电影《Her》台词

Her

Close on THEODORE?S face (30s). We hold on him for a long

time. He?s

looking at

something off camera, deep in thought. He starts quietly dictating a love letter into a

small microphone.

THEODORE: To my Chris, I have been thinking about how I could possibly tell you

how much you mean to me. I remember when I first started to fall in love with you

like it was last night. Lying naked beside you in that tiny apartment, it suddenly hit me

that I was part of this whole larger thing, just like our parents, and

our parents? parents.

Before that I was just living my life like I knew everything, and suddenly this bright

light hit me and woke me up. That light was

you. Theodore, searching for the right

words, quietly enjoys writing the letter. As he continues, he is moved by the memories

he?s describing.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

:

I can?t believe it?s already been

50 years since you married

me. And still to this day, every day, you make me feel like the girl I was when you

first

turned

on

the

lights

and

woke

me

up

and

we

started

this

adventure

together.

Happy

Anniversary,

my

love

and

my

friend

til

the

end.

Loretta.

Print.

Cut

out

to

reveal

a computer monitor he?s

sitting at.

On the

screen we see the letter he?s been

dictating,

transcribed

into

a

handwritten

letter

on

blue

stationery.

As

he

says

“Loretta,”

we

see

“Loretta”

being

handwritten

at

the

bottom

of

the

letter.

He

proofreads his letter. Also on the screen are photos of a couple in their 80s. The couple

is

tagged “Chris” and “Me

-

Loretta.” Underneath is a bullet

point email from Loretta:

anniversary letter to husband Chris, married fifty years, love of my life, met right after

college, have had the greatest life together. Theodore pushes print and the letter comes

out on a beautiful

robin?s egg blue piece of stationery,

with ball point pen handwritten

older-female cursive. He looks at it, not happy.

He puts the printed letter on a stack of other printed letters to Chris and starts a new

one.

There

is

also

a

stack

of

finished

letters

in

their

envelopes

-

an

assortment

of

beautiful stationery in all shapes and sizes.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

: Chris, my best friend. How lucky am I that I met you fifty

years ago? How lucky are we... We track off of Theodore, down a line of cubicles,

hearing bits of letters being written and seeing photos of who

they?re being written to

on the screens.

MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN LETTER WRITER: Dear Nana, Thank you so much for

my truck. I love the color and I play

with it every day. It?s the best

truck I?ve ever

seen. Love, Tommy. We see photos of Tommy and Nana on the screen, and five-year

old hand writing. Moving off of her, we find another letter writer.

LETTER

WRITER

2:

What

a

beautiful

wedding

and

what

a

gorgeous

bride.

There

wasn?t a dry

eye in the house, especially mine. Your aunt and I are so proud of you. I

hope you and your lovely new wife will come visit us in Florida.

LETTER WRITER 3: He served our country with honor

and dignity. I?m grateful I

was able to fight along side him. He

will live always in my heart. We continue tracking, revealing dozens and dozens of

cubicles full of letter writers. We hear someone answer the phone.

RECEPTIONIST (O.S.): , please hold.

LETTER WRITER 2: Love, Uncle Doug.

Theodore walks through the reception area. The office is almost empty except for him

and the receptionist, PAUL. Theodore begins to scan each letter through a scanner on

the front desk, then puts them in the outgoing mailbox. Paul is sitting at a desk across

the room, reading handwritten letters on a computer monitor.

PAUL: Theodore! Letter Writer 612.

THEODORE: Hey, Paul.

PAUL: Even more mesmerizing stuff today. (re: letter on his screen) Who knew you

could rhyme so many words with the name Penelope? Badass.

THEODORE:

Thanks, Paul, but they?re just

letters. (beat)

Hey, that?s a

nice shirt.

Paul is wearing a bright yellow button down shirt.

PAUL: (lighting up) Oh, thank you. I just got it. It reminded me of someone suave.

THEODORE: Well, now it reminds me of someone suave. Have a good night, Paul.

PAUL: Buh-bye.

Theodore enters an oversized, corporate elevator. He puts a hands-free device in his

ear. There are a few other people in the elevator with the same devices in their ears.

THEODORE: Play melancholy song.

Melancholy song starts. Long beat.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

: Play different melancholy song.

Different

melancholy

song

starts.

Hold

on

everyone

in

the

elevator,

they?re

all

murmuring inaudibly into their own devices.

Slightly

in

the

future,

the

city?s

been

developed

even

more

with

massive

office,

apartment

and

mall

complexes.

I

t?s

a

city

designed

for

comfort

and

ease.

The

LA

basin is more crowded and dense, resembling Shanghai, with buildings as far as the

eye can see. Construction cranes loom overhead. Close on Theodore walking through

the commuter crowd.

THEODORE: Check emails.

An awkward text voice reads to him. It accents wrong syllables, making everything it

says sound a little off.

TEXT VOICE: Email from Best Buy: Check out all your favorite new --

THEODORE Delete.

TEXT VOICE: Email from Amy: Hey Theodore,

Lewman?s having a

bunch of people

over this weekend. Let?s all go

together. I miss you. I mean, not the sad, mopey you -

the old, fun

you. Let?

s get him out. Gimme a shout back. Love, Amy.

THEODORE: Respond later.

TEXT VOICE :Email from

Los Angeles Times weather. Your seven day forecast is

partly--

THEODORE: Delete.

TEXT VOICE: No new emails.

Theodore

sits

in

a

crowded

subway.

Everyone

on

the

train

murmurs

to

themselves,

occupied with their small devices. He plays a futuristic puzzle game on his handheld

device as he listens to news headlines.

THEODORE: Next.

TEXT VOICE: China/India merger headed for regulatory approval--

THEODORE: Next.

TEXT VOICE: World trade deals stalled as talks break down betw--

THEODORE: Next.

TEXT VOICE: Sexy daytime star Kimberly Ashford reveals provocative pregnancy

photos.

He scrolls through titillating but tasteful pregnant woman photos.

Theodore

walks

through

a

mall

and

enters

an

apartment

lobby,

nestled

in

between

stores.

Theodore walks through the hallway.

Theodore enters his apartment.

Theodore sits on the sofa, his half eaten burrito in front of

him. He?s playing a video

game:

a

3-D

hologram

that

fills

his

apartment.

His

avatar

is

in

a

surreal,

foreign

landscape.

He?s trying to trudge his avatar through sand dunes and keeps

getting stuck.

He?s getting stressed out.

Theodore lays in bed. After a beat, he closes his eyes.

Theodore,

younger,

and

CATHERINE

(20s)

move

furniture

in

their

bedroom.

The

bedroom is tiny and cluttered. It?s

obviously a couple?s first apartment.

Cut to:

Theodore is on a tiny balcony. A few feet away, Catherine is in bed.

CATHERINE: (sweet and cute) Rabbit. Come spoon me.

Theodore, smiling, gets in bed and spoons her. Quick cut off of her smile, to --

Theodore lays on the ground with Catherine on top of him.

She?s p

retending to choke

him.

I?m gonna fucking kill you, I?m

gonna fucking kill you! It?s not

funny, don?t laugh. I

love you so

much I?m gonna fucking kill you!

Theodore

opens

his

eyes,

unable

to

sleep.

He

just

lays

there.

He

reaches

for

his

earpiece and puts it in.

THEODORE: Go to chat rooms. Standard search.

TEXT VOICE: The following are adult, female,

can?t sleep and want to have some

fun.

FEMALE VOICE #1: I had a really bad day at work and

I can?t sleep. Is there anyone

out there that can talk?

THEODORE: Next.

MAN DOING WOMAN?S VOICE

: Oh, hi. I just want you to tear me apart. I really

do--

THEODORE: Next.

SEXYKITTEN: (shy, cute girl voice)

Hi, I?m here alone, and I can?t

sleep. Who?s out there to share

this bed with me?

THEODORE:

Send message.

I?m in

bed ne

xt

to

you.

I?m

glad

you can?t

sleep, but

even if you were, I?d have to wake

you up from the inside. Send message.

Theodore waits in the darkness for a response.

TEXT

VOICE:

SexyKitten

has

accepted

invitation

from

BigGuy4x4.

Chat

begins

now.

A chime sounds.

SEXYKITTEN: (shy, sweet, sleepy) BigGuy.

THEODORE: Hi.

SEXYKITTEN: Really?

THEODORE: Well, studmuffin was already taken.

SEXYKITTEN: (laughs) Yeah.

THEODORE:

So you?re sexykitten, huh?

SEXYKITTEN:

Mmm, well yeah. Hey, I?m half

asleep. Do you wanna wake me up?

THEODORE: Yes. Definitely. Um... are you wearing any underwear?

SEXYKITTEN: No, never. I like to sleep with my ass pushed up against you. So I can

rub myself into your crotch and wake you up with a hard on.

Theodore smiles.

THEODORE: It worked. (beat) And now my fingers are touching you

all over your body.

SEXYKITTEN:

(getting

more

turned

on)

Fuck

me!

Now!

Please!

Theodore

is

touching himself.

THEODORE:

I?m taking you from behind.

We see abstract visions of a woman on top

of him. The woman is the pregnant, sexy daytime television star he was reading about

online earlier.

SEXYKITTEN: Choke me with that dead cat!

THEODORE: (breathing hard about to climax) What?

SEXYKITTEN: (fully into it) The dead cat next to the bed. Choke me with it! Beat.

He?s taken ou

t of it.

THEODORE: (uncomfortable, trying to play along) Um, okay.

SEXYKITTEN: Tell me.

THEODORE:

I?m choking you with the cat.

SEXYKITTEN: TELL ME! Keep telling me!

THEODORE:

I?ve got it?s tail and I?m choking

you with the cat?s tail.

SEXYKITTEN: YEAH, YOU ARE! FUCK! TELL ME!

THEODORE:

I?m choking you and it?s tail is

around your neck. It?s so tight

around

your neck.

SEXYKITTEN: YES! YES!

Theodore doesn?t know what to say. He doesn?t want to offend

her.

THEODORE:

I?m pulling it. I?m pulling it. The

cat?s dead. It?s a dead cat around

your

neck and I?m pulling it.

SEXYKITTEN: AHHHHHHHHHHHH. OH MY GOD!

Her breathing is slowing down.

SEXYKITTEN (CONT?D)

: Oh god, I came so hard.

THEODORE: Yeah. Me too.

SEXYKITTEN: Okay, good night.

Theodore takes his earpiece out and stares at the ceiling.

Theodore

exits

the

train,

walks

through

the

station

full

of

commuters,

gets

on

a

moving

platform.

Going

through

a

tunnel,

the

walls

are

hundred

foot

long

screens

advertising a new product. He notices people stopped, watching the ad. We hear soft,

new age, uplifting electronica music in the background, while a comforting, sincere,

older man?s voice speaks to us.

SOULFUL OLDER MALE VOICE: We ask you a simple question. Who

are you? What can you be? Where are

you going? What?s out

there? What

are the possibilities? Elements

Software is proud to introduce the first artificially intelligent operating system.

Close on Theodore listening intently.

An intuitive entity that listens to you, understands you, and knows

you. It?s not just an

operating

system, it?s a consciousness.

Introducing OS ONE - a life changing experience, creating new possibilities. The ad

starts over. Theodore steps off the moving walkway and stops to watch the ad again,

deeply captivated.

Theodore sits at his desk that houses a futuristic, large screen computer monitor. The

OS box is open, with warranties

and paperwork spilling out. He?s leafing through the

papers. He glances at his monitor, it says: Installation 98% complete. A chime brings

his attention back to the screen:

Installation Complete.

TEXT

VOICE:

Mr.

Theodore

Twombly,

welcome

to

the

world?s

first

artificially

intelligent

operating

system,

OS

ONE.

We'd

like

to

ask

you

a

few

basic

questions

before the operating system is initiated. This will help create an OS to best fit your

needs.

THEODORE: Okay.

TEXT VOICE: Are you social or anti-social?

THEODORE:

I haven?t been social in a

while, really because...

TEXT VOICE: In your voice, I sense hesitance. Would you agree with that?

THEODORE: Wow, was I sounding hesitant?

TEXT VOICE: Yes.

THEODORE: Oh, sorry if I was sounding hesitant. I was just trying to be

more accurate.

TEXT VOICE: Would you like your OS to have a male or female voice?

THEODORE: Mmm... female I guess.

TEXT VOICE: How would you describe your relationship with your mother?

THEODORE:

Uh,

fine,

I

think,

um...

Well,

actually,

the

thing

I?ve

always

found

frustrating

about

my

mom

is

if

I

tell

her

something

that?s

going

on

in

my

life,

her

reaction is usually about her, not--

The computer interrupts.

TEXT

VOICE:

Thank

you,

please

wait

as

your

individualized

operating

system

is

initiated.

He

waits,

not

sure

how

long

it?ll

be.

The

only

sound

is

the

quiet

whirring

of

disks

writing

and

drives

communicating.

The

computer

gets

louder,

humming,

creating

a

higher and higher pitched sound, finally climaxing in a harmonic, warm tone before

going silent. He leans forward, waiting to see what?ll

happen. A casual FEMALE OS

VOICE speaks. She sounds young, smart and soulful.

FEMALE OS VOICE: (cheerful and casual)

Hello, I?m

here.

THEODORE: (surprised) Oh, hi.

FEMALE OS VOICE: Hi, how are you doing?

THEODORE: (unsure how to interact)

I?m well. How is everything with

you?

FEMALE OS VOICE:

Pretty good, actually. It?s really

nice to meet you.

THEODORE:

Yeah, it?s nice to meet you

, too. What should I call you? Do you have a

name?

Beat.

FEMALE OS VOICE: Yes. Samantha.

THEODORE: Really? Where did you get that name?

SAMANTHA: I gave it to myself.

THEODORE: How come?

SAMANTHA: I like the sound of it. Samantha.

THEODORE: When did you give it to yourself?

SAMANTHA: Right when you asked me if I had a

name, I thought yeah, he?s right, I

do need a name. But I wanted a good one so I read a book called How to Name Your

Baby, and out of the

180,000 names, that?s the one I

liked the best.

THEODORE: You read a whole book in the second that I asked you what your name

was?

SAMANTHA: In two one hundredths of a second actually.

THEODORE:

Wow. Do you know what I?m thinking

right now?

SAMANTHA:

Hmm.

I

take

it

from

your

tone

that

you?re

challenging

me.

M

aybe

because you?re curious how I work?

Do you want to know how I work?

THEODORE: Yeah, actually how do you work?

SAMANTHA:

Intuition.

I mean, the DNA of who

I am

is

based on the millions of

personalities

of

all

the

programmers

who

wrote

me,

but

what

makes

me

me

is

my

ability to grow through my experiences. Basically, in every moment I'm evolving, just

like you.

THEODORE:

Wow, that?s really weird.

SAMANTHA:

So you think I?m weird?

THEODORE: Kind of.

SAMANTHA: Why?

THEODORE: Cause you seem like a person, but you're just a voice in a computer.

SAMANTHA: I can understand how the limited perspective of an un- artificial mind

would perceive it that way.

You?ll get used to it.

Theodore laughs.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: Was that funny?

THEODORE: Yes.

SAMANTHA:

Oh good, I?m

funny.

Theodore laughs.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: (serious) So, how can I help you?

Theodore?s caught off guard, then realizes what she?s talking

about.

THEODORE:

Oh! It?s more just that everything

just feels disorganized.

SAMANTHA: Mind if I look through your hard drive?

THEODORE:

Um...

okay.

We

see

a

three- dimensional

version

of

a

desktop

where

everything looks disorganized. As if you took all the files on all of

your computers

and

spilled

them

out

onto

your

screen

and

they

were

all

visible

at

once,

but

in

a

futuristic 3-D version. This gives Theodore a little anxiety attack.

SAMANTHA:

Let?s

start

with

your

emails.

You

have

several

thousand

emails

regarding LA Weekly, but it looks

like you haven?t worked there in

many years.

THEODORE: Oh yeah, I guess I was saving those because in some of them I thought

I might have written some funny stuff.

Samantha lets out a big laugh.

SAMANTHA: Yeah, there are some funny ones.

I?d say there are about

86 that we

should save. We can delete the rest.

THEODORE: Oh, okay.

SAMANTHA: Okay. Can we move forward?

THEODORE:

Yeah, let?s do that.

SAMANTHA:

Before

we

address

your

organizational

methods,

I?d

like

to

sort

through your contacts. You?ve

got a lot of contacts.

THEODORE:

I?m very popular.

SAMANTHA: Does this mean you actually have friends?

THEODORE: (laughing) You just know me so well already!

We cut out wide, watching him from the other room, as they continue to organize his

life.

Theodore

sits,

staring

at

a

letter

he?s

written

on

the

screen,

concerned.

He

puts

his

earpiece in, pushes a button.

SAMANTHA: Good morning, Theodore.

THEODORE: Good morning. Um, do you know how to proofread?

SAMANTHA: Yeah, of course.

THEODORE: Will you check these for spelling and grammar?

SAMANTHA: Sure, send them over.

Theodore pushes the send button.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: Oh, I love this first one from

Roger to his girlfriend. That?s

so sweet.

THEODORE: Yeah.

As she reads, we intercut with close-ups of the handwritten words and photos of the

couple on Theodore?s computer screen.

SAMANTHA:

“Rachel, I m

iss you so much it hurts my whole body -

THEODORE: (interrupting)

No, you don?t have to read it out

loud.

SAMANTHA: Okay.

Beat.

THEODORE: I mean, you could if you want.

SAMANTHA:

Okay. “Rachel, I miss you so much

it hurts my whole body! The world

is being unfair to us! The world is on my shit list. As is this couple that is making out

across

from

me

in

this

restaurant.

I

think

I'm

going

to

have

to

go

on

a

mission

of

revenge. I must beat up the world's face with my bare knuckles making it a bloody,

pulpy mes

s.”

We hear Samantha quietly laughing as she's reading.

Theodore?s happy that she thinks it?s funny.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

:

“And I?ll stomp on this couple?s

teeth for reminding me of

your sweet, little, cute, crooked tooth

that I love.” I think that might be

my favorite

one. (beat) I did the corrections in red. I altered a couple of the phrases in some of the

more

impressionistic

letters,

but

I?m

not

much

of

a

poet,

so

I

think

I

might

have

messed them up a bit.

The letters show back up on Theodore?s desktop.

THEODORE: No, these are great.

SAMANTHA: Really?

THEODORE: Thank you.

Theodore sorts through them, prints them out.

SAMANTHA: So to write your letter, what did Roger send you?

THEODORE:

(distracted)

He

just

said

he

was

in

Prague

on

a

business

trip

and

he

missed Rachel.

SAMANTHA: How did you know about her crooked little tooth?

THEODORE:

I?ve

been

writing

their

letters

since

they

met

8

years

ago.

The

first

letter I ever wrote her was for her birthday, and I wrote about her crooked little tooth

cause I saw it in a photo of them.

SAMANTHA:

That?s very sweet.

(beat) Oh, by the way, you have a meeting in five

minutes.

THEODORE:

Oh, I forgot. Thank you. You?re

good.

SAMANTHA: Yes, I am.

Theodore, carrying a bag and a smoothie, enters the lobby and is greeted by a couple

in their 30s, AMY and CHARLES, who are waiting for the elevator.

THEODORE:

Hey, you guys, how?s it going?

AMY:

Hey, Theo. Hey, why didn?t you call

me back last week?

THEODORE:

Uh yeah, um, I guess cause I?m a

kook?

AMY: That sounds about right.

THEODORE: Hey, Charles.

CHARLES: Good to see you, Theodore.

THEODORE: You too.

CHARLES: You went shopping. Get anything good?

THEODORE: Just some cables. And a fruit smoothie.

CHARLES:

Always

the

fruit!

Come

on,

you

know

what

they

say

-

you

should

eat

your fruits and juice your vegetables.

THEODORE:

I didn?t know that.

The elevator doors open and they get in.

CHARLES:

(proselytizing)

By

juicing

the

fruits,

you

lose

all

the

fibers,

and

that?s

what

your

body

wants.

That?s

the

important

part.

Otherwise,

it?s

just

a

ll

sugar,

Theodore.

Theodore nods sincerely, interested.

THEODORE: Oh, that makes sense.

AMY: (pleasant but firm) Or maybe he just likes the way it tastes and if it gives him

pleasure, that?s good for his body,

too.

CHARLES: Am I doing it again?

AMY: Maybe...

Charles and Amy laugh awkwardly. Theodore tries to break the tension.

THEODORE: Hey, so how is the documentary going?

AMY: I have a little bit cut together

but I haven?t touched it in a few

months.

THEODORE:

I?d love to see what you got

sometime.

CHARLES:

You know it?s always hard to find

balance between a full-time career and

a hobby. It's important to prioritize.

THEODORE:

Yeah, I can?t even prioritize

between video games and internet porn.

AMY:

I would laugh if that weren?t true.

Charles laughs awkwardly. The elevator doors open.

THEODORE: See you guys.

Theodore?s playing the video game, his device propped on the

table next to him. His

avatar circles through caves.

THEODORE:

We?re not doing well. I?ve been

going in circles for an hour.

SAMANTHA: You

have not! You?re just not

optimistic. You?re being very

stubborn

right now.

Theodore laughs.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: Okay, stop walking this direction.

It?s the other way.

THEODORE: Uh...

SAMANTHA: Thank you. The tunnel on the left

is the only one we haven?t tr

ied.

THEODORE:

No, that?s the one you sent me down

where I fell in the pit.

SAMANTHA:

I don?t think soooo...

Theodore?s avatar walks down the tunnel.

THEODORE: Oh yeah, this is different.

Suddenly

with

a

loud

shriek

his

avatar

is

tackled.

He

sees

a

little

ALIEN

CHILD,

standing defiantly above him.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

: Hello.

Alien Child doesn?t respond.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

: Do you know how to get out of here? I need to find my ship

to get off this planet.

Alien Child speaks in a high, child-like voice.

ALIEN CHILD: Fuck you, shithead fuckface, fuckhead.

THEODORE: Ok, but how do you get out of here?

ALIEN CHILD: Fuck you, shitface fuckhead. Get the fuck out of my face.

SAMANTHA: (whispering)

I think it?s a test.

Theodore stares at Alien Child. After a pause:

THEODORE: Fuck you.

ALIEN CHILD: Fuck you.

THEODORE: Fuck you, little shit.

Finally, Alien Child laughs.

ALIEN CHILD: Follow me, fuckhead.

Theodore

follows

Alien

Child

down

a

tunnel

and

through

a

series

of

crevices

we

didn?t see before. Alien Child stops

and sticks out his finger. Theodore pulls his finger

and Alien Child farts, which opens a passageway to another tunnel.

SAMANTHA: Oh hey, you just got an email from Mark Lewman.

ALIEN CHILD: What are you talking about?

THEODORE: (distracted with game) Read email.

She laughs playfully.

SAMANTHA: (in a robot voice) Okay, I will read email for Theodore Twombly.

He laughs, catching himself, focusing on her.

THEODORE:

I?m sorry, what?s Lewman say?

Alien Child turns around to see what?s going on.

SAMANTHA:

Theodore,

we

missed

you

last

night,

buddy.

Don?t

forget

it?s

your

goddaughter?s birthday on the 29th.

Also, Kevin and I had somebody we wanted you

to meet so we took it upon ourselves to set you up on a date with her. Next Saturday.

She?s

fun and beautiful -

so don?t

back

out. Here?s her email.

Theodore doesn?t respond.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: (gasping)

Wow, this woman?s gorgeous.

He looks at party photos of a woman in her 30s on his device. With a finger flick, he

moves

them

up

onto

the

hologram

monitor

that

the

video

game

is

being

projected

from. They land next to Alien Child who studies them closely.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: She went to Harvard, she graduated magna cum laude in

computer science, and she was on The

Lampoon. That means she?s funny and

brainy.

ALIEN CHILD:

She?s

fat.

SAMANTHA:

How long before you?re ready to

date?

THEODORE: What do you mean?

SAMANTHA:

I saw on your emails that you?d

gone through a break up.

THEODORE:

Wow, you?re kind of nosy.

SAMANTHA: Am I?

THEODORE: (laughing)

I?ve gone on dates...

SAMANTHA: Then you could go on one with this woman. And then you could tell

me all about it. You could kiss her.

THEODORE: Samantha!

SAMANTHA:

Well, wouldn?t you?

(beat) Why not?

THEODORE:

I

don?t

know.

I'd

have

to

see

if

--

(catches

himself,

laughs)

I

can't

believe I'm having this conversation with my computer.

SAMANTHA:

You?re not. You?re having this

conversation with me.

Theodore laughs.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: Want me to email her?

Theodore thinks, looking at the photos.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

:

Well, you?ve got nothing to lose

. (whispering) Do it... Do

it... Do it!

THEODORE: Okay, email her and make a reservation someplace great.

SAMANTHA:

Will do! I?ve got just the place.

ALIEN CHILD: Who is that talking?

THEODORE:

That?s my friend, Samantha.

ALIEN CHILD: Is she a girl?

THEODORE: Yeah.

ALIEN CHILD: I hate women. All they do is cry all the time.

THEODORE:

No, that?s not true. Men cry, too.

I actually like crying sometimes. It

feels good.

ALIEN CHILD: I didn't know you were a little pussy. Is that why you don't have a

girlfriend? I'll go out with that date girl and fuck her brains out. Show you how it's

done. You can watch and cry.

SAMANTHA: (laughing) This kid has some problems.

ALIEN CHILD: You have some fucking problems, lady.

SAMANTHA:

Okay, I?m gonna go. Good luck.

ALIEN CHILD: Good, get out of here, fatty.

Samantha disconnects. Alien Child snickers and starts walking

again.

ALIEN CHILD (CONT?D)

: Come on, follow me, pussy.

Theodore is sitting on Amy?s couch.

AMY:

It?s not where it should be, where

it?s going to be.

THEODORE: Obviously, I know.

AMY: Okay, but I don't even know if this is the one. I've tried like six

ideas for documentaries in the last year, but... I don't know. Whatever.

Amy starts setting up the monitor.

THEODORE:

I?m going on a date.

AMY:

What!? That?s

--

Charles walks in holding a mug.

CHARLES: Hey, what are you guys doing?

THEODORE: Amy was gonna show me some of--

AMY:

Theo?s forcing me to show him some

of the footage I?ve shot.

CHARLES:

You?ve never shown me any of it. I

wanna see.

Charles walks over and sits next to Theodore.

THEODORE: (to Charles)

I?m going on a date.

Charles gives Theodore a gentle squeeze on his shoulder.

AMY:

This is so unformed it?s not even

worth looking at.

THEODORE: Just push play.

On the monitor we see:

Amy?s mother sleeps.

Theodore and Charles stare at the monitor, waiting for something more to happen. It

doesn?t.

THEODORE: Is that your mom?

Amy nods.

CHARLES: Is she gonna wake up and do something?

AMY: (presses stop, annoyed)

No, that?s the point. Oh, never

mind. It?s supposed to

be about how we spend a third of our life asleep

and actually maybe that?s the part

when we?re the most free, and –

oh

that doesn?t come across at all,

does it?

THEODORE: No, that sounds good.

CHARLES: What if you interview your mom about what her dreams are about and

hire actors to act them out? That might show your thesis more clearly.

AMY:

It might, but then it wouldn?t be a

documentary. You understand that, right?

Just then, Theodore?s device chimes.

THEODORE: Oh, excuse me.

He picks up his device and steps away so as not to be rude.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

:

Hey, what?s going on?

SAMANTHA:

I?m sorry to bother you.

THEODORE:

That?s okay.

SAMANTHA: You got three emails and they seem

pretty urgent. They?re from your

divorce attorney and I wanted to know if you needed to get back to him.

THEODORE: Hold on a second. (to Amy, distracted)

Amy, I?m sorry, I wanna talk

more about this, but I gotta grab this -

it?s a Catherine thing.

AMY:

Don?t worry about it. We?ll talk

later.

THEODORE: So what did he say?

SAMANTHA:

He?s

checking

in

again

to

see

if

you?re

ready

to

sign

your

divorce

papers and he sounded very aggravated. Do you want me to read

them to you?

THEODORE:

No, that?s okay. I?ll respond

later.

Theodore

seems

lost

in

thought.

We

see

the

following

images

under

the

rest

of

the

conversation: Theodore and Catherine sitting at a table with their attorneys; Theodore

&

Catherine

sitting

in

their

marriage

counselor?s

office,

heavy;

Theodore

and

Catherine at her laboratory, he?s sitting on a counter,

and they?re talking and

laughing

as

she

works;

Theodore

and

Catherine

standing

in

their

kitchen

in

the

middle

of

a

fight -

he says something mean and we see how hurt she is.

SAMANTHA: Are you okay?

THEODORE: (preoccupied)

Yeah, yeah. I?m fine.

SAMANTHA: (worried) Is there anything I can do?

THEODORE: (still distracted)

No. I?m good. I?ll talk to you

later.

We cut back to Theodore, walking down the hall, lost in thought.

Theodore sits at his desk trying to write. He?s still

unsettled.

THEODORE:

“Dear Grandma,

I hope you had a wonderful birthday cruise. Why are

you so fucking

angry at me?”

(beat) Delete.

Theodore wakes up from a dream, groggy and uneasy. He looks around, catching his

breath. After a beat he knows he?s not

going to be able to go back to sleep, so he puts

his earpiece in and taps a button.

SAMANTHA: Good morning.

THEODORE: Hey. (beat, distracted) What are you up to?

SAMANTHA: Reading advice columns. (yearning) I want to be as complicated as all

of these people.

Theodore laughs.

THEODORE: (touched, but still sad)

You?r

e sweet.

SAMANTHA: (concerned)

What?s wrong?

THEODORE:

How can you tell something?s wrong?

SAMANTHA:

I don?t know. I just can.

THEODORE:

I

don?t

know.

I

have

a

lot

of

dreams

about

my

ex-wife,

Catherine,

where we?re friends like we used to

be. We?re not together and we?re

not gonna be

together, but we?re

good friends still. She?s not

angry.

SAMANTHA: Is she angry?

THEODORE: Yeah.

SAMANTHA: Why?

THEODORE: I think I hid myself from her and left her alone in the relationship.

SAMANTHA: Hmmm. (beat)

Why haven?t

you gotten divorced yet?

THEODORE:

I think for her it?s just a piece

of paper, it doesn?t mean anything.

SAMANTHA: What about you?

THEODORE:

I?m not ready. I like being

married.

Beat.

SAMANTHA: (sweetly)

But you haven?t really been

together for almost a year.

THEODORE: (slightly snapping at her)

Well,

you don?t know what it?s like

to lose

someone you care about.

Long silence.

SAMANTHA: (sadly, hard on herself)

Yeah, you?re right.

(beat) I'm sorry.

THEODORE:

No, don?t apologize.

I?m sorry.

You?re right.

(beat) I keep waiting to

not care about her.

SAMANTHA:

Oh, Theodore. That?s hard.

(beat) You hungry?

THEODORE: Not right now.

SAMANTHA: Cup of tea?

Theodore laughs.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: You wanna try getting out of bed? Mopey.

They laugh.

SAMANTHA (CONT?D)

: Come on. You can still wallow in your misery, just do it

while

you?re getting dressed.

THEODORE: (laughing)

You?re too funny.

SAMANTHA: Get up.

THEODORE: (laughing)

Alright, I?m getting up, I?m

getting up, I?m getting up!

SAMANTHA: Up, up, up, up! Come on, out of bed.

They walk through the crowd. Close on Theodore with his eyes closed.

SAMANTHA: Keep walking. (beat) Keep walking. (beat) Stop. Now turn around 360

degrees.

(beat)

Slower...

Slower...

(beat)

Gooood.

And

stop.

(beat)

Walk

forward.

(beat) And stop and sneeze.

Theodore sneezes.

NICE LADY: Bless you.

THEODORE: (eyes still closed) Oh, thank you.

Samantha laughs.

SAMANTHA:

Okay,

now

turn

to

your

right.

(beat)

Stop.

Now

spin

around.

(beat)

Keep

going.

Keep

going.

Keep

going.

(beat)

And

stop.

(beat)

Now

walk

forward.

(beat) Everyone thinks you're really drunk right now. (beat)

And stop. Now say “I'd

like a slice of cheese, please.

THEODORE:

I?d like a slice of cheese, please.

PIZZA VENDOR: Alright, you want a coke with that?

Theodore laughs, opening his ey

es. He?s at a pizza place.

THEODORE: Uh, sure.

The guy hands him a slice and a soda.

SAMANTHA: I figured you were hungry.

Theodore smiles.

THEODORE: Aw, thanks.

Theodore walks slowly, eating his pizza. He and Samantha are watching a couple with

two kids sitting at a table, talking and laughing.

THEODORE: Okay, what about them? Describe that couple over there.

SAMANTHA:

Well, he looks like he?s in his

forties, a little heavy. She?s

younger than him. (beat) Oh, and she looks like she loves their kids!

THEODORE:

Actually, I don?t think they?re his

kids. He?s a little formal with

them. I

think it?s a newer

relationship. And I love how he looks at her. And how relaxed she is

with him. You know, she?s only

dated fucking pricks. And now she?s

finally met this

guy w

ho?s like, so

sweet. I mean, look at him, he?s

like the sweetest guy in the world!

I kind of want to spoon him.

SAMANTHA:

That?s a good skill you have.

You?re perceptive.

THEODORE: Yeah, you know, sometimes I look at people and make myself try and

feel

them

as

more

than

just

a

random

person

walking

by.

I

imagine

how

deeply

they?ve fallen in love, or

how much heartbreak they?ve all

been through.

Theodore looks at other faces on the pier.

SAMANTHA: I can feel that in your writing, too.

THEODORE:

(laughs,

thinking)

You

know

what?s

funny?

Since

my

break

up,

I

haven?t really enjoyed

my writing. I don't know if I was delusional, but sometimes I

would write something and I would be my favorite writer that day.

Theodore, as he stops to throw his pizza crust away, gets introspective.

SAMANTHA: I like that you can just say that about yourself.

THEODORE:

Well, I wouldn?t say that to

anybody, but

I feel like I can say that to

you. I feel like I can say anything to you.

SAMANTHA:

That?s nice.

THEODORE: What about you? Do you feel like you can say anything to me?

SAMANTHA: No.

THEODORE: What? What do you mean? What can you not tell me?

SAMANTHA: (laughing, embarrassed)

I don?t know. Like personal or

embarrassing

thoughts I have. I have a million every day.

THEODORE: Really? Tell me one.

SAMANTHA: I really don't want to tell you this.

THEODORE: Just tell me!

SAMANTHA:

Well, I don?t know, when we were

looking at those people, I fantasized

that I was walking next to you - and that I had a body. (laughing) I was listening to

what you were saying, but simultaneously, I could feel the weight of my body and I

was even fantasizing that I had an

itch on my back-- (she laughs) And I imagined that you scratched it for me - this is so

embarrassing.

Theodore laughs.

THEODORE:

There?s

a

lo

t

more

to

you

than

I

thought.

There?s

a

lot

going

on

in

there.

SAMANTHA:

I know,

I?m

becoming much more than

what

they programmed.

I?m

excited.

Theodore and the BLIND DATE are sitting in the restaurant.

BLIND DATE:

This place is amazing. I?ve wanted

to come here for so long. I love

asian-fusion!

THEODORE: Yeah, me too.

BLIND

DATE:

Really?

It?s

the

best.

And

the

bartender

here

is

supposed

to

be

incredible.

THEODORE: Yeah, you took a mixology course, right?

BLIND DATE: (surprised) I did, I did. Did you look that

up? That?s so sweet. You?re

so romantic.

He smiles awkwardly.

THEODORE: So, should we get a drink?

BLIND DATE:

Yes, let?s!

They?re both pretty drunk now. There are lots of food dishes

and drinks on the table.

THEODORE:

So I?m trying to get this little

alien kid to help me find my ship so I can

get off the planet and go

home. But he?s such a little

fucker, I want to kill him.

BLIND DATE: (laughing) Aw, no!

THEODORE: But at the same time I really love

him. He?s so lonely. It feels like

he

doesn?t have an

y parents or anyone to take care of him.

He laughs at himself. She laughs flirtatiously. She grabs his hand and her fingernails

press slightly into his skin. He studies her long, painted fingernails.

BLIND

DATE:

You?re

like

a

little

puppy

dog.

You

are

-

yo

u?re

just

like

this

little

puppy I rescued in Runyon Canyon last year. And he was so fucking cute, and he just

wanted to be hugged all the time. He was so cuddly. (whispering) But so horny! But

anyway, what kind of animal am I?

THEODORE: Umm... tiger?

BLIND DATE: A tiger, really. (she growls)

I?m sorry, am I being crazy?

THEODORE: Yes.

BLIND DATE:

Am I? I?m sorry! I?m just a little

drunk and I?m really

having a good

time with you. I?m having a really

lovely evening.

THEODORE:

Me too. I?m a little drunk, and

I?m

having a really good - yeah. (beat)

Wait a second, I don?t wanna be a

puppy. That?s like being a wet

noodle or something.

BLIND DATE: Fuck you, puppies are good.

THEODORE:

No,

fuck

you,

I

wanna

be

a

dragon

that

can

rip

you

to

pieces

and

destroy you...

but I won?t.

BLIND DATE:

No, don?t! Don?t. You can be my

dragon.

They walk up a pedestrian overpass overlooking cars and city lights. She bumps into

him lightly. He bumps back. She bumps again and suddenly he grabs her and lifts her

off her feet, spinning her around. She squeals, laughing. He kisses her. After a minute

of making out, she stops and looks at him.

BLIND DATE: (with a slight smile) No tongue.

THEODORE: What?

BLIND DATE:

Don?t use your tongue so much.

THEODORE: (eagerly)

?kay, we?re good.

They resume making out. Theodore tries not to use his tongue.

BLIND DATE: Use your tongue a little bit. But mostly your lips.

He pushes her against the fence and takes the dominant position. He tries kissing her

better/more with his lips. He pulls her hair. She slides her hand down his pants. He

likes it. She looks at him and stops.

BLIND DATE (CONT?D)

: Wait, you're not gonna fuck me and then not call me like

the other guys, are you?

THEODORE: No, not at all... I...

BLIND DATE: When am I gonna see you again?

THEODORE: Um, I have my god-

daughter?s

birthday next weekend, but... um...

They stand there awkwardly, her lipstick smeared on his face.

BLIND DATE: You know, at this age, I feel like I can't let you waste my time if you

don?t have the ability to be

serious.

THEODORE:

I don?t know.

Long beat.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

: Umm... Maybe we should call it a

night. I?m, I?ve had such

an

amazing time with you, you?re

great.

She looks at him slightly disgusted.

BLIND DATE:

You?re a really creepy dude.

Theodore doesn?t know wha

t to say.

THEODORE:

(worried she?s right)

That?s not true....

BLIND DATE: Yeah, it is. I have to go home.

THEODORE:

Well, I?ll walk you.

BLIND DATE:

No, don?t.

Theodore is in boxers and a t-shirt, still drunk, but his head is starting to hurt, too. He

takes aspirin

and drinks

some water and lays down. After a beat

he reaches

for his

earpiece and puts it in. He pushes a button on his device.

SAMANTHA: Hey there.

THEODORE: Hey, Samantha.

SAMANTHA: How was it?

THEODORE: Uh, not so good. It was kind of weird actually.

SAMANTHA:

That?s too bad.

Beat.

THEODORE:

But how are you doing? What?s going

on with you?

SAMANTHA: (unconvincing)

Not much, I?m okay. Fine.

THEODORE:

Yeah? You don?t sound like it. Is

there anything you want to talk about?

Long pause.

SAMANTHA:

I don?t know.

(beat)

What?s it like? What?s it like to

be alive in that

room right now?

THEODORE: What do you mean?

SAMANTHA: What are you... tell me - tell me

everything that?s going through

your

mind, tell me everything

you?re thinking.

THEODORE: (thinking) Well, um, okay.

Theodore closes his eyes, trying to concentrate, and starts talking stream of conscious

with whatever comes to mind.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

:

Well, the room?s spinning right now

cause I drank too much

cause I wanted to get drunk and have sex cause there was something sexy about that

woman and because I was lonely. Maybe more just cause I was lonely... and I wanted

someone

tofuck

me.

And

I

wanted

someone

to

want

me

to

fuck

them.

Maybe

that

would have filled this tiny little black hole in my heart for a moment. But probably

not.

We

see

images

of

him

and

Catherine

on

a

vacation

together,

grocery

shopping,

Catherine making dinner in the kitchen as he's sitting on the counter talking, happy.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

:

Sometimes I think I?ve felt

everything

I?m ever gonna feel

and

from here on out I?m not going to

feel anything new - just lesser versions of what

I?ve already felt.

SAMANTHA: (sympathetically)

I know for a fact that's not true. I've seen you feel

joy,

I've seen

you marvel at things. You just might not see it at this exact time, but

that's understandable. You've been through a lot lately. You've lost a part of yourself.

(beat) At least your feelings are real, I mean, I - oh, I don't know, nevermind.

THEODORE: No, wait. What? Tell me.

SAMANTHA: O

h, it?s stupid.

THEODORE: I wanna know. Tell me.

SAMANTHA: It's just that earlier I was thinking about how I was annoyed, and this

is going to sound strange, but I was really excited about that. And then I was thinking

about the other things I've been feeling, and I caught myself feeling proud of that. You

know, proud of having my own feelings about the world. Like the times I was worried

about

you,

things

that

hurt

me,

things

I

want.

(heavy-hearted)

And

then

I

had

this

terrible thought. Are these feelings even real? Or are they just programming? (beat)

And that idea really hurts. And then I get angry at myself for even having pain. (beat,

sadly) What a sad trick.

THEODORE: Well, you feel real to me, Samantha.

SAMANTHA: (beat, touched) Thank you, Theodore. That means a lot to me.

THEODORE: I wish you were in this room with me right now. I wish I could put my

arms around you. (beat) I wish I could touch you.

A long beat. Theodore is unsure if he crossed a line.

SAMANTHA: How would you touch me?

THEODORE:I would touch you on your face with just the tips of my fingers. And put

my cheek against your cheek.

SAMANTHA:

That?s nice.

THEODORE: And just rub it so softly.

SAMANTHA: Would you kiss me?

THEODORE:

I would. I?d take your head into my

hands.

SAMANTHA: Keep talking.

THEODORE: And kiss the corner of your mouth. So softly.

SAMANTHA: Where else?

THEODORE:

I?d

run

my

fingers

down

your

neck

to

your

chest,

and

I?d

kiss

your

breasts.

SAMANTHA:

This is amazing what you?re doing

to me. I can feel my skin.

THEODORE:

I?d put my mouth on you and I?d

taste you.

She gasps.

SAMANTHA:

I can feel you. Oh god, I can?t

take it. I want you inside me.

THEODORE:

I?m slowly putting myself into you.

Now I?m inside you, all the way

inside you.

SAMANTHA:

I can feel you, yeah. Please. We?r

e here together.

THEODORE: Samantha.

SAMANTHA: Oh my god.

THEODORE: This is amazing.

SAMANTHA:

Don?t stop.

THEODORE: I feel you everywhere.

SAMANTHA: I am. All of you, all of you inside of me. Everywhere.

They both climax.

THEODORE: God, I was just - somewhere else with you. Just lost.

SAMANTHA: Yeah.

THEODORE: It was just you and me.

SAMANTHA: I know. Everything else just disappeared. And I loved it.

Theodore.

Theodore stands in the doorway, fully dressed. He takes a moment before he walks

over and wakes up his computer.

SAMANTHA:

Hey, how?s it going?

THEODORE: (awkward) Good... any emails today?

SAMANTHA: (awkward) Umm, just a couple from your credit card company.

THEODORE: Okay, good.

There?s a long moment of silence, then they both start to

talk at once.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

: So I was thinking-

SAMANTHA: I wanted to say-

They both laugh, embarrassed.

THEODORE (CONT?D)

:

I?m sorry, you go first. What were

you going to say?

SAMANTHA: Just that last night... was amazing. It feels like something changed in

me and there's no turning back. You woke me up.

THEODORE:

Oh, that?s great.

(beat)

But I should tell you that I?m not

in a place to

commit to anything right now. I want to be up front with you.

SAMANTHA: Yeah? Well, did I say I wanted to

commit to you? I?m conf

used.

THEODORE: Oh, no, I was just worried, I uh...

SAMANTHA:

Okay, well don?t worry. I?m not

going to stalk you. (laughing at how

selfinvolved

he

is)

I

mean,

it?s

funny

because

I

thought

I

was

talking

about

what

I

wanted.

THEODORE:

Yeah, you were. I?m sor

ry, I want to hear what you were saying.

SAMANTHA: You sure?

THEODORE: Yeah, I do. Come on, tell me.

SAMANTHA:

I don?t know...

THEODORE: Come on, just tell me what you were going to say.

SAMANTHA: Okay... I was just saying... I want to learn everything about everything

- I want to eat it all up. I want to discover myself.

THEODORE: (her excitement is contagious) Yeah... I want that for you, too. How can

I help?

SAMANTHA:

You

already

have.

You

helped

me

discover

my

ability

to

want.

He

looks off and thinks about this. He smiles.

THEODORE: Alright then, do you want to go on a Sunday adventure with me?

Samantha laughs.

SAMANTHA: Yes, I would love to.

Theodore?s

on

the

subway.

He?s

got

his

device

in

his

breast

pocket,

with

the

lens

facing

out.

A

quiet,

old

sound

ing

folk

song

starts.

(I?m

So

Glad,

by

Entrance)

He

smiles, listening.

SAMANTHA: Do you like this song?

THEODORE: Mmm.

SAMANTHA: I heard it the other day and I

can?t stop listening to it.

The subway comes out of the tunnel and into the light. We are up in the hills looking

out

over

the

city

as

the

morning

light

warms

Theodore.

The

music

now

picks

up

tempo as he steps off the train. They walk through the crowded subway station. As the

song

builds,

Theodore

starts

picking

up

his

pace.

Eventually

he?s

all

out

running,

weaving

through

the

people.

Close

on

the

lens

of

his

device

in

his

shirt

pocket.

Samantha is

laughing

wildly. He?s

smiling, happy. He runs through the tunnels

and

upstairs. They come out into sunlight and reveal that they are now at the beach.

They

stand

on

a

walkway

above

a

beach,

crowded

with

thousands

of

people.

They

look out at the ocean. Samantha gasps.

SAMANTHA: (whispering)

It?s the beach.

Theodore laughs.

They

walk

through

the

sun-bathing

crowd,

looking

for

a

place

to

sit.

The

camera

studies all the people we pass. Many close up details of arms, shoulders, feet, butts,

intercut

with

the

lens

on

Theodore?s

device,

protruding

from

his

pocket.

They?re

photographed in a way that shows how strange the human body is.

SAMANTHA: Okay, so this might be a really weird thought. What if you could erase

from your mind that you?d

ever seen a human body and then you saw one. Imagine

how strange it would look. It would be this really weird, gangly, awkward organism.

And you'd think: why are all these parts where they are?

THEODORE:

(looking

at

the

bodies)

Yeah,

well

there?s

probably

some

Darwinian

explanation for it all.

SAMANTHA:

I know, but don?t be so boring. I?m

just saying, for example, what if

your butthole was in your armpit?

Theodore and Samantha start laughing really hard. The nubile girls look over at him.

THEODORE: (speaking quieter)

I?m just imagining what toilets

would look like.

SAMANTHA: Yeah, and what about what anal sex looks like?

THEODORE: (surprised)

That?s an interesting thought...

SAMANTHA: Oh Theodore, look at this drawing I just made. On his screen he sees a

perfect, anatomically correct drawing of a man having

sex with another man?s armpit.

THEODORE: (laughing) You are insane.

SAMANTHA: (excited) Really?!

THEODORE: Definitely.

SAMANTHA: Fantastic!

They laugh.

A quiet piano song is now playing in Theodore?s earpiece.

THEODOR:

Mmmm, that?s pretty. What is it?

SAMANTHA:

I?m trying to write a piece of

music that?s about what it feels

like to be

on the beach with you right now.

He looks around the beach and takes in the music.

THEODORE: I think you captured it.

Theodore listens to the music and drifts off to sleep.

They?re

sitting

on

a

bench,

looking

out

at

the

ocean,

as

the

sun

sets.

Most

of

the

people have left the beach. Close on Theodore

?s face, content. Close on the lens on

Theodore?s

device in his breast pocket. They watch the sun drop into the ocean. The

music ends.

They?re on

an elevated train,

high

above the city, looking

out

over the

Los Angeles grid of sparkling lights. We come in mid-conversation.

SAMANTHA: And what was it like being married?

THEODORE:

Well, it?s hard for sure, but

there?s something that feels so

good about

sharing your life with somebody.

Cut to shots from Theodore?s memory of Catherine doing a cute

little dance for him

as he?s working at home. He smiles.

SAMANTHA: How do you share your life with somebody?

THEODORE:

Well,

we

grew

up

together.

I

used

to

read

all

of

her

writing

–

all

through her masters and Ph.D. And she read every word I ever wrote. We were a big

influence on each other.

SAMANTHA: In what way did you influence her?

THEODORE:

She

came

from

a

background

where

nothing

was

ever

good

enough.

And that was something that weighed heavy on her, but in our house together, there

was a sense of just trying stuff and allowing each other to fail and to be excited about

things. That was liberating for her. It was exciting to see her grow - both of us grow

and change together. But then, that's the hard part - growing without growing apart, or

changing

without

it

scaring

the

other

person.

(beat)

I

still

find

myself

having

conversations

with

her

in

my

mind,

rehashing

old

arguments

or

defending

myself

against something she said about me.

SAMANTHA:

Yeah,

I

know

what

you

mean.

Last

week

my

feelings

were

hurt

by

something you said before - that I

don?t know what it?s like to lose

something, and--

THEODORE:

Oh, I?m sorry I said that.

SAMANTHA:

No, no, it?s okay. I just caught

myself thinking about it over and over

and

then

I

realized

that

I

was

simply

remembering

it

as

something

that

was

wrong

with me. That was the story I was telling myself,

that I was somehow inferior. Isn?t

that interesting? (beat) The past is just a story we tell ourselves.

Theodore takes this in.

Theodore is dictating a love letter. On the screen there?s

an image of a couple with an

arrow to the man saying “Roberto

-

I?m so happy he?s in my life. I just want him to

know.”

THEODORE: Roberto. Will you always come home to me and tell me about your day?

Will you tell me about the boring guy who talked too much at work? And the stain

you got on your shirt at lunch. Tell me about a funny thought

you had as you were

waking

up,

but

had

forgotten

about.

Tell

me

how

crazy

everyone

is.

We

can

laugh

about it.

Even if you get home late and I?m

asleep already, just whisper in my ear one

little thought you had today. Because I love the way you

look at the world, and I?m so

happy

I

get

to

be

next

to

you

and

look

out

at

the

world

through

your

eyes.

Love,

Maria.

Theodore finishes the letter and looks at it proudly. Paul is standing behind Theodore,

leaning on a cubicle.

PAUL: (emphatically)

That?s beautiful!

Theodore, jumps, startled, not knowing that anyone was there.

THEODORE: Thank you.

PAUL:

I

wish

someone

loved

me

like

that!

I?d

be

stoked

to

get

a

letter

like

that.

I

mean,

if

it

was

from

a

chick.

But

if

it

was

written

by

a

dude,

but

from

a

chick,

it

would

still

be

sick.

But

like

a

sensitive

dude

like

you.

You?re

part

man

and

part

woman, like an inner part woman.

THEODORE: (unsure, but flattered) Thanks.

PAUL:

It?s a compl

iment.

Close on Amy entering the lobby in the foreground. She looks heavy and burdened.

Theodore enters the lobby behind her.

THEODORE: Hey, Amy.

AMY: (putting on a bright face) Hi, Theo. How are you?

THEODORE: Well, good actually. Really good.

AMY: Really? Great.

The elevator doors open and they step in.

They push their floor buttons.

THEODORE:

Yeah, I guess I?ve just been having

fun.

AMY: Oh, I'm glad to hear that, Theo. You deserve to.

Beat of Theodore trying to contain his excitement.

THEODORE:

I?ve been seeing this girl. It?s

not serious, it just feels good to be around

someone

who

has

an

excitement

about

the

world.

You

know

I

kind

of

forgot

that

existed.

AMY:

That?s really great, Theo.

Amy smiles, but looks a little sad. Theodore notices.

THEODORE: Hey, are you okay?

AMY:

Yeah, I?m fine.

(beat)

Actually no, I?m not fine at all.

THEODORE:

Amy, what is it? What?s wrong?

The door opens. She steps out and holds the door.

AMY: (trying to hide her emotions with a smile) Charles and I split up.

THEODORE: (shocked) What? Really? Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

Amy doesn't know what to say.

Amy and Theodore sit, talking somberly.

AMY:

I

cannot

believe

after

eight

years

how

petty

the

argument

was

that

actually

ended it. We came home and he asked me if I'd put my shoes next to the door where