,
SpongeBob. [as they wa
lk to the
kitchen…]
SpongeBob: [thinking] How am I going to
break it to her? I’ve never fired anyone
before. I just got to say. Pearl,
you’re fired. OK, here it goes. [Sponge opens
his mouth to say it, but Pearl is
already crying]
Pearl: Oh, SpongeBob!
[crying]
SpongeBob: Pearl, why are you crying?
Pearl: I can’t take it anymore! Nothing
I do is working!
SpongeBob: Sure it is
Pearl. Look at all the hip, young people eating
sal-lads!
Pearl: No, don’t you get it! I’ve been
trying to get fire
d since day one! I
was
only
pretending
to
like
this
place
to
please
Daddy.
This
job
is
cutting
majorly
into
my
social life. Oh SpongeBob, what should I do?
[Sponge thinks]
SpongeBob: I got it! I can
pretend to [air quotes] fire you. I’ll take the
heat
from old man Krabs later. [Pearl
grabs Sponge in a bone-snapping hug]
Pearl: Gosh,
you’d really do that for me? You’re a great pal,
SpongeBob. How can
I ever thank you?
SpongeBob: [muffled] Stop trying to
break me in half? [Pearl drops him]
Pearl:
Deal. [Sponge and Pearl walk up to
Krabs’ door, Pearl tries to conceal her
laughter]
SpongeBob: OK, Pearl. We’ve
got to make this convincing. [loud and clear]
Pearl
I need to have a word with you!
[we see Krabs in the office]
Krabs: Oh no,
here it go
es! I don’t know if I can
bear to listen.
SpongeBob:
It’s
not
that
you
haven’t
done
a
good
job
around
here,
it’s
just
that…
[Krabs is pushed
against the door]
Krabs: Don’t be too hard on
her, now. Why does it have to be this way? [he
sees
himself in
the uniform
in the mirror] It’s for the best.
SpongeBob:
Well, we feel it might be in everybody’s best
interest if…
Krabs: I can’t let him do
this! [he goes for the door, then sees the vault
open.
It’s empty, and a spider crawls
around its web] Get o
n with it,
SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Pearl, you’re fired. [Krabs
chokes and falls over]
Pearl: Thanks, SpongeBob.
[kisses him. She runs off and jumps into a car
with all
her friends] Come on gang, the
mall awaits! [they drive off. Sponge runs into the
office]
SpongeBob:
Hey,
Mr.
Krabs,
I
did
it!
[he
screams
when
he
sees
Krabs’
body.
He
runs
over
to
a
bill
behind
glass,
which
is
for
emergency
purposes
and
he
breaks
the
glass.
He
waves the bill under Krabs’ nose.]
Krabs:
[regaining
consciousness]
Oh
P
early…
[sniffs]
Is
that
a
20?
[he
pockets
the
bill]
Oh SpongeBob, how could I have done such a thing
to me own fresh and blood?
[cries]
SpongeBob: There, there, Mr. Krabs.
Pearl took it just fine, in fact, she seemed
sort of happy.
Krabs: Really?
SpongeBob:
She’s off to bigger and better things.
Krabs:
That’s
me
old
girl;
tough
as
nails,
just
like
her
old
man!
[laughs]
But
how
am
I
going
to
get
my
money
back
for
all
this
stuff?
[Sponge
thinks.
Cut
to
his
house,
where
all
the
stuff
is
put
up
in
his
house.
Sponge
dances
in
his
uniform
to
the
music]
SpongeBob:
[laughing]
Isn’t
this
great,
Gary?
And
it
only
cost
me
one
year’s
salary!
[Gary is covered in stuffed animals and
his shell has flowers painted on it]
Gary: Meow?
23. *Big Pink Loser*
Dialogue
Narrator:
Welcome
to
Bikini
Bottom.
Welcome
where
we
found
the
finest
specimens
of
undersea
life.
Aha.
Well,
here
not.
(Patrick
is
sleeping
and
when
he
wakes
up
there
is a box in his
mouth)
Patrick: An award? I never got an award
before! Eeeee! Look rock, I got an award.
(arrow
on
top
of
rock
breaks)
Jellyfish,
I
got
an
award.
(jellyfish
zap
him)
Island,
I
got an awar... (chokes for air) I gotta show
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (building a house of cards
looking like Gary) Hold still, Gary.
Gary:
Meow.
SpongeBob: Almost done. (Patrick opens
door and cards fall on the floor)
Patrick: Hey,
SpongeBob, guess what? I got an award.
SpongeBob:
That's great, Patrick. What's it for?
Patrick: See
for yourself.
SpongeBob: For Outstanding Achievement
In Achievement: SpongeBob SquarePants?
Patrick:
SpongeBob SquarePants? That's a funny way to spell
my name.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I think the award
is for me. You must have got it by
mistake.
Patrick: But, it's shiny.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but you know what else
is shiny?
Patrick: Ice Cream!
SpongeBob:
Exactly!
Patrick: I can find it. Is it in
here?
SpongeBob: No, don't. That's my... (a
bunch of awards pile out of SpongeBob's
closet) ...award closet.
Patrick: I want an award. (starts to
cry)
SpongeBob: Aww, Patrick, don't
cry.
SpongeBob: You'll get an award one
day.
Patrick: I'm never gonna get an award
because I haven't done anything.
SpongeBob: But
you're Patrick...Star. You can do anything you
want.
Patrick: That's east for you to say.
You're SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Patrick, if you
wanna win an award, you have to do
something.
Patrick: Hmmm...I wanna defeat the
giant monkeymen and save the 9th
dimension.
SpongeBob: Me too, but that sounds a
little hard. Why don't we start
smaller?
Patrick: I wanna defeat the little
monkeymen and save the 8th dimension.
SpongeBob:
Smaller. (shrinks)
Patrick:
Doctor.
SpongeBob: Smaller. (shrinks
more)
Patrick: Firemen.
SpongeBob: The
smallest you can think of. (shrinks even
more)
Patrick: A job at the Krusty
Krab.
SpongeBob: Yeah!! I do things at work
all the time.
Patrick: Then let's go.
Patrick: Boy,
it sure was nice of Mr Krabs to give me a
job.
SpongeBob: And at 50 dollars an hour,
too. When I started working here, I had to
pay Mr Krabs 100 dollars an hour. Hey,
Squidward, guess who just got a job?
Squidward:
Guess who just quit? (puts his hat on Patrick's
head)
Patrick: Do I get my award
yet?
SpongeBob: You have to work for it,
remember?
Patrick: Tartar sauce. (SpongeBob
flipping patties)
SpongeBob: Pick up order!
(Patrick comes and eats the order)
Patrick: Do I get my award,
now?
SpongeBob: No, you have to take the
tray to the customer.
Patrick: Ok. (tray gets to
table but with no food. Patrick burps)
SpongeBob:
Almost. Try again and this time make sure the food
gets to the table.
(Patrick arrives
with food on tray but then eats it as he sits
down)
Patrick: Like that?
SpongeBob:
Nope.
Patrick: (spits out food at the
customer as he talks) Barnacles!
SpongeBob:
Let's try something different.
SpongeBob: All
you have to do is answer the phone.
Patrick: Aye,
aye, cap'n. (phone rings)
Guy On Phone: Is this the
Krusty Krab?
Patrick: No, this is Patrick. (phone
rings)
Girl On Phone: Is this the Krusty
Krab?
Patrick: No, this is Patrick. (phone
rings)
Guy On Phone: Is this the
Krusty Krab?
Patrick: No, this is Patrick!! (puts
phone down) I'm not the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: Uhh,
Patrick, that's the name of the
restaurant.
Patrick: Huh? Oh,Fishpaste!
SpongeBob:
It
looks
a
little
dusty
around
table
3.
How
about
you
sweep
it
out?
(hands
Patrick a
broom)
Patrick: What's the point? I can't do
anything right.
SpongeBob: You'll do fine. (Patrick
sweeps with the top instead of the
bottom)
Customer: Hey pal, were you just born
in Stupidtown?
SpongeBob: Keep trying,
Patrick.
Delivery Guy: I've got a load of awards
for SpongeBob SquarePants. (Patrick gets
mad and sweeps harder)
Patrick:
Why
can't
I
do
anything
right?
(bangs
the
bottom
of
the
broom
on
the
floor
creating dust all over
the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: (pushing
Patrick) Kitchen!
Patrick: I'm never going to
get an award, now.
SpongeBob: Don't give up,
Patrick. This time I've got something I know you
can do.
We're gonna open
a
jar.
(gets a jar and opens the lid)
Easy.
Now
you
try. First get
a jar. (Patrick gets out a pickle)
Patrick, that's a pickle.
Patrick:
Yes.
SpongeBob: You need a jar. (picks a
spatula) No. (picks his pants) No. (picks up
SpongeBob)
No.
Try...this!
(gives
Patrick
a
jar)
Now
take
the
lid
off
the
jar.
(puts
the
lid in his mouth) Just relax. Lift your hand.
Great! We're almost there. Now
put it
on the lid. (puts hand on counter) No the lid.
(Patrick tries for the lid
over and
over as SpongeBob keeps telling
him
Few seconds later, Patrick
is almost there) Freeze!! (hand is on
the side of the jar) Almost there. Now head
for the
lid.
(hand goes
lower)
Cold. (hand goes
higher)
Warmer.
(hand goes higher)
Warmer. (hand goes higher) Warmer.
You're hot. You're on fire!!
Patrick: Ow, it
burns.
SpongeBob: Ok, ok. Wait, wait. Do
exactly as I do. (takes it off again) Exactly as
I do. (takes it off again) Exactly.
Exactly. Exactly.
Patrick: Exactly as you do.
(takes lid off jar) Oh, no, I broke it!
SpongeBob: No,
no, Patrick, you did it!
Patrick: I did? (both cheer
as Patrick throws the jar into the floor)
Touchdown!
SpongeBob: That was great, Patrick! You
really got the hang of it.
Patrick: Yeah. Remember
when I had my up? And I put it on the
lid?
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
Patrick: Then I
took the lid off and I thought I broke
it.