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Passage 90. Old Friends, Good Friends
More than 30 years ago, when I took my
first job in New York City, I found
myself working with a number of young
women. Some I got to know just in passing,
but others gradually became my friends.
Today, six of these women remain an
important part of my life. They are
more than simply friends, more even than close
are old friends, as indispensable as
sunshine and more dear to me than
ever.
These people share a long-standing history with
me. In fact, old friends are a lot
like
promises. They put reliability into the
uncertainty of life and establish a
reassuring link between the past,
present, and future.
The
attachment between friends who have known each
other for many years is
bound to be
complex. On occasion we are exceedingly close, and
at other times one or
both of us
invariably step back. Ebb and flow. Thick and
thin. How smoothly and
gently we
negotiate these hills and valleys has everything
to do with how well the
friendship
ages.
Sometimes events
intervene in a way that requires us to rework the
term of a
relationship. A friend starts
a second career.L
et’s say, and suddenly
has less free time.
Another
remarries, adding someone new to the equation.
Talk honestly and listen to
each other
to find out if
the other’s needs are
being met.
Renegotiating pays full
tribute to life’s inevitable
changes
and says that we deem our
friendships worthy of
preserving.
Old friends are familiar
with the layers of our lives. They have been there
in the
gloom and the glory.
Even so, there’s always room to know
more about another
person. Of course,
self-disclosure can make even old friends more
vulnerable, so go
slowly: Confiding can
open new doors, but only if we knock first.
Time is the prime commodity
between old friends
—
by this
I mean the time
spent doing things
together.
Whether it’s face to face
over a cup of coffee,
side by
side while jogging, ear to ear over the
phone, or via email and letters,
don’t
let too
much time go by without sharing
your thoughts with each other.
Passage 89 Stress Prevention
Stress is a normal part of life and
usually comes from everyday occurrences.
Here are some ways you can deal with
everyday sources of stress.
Eliminate as many sources of stress as
you can. For example, if crowds bother
you, go to supermarket when you know
the lines won’t be too long.
Try
renting
videotapes rather than going to
crowded movie theaters.
If
you are always running late, sit down with a
pencil and paper and see how you
are
actually allotting your time. You may be able to
solve your problem (and distress
your
life a bit) just by being realistic.
If you can’t find the time for all the
activities that are important to you,
maybe
you are trying to do too much.
Again, make a list of what you do during the day
and
how much each activity takes. Then
cut back. Avoid predictably stressful situations.
If a certain sport or game
makes you tense (whether it’s tennis or
bridge),
decline the
invitation to play. After all, the point of these
activities is to have a good
time.
If you know you won’t, there’s no
reason to play.
If you can’t remove the
stress,
remove yourself. Slip away once
in a while for
some private time. These
quiet moments may give you a fresh perspective on
your
problems. Competing with others,
whether in accomplishments, appearance, or
possessions, is an avoidable source of
stress. You might know people who do all they
can to provoke envy in others. While it
may seem easy to say you should be satisfied
with what you have, it’s the
truth.
Stress
from
this kind of jealousy is
self’
inflicted. Labor-saving devices,
such as
cell phones or internet, often
encourage us to cram too many activities into each
day.
Before you buy new equipment, be
sure that it will really improve your life. Be
aware
that taking care of equipment and
getting it repaired can be stressful. Try doing
only
one thing at a time.
For example, when you’re riding your
exercise bike,
you don’t
have to listen to the radio or watch
television.
Remember, sometimes it’s
okay to do
nothing.
If you feel stress (or anything else)
is getting the better of you, seek
professional
help
—
a doctor or
psychologist. Early signs of excess stress are
loss of a
sense of well-being and
reluctance to get up in the morning to face
another day.
Passage 88. Ambition
It may
seem an exaggeration to say that ambition is the
drive of society, holding
many of its
different elements together, but it is not an
exaggeration by much.
Remove ambition and the essential
elements of society seem to fly apart.
Ambition is intimately connected with
family, for men and women not only work
partly for their families; husbands and
wives are often ambitious for each other, but
harbor some of their most ardent
ambitions for their children. Yet to have a family
nowadays
—
with
birth control readily available, and inflation a
good economic
argument against having
children
—
is nearly an
expression of ambition in itself.
Finally, though ambition was once the
domain chiefly of monarchs and aristocrats, it
has, in more recent times, increasingly
become the domain of the middle classes.
Ambition and
futurity
—
a sense of building
for
tomorrow
—
are inextricable.
Working, saving,
planning
—
these, the daily
aspects of ambition
—
have
always been
the distinguishing marks of
a rising middle class. The attack against ambition
is not
incidentally an attack on the
middle class and what it stands for. Like it or
not, the
middle class has done much of
society’s work in America;
and it, the
middle class,
has from the beginning
run on ambition.
It is not
difficult to imagine a world short of ambition. It
would probably be a
kinder world:
without demands, without abrasions, without
disappointments. People
would have time
for reflection. Such work as they did would not be
for themselves
but for the
collectivity. Competition would never enter in.
Conflict would be
eliminated, tension
become a thing of the past. The stress of creation
would be at an
end. Art would no longer
be troubling, but purely entertaining in its
functions. The
family would become
superfluous as a social unit, with all its former
power for
bringing about neurosis
drained away. Life span would be expanded, for
fewer people
would die of heart attack
or stroke caused by overwork. Anxiety would be
extinct.
Time would stretch on and on,
with ambition long departed from the human heart.
Ah,
how unbearably boring life would
be!
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