接收高中英语新高考-英语作文：如何真正提高作文分数？—实评一个优秀学生的作文

2021年1月9日发(作者：舒光冀)
高中英语新高考-英语作文：
如何真正提高作文分数？—实评一个优秀学生的作文


关于作文

下面我要评的作文是一个成绩比较好的网课班同学的作文，很 多时候，很多学生
弄不明白，明明我已经很努力在写作了，句子长，各种复杂的语法结构；短语也
有， 但为什么分数不高。本文主要讲讲这个。


Nowadays, idol-worshiping is popular among teenagers. The idols are their heroes.
They admire them, they imitate them, and their world seems to be filled with them.
Recently, a pair of parents from Zhejiang province took their daughter, a middle school
student, to a fan meeting for her favorite star in Shanghai, even though there was a
typhoon in the city that day. Teenagers respond differently to the event.

Wang Yuxin, 17:

I don't agree with the parents' idea. To make their idol more popular, students often
spend much money supporting them. They waste their time on these stars, which
should be spent studying. What about the scientists who make lots of contributions to
the development of society? Many people don't even know these scientists’ names.

Wang Yidi. 15:

I agree with the parents’ action. It's normal for a teenager to have a favorite star. In
some aspects, the star they like is a reflection of the person they want to be. So, the
star may motivate them to work harder. I admire parents who take their children to
fan meetings, and I believe the experience will leave a great impression on these
teenagers.

【写作内容】

1．用约30词概括上文的主要内容；

2．用约120个词谈谈你对“偶像崇拜”的看法，并包括如下要点：

⑴ 你如何评价目前年轻人“偶像崇拜”这一现象？

⑵ 在你的生活中什么样的人会成为你的偶像，请举例说明。


【写作要求】

1．你可以参照阅读材料的内容但不得直接引用原文中的句子；

2．作文中不能出现真实姓名和学校名称。

作文指导

1.概括：具体的事例(某人做了某事)+评价

The passage tells that a pair of parents accompanied their daughter to Zhejiang
province who was eager to see a movie star, her idol, despite a typhoon. Opinions are
divided on the event.

细节：

even though there was a typhoon in the city that day—》despite a typhoon

Teenagers respond differently to the event.—》Opinions are divided on the event.

2.评价现象：主要从品格 / 价值观来说明

I think we should be cautious about idol-worshiping. Star fans, the majority of whom
are teenagers and young adults, are used to blindly following every aspect of
celebrities' behavior, accepting both positive and negative influences as universal
truths. The young, once their values are shaped by them, tend to be slaves to fame
and wealth at any cost. Besides, large quantities of money and time spent on idols will
put great pressure on their families, let alone study.

3.我的偶像

In my opinion, what's most important are values and qualities, such as honesty,
diligence, and persistence. Therefore, my heroes are scientists who devote themselves
to the exploration of space and have just made a big breakthrough in Chang’e 4’s
landing on the moon.

学生作文评点

With idol-worshiping gaining popularity, many teenagers tend to meet for their idols
desperately.（meet for搭配用错了，tend to表示习惯或趋势，此处不适合，修改：
tend to meet for改为：are crazy about joining their idols’ meetings.）Just as the
passage above demonstrates, netizens hold very different opinions as to this issue.

It can be said with certainty that the parents' behaviour is excessive more or less.（这

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