-
206 The One With the Baby on the Bus
[Scene: At
Monica and Rachel's.]
MONICA:
Who
da
wenny-Benny
boy?
You
the
Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny
boy,
yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why is he still crying?
ROSS:
Let me hold him for a
sec. There. (Ben stops crying) Huh? There we are.
MONICA:
Maye it's me.
ROSS:
Don't be silly. Ben
loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.
CHANDLER:
You know, I once
dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda
moody.
ROSS:
There we go. All better. (gives Ben back to
Monica)
MONICA:
There's my
little boy. (Ben starts crying again)
CHANDLER:
Can I uh see
something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to
Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben
away, he stops crying.)
JOEY:
Cool.
MONICA:
He hates me. My
nephew hates me.
ROSS:
Come
on, don't do this.
MONICA:
What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna
do then?
CHANDLER:
Monica,
will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long
it's
gonna be before you actually have
to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't
even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she
does not look fat.
(Chandler
has
a
basketball
which
he
is
moving
closer
to,
then
away
from,
Monica)
JOEY:
Goo, goo, goo, waaah!
MONICA:
That is so funny.
Let me see that. (throws the ball out the window)
JOEY:
Are you ok, Ross?
ROSS:
I don't know. What's
in this pie?
MONICA:
Uh, I don't know,
butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi--
ROSS:
Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought
it was a key lime pie.
MONICA:
No I didn't, I said
kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.
ROSS:
And that's
what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.
MONICA:
No you're not.
You're, you're allergic to lobster and peanuts and
--oh
my god.
ROSS:
Ugh.
MONICA:
Oh my god.
ROSS:
Ugh. It's definitely
getting worse.
MONICA:
Is
your tongue swelling up?
ROSS:
Either that or my
mouth is getting smaller.
MONICA:
All right, get your
coat, we're going to the hospital.
JOEY:
Is he gonna be ok?
MONICA:
Yeah, he's just
gotta get a shot.
ROSS:
You
know, you know, actually it's getting better. It
is. It is. Let's not go.
Anyone for
Thcrabble?
MONICA:
Jacket
now.
ROSS:
What about Ben?
We can't bring a baby to a hospital.
CHANDLER:
We'll watch him.
ROSS:
I don't think tho.
JOEY:
What? I have seven
Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of
kids.
Come on, we wanna do it, don't
we?
206
宝宝落在巴士上了
我的小不点儿
你是个小小的小不点儿
不要哭啊
不要哭嘛
他为什么还在哭
?
我来抱他一下
来，爸爸抱
不哭了
或许是因为我
别傻了，班爱你他只是爱发牢骚而已
我跟一个牢骚小姐约过会呀
好女孩，有点情绪化就是了
好了，好多了
这才是小乖乖
我可以试一件事吗
?
酷哎
他恨我，我的侄子恨我
好啦，不要这样嘛
要是我自己孩子恨我怎么办啊
?
摩妮
卡，你住口好不好
?
你疯了是不是啊
?
你知道你还要多久才会遇到这个问题呢
?
我是说你现在连男朋友都没有
乔伊，她看起来不胖
拿去
真好笑，那个借我一下
你还好吧，罗斯
?
不知道
馅饼里有什么呀
?
不知道，
奶油，
鸡蛋，
面粉莱姆，
奇异果跟…
奇异果
?
奇异果
?
你说这个是奇莱馅饼
不是，
我是说奇异果莱姆所以才会那么特别
所以我才会死
我对奇异果过敏
你才不会呢你会过敏的是龙虾，花生跟…
越来越严重了
你的舌头肿了吗
?
要不然就是我的嘴小了
穿外套，我们现在就到医院去
他不会
怎么样吧
?
不会，只是得打一针
事实上我觉得好多了
没错，别去了谁要玩拼字游戏啊
?
去穿外套
但是班怎么办呢
?
我们不能带个宝宝去医院
啊
交给我们吧
恕难从命
干嘛
?
我有七个天主教姐妹我照顾过上百个
CHANDLER:<
/p>
I was looking forward to playing
basketball, but I guess that's out
the
window.
ROSS:
Ok, well, if
you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna
bring his
hat, and there's extra milk
in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the
bag.
JOEY:
Hat, milk, got
it.
ROSS:
??? (speech
garbled) Thro up a thro thro--a thro thro!
JOEY:
Consider it done.
CHANDLER:
You understood
that?
JOEY:
Yeah, my uncle
Sal has a really big tongue.
CHANDLER:
Is he the one with
the beautiful wife?
(Central
Perk)
PHOEBE:
Hey
Rach,
wanna
hear
the
new
song
I'm
thinkin'
of
singing
this
afternoon? I wrote it this morning in
the shower.
RACHEL:
Ok.
PHOEBE:
(singing) I'm in the
shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've
heard it. My skin is soapy,
and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled
backward is
Nirget.
TERRY:
Uh, Rachel,
sweetheart, could I see ya for a minute?
RACHEL:
What's up?
TERRY:
F.Y.I..
I've decided to pay a professional
musician to play in here on
Sunday
afternoons.
Her
name
is
Stephanie...
something.
She's
supposed
to
be
very good.
RACHEL:
But what about
Phoebe?
TERRY:
Rachel, it's
not that your friend is bad, it's that she's so
bad, she makes
me want to put my finger
through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.
RACHEL:
Ok, ok, so you're
not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this
to her.
TERRY:
Uh--
RACHEL:
Oh, no no no
no. Oh no no no no. I have to do this to her?
PHOEBE:
(singing)
Lather,
rinse,
repeat,
and
lather,
rinse,
repeat,
and
lather,
rinse, repeat, as
needed.
(Chandler and Joey are loaded
down with baby stuff, and Ben)
CHANDLER:
You know, I don't
think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget
to pack the baby's anvil?
JOEY:
It's gonna be worth
it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all
righ?
Women
love
guys
who
love
babies.
It's
that
whole
sensitive
thing.
Quick,
aim
him at that pack o' babes over there.
Maybe one of them will break away. No, no
wait, for get them, we got one, hard
left. All right, gimme the baby.
CHANDLER:
No, I got him.
JOEY:
No, seriously.
CHANDLER:
Oh, seriously you
want him?
CAROLINE:
Hello.
BOYS:
Hello.
CAROLINE:
And who is this
little cutie pie?
CHANDLER:
Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
JOEY:
You wanna smell him?
CAROLINE:
I assume we're
talking about the baby now.
JOEY:
Oh, yeah. He's got
that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.
CAROLINE:
I think my uterus
just skipped a beat.
JOEY:
(to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell
you?
小孩
别这样我们想帮忙，对不对
?
拜托，我本来想去打篮球的…
…不过球被丢出窗外去了
好，如果你
要带他去散步记得要帮他戴帽
子，好吗
?
冰箱里还有一些牛奶尿布在袋子里
懂了
包在我身上啊
你听得懂吗
?
懂啊，我沙叔叔就有大舌头
他是老婆很正的那个
中央公园
阿秋，要不要听听我今天下
午要唱的新歌
呢
?
今天早上洗澡的时候写的
我一边洗澡一边在写歌
听过的话请阻止我
我全身泡沫，头发湿搭搭
香皂倒过来是皂香
瑞秋，亲爱的麻烦你过来一下好吗
?
什么事啊
?
告诉你…
我决定以后周日的下午要付
钱请一位职业
歌手来演出
她叫什么芬妮的，很出色的
伔拼嗽趺窗
?
瑞秋，你的朋友不是差而已
她实在是差到…
差到让我想把手指头伸进我的眼睛里
然后把脑袋搅成浆糊
那好，你不是她的歌迷
可是你不能这样对她嘛
你叫我出面
?
涂皂，冲水，再一次…
视需要而定
我觉得我们东西没有带够
你有没有记得把宝宝的止痛药带出来
?
我告诉你，这绝对值得
大家都知道女人最爱宝宝了
女人爱喜
欢宝宝的男人这是感性的问题，
懂
了吗
?
把他对准那边那些宝贝说不定待会儿有一
个会过来
来，宝宝给我
快，我说真的
你真的要他吗
?
这个小可爱是谁啊
?
不要怪我不懂得谦虚，刃
?
要不要嗅嗅他
?
CAROLINE:
I think it's great
you guys are doing this.
CHANDLER:
Well, we are great
guys.
CAROLINE:
You know, my
brother and his boyfriend have been trying to
adopt
for three years. What agency did
you two go through?
(Central
Perk)
PHOEBE:
But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My,
my name is written
out there in chalk.
You know, you can't just erase chalk.
RACHEL:
Honey, I'm sorry.
PHOEBE:
And he's going to be
paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her
like a throne, and a crown, and like a,
you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
RACHEL:
Terry is a jerk, ok?
That's why we're always saying
That's
where that came from.
PHOEBE:
Yeah, ok. You
probably did everything you could.
RACHEL:
Ok, you know what,
lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All
right,
look,
look.
Why
don't
you
just
let
her
go
on
after
Stephanie
whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't
even be here. You don't pay her. It's not
gonna cost you anything.
TERRY:
I, I don't know.
RACHEL:
Come on,
Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.
TERRY:
You don't clean the
cappuccino machine?
RACHEL:
Of
course
I
clean
it.
I
mean,
I,I
will
cleeeean
it.
I
mean,
I
will
cleeeean it.
TERRY:
Oh, all right, fine,
fine, fine.
RACHEL:
Done.
PHOEBE:
Really?
RACHEL:
Yeah. Who's workin'
for you babe?
PHOEBE:
Oh! Oh
my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna
get?
RACHEL:
What?
PHOEBE:
Well you said that
he's paying the people who are playing.
RACHEL:
Oh, no, no no. I
meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman
beause she's a professional.
PHOEBE:
Well, I'm not gonna
be the only one who's not getting paid.
RACHEL:
Well, but Pheebs.
PHOEBE:
No,
huh
uh,
I'm
sorry,
no.
No,
I'm
not
some
like
sloppy
second,
charity
band.
You
know
what,
there
are
thousands
of
places
in
this
city
where
people
would
be
happy
to
pay
to
hear
me
play.
(Out
on
the
sidewalk,
singing)
When I play, I play for me, I don't
need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her
guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la
la la....
ROSS:
Well,
there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they
can take the needle
and thquirt it into
my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.
DOCTOR:
Hello,
there.
I'm
Dr.
Carlin.
I
see
someone's
having
an
allergic
reaction.
MONICA:
Doctor,
can
I
see
you
for
just
a
minute
please?
My
brother
has
a
slight phobia about
needles.
ROSS:
Did you tell
him about my thquirt gun idea?
MONICA:
My brother, the PhD
would like to know if there's any way to treat
this orally.
DOCTOR:
No, under these
circumstances it has to be an injection, and it
has to
be now.
ROSS:
Tho?
我想你指的是宝宝吧
?
是呀，他的宝宝味好香嗅嗅他的头
我想我的子宫刚刚顿了一下
你看吧
我觉得你们这样做很棒
我们都是很棒的男人
我弟弟跟他的男
友试了三年都领养不到孩
子
你们是找哪一家办的
?
这是我的表演
这是我的地盘
我的名字用粉笔写在外面
你不能把粉笔擦掉的
对不起，我很遗憾
而且他居然还要付这个女人钱
那他干脆给她一个宝座一顶皇冠
还有一根上面有球的权杖
泰利是混蛋
，所以我们才会常说
”
泰利是混
蛋
”
不然我们干嘛那么说
你说不定已经尽力了
好吧，这样让我看看还有没有别的办法
你何不让她接在那个叫黛什么芬的后面唱
啊
?
你又不在这里，又不付她钱
我不知道
我帮你洗卡布基诺机好了
你不洗卡布基诺机吗
?
我当然会
我是说我会清洗
我会清的
对呀，看谁出马嘛
天啊，好兴奋哦我会收到多少钱啊
?
什么
?
你说他要付钱给演出的人
我是说他要
付另外那个女人钱因为她是职
业歌手
我可不想当那个唯一没有收到钱的人
对不起，不
不，我可不是什么二流的…慈善乐团
这个城市里面有上千个地方…
…愿意付钱听我来演唱
我为自己而演唱
我不需要你的施舍
谢谢
你说什么都别想叫我打针我是说
，
或许他们
可以把…
…药水射进我的嘴里就像水枪那样
你们好，我是林医生
好像有人有一点点过敏的反应