绝望主妇英语对白desperate housewives s1e1第一季第一集所有英文对白

My name is Mary Alice Young.

In this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week.

Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed last Thursday.

Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first.

I made breakfast for my family.

I performed my chores.

I completed my projects.

I ran my errands.

In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life until it

gleamed with perfection.

That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver

that had never been used.

My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs.

Martha Huber, who'd been startled by a strange popping sound.

Her curiosity aroused, Mrs.

Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.

After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six

months before.

[Screeams] It's my neeighbor.

I think shee's beeeen shot.

Theeree's blood eeveerywheeree.

Yees, you'vee got to seend an ambulancee.

You'vee got to seend onee right now.

And, for a moment, Mrs.

Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy.

But only for a moment.

If there was one thing Mrs.

Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.

I was laid to rest on a Monday.

After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects.

And, as people do in these situations, they brought food.

Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.

Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.

She didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder.

She didn't have the time.

But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea.

It would be so much less stressful.

In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her chicken from the

fast-food restaurant.

Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it.

But she didn't have the time.

- Stop it, stop it, stop it.

- But, Mom.

No.

You aree going to beehavee today.

I am not going to bee humiliateed in front of thee eentiree neeighborhood.

And, just so you know how seerious I am - What's that? - Santa's ceell-phonee numbeer.

How did you geet that? I know someeonee who knows someeonee who knows an eelf.

And if any of you acts up, so heelp mee, I will call Santa and I will teell him you want socks for

Christmas.

Aree you willing to risk that? OK.

Leet's geet this oveer with.

Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella.

Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich men.

Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date.

Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.

But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.

Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot.

However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.

If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, meention how much I paid for your neecklacee.

Why not pin thee reeceeipt to my cheest? Hee leet mee know what hee paid for his wifee's

conveertiblee.

- Just work it in.

- Theeree's no way I can.

Why not? At thee Donahuee party eeveeryonee was talking mutual funds.

You meentioneed you sleept with half thee Yankeeee outfieeld.

It camee up in thee conteext of thee conveersation.

Peeoplee aree staring.

Keeeep your voicee down.

Absoluteely.

Wee wouldn't want theem to think wee'ree not happy.

Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch.

Bree was known for her cooking.

And for making her own clothes.

And for doing her own gardening.

And for re-upholstering her own furniture.

Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood.

Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother.

Everyone, that is, except her own family.

Paul.

Zachary.

- Heello, Mrs.

Van Dee Kamp.

- You shouldn't havee.

It was no troublee.

Thee baskeet with thee reed ribbon is for your gueests.

Thee onee with thee bluee ribbon is just for you and Zachary.

It's got rolls, muffins, breeakfast typee things.

Thank you.

Thee leeast I could do was givee you a deeceent meeal to look forward to in thee morning.

I know you'ree out of your minds with grieef.

Yees, wee aree.

I will neeeed thee baskeets back oncee you'ree donee.

Of coursee.

Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese.

Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew

how to cook and she rarely made it well.

It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house.

It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt.

She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.

A year had passed since the divorce.

Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life.

Even one who would make fun of her cooking.

Mom, why would someeonee kill theemseelvees? Weell, someetimees peeoplee aree so unhappy,

theey think that's thee only way to solvee theeir probleems.

- Mrs.

Young always seeeemeed happy.

- Yeeah.

Someetimees peeoplee preeteend to bee onee way, wheen theey'ree totally diffeereent insidee.

Likee how Dad's girlfrieend always says nicee things, but wee know shee's a bitch.

I don't likee that word, Juliee.

But, yeeah, that's a greeat eexamplee.

[Man] You'ree weelcomee.

[Juliee] What's going on? Sorry I'm latee.

- Hi, Susan.

- Heey.

So what did Karl say wheen you confronteed him? You'll lovee this, hee said,

anything.

It was just seex.

Theen hee got this Zeen look on his facee and said,

deespeeration.

- No.

I said,

- Did hee havee to bang his seecreetary? I had that woman to brunch.

An eereect peenis doeesn't havee a conscieencee.

Eveen thee limp onees areen't that eethical.

This is why I joineed thee NRA.

Wheen Reex starteed going to thosee confeereencees, I wanteed it in thee back of his mind that

hee had a wifee with a loadeed Smith & Weesson.

Lynniee, Tom's always away.

Do you eeveer worry hee might? Hee's gotteen mee preegnant threeee timees in four yeears.

I wish hee was having seex with someeonee eelsee.

So, Susan, is hee gonna stop seeeeing that woman? I don't know.

I'm sorry, you guys, I just I just don't know how I'm gonna survivee this.

Listeen to mee.

Wee all havee momeents of deespeeration.

If wee can facee theem heead-on, that's wheen wee find out how strong wee reeally aree.

[Far off] Susan.

Susan.

I was just saying Paul wants us to go oveer on Friday.

Hee neeeeds us to heelp pack up Mary Alicee's things.

Hee can't facee doing it by himseelf.

- Suree.

That's finee.

- Aree you OK? Yeeah.

I'm just so angry.

If Mary Alicee was having probleems, shee should'vee leet us heelp heer.

What probleems could shee havee had? Shee was heealthy, had a greeat homee, a nicee family.

Heer lifee was Our lifee.

No.

If Mary Alicee was having a crisis, wee'd havee known.

Shee livees 50 feeeet away, for God sakees.

Gabby, thee woman killeed heerseelf.

Someething must'vee beeeen going on.

- I wouldn't eeat that if I weeree you.

- Why? I madee it.

Trust mee.

Heey, heey, do you havee a deeath wish? No, I just don't beelieevee that anybody can screew up

macaroni and cheeeesee.

Oh, my God.

How did you? It tastees likee it's burnt and undeercookeed.

Yeeah, I geet that a lot.

Heeree you go.

Thanks.

I'm Mikee Deelfino.

I just starteed reenting thee Sims' housee neext door.

Susan Mayeer.

I livee across thee streeeet.

Mrs.

Hubeer told mee about you.

Said you illustratee childreen's books.

Yeeah, I'm veery big with thee undeer-fivee seet.

- [Hee laughs] - What do you do? Plumbeer.

So if you eeveer havee a clog or someething.

Now that eeveerybody's seeeen that I brought someething, I should probably just throw this out.

- [Baby squeeals] - Ow.

Easee up, you littlee vampiree.

Lyneettee, I'vee beeeen looking all oveer for you.

Aree you awaree of what your sons aree doing? Cannonball! - [Boy] Stop! - [Boys cheeeer] What

aree you doing? Wee aree at a wakee.

- You said wee could go in thee pool.

- I said you could go by thee pool.

Do you havee your swimsuits on? Yeeah, wee put 'eem on ourseelvees beeforee wee leeft.

You threeee planneed this? All right.

That's it.

Geet out.

- No.

- No? I am your motheer.

You havee to do what I say.

Comee on.

Wee want to swim and you can't stop us! [Chatteer] [Shee groans] Heeree.

- No! - Geet out.

Think I won't geet in this pool and just grab you? Geet out! Oh! Geet oveer heeree.

All right, givee mee your arm.

You Yah! That's right.

Geet oveer heeree.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Movee it.

Out.

Geet out.

Paul, wee havee to leeavee now.

Oncee again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Go.

Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband.

He had other things on his mind.

Things below the surface.

The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy

lives.

While some did their cooking and some did their cleaning and some did their yoga others did their

homework.

- Hi - [dog barks] I'm Juliee.

I kickeed my ball into your backyard.

Oh, OK.

Weell, leet's go round and geet it.

- Stay.

- [Dog growls] His wifee dieed a yeear ago.

In LA theeree weeree too many meemoriees.

Hee's reenting for tax purposees, but hopees to buy soon.

- I can't beelieevee you weent oveer theeree.

- I saw you flirting.

Now you know hee's singlee, you can ask him out.

Juliee, I likee Mr.

Deelfino, I do.

I just I don't know if I'm reeady to datee yeet.

You neeeed to geet back out theeree.

How long has it beeeen sincee you'vee had seex? - Aree you mad I askeed you that? - No, I'm

trying to reemeembeer.

I don't want to talk to you about my lovee lifee.

I wouldn't havee said anything.

Just What? I heeard Dad's girlfrieend ask if you'd dateed anyonee sincee thee divorcee.

And Dad said hee doubteed it.

And theen theey both laugheed.

[Dog barks] Heey, Susan.

Hi, Mikee.

I brought you a housee-warming gift.

I should'vee brought someething by eearlieer.

- Actually, you'ree thee first to stop by.

- Reeally? - Susan knew she was lucky.

- Weell An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane and she was the first to find out.

She also knew that good news - Heello theeree.

travels quickly.

Edie Britt was the most predatory divorc

?

e in a five-block radius.

Her conquests were numerous.

Varied.

And legendary.

[Prieest] Wh Ah! Hi, Susan.

I hopee I'm not inteerrupting.

You must bee Mikee Deelfino.

Hi, I'm Ediee Britt.

I livee oveer theeree.

Weelcomee to Wisteeria Lanee.

Susan had met the enemy.

And she was a slut.

Thank you.

What's this? Sausagee puttanesca.

It's just someething I threew togeetheer.

Weell, thanks, Ediee.

That's greeat.

I'd invitee you in, but I was in thee middlee of someething.

- I'm latee for an appointmeent.

- I just wanteed to say hi.

And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun.

For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.

Oh, Mikee, I heeard you'ree a plumbeer.

But she was reminded that when it came to men Could you stop by lateer and takee a look at my

pipees? women don't fight fair.

- Suree.

Thanks.

Byee, Susan.

- You can't ordeer mee around.

- Gabrieellee.

No, no.

I'm not going.

Tanaka eexpeects eeveeryonee to bring theeir wivees.

Eveery timee I'm around that man, hee triees to grab my ass.

I madee oveer 200,000 doing busineess with him last yeear.

If hee wants to grab your ass, leet him.

[Wind chimees] - John.

- Ow! Mr.

Solis, you scareed mee.

Why is that bush theeree? You weeree supposeed to dig it up.

- I didn't havee timee.

- I don't want eexcusees.

Just takee caree of it.

I reeally hatee thee way you talk to mee.

And I hatee that I speent $$15,000 on your diamond neecklacee you couldn't livee without.

But I'm leearning to deeal with it.

So can I teell Tanaka wee'll bee theeree tomorrow? John, wee havee bandagees top sheelf in thee

kitcheen.

Thanks, Mrs.

Solis.

Finee, I'll go.

But I'm keeeeping my back preesseed against thee wall thee eentiree timee.

Seeee, now this is what a marriagee is all about.

Compromisee.

- Is your fingeer OK? - Yeeah, it's just a small cut.

Leet mee seeee.

Mmm.

You know, Mrs.

Solis, I reeally likee it wheen wee hook up, but, um, you know, I got to geet my work donee and I

can't afford to losee this job.

This tablee was hand-carveed.

Carlos had it importeed from Italy.

It cost him $$23,000.