-
目
录
⊙
出门在外
第一次与最后一次
第一次坐飞机
钉子还是苍蝇？
其余的事由我负责
热与冷
士兵的高招
新发现
一个坏印象
⊙
工作插曲
安眠药
创造性
催单
模仿鸟儿
你是怎样来的？
三个外科医生
一面之辞
走私犯
⊙
购物传奇
采购过早
翅
膀
零钱不用找了
三声口哨
太有礼貌
优缺点
照相机
中间战术
⊙
军旅趣话
大制服
快速反应
视力训练
速度限制
西点军校
真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远
正是士兵
最好的奖赏
⊙
生活空间
臭鼬
搞错了
好消息和坏消息
绝
配
耐
性
世界上最伟大的击剑手
只有一次
追星族
⊙
童心快语
不用找了
缠住不放
款
待
模
仿
睡前祷告词
我很高兴
我教老师
小妹妹
幸运的母亲
一个数学问题
一切都正常
原来如此
⊙
我爱我家
百万富翁
迪斯尼之族
家规
老夫妻吵架
孪生龙虾
势均力敌
同样的服务
我还不认识她呢
⊙
校园喜剧
班和笨驴
抄
袭
美
德
区
别
数学没及格
业余工作
钥匙还是接吻
自己做好准备
My First and My Last
First Flight
A
Nail Or A
Fly?
I'll See to the Rest
Chaude and Cold
A
Soldier's
Brilliant Idea
New
Discovery
A
Bad Impression
Sleeping Pills
Creative
Reminder
Imitate
Birds
How Did
Y
ou Ever Get Here
Three Surgeons
One Side of the Case
A
Smugglar
Early Shopper
Wings
Keep the Change
Three Whistles
Too Polite
Good
Points and Bad Points
Camera
Midway Tactics
Large Uniforms
Quick Reaction
Visual Training
Speed Limit
West Point
I
Didn't
Know
That
I
Was
So
Far
Back
Already!
None
Other Than a Soldier
Best Reward
Skunk
A
Mistake
Good News And Bad News
Perfect Match
Patience
The World's
Greatest Swordsman
Only Once
Starstruck
Keep the Change
Persistance
Treat
Imitation
Bedtime Prayers
I'm Glad
I Taught the Teacher
A
Baby Sister
Lucky Mother
A
Problem in Arithmetic
Things Have Been Okay
That's Why
Millionaire
A
Trip to Disney
A
Family Rule
An Old Couple's
Quarrel
Twin
Lobsters
A
Fine Match
The Same Service
I Don't Know
Her
Class and Ass
Plagiarism
Virtue
Difference
Flunking Math
Part-time Job
Keys? Kiss?
Prepare
Y
ourself
第一次与最后一次
乔治
35
岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始
学习驾驶。
不久，
他就能很娴熟地驾机做各
种各样的特技飞行了。
乔治有
个朋友名叫马克。
一天，
乔治主
动邀请
马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。
马克心
想，
“
我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没
有乘过小飞机，我不妨
试一试。
”
升空后，
乔治飞了有半个小时，
在空中
做了各种各样的飞行特技。
后来他们着陆了。
马克很高兴能够安
全
返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：
“
乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次
飞行。
”
乔治非常吃惊地问：
“
两次飞行？
”
“
是的，我的第一次和最后一次。<
/p>
”
马克
答道。
My
First and My Last
When
George
was
thirty-five,
he
bought
a
small
plane
and
learned
to
fly
it.
He
soon
became
very
good
and
made
his
plane
do
all
kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His
name was Mark. One
day
George
offered
to
take
Mark
up
in
his
plane.
Mark
thought,
travelled
in
a
big
plane
several
times,
but
I've
never
been
in
a
small one, so I'll go.
They
went
up,
and
George
flew
around
for
half an hour and did all kinds of
tricks in the
air.
When they came down again,
Mark was very
glad to be back safely,
and he said to his friend
in
a
shaking
voice,
George,
thank
you
very much for those two
trips in your plane.
Gerogy
was
very
surprised
and
said,
trips?
第一次坐飞机
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，
他读过许
多关
于飞行事故的报道。
所以，
有一天一位
朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，
约翰逊
先生非常担心，不敢
接受。不过，由于朋友
不断保证说飞行是很安全的，
约翰逊先生
终
于被说服了，登上了飞机。
他的朋
友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上
滑行。
约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危
险的是起
飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。
过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望
去，接着对朋友说道：
“
看下面那些人，他
们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，
是不是？
”
“
那些就
是蚂蚁，
”
他的朋友答道，
“
我
们还在地面上。
”
First Flight
Mr.
Johnson
had
never
been
up
in
an
aeroplane
before
and
he
had read
a
lot
about
air accidents, so one
day when a friend offered
to take him
for a ride in his own small phane,
Mr.
Johnson was very worried about accepting.
Finally,
however,
his
friend
persuaded
him
that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson
boarded
the plane.
His friend started the
engine and began to taxi
onto
the
runway
of
the
airport.
Mr.
Johnson
had
heard
that
the
most
dangerous
part
of
a
flight were the take-off
and the landing, so he
was extremely
frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he
opened them again,
looked
out
of
the
window
of
the
plane,
and
said
to his friend,
there. They look as
small as ants, don't they?
are
ants,
answered
his
friend.
still on
the ground.
钉子还是苍蝇？
一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一
家旅馆的客房。
他双手各拿一瓶酒。
在墙上
有只苍蝇，
他误以为是枚钉子。
他把两只瓶
子朝上一挂，
瓶子掉下来摔碎了，
酒洒了一
地。
一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，
对
他深表同情，
决定帮他个忙。
于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散
步
时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。
这里，
老人回到了房里。
倒洒的酒味让
他想起
了那件事。
他抬头往墙上一看，
苍蝇
又
停在了那儿
!
他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全
力拍了一掌。
听到一声大叫，
好心的女服务
< br>员冲进房来。
让她大为吃惊的是，
可怜的老
头正坐在地板上，
牙关紧咬，
右手滴血不止。
A
Nail Or A
Fly?
An
old gentleman whose eyesight was failing
came to stay
in
a
hotel
room with
a
bottle
of
wine in
each hand. On the wall there was a fly
which
he
took for
a
nail.
So
the
moment
he
hung them on, the bottles fell
broken and the
wine spilt
all over the floor. When a waitress
discovered
what
had
happened,
she
showed
deep sympathy for him
and decided to do him
a favour.
So the next
morning when he was out taking a
walk
in the roof garden, she hammered a nail
exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man
entered his room. The smell
of the
spilt wine reminded him of the accident.
When
he
looked
up
at the wall,
he found
the
fly
was there again! He walked to it carefully
adn slapped it with all his strength.
On hearing
a loud cry, the kind-hearted
waitress rushed in.
To
her
great
surprise,
the
poor
old
man
was
there
sitting
on
the
floor,
his
teeth
clenched
and his right hand
bleeding!
其余的事由我负责
一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车
启动，
这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站
台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，
跟车厢里另一
位漂亮姑娘在说话。
“
快点，
小姐
!”
他
喊道：
“
请把门关上。
”
“
噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。
”
她回答
道。
“
请把门
关上好了，
”
列车员说：
“
其余
的事由我负责。
”
I'll See to the
Rest
A
guard
was
about
to
signal
his
train
to start
when he saw an
attractive girl standing on the
platform
by
an
open
door, talking
to
another
pretty
girl inside the carriage.
please!
I
just
want
to
kiss
my sister
goodbye,
she called back.
ou
just
shut
that
door,
please,
called
the
guard,
热与冷
蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开
盥
洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。
“
这
太可恶
了，
”
他抱怨道，
“
标着
C
的龙头流出的是开
水。
”
“
可是，
先生，
C
代表
Chaude
－法语里
代表
?
热
?
。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得
知道这一
点。
”
“
等等，
”
那位顾客咆哮一声，
“
另外一
个龙头同样标的是
C
。
”
“
当然，
”
经
理说道：
“
它代表冷。毕竟，
蒙特利尔
是个双语城市。
”
Chaude and Cold
A
patron
in
Montreal
cafe
turned
on
a
tap
in
the
washroom
and
got
scalded.
is
an
outrage,
he
complained.
faucet
marked
C gave me boiling
water.
- French
for
hot.
Y
ou
should
know
that
if
you
live
in
Montreal.
tap is also
marked C.
course,
said
the
manager,
stands
for
cold. After all, Montreal is a
bilingual city.
兵的高招
由于生意方面的事，
罗宾逊先生得出
趟
门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅
行时，他喜欢靠窗
坐，故而一登机，他就寻
找一个靠窗的座位。
他发现只有一个靠
窗的
座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。
令罗宾逊先生纳
闷的是，
这位士兵没有坐靠
窗的位置。
罗宾逊先生不管那些，
他马上径
直朝那个空座位走去。
然而，
等到了那儿，
他看见座位上有则
启事，是用钢笔写的：
“
为保持装载平衡，
特预设该位置，谢谢合作。
”<
/p>
罗宾逊先生还
从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启
事。
不过，
他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重
的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。
又有两
三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁
的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开
< br>了。
当快满座时，
一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆
走进机舱。
一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵
赶紧拿掉
他旁边空座位上的启事。
士兵用这
种办法，成功地找到了一位姑
娘一路作伴。
A
Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr.
Robinson
had
to
travel
somewhere
on
business, and as he was
in a hurry, he decided
to go by air. He
liked sitting beside a window
when he
was flying, so when he got on to the
plane, he looked for a window seat. He
found
all of them had already had been
taken except
for one. There was a
soldier sitting in the seat
beside
this
one,
and
Mr.
Robinson
was
surprised that he had not taken the one
by the
window;
but,
anyhow,
he
at
once
went
towards
it.
When
he
reached
it,
however,
he
saw
that
there was a notice on
it. It was written in
ink
and
said,
seat
is
preserved
for
proper
load
balance,
thank
you.
Mr
Robinson
had
never
seen
such
an
unusual
notice
in
a
plane
before,
but
he
thought that the
plane
must
be
carrying something particularly heavy
in it, so
he
walked
on
and
found
another
empty
seat,
not beside a window,
to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the
window
seat
beside
the
soldier,
but
they
too
read
the
notice and went on, when
the plane was nearly
full, a very
beautiful girl hurried into the plane.
The soldier, who was watching the
passengers
coming in, quickly took the
notice off the seat
beside
himself
and
in
this
way
succeededin
having
the
company
of
the
girl
during
the
whole trip.
新发现
一个乡
下人第一次到大城市游逛。
他走
进一座大楼，
< br>看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人
迈进一个小房间。
房间的门
随后关上，
有几
个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出
一位年青漂亮的女模特。
乡下人
惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：
“
我应该把我的老婆带来
!”
New Discovery
A
hillbilly was
visiting the big city for the first
time.
Entering
an
office
building,
he
saw
a
pudgy
older
woman
step
into
a
small
room.
The
doors
closed,
lights
flashed,
and
after
a
while the door slid open and a
beautiful young
model stepped off the
elevator.
Blinking
in
amazement,
the
hillbilly
drawled,
一个坏印象
有六个人搭乘火车旅行，
坐在同一车箱
内。
其中五个很安静，也很规矩。但第六个
是个粗鲁的年轻人，
给其
他乘客招惹了许多
麻烦。
最后，
这位年轻人在一个车站带着两个
沉重的皮箱下了车。没有一个旅
客帮他的
忙。
有个人一直等到这位粗鲁的年轻人走得
很远了，才打开窗户，对着他大声喊：
“
你
把东西留在车厢里了
!”
然后，又把窗户关了
起来。
年轻人转过身子，
拎着两个沉甸甸的皮
箱，匆匆赶了回来。他转回来时，显得非常
疲倦，对着窗户大声喊：
“
我把什么东西留
在车上了？
”
当火车再次启动时，
叫他回来的旅客打
开窗户说：
“
一个极坏的印象
!”
A
Bad Impression
Six
people
were
travelling
in
a
compartment
on
a
train.
Five
of
them were
quiet
and
well
behaved,
but the sixth was a rude young man
who
was causing a lot of trouble to the other
passengers.
At last this young man got out at a
station with
his
two
heavy
bags.
None
of
the
other
passengers
helped
him,
but
one
of
them
waited
until the rude young man was very far
away
and
then
opened
the
window
and
shouted to him,
ou left something behind in
the compartment!
again.
The
young
man
truned
around
and
hurried
back
with
his
two
bags.
He
was
very
tired
when
he
arrived,
but
he
shouted
through
the
window,
As
the
train
began
to
move
again,
the
passenger
who
had
called
him
back
opened
the
window
and
said,
very
bad
impression!
安眠药
鲍勃晚
上失眠。
他去看医生，
医生给他
开了一
些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，
睡得很好，
在
闹钟响之前就醒了过来。
他到了办公室，
遛
达进去，对老板说：
“
我今天早上起床一点
麻烦都没有。
”
“
好啊
!”
老板吼道，
“
那你星期一和星期
二到哪儿去了？
”
Sleeping Pills
Bob
was
having
trouble
getting
to
sleep
at
night.
He
went
to
see
his
doctor,
who
prescribed some extra-strong sleeping
pills.
Sunday
night Bob took the pills, slept well and
was awake before he heard the alarm. He
took
his
time
getting
to
the
office,
strolled
in
and
said to
his boss:
getting up this
morning.
you Monday and
Tuesday?
创造性
第一次求职时，
我意识到在列举我所
具
备的为数不多的条件时，
得有点创造性。
当
问及我是否受过其它的培训时，
我老实地回
答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。
我得到了那份工作。
我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年
才考及格。
Creative
Applying
for
my first
job,
I
realized
I
had
to
be
creative
in
listing
my
few
qualifications.
Asked about
additional schooling and training,
I
answered
truthfully
that
I
had
spent
three
years
in computer programming classes. I got
the job.
I
had
neglected
to
mention
that
I
took
the
same course for three years before I
passed.
催
单
我是一家兽医站的技师。
当动物到了
该
注射疫苗的时候，
我们就寄出催单。
一条德
国物质牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬
疫苗注射。
我们依照州法律的要求询问他的
主人，
在过
去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么
人。
“
噢，是的。事实上这正是我们到这儿
来的原因，
”
她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉
她我们以为他们是因为收到了我们的催单
才来的。
“
的确如
此，
”
她解释道。
“
< br>布鲁诺咬了
给你们送催单的邮递员。
”
Reminder
In the veterinary office
where I'm a technician,
we
mail
out
reminders when
pets
are
due
for
vaccinations.
Bruno,
a
German
shepherd,
arrived for his
annual rabies shot, and we were
required by state law to ask his owner
if Bruno
had bitten anyone in the last
ten days.
in
fact
that's
why
we're
here,
she
replied.
Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd
come
in because of our reminder.
did,
she
explained.
bit
the
mail
carrier
who was delivering your card.
模仿鸟儿
一个人
想在一个舞台剧中找份工作。
“
你能干什么呢？
”
负责人问。
“
模仿鸟儿，
”
那人说。
“
你在开玩笑吧？
”
< br>负责人答道，
“
那样
的人一毛钱
可以找一打。
”
“
噢，那
就算了。
”
那名演员说着，展开
翅膀，
飞出了窗口。
Imitate Birds
A
man
tried
to
get
a
job
in
a
stage
show.
you
kidding?
answered
the
producer,
spread his arms and flew out
the window.
你是怎样来的？
一个冬天的早晨，
一名雇员解释他为什
么迟
到了四十五分钟才起来上班。
“
外面太
滑了，
我每向前迈一步，
就要向后退两步。
”
老板狐疑地看着他。
“
噢，是吗？那你
是怎样到这里来的？
”
“
后来我决定放弃，
”
他说，
“
然后我就
往家里走。
”
How Did Y
ou Ever Get Here
One
winter
morning,
an
employee
explained
why
he
had
shown
up
for
work
45
minutes
late.
I
took ahead, I slipped back two.
The
boss
eyed
him
suspiciously.
yeah?
Then how
did you ever get here?
finally
gave
up,
he
said,
started
for
home.
三个外科医生
三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的
技术。
“
一个人断了一只手，他来找我，
”
一
个说，
“
如今那个人是个音乐会
的小提琴
手。
”
“
这算不了什么，
”
另一个说。
“
一个家
伙两条腿断了，
他
来找我，
我将它们接了回
去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。
”
“
我比你们两个都强，
”
第三个说，
“
一
天，
我碰到一起可怕的车祸。
除了一个马屁
股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，
那人坐在美国参议院里。
”
Three Surgeons
Three
famous
surgeons
were
bragging
about
their
skills.
man
came
to
me who
had
his
hand
cut
off,
one.
that
man
is
a
concert
violinist.
guy came to
me
who
had
his
legs cut
off. I stitched
them
back
on,
and
today
that
man
is
a
marathon
runner.
can
top
both
of
you,
said
the
third.
day I came
on the scene of a terrible accident.
There was nothing left but a horse's
posterior -
and a pair of glasses.
Today that man is seated
in United
States Senate.
一面之辞
一位法
官问我们这群修补陪审员是否
有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。
“
我的左耳听不见。
”
那人告诉法官。
“
你的右
边耳朵听得见吗？
”
法官问道。
那人点
了点头。
“
你将被
允许加入陪审团，
”
法官宣布。
“
我们每次只听一面之辞。
”
One Side of the
Case
A
judge
asked
our
group
of
potential
jurors
whether
anyone
should
be
excused,
and
one
man raised his hand.
the judge.
you
hear
out
of
your
right
ear?
the
judge
asked. The man nodded his head.
ou'll
be
allowed
to
serve
on
the
jury,
the
judge
declared.
the case at a
time.
走私犯
一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，
哨
兵
迎了上去。
哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，
惊奇
地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。
“
里面装的是什么？
”
他问道。
“
土。
”<
/p>
司机回答。
“
把袋子
拿出来
”
，哨兵命令道：
“
我要
检查。
”
那人顺
从地把口袋搬了出来。
确实，
口
袋里除
了土以外，
别无他特。
哨兵很不情愿
地
让他通过了。
一周后，
那人又来了，
哨兵再次检查汽
车上的行李箱。
< br>
“
这次袋子里装的是什么？
”
他问道。
“
土，又运了一些土。
”
那人回答。
哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检
查，
结果发现，
除了土以外，
仍旧一无
所获。
同样的事情每周重演一次，
一共持续了
六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆
辞职去当了酒吧侍者。
有天夜里，
那个形迹
可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，
下车喝酒。
那位从
前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，
“
我说，老<
/p>
兄，
你要是能帮我一个忙，
今晚的酒就归
我
请客。
你能不能告诉我，
那段时间你
到底在
走私什么东西？
”
那人俯
身过来，
凑近侍者的耳朵，
裂开
嘴笑嘻
嘻地说：
“
汽车。
”
A
Smugglar
The
suspicious-looking
man
drove
up
to
the
border,
where
he
was
greeted
by
a
sentry.
When
the
guard
looked
in
the
trunk,
he was
surprised
to
find
six
sacks
bulging
at
the
seams.
to check them.
Obliging, the man removed
the bags, and sure
enough,
each
one
of
them contained
nothing
but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let
him go.
A
week
later
the
man
came
back,
and
once
again, the sentry
looked in the truck.
Not
believing
him,
the
guard
checked
the
sacks
and,
once
again,
he
found
nothing
but
soil.
The same
thing
happened
every week
for
six
months,
and it finally became so frustrating to
the guard that he quit and became a
bartender.
Then one night, the
suspicious-looking fellow
happened to
stop by for a drink. Hurrying over
to
him,
the
former
guard
said,
pal,
drinks are
on the house tonight if you'll do me
a
favor:
Just
tell
me
what
the
hell
you
were
smuggling all that time.
Grinning broadly, the man
leaned close to the
bartender's ear and
whispered,
采购过早
那天是圣诞节，
法官在审讯犯人时也
有
点恻隐之心。
“
你为什么而被起诉？
”
他问。
“
采购圣
诞节物品过早。
”
被告答。
“
这不算犯法，
”
法官回答，
“
你购物多
早？
”
在商店开门之前，
“
犯人应道。
Early Shopper
It
was
Christmas
and
the
judge
was
in
a
benevolent
mood as he questioned the prisoner.
the defendant.
no
offense,
replied
the
judge,
early were you doing this
shopping?
the
store
opened,
countered
the
prisoner.
翅
膀
一天，
我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现
了
一阵抢购狂潮，
结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西
< br>都卖完了。
当我正准备锁门时，
一名喝醉了
的旅客进来要进餐。
我问他翅膀行不行，
他
从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：
“
女士，我
到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！
”
Wings
The
fried-chicken
restaurant
where
I
was
working had a big rush just before
closing one
day, leaving us with
nothing to sell but wings.
As
I
was
about
to
lock
the
doors,
aa
quietly
intoxicated
customer
came
in
and
ordered
dinner.
When
I
asked
if
wings
would
be
all
right,
he
leaned
over
the counter
and
replied,
零钱不用找了
在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，
我与一名
准备
买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。
他对购
买袖珍奥金
.
纳什集颇感兴趣，
但是说它要三
< br>十五美分开价过高。
其它的平装书每本才卖
十或十五美分
。
我指出这本书保存状况颇好，
纳什是
个
有趣的诗人，
这个要价是合理的。
他
说这是
个原则问题。
最终，
我同意以十
五美分的价
格将这本书卖给他。
他得意洋洋，
< br>拿出一张
十美元的票子付帐。
“
零钱不用找了。
”
他说。
Keep the Change
Selling
secondhand
books
at
our
church
bazaar,
I
got
into
an
argument
with
a
prospective
customer.
He
was
interested
in
buying
The
Pocket
Book
of
Ogden
Nash
but
claimed
it
was
overpriced
at
35
cents.
Other
paperbacks
were
selling
for
ten
or
15
cents
each.
I
pointed
out
that
the
book
was
in
good
condition. Nash was a
fun poet, and it was for
a
good
cause.
He
said
it
was
a
matter
of
principle.
Ultimately,
I
agreed
to
sell
him
the
book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid
with a
$$10 bill.
三声口哨
我答应
过我的女朋友过生日进送她一
条金项链。
可是当珠宝商报出我们
看中的那
条项链的价格时，我低低地打了个长口哨。
“
那这条项链多少钱呢？
”
我指着另一个盘
子里的项链问。
“
先生，
对你来说，
”
珠宝商答道，
“
大
约值三声口哨。
”
Three Whistles
I
promised
my
girlfriend
a
gold
necklace
for
her
birthday,
but
when
the
jeweler
quoted
a
price
for
one we
liked,
I
let
out
a
long,
low
whistle.
how
much
are
they
then?
I
asked,
pointing to another tray
.
ou,
sir,
replied
the
jeweler,
three
whistles.
太有礼貌
一名妇
女经常光顾一家小古董店，
但几
乎从不买什么东西，
却总是对商品和价格吹
毛求疵。
对于那妇女的粗暴
抱怨，
经理和她
的销售员总是应付了事，
但是有一天她做得
太过分了。
“
为什
么你们店里总是不能得到
我想要的东西？
”
那名妇女指责说。
职员脸上带着微笑，
沉着地回答道：
“
也
许是因
为我们太有礼貌了。
”
Too Polite
A
woman
who
frequented
a
small
antique
shop
rarely
purchase
anything,
but
always
found
fault
with
the
merchandise
and
prices.
The
manager
and
her
salesclerk
took
the
woman's grumpy
complaints in stride, but one
day
she
went
too
far.
is
it
I
never
manage
to
get
what I
ask
for
in
your
shop?
demanded the woman.
A
smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied,
优缺点
“
这幢房子，
”
房地产推销商说，
“
既有
优点也有缺点。
为了说明我是诚实的，
我将
告诉你们它的缺点
-
< br>往南面一个街区是一
家化工厂，
往北面一个街区是一家屠
宰场。
”
“
那么它的长处呢？
”
预备购买房子的
人问道。
“
它的好处，
”
代
理商说道，
“
就是，你
总能分清风是从
哪边吹过来的。
”
Good Points and Bad Points
house,
said
the
real-estate
salesman,
both
its
good
points
and
bad
points.
To
show
you
I'm
honest,
I'm
goint
to
tell
you
about
the
disadvantage
-
there
is
a
chemical
plant
one
block
south
and
a
slaughterhouse
one block
north.
are
the
advantages?
inquired
the
prospective buyer.
good
thing
about
it,
said
the
agent,
that you
can always tell which way the wind is
blowing.
照相机
在前往
威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，
我
和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机
。
我们在一
家百货商店门前停了下来，
希望能够买到一
种便宜的，
一次性照相机。
萨尔问店主：
“
你
们有那种用了就
扔的照相机吗？
”
“
我说，
小伙子，
”
店主回答说，
“
我可
不管你买了之后怎么处理它。
”
Camera
On
our
way
to
a
wedding
in
V
ermont,
my
husband
and
I
realized
we
had
forgotten
our
camera.
We
stopped
at
a
general
store
and,
hoping to
purchase a cheap, disposable model.
Sal
asked
the
owner,
you
have
any
of
those
throwaway cameras?
what you do with it after
you buy it.
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条林
荫道上租用了毗邻的店铺。
旁观者等着瞧好
戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上
书：
“
大减价
!”“
< br>特便宜
!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声
称：
“
大砍价
!”“
< br>大折扣
!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌
，
上
面只简单地写着：
“
入口处
”
。
Midway Tactics
Three
competing
store
owners
rented
adjoining
shops
in
a
mall.
Observers
waited
for mayhem to ensue.
The
retailer
on
the
right
put
up
huge
signs
saying,
Sale!
and
Bargains!
The
store
on
the
left
raised
bigger
signs
proclaiming,
and
Discounts!
The owner in
the middle then prepared a large
sign
that simply stated,
大制服
在圣安
东尼奥的莱克兰空军基地的头
三天，
我们被从一个地方赶到另一
个地方去
理发、照相、领制服。回到营房之后，训练
指导员让我
们穿上制服，在营房前原地解
散。但是，我些制服特别大。我们列队的时
候，中士和他的副手就站在门边。
“
我们得
将一些人弄回去重新量一下，
”
他说，
“
最后
那个人走了两步，他的制服才动。
”
Large Uniforms
During
our
first
three
days
at
Lackland
Air
Force
Base
in
San
Antonio,
we
were
herded
from
place
to
place
for
haircuts,
shots
and
uniforms.
Back
in
our
barracks,
the
drill
instructor
told
us
to
put
on
our
uniforms
and
fall
out
in
front
of
the
building.
Some
of
the
uniforms,
however, were
extremely
large.
As
we
filed
outside,
the
sergeant
stood
by
the
door with his assistant.
of
these
people
back
for
refitting,
he
said.
last
man
took
two
steps
before
his
uniform moved.
快速反应
我和连
长在面试我们炮兵部队侦察中
士一职的候选人。
被选的士兵要求
有敏锐的
观察力及快速的反应力。
在一次面试时，
连
长指着一英里外的一座小山问一名年轻的
中士：<
/p>
“
你能看见那座山吗？
”
“
是的，长官。
”
他回答道。
“
你
能
看
见
那
座
山
上
的
无
线
电
天
< br>线
吗？
”
那士兵又说他能。
“
那么，
”
连长接
着
说：
“
你能看见停在天线上的那只鸟
吗？
”
那名中士身体前倾，眼睛眯成一条缝。
“
看不见，长官，
”
他说，
“
但我听见它在唱
歌。
”
他得到了那份工作。
Quick Reaction
My
battery
commander
and
I
were
interviewing
candidates
for
a
position
as
reconnaissance
sergeant
in
our
artillery
unit.
The
selected
soldier
needed
to
have
keen
eyesight,
plus
the
ability
to
react
quickly.
During one interview, the commander
pointed
to a hill about a mile away and
asked a young
sergeant,
you
see
the radio
antenna
on
that
hill?
Again,
the
soldier
said
that
he
could.
then,
that bird
sitting on the antenna?
The
sergeant
leaned
forward
and
squinted.
He got the job.
视力训练
班里正在进行
“
视力训练
< br>”
。
一个聪明伶
俐的新兵被班长
叫出来数远处旷野上采掘
队的人数。
采掘队在很远的地方，
那些人看
起来只是一些小点儿。
但是这个新
兵毫不犹
豫的回答：
“
十六个士兵和一个中士，长官。
”
“
正确。可你如何知道那儿
有一个中
士？
”
“
他不干活，长官。
”
Visual Training
The squad were having
smart recruit was asked by the officer
to count
how many men composed a
digging party in a
distant
field.
The
party
was
so
far
away
that
the
men
appeared
as
mere
dots,
but
unhesitatingly the recruit replied:
but
how
do
you
know
there's
a
sergeant there?
速度限制
我作为美国空军人员分遣部队的一员
驻扎在英国皇家空军某某地，
那里有一条狭
窄的马路蜿蜒穿过拥
挤的居民区。
因为多次
出现汽车撞伤行人一类不甚严重的车祸，
美
国空军司令员决定将车速限制在每小时三
英里。
新的车速限制公布后不久，
一名骑警中
士因一名吉普车司机开车时速达五英里而
< br>给他开了一张超速传票。
我很想知道骑警是怎样如此精确地
知
道那辆吉普车的速度的。
“
我遛达着
要在邮
局关门之前到达那里，
”
他解释
道：
“
当我超
过吉普车时，
我注意到计速器指向了每小时
五英里。
”
Speed Limit
The
British
RAF
base
where
I was
stationed
as part of a contingent of USAF
personnel had
one narrow road winding
through the crowded
residential area.
After a rash of minor vehicle
pedestrian
accidents,
the
USAF
commander
decided
to
reduce
the
speed
limit
to
three
m.p.h.
Shortly after the new limit
was posted, an MP
sergeant
issued
a
speeding
citation
to
a
jeep
driver
for
going
five
m.p.h.
I
was curious
to
know
how
the
MP
had
determined
the
jeep's
speed
so exactly.
PX
before
it
closed,
he
explained,
as
I
passed the jeep, I noticed
that the speedometer
read five
m.p.h.
西点军校
父亲、
哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一
场
陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。
开始之
< br>前，
我们到处转了转，
碰到许多穿着整齐制
服的学员。
几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军
姿来让他
们摄。
“
好认我们的儿子知道，如
果他
到西点军校来学习会得到什么。
”
一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的
女
学员，
问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。
他们解
释说：
“
我们想让儿子知道他没
来西点军校
错过了什么。
”
West Point
My
father, brother and I visited West Point to
see a football game between Army and
Boston
College. Taking a stroll before
kickoff, we met
many
cadets
in
neatly
pressed
uniforms.
Several
visting
fans
asked
the
recruits
if
they
would pose for photographs,
what to expect if he should attend West
Point.
One
middle-aged
couple
approached
a
very
attractive
female
cadet
and
asked
her
to
pose
for
a
picture.
They
explained,
want
to
show
our son what
he
missed
by
not coming
to West
Point.
真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远
!
第一次世界大战期间，
一场大战役正在
进行
。枪炮轰鸣，子弹横飞。这样持续了一
小时后，
有个士兵认为战
斗太危险了，
所以
他离开前线，
开始逃
离战场。
走了一个小时
后，
他看见一个
军官朝他走过来。
军官拦住
他，问道：
“
你到哪儿去？
”
“
长官，我正尽力躲开身后正在进行的
战斗。
”
士兵回答说。
“
你知道我是谁吗？
”
军官生气地说：
“
我是你们的指挥官。
”
士兵听了十分惊讶地说：
“
天哪，真没
想到我已经往回跑了这么远
!”
I
Didn't
Know
That
I
Was
So
Far
Back
Already!
A
big
battle
was
going
on
during
the
First
World
War.
Guns
were
firing,
and
shells
and
bullets were flying about everywhere.
After an
hour of this, one of the
soldier decided that the
fighting was
getting too dangerous for him, so
he
left
the
front
line
and
began
to
go
away
from
the
battle.
After
he
had
walked
for
an
hour,
he
saw
an
officer
coming
towards
him.
The
officer stopped him and said,
you
going?
the
battle
that's
going
on
behind
us,
sir.
the
soldier
answered.
him angerly.
The soldier was very
surprised when he heard
this
and
said,
God,
I
didn't
know
that
I
was so far back
already!
正是士兵
作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，
我通过
擦
拭自己的
M-16
式自动步枪给全排
作个榜
样。
我们一块擦枪，
一名战士抱
怨由于
M-16
的枪栓枪膛的特别凹形结构，
< br>擦起来十分困
难。
“
中尉，应该制造一种擦这枪的工具。
”
士兵
说。
“
已经制造出来了。
”
一军士尖叫。
“
真的？
”
我十分诧异，
纳闷为什么我们
没有定购这种工具。
“
真的，长官，
”
军士答道，
“
它就是士
兵。
”
None Other Than a Soldier
As a newly
commissinaed infantry lieutenant,
I was
eager to set an example for my platoon
by
cleaning
my
own
M-16
rifle.
While
we
were
working
on
the
weapons,
one
soldier
complained
about
the
unusual
notched
shape
of
the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes
it difficult to clean.
they
need
to
make
something
to
clean this
with,
we had not ordered such a
tool.
sir,
replied
the
sergeant.
called
a
soldier.
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。
他被
一名
甲板水手救起。
这位军官问如何都能酬
谢他。
< br>
“
最好的办法，
长官，
”
这名水手说，
“
是
别声张这事。
如果其他人知道我救了您，
他
们会把我扔下去的。
”
Best Reward
A
naval officer
fell overboard. He was rescued
by
a
deck
hand.
The
officer
asked
how
he
could
reward him.
say nothing about it. If the
other fellows knew