My fair lady

My fair lady

Scene 1(Part 1)

Character:

HIGGINS

PICKERING

ELIZA

MRS PEARCE

(

Mrs. Pearce enters the study nearby. Eliza can hear the strange sounds from the

phonograph and listens curiously outside.

)

MRS PEARCE

:

Mr 's a young woman who wants to see you, sir.

HIGGINS

:

A young woman!(

He reaches over and turns off the phonograph

)What

does she want?

MRS PEARCE

:

Well, she's quite a common girl, sir. Very common indeed. I should

have sent her away only I thought perhaps you wanted her to talk into your machines.

HIGGINS

:

Has she an interesting accent?

MRS PEARCE

:

Simply ghastly, Mr Higgins.

HIGGINS

:

Good. Let's have her in. Show her in, Mrs. Pearce.

MRS PEARCE

:

(

only half resigned to it

)Very well, sir. It's for you to say.

MRS PEARCE

:

(

entering with Eliza behind her

)This is the young woman, sir.

ELIZA

:

Good mornin' my good man. Might I have the pleasure of a word with your--

HIGGINS

:

(

brusquely, recognizing her with unconcealed disappointment

)Oh no, no,

's no use: I've got all the records I want of the Lisson Grove lingo

.

(

To Eliza,

without looking at her; walking over to the other side of the room

)Now be off with

you, I don't want you.(

He starts putting away the phonograph.

)

ELIZA

:

Don't you be so saucy. You ain't heard what I come for , I ain't come

here to ask for any compliment; and if my money's not good enough I can go

elsewhere.

PICKERING

:

Good enough for what?

ELIZA

:

Good enough for

him

.

(Turned

to

Higgins.)

Now you know, don't you? I'm

come to have lessons, I am. And to pay for 'em too: make no mistake.

PICKERING

:

(

gently

)What do you want, my girl?

ELIZA

:

I want to be a lady in a flower shop 'stead of sellin' at the corner o'

Tottenham Court said he could teach me.(

Turning to Higgins

)I know what

lessons cost as well as you do; and I'm ready to pay.

PICKERING

:

What's your name?

ELIZA

:

Eliza Doolittle.

PICKERING

< br>:

(

very courteous

)Won't you sit d

o

wn, Miss Doolittle?

ELIZA

:

(

coyly

)Oh. I don't mind if I do.(

She sits.

)

Scene 1 (Part 2)

HIGGINS

:

Now,(

he motions to Pickering that the phonograph is recording and sits

down at his desk with his notebook ready

)how much do you propose to pay me for

these lessons?

ELIZA

:

Oh, I know

how much it worths.S

o I won't give more than a shillin

g

. Take

it or leave it.

HIGGINS

< br>:

(

he pauses; then rises thoughtfully

)You know, Pickering, a shilling

for

this

poor

girl

is equal to

sixty or seventy pounds for a millionaire.

I

t's the biggest

offer I ever had.

ELIZA

:

(

r ising, terrified

)Sixty pounds! What are you talking about? Where would I

get sixty pounds? I never offered you sixty pounds.

HIGGINS

:

Hold your tongue.

ELIZA

:

(

weeping

)But I ain't got sixty pounds. Oh-ho--

MRS PEARCE

:

Oh don't cry, you silly girl. Sit down. Nobody is going to touch your

money.

HIGGINS

:

Oh, here(

he offers her his silk handkerchief.

)

MRS PEARCE

:

s.

It's no use to

even can't tell the

handkerchief and sleeve.

PICKERING

:

Higgins: I'll say you're the greatest teacher alive if you make that good.

I'll bet you all the expenses of the experiment that you can't do it. I'll even pay for the

lessons.

ELIZA

:

Oh you're real good. Thank you, cap'n.

HIGGINS

:

(

tempted , looking at her

)You know: it's almost irresistible. She's so

deliciously low. So horribly dirty.

ELIZA

:

(

protesting extremely

)I ain't dir

t

y: I washed my face and hands before I

come, I did.

HIGGINS

:

I'll take it! I'll make a duchess of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.

ELIZA

:

(

strongly deprecating this view of her

)Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow- oo!

HIGGINS

:

carried away

)We'll start today: now! this moment! Take her away, Mrs.

Pearce, and clean her. Sandpaper, if it won't come off any other way. Is there a good

fire in the kitchen?

MRS PEARCE

:

(

)Yes, but--

HIGGINS

:

(

< br>storming on

)Take all her clothes off and burn them and ring up and order

new ones. Just wrap her in brown paper till they come.

ELIZA

:

You're no gentleman, you're not, to talk of such things. I'm a good girl, I am;

and I know what the likes of you are, I do.

HIGGINS

:

You've got to learn to behave like a duchess. Now take her away, Mrs.

Pearce, and if she gives you any trouble wallop her.

ELIZA

:

(

springing up and running behind Mrs. Pearce for protection

)I'll call the

police, I will!

MRS PEARCE

:

But I've no place

to put her.

HIGGINS

:

Well put her in the dustbin.

Scene 1 (Part 3)

ELIZA

:

Ah-ah-ah- ow-ow-oo!

PICKERING

:

Come, Higgins! be reasonable.

MRS PEARCE

:

(

resolutel y

)You must be reasonable, Mr. Higgins; really you must.

You can't walk over everybody like this.

S

ir, you can't take a girl up like that as if you

were picking up a pebble on the beach.

HIGGINS

:

Why not?

MRS PEARCE

:

Why not! But you don't know anything about her. What about her

parents? She may be married.

ELIZA

:

Garn!

HIGGINS

:

There! As the girl very properly says,

Mrs. Pearce: don't ring up

and order those new clothes.(

Deftly retrieving the handkerchief from Eliza on her way

to the door

)Throw her out.

MRS PEARCE

:

Stop, Mr Higgins. I won't allow it. Go home to your parents, girl.

ELIZA

:

I ain't got no parents.

HIGGINS

:

(

impatiently

)W ell, there you are, she ain't got no parents. What's all the

fuss about? Nobody wants her--she's no use to anybody but me--so take her upstairs.

MRS PEARCE

:

But what's to become of her? Is she to be paid anything? Oh do be

sensible, sir.I must know on what terms the girl is to be here. What is to become of

her when you've finished your teaching? You must look ahead a little, sir.

HIGGINS

:

What's to become of her if we leave her in the gutter? Answer me that,

Mrs. Pearce.

MRS PEARCE

:

That's her own business, not yours, Mr. Higgins.

HIGGINS

:

When I've done with her, we'll throw her back in the gutter; and then it

will be her own business again; that'll be alright won't it?