[闻香识女人]Scent of a Woman英文台词

闻香识女人（英文版）

I wish you wouldn't do that around me.

It's so filthy !

- Don't give me a problem

about the cigarettes.

- It's such a filthy habit.

Oh, my God !

Look at this.

Oh, Jesus !

This is so appalling !

I can't believe it !

I can't believe

they gave it to him.

Ah, this is pathetic !

Now he's a loser

with a Jaguar.

Seriously, who did he have to blow

to get that thing ?

- Good morning, sir.

- Mr. Willis.

- It's really, uh,

- Mr. Trask !

quite a piece

of machinery.

- Good morning, Havemeyer.

- Morning to you, sir.

- Bene !

- Bene ?

- Bene ! Fabulous !

- What's fabulous ?

That fine piece of steel

you have back there.

Ah, you don't think

I deserve it.

No, sir. On the contrary.

I think it's great.

Should the headmaster of Baird be seen

putt-putting around in some junker ?

In fact, I think the

board of trustees have had...

their first, true stroke

of inspiration in some time.

Thank you, Havemeyer.

I'll take that at face value.

I'd expect

nothing less, sir.

Have a good day.

- Morning, Mrs. Hunsaker.

- Good morning.

What have we here,

Murderer's Row ?

- What was that about ?

- Nothing. Just saying hello.

I like to say hello

to Headmaster Trask.

Sugarbush. Lift tickets and

condo vouchers.

- I thought we were goin' to Stowe.

- Sugarbush is Stowe, Jimmy.

We're doing it right. Thanksgiving

in Vermont, Christmas in Switzerland --

-Christmas in Gstaad is gonna cost us --

-'Staad.

The

'Staad. George ?

- 'Staad.

- Trent ?

- 'Staad, man.

- So what about 'Staad ?

Fine. The

but it's gonna take at least

three grand to get there.

- I'll talk to my father.

- Better yet, have my father

talk to your father.

Or my father

talk to your father.

You goin' home

this weekend, Chas ?

Uh, I don't know.

You goin' home to fuckin' Idaho

for Thanksgiving ?

I'm from Oregon.

I meant fuckin' Oregon.

-Charlie, how do you feel about skiing ?

-[ Laughing ]

You in the mood for

the white-bosomed slopes of Vermont ?

Got a deal going.

% off for my friends.

My father set it up.

Christmas in Switzerland.

- 'Staad.

- Gstaad. Dropping the

- You said everybody says 'Staad.

- Not if you've been there.

Easter in Bermuda,

then Kentucky Derby weekend.

We could fit you in, kid.

Well, how much are

these white-bosomed slopes of Vermont ?

Twelve hundred !

Includes a nine-course,

champagne thanksgiving dinner.

$$ is a little rich

for my blood, Harry.

Well, how short

are you ?

How short, Harry ?

So short it wouldn't be worth the

trouble of you and George to measure.

- But, thanks for askin', all right ?

- Mm-hmm.

- If you change your mind --

- What'd you do that for ?

You know he's on aid.

On major holidays, Willis, it's

customary for the lord of the manor...

- to offer drippings to the poor.

- You're so full of shit !

- Hi. Mrs. Rossi ?

- Yes ?

I'm here about

the weekend job.

Come on in.

[ Children Chattering ]

Does he got pimples ?

He hates pimples.

Francine, be quiet.

Pimples. Pimples.

Yeah.

Shush !

I'm sorry.

- The school gave me your name,

but I've forgotten it.

- It's Charlie Simms.

- How are you, Charlie ?

- Fine, thanks.

Right this way.

- You're available the whole weekend ?

- Uh, yeah.

- Not going home for Thanksgiving ?

- No.

[ Mrs. Rossi ]

Good.

They put him in a veteran's home,

but he hated it,

so I told my dad

that we'd take him.

Before you go in, do you mind

my telling you a few things ?

Don't

too many questions.

And if he staggers a little when

he gets up, don't pay any attention.

[ Sigh ] Charlie, I can tell you're

the right person for the job.

and Uncle Frank's

gonna like you a lot too.

Uh, where you gonna be

this weekend ?

We're driving to Albany.

Donny, my husband,

has family there.

- Do you want Tommy in or out ?

- [ Man ] Leave him out !

He's chasin' that Calico ginch

from the track houses again !

Down deep, the man

is a lump of sugar.

- Sir ?

- Don't call me sir !

I-I'm sorry.

I mean mister, sir.

Uh-oh, we got a moron here,

is that it ?

No, mister --

Uh, that is --

Uh, Lieutenant.

Yes, sir, Lieu--

Lieutenant Colonel.

years on the line, nobody ever

busted me four grades before.

Get in here,

you idiot !

Come a little closer. I wanna get a

better look at ya.

How's your skin, son ?

My skin, sir ?

- Oh, for Christ's sake.

- I'm sorry, I don--

Just call me Frank.

Call me Mr. Slade.

Call me Colonel, if you must.

Just don't call me sir.

All right, Colonel.

Simms, Charles.

A senior.

- You on student aid, Simms ?

- Uh, yes, I am.

For

read

Your father peddles car telephones

at a % markup.

Your mother works on heavy commission

in a camera store.

Graduated to it

from espresso machines.

Hah-hah !

What are you, dying of

some wasting disease ?

No, I'm right --

I'm right here.

I know exactly where

your body is.

What I'm lookin' for

is some indication of a brain.

Too much football

without a helmet ?

Hah ! Lyndon's line

on Gerry Ford.

Deputy Debriefer,

Paris Peace Talks, '.

Snagged the Silver Star

and a silver bar. Threw me into G-.

G- ?

Intelligence,

of which you have none.

[ Yelling ]

Where you from ?

Um, Gresham, Oregon,

s-- Colonel.

What does your daddy do

in Gresham, Oregon ?

Hmm ? Count wood chips ?

Uh, my stepfather and my mom

run a convenience store.

- How convenient ! What time they open ?

- : A.M.

- Close ?

- : A.M.

Hard workers.

You got me all

misty-eyed !

So, what are you doin' here

in this sparrow-fart town ?

I, l--

I attend Baird.

Attend Baird !

I know you go

to the Baird school.

Point is,

how do you afford it,

even with the student aid and

the folks back home hustlin' corn nuts ?

[ Sigh ] I won a, uh,

Young America merit scholarship.

Whoo-ah !

?Glory, glory

Hallelujah ?

?Glory, glory

Hallelujah ?

- [ Knocking ]

- Who's there ?

- [ Knocking ]

- That little piece of tail ?

Get her outta here !

[ Girl Giggling ]

Yeah.

Can't believe

they're my blood.

I.Q. of sloths and

the manners of banshees.

He's a mechanic,

she's a homemaker.

He knows as much about cars

as a beauty queen,

and she bakes cookies,

taste like wing nuts.

As for the tots,

they're twits.

How's your skin, son ?

I like my aides to be presentable.

Well, I --

I've had a few zits.

Um, but my roommate, he lent me

his Clinique because he's from --

by Charles Simms.

You patronizing me,

peewee ? Hmm ?

You givin' me that old

prep school palaver ?

Baird School !

A bunch of runny-nosed snots

in tweed jackets...

all studyin'

to be George Bush.

Well...

I believe President Bush

went to Andover, Colonel.

You sharpshootin' me, punk ?

Is that what you're doin' ?

Don't you

sharpshoot me !

You'll give me forty.

Then you're gonna give me

forty more.

Then you're gonna pull K.P.,

the grease pit !

I'll rub your nose

in enlisted men's crud...

till you don't know which end is up !

You understand ?

Yeah.

- What do you want ?

- What do you mean, what do I want ?

What do you want here ?

I wa-want a job.

A job !

Yeah, I want a job

so I can make, you know,

my plane fare home

for Christmas.

Oh.

God, you're touching !

[ Radio ]

?...from the banks ?

?Of the

mighty Mississippi ?

?Workin'

the whole night through ?

?Till the

riverboat gamblers ?

?Stop to make a killin' ?

?Bring it on back to you Ё

Still here, poormouth ?

Hmm ?

Convenience store...

my ass !

Hustlin' jalapeno dips

to the appleseeds.

Go on.

Dismissed.

Dismissed !

[ Radio ]

?Evangeline ?

?Evangeline ?

- [ Children Chattering ]

- [ Charlie ] Mrs. Rossi ?

Charlie, we're up here !

Come on up.

- Uh, this is Donny.

- Hey, Charlie.

Hi.

Uh, Mrs. Rossi,

I got the feelin' I screwed up.

- Oh, you couldn't have.

- It was a bad interview.

That was no interview, Charlie.

You're it.

You're the only one that showed up.

You have to take the job.

He sleeps a lot. You can

watch television, call your girlfriend.

I promise you,

an easy

bucks.

[ Sigh ] I don't get

an easy feeling.

[ Sigh ]

His bark is worse

than his bite.

He was a great soldier,

a real hero.

The man grows on you !

By Sunday night,

you'll be best friends.

[ Sigh ]

Charlie, please.

I want to get away for a few days,

and Uncle Frank won't come with us.

Six months ago, he could

sometimes tell light from dark,

but now there's nothing.

I feel better having

someone else around just in case.

Please ?

Okay, Mrs. Rossi.

Sure.

- [ Sigh ] Thank you, Charlie.

- Come here, you.

There you go.

[ George ]

Chas ! Chas, hold up !

- How ya doin' ?

- I'm good.

That's great.

This can't go out.

This is on reserve.

Here's the thing.

I need the book tonight...

- for a Thanksgiving quiz with

big-shit Preston in the morning.

- Yeah, I know.

That's why he put it on reserve.

This is our only copy.

Chas, I'm pullin'

an all-nighter.

Without that book

I'm dead, okay ?

If it's not back by :,

it's gonna be my ass.

Oh, I promise.

I promise.

- [ Whispering ] Got it ?

- Yeah.

Just a second.

I gotta lock up.

Okay.

God, can you wait to get out

of this dump or what ?

Where you guys

going skiing again ?

- Sugarloaf or --

- It's bush, Chas, Sugarbush.

That's my boys. [ Whistles ]

What are you doin' ?

Keep your voice down !

I'll tell you about it

in the morning.

- Shh.

- Wha--

- Miss Hunsaker, have a nice day ?

- George, why all the noise ?

[ Whispering ]

It's hunsaker ! Go ! Go !

I was just

messin' around with Chas.

- Good evening, Charles.

- Hi, Mrs. Hunsaker.

- What was that ?

- I don't know, ma'am.

- Who were those boys ?

What were they doing ?

- Oh, who knows ?

- Charles ?

- Um --

- Did you make this scarf yourself ?

- No, George, I bought it.

- 'Cause it's a beauty. It really is.

- Thank you, George.

In case I don't see you before

the Thanksgiving holidays,

- why don't you give me

one of your big hugs ?

- Oh, George !

- Please ? Come on.

- Good evening, boys.

Good-bye,

Mrs. Hunsaker.

[ Jimmy On Loudspeaker ]

Mr. Trask is our fearless leader,

a man of learning,

a voracious reader.

He could recite the

in ancient greek...

while fishing for trout

in a rippling creek.

Endowed with wisdom,

of judgement sound,

nevertheless about him

the questions abound.

[ Hissing Sound ]

How does Mr. Trask

make such wonderful deals ?

Why did the trustees

buy him Jaguar wheels ?

He wasn't conniving !

He wasn't crass !

He merely

puckered his lips...

- and kissed their ass !

- [ Boys Laughing ]

Come on.

Come on.

One more !

One more, come on !

[ Whistling, Cheering ]

Aah !

Fuck you !

[ Trask ]

Mr. Simms, Mr. Willis.

Hmm.

Mrs. Hunsaker says that you gentlemen

were at a vantage point last night...

to observe who was

responsible for this, uh,

stunt.

Who was it ?

I really couldn't

tell you, sir.

Um, I thought I saw someone

fooling with the lamppost,

but by the time I pulled focus,

they were gone.

Mr. Simms ?

I couldn't say.

That automobile is not

just a possession of mine.

That automobile was presented

to me by the Board of Trustees.

It is a symbol of the standard

of excellence for which

this school is known,

and I will not

have it tarnished.

The automobile ?

The standard,

Mr. Willis.

- What's your position, Mr. Simms ?

- On what, sir ?

On preserving the

reputation of Baird.

- I-I'm for Baird.

- Then, who did it ?

I really couldn't say for sure.

Very well.

First thing Monday,

I'm convening a special session...

of the student-faculty

disciplinary committee.

As this is a matter which

concerns the whole school,

the entire student body

will be present.

There will be no classes,

no activities.

Nothing will transpire

at this institution...

until that proceeding

is concluded.

And if, at that time,

we are no further along than we are now,

I will expel you both.

[ Clearing Throat ]

Mr. Willis,

would you excuse us ?

Have a nice Thanksgiving.

Thank you.

You too, Mr. Willis.

I will.

[ Door Closing ]

Mr. Simms.

I'm not quite through

with you yet.

One of the few perks

of this office is that...

I am empowered to handle

certain matters on my own as I see fit.

Do you understand ?

- Yes, sir.

- Good.

The Dean of Admissions at Harvard

and I have an arrangement.

Along with the usual sheaf of applicants

submitted by Baird,

of which virtually,

oh, two- thirds are

guaranteed admittance,

I add one name,

somebody who's a standout

and yet, underprivileged;

a student who cannot afford to pay

the board and tuition in Cambridge.

Do you know on whose behalf

I drafted a memo this year ?

- No, sir.

- You. You, Mr. Simms.

Now can you tell me

who did it ?

No, sir, I can't.

You take the weekend

to think about it, Mr. Simms.

Good afternoon.

What'd he say ?

- Nothin'.

- What do you mean, nothing ?

He said the same thing.

He just said it over.

You know what

he's doing ?

He's good-cop,

bad-coppin' us.

He knows I'm old guard.

You're fringe.

He's gonna bear down on me

and soft-soap you.

[ Laughing ]

Did he try to soft-soap you ? Did he ?

No.

Chas, I detect a slight panic pulse

from you. Are you panicking ?

- Yeah, a little.

- Come on.

- You're on scholarship, right ?

- Yeah.

You're on scholarship

from Oregon... at Baird.

You're a long way from home, Chas.

What's that got to do

with anything ?

I don't know how

it works out there.

But how it works here ?

We stick together.

It's us against them,

no matter what.

We don't cover our ass.

We don't tell our parents.

Stonewall everybody !

And above all,

never, never...

Leave any of us

twisting in the wind.

And that's it.

What does that have to do

with me being on scholarship ?

Hey, hey !

I'm just tryin' to bring you

up to speed, kid, that's it.

Thanks.

I'll tell you what. Give me a few hours

to figure out the moves,

and call me tonight

in Vermont.

I'll be at the Sugarbush lodge,

all right ?

All right.

You all right ?

Yeah, I guess so.

Okay.

Try to keep him down

to four drinks a day.

If you can keep him down to forty,

you're doin' good.

Try to water them down a little.

Do you know how to do that ?

- It's a long ride, honey !

- Get the bags in the car.

I'll be right out.

Mommy, Mommy !

Don't forget Uncle Frank's walk.

[ Mrs. Rossi ]

Oh, ha... Yeah.

Uh, you have to

air him out...

a little every day.

Why don't you go on back there,

get yourself oriented ?

I'll come out in a minute,

give you telephone numbers and stuff.

[ Frank ] Well, I wouldn't try

a thing like that...

unless I knew,

would I ?

Just let me

speak to her.

Hello, beautiful.

Is that you ?

Yeah,

we spoke yesterday.

[ Chuckling ] You have a glass of wine

with lunch ?

You sound

a little dusky. Hmm.

- [ Clearing Throat ]

- Just a minute, sweetheart.

You're back, huh ?

Tenacious !

Get out my dress blues.

They're in a garment bag in the closet.

Check the top dresser drawer.

Take out the shoulder boards...

and affix them

shoulders right and left,

A.S.A.P.

That means now.

Hello.

Sorry to keep you

waitin', sweetheart.

I'm not the kind of guy

who likes to rush things,

but I'm catchin' a :

at Logan, lookin' out my window,

and there's not a taxi in sight.

What happened to Chet ?

He didn't invest

in a radio yet ?

Hah ! Well,

get your driver on it.

Tell him to get

a move on.

Yes. Mmm.

Some kind of body has got to go

with that bedroom voice.

One day I'm gonna swing by,

get a better look at it.

You bet.

Bye.

My val-pak's underneath the bed.

Get it out.

Put the boards on the blues

and fold 'em in.

Uh, are we going someplace,

Colonel ?

What business is that of yours ?

Don't shrug, imbecile.

I'm blind. Save your body language

for the bimbi.

- Now, get my gear out.

- Francine, get in the car.

It's almost :. The goddamn

Flintstones haven't left yet.

[ Mr. Rossi ] Willie Rossi

must go in the car !

- Here comes Mrs. Rossi now.

- Damn it !

She said good-bye to me

three times today.

What's she got,

separation anxiety ?

Cut her off

at the door !

Hi, honey.

Bye, honey.

I wish you were

coming with us.

Me too.

Maybe next time.

- Drive carefully now.

- Yeah.

Charlie, this is

where we'll be.

Good luck, Charlie.

Don't let him drink too much.

See ya, Charlie !

And no

numbers.

He loves to talk dirty.

All right,

let's get to work.

L-buckles

givin' you trouble ?

Never in the Boy Scouts,

sluggo ?

- I, I made Tenderfoot.

- Tenderfoot, my foot !

Convenience-store

mama's boy.

Here. Let me

take a look at that.

Touch me again, I'll kill ya,

you little son-of-a-bitch !

I touch you.

Understand ?

My shoulder boards are in

the top dresser drawer. Get them, son.

The epaulets with

the silver oak leaf.

- Are these --

- Good.

Taxi come yet ?

Colonel,

where are we going ?

Where we going ?

Freak show central.

- Where's that ?

- New York City.

That's in New York, son.

New York State.

Uh, Mrs. Rossi didn't say anything to me

about going anywhere.

She forgot.

- Should we call her, 'cause I --

- You kidding me ?

Call her ? By the time they get to

Albany in that

it'll be opening day

at Saratoga.

- Colonel, I can't go to New York City.

- Why not ?

New York --

- New York's too much responsibility.

- Ah, responsibility !

I had a lot of

year olds

my first platoon.

I took care of them.

All set !

How do I look ?

Tickets. Money.

Speech.

Old Washington joke...

from my days with Lyndon.

-[ Honking ]

-I knew I could count on transportation.

Are you ready ?

This is not Panmunjom.

A simple yes will do.

- Um --

- Good ! Here you go.

Come on !

Hup to it, son !

You're in front of me.

Let's go.

- [ Meowing ]

- [ Frank ] Tomster, come here, boy.

Psst, psst.

Come on.

Here, tomster, come on.

Tomster, tomster. Yeah.

Remember, when in doubt... fuck.

Good afternoon, sir.

Where's our destination ?

Our destination... New York City,

home of the brave !

- Two for the shuttle to New York.

- I'm not shuttling anywhere.

- Look at those tickets.

- Yes, sir, first class.

You bought me a ticket ?

I never said I'd go to New York.

What are you, some kind of chicken-shit,

sticks to job description only ?

Gate , sir.

- As you were, son.

- Thank you, sir.

Which way's the door ?

- Are you blind ? Are you blind ?

- Of course not.

Then why do you keep grabbin'

my goddamn arm ?

I take your arm.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be sorry.

How would you know,

watchin' MTV all your life ?

Yes !

- Jack Daniels...

- You bet.

- And Diet Slice.

- The old Diet Slice.

- And a water.

- Thank you, Daphne.

Certainly, sir.

Ahh ! Mmm !

How did you know her name ?

Well, she's

wearin' Floris.

That's an

English cologne.

But her voice is

California chickie.

Now, California chickie

bucking for English lady --

I call her Daphne.

Oh, big things may happen to

that little thing of yours.

Look, Colonel,

- I'll get you to New York, all right ?

- Uh-huh.

Then I'm gonna have

to turn around and come back.

Well, Chuck, you gotta do

what you gotta do.

Charlie, all right ?

Or Charles.

Sorry.

I can't blame you, though.

Chuck is a --

So, why are we

going to New York ?

All information will be given

on a need-to-know basis.

Whoo-ah !

Where's Daphne ?

Let's get her down here.

She's in the back.

A tail's in the tail.

Hah !

Oh, but I still smell her.

[ Sniffing ]

Women !

What can you say ?

Who made 'em ?

God must have been

a fuckin' genius.

The hair --

They say the hair

is everything, you know.

Have you ever buried your nose

in a mountain of curls...

and just wanted

to go to sleep forever ?

Or lips --

and when they touched,

yours were like...

that first swallow

of wine...

after you just crossed

the desert.

Tits ! Whoo-ah !

Big ones, little ones,

nipples staring

right out at ya...

Like secret searchlights.

Mmm.

And legs --

I don't care if

they're Greek columns...

or secondhand Steinways.

What's between 'em,

passport to heaven.

I need a drink.

Yes, Mr. Simms,

there's only two syllables

in this whole wide world worth hearing:

pussy.

Hah !

Are you listening to me, son ?

I'm givin' you pearls here.

I guess you

really like women.

Oh, above all things !

A very, very

distant second...

is a Ferrari.

Charlie ?

Give me your hand.

This is just the start

of your education, son.

Whoo-ah !

- Where are we ?

- Where are we, eh ?

The cynosure of

all things civilized:

the Waldorf-Astoria.

The last time I was here, Charlie,

was with a G- from Brussels.

Had a Ferrari.

Every day I held the door

open for the fucker.

Never even offered me

a ride.

Well, fuck him.

He's dead and I'm blind.

- Spread the word.

- Thank you, sir.

- The intelligence will be forthcoming ?

- Sir ?

On the escort scene.

Um, yes, sir.

- And welcome to the Waldorf.

- Gracias, amigo.

Puerto Ricans...

always made the best infantrymen.

- [ Clanking ]

- Oh !

I'm home again.

Give me an inventory

on this, will you ?

All right,

where am l, in Asia ?

He told me the phone was on

the other side of the room, didn't he ?

By the windows ?

It's right here.

Okay.

We're in business.

Get me the Oak Room.

How's that inventory

comin' ?

Uh, there's Jim Beam

and Early Times.

Quartermaster's on the take again.

Hello.

Is Sheldon or Mack there ?

This is

Lt. Col. Frank Slade.

I used to be a regular. I used

to come in with a General Garbisch.

Yes, that's probably because

he's at Arlington six feet under.

Listen up. I want a table for two, and

I don't mean Siberia, :.

Clear them little

bottles off.

And when I get off the phone,

call up Hyman.

Tell him I want it

wall to wall with John Daniels.

Uh, don't you mean,

uh, Jack Daniels ?

He may be Jack to you, son. But when

you've known him as long as I have --

That's a joke.

Hello !

This is Lt. Col. Frank Slade.

I would like a limo, :.

What are you drinkin' ?

Uh, nothing, thanks.

I don't use it.

What's useful about it ?

I don't know. Listen, Colonel,

I have to get going.

Where you goin' ?

Back to school. I've got some real

important stuff I have to take care of.

Very well.

But I never let my aides leave

on an empty stomach.

You'll dine with me and then my driver

will transport you...

to the airport for the Boston Shuttle

departing at

hours.

Meanwhile,

unpack my bag.

I'm gonna christen

the latrine.

[ Frank ] What's your name,

driver ?

- Manny, sir.

- Manny.

The bellhops at the Waldorf, are they

any good at getting escorts ?

- I wouldn't know, sir.

- What would you know ?

- About what ?

- About you-know-what ?

Maybe I could

manage something.

[ Frank ] I'm talkin'

top of the line, now.

Let me think

about this, sir.

What's the matter

with you ?

- With me ?

- Yeah. Car feels heavy. You know why ?

You got the fuckin' weight of the world

on your shoulders.

[ Sigh ]

I got a little problem

at school, that's all.

- Spit it out !

- It's not a big deal, all right ?

Where we going,

the Oak Room or somethin' ?

If it's not a big deal, why did you say

What are you doin', banging

the dean's daughter ? Hah !

- I'm just in a little trouble.

- What kind of trouble ?

I saw some guys

doing something.

To tell or not to tell,

or it's your ass.

Hmm ?

- How'd you know that ?

- I'm a wizard.

Give me the details,

come on.

[ Sigh ]

There's this guy

at school named Harry.

He's this real rich kid.

He like...

runs the show.

Who else ?

There's another guy, George,

but George didn't do anything.

George and I saw Harry and his buddies

doin' somethin'.

Now, the folks at Baird,

they know you and George can

identify the guilty parties ?

Yeah, they think we can.

- George is a friend of yours.

- He's not a friend, but he's all right.

- You trust him ?

- Yeah, I guess so.

- He's on scholarship too ?

- No, why ?

We got George, we got Harry,

we got trouble.

They're rich, you're poor.

You wanna get rich.

You wanna graduate Baird,

become a rich big shot like them.

- Am I right ?

- No. It's not that way at all.

Okay, Charlie !

Here we are, gentlemen:

the Oak Room.

The Oak Room !

Bring us a menu and double Jack Daniels

on the rocks.

Charlie, sit down here.

Uh, perhaps you'll feel more

comfortable in this, sir.

[ Wolf Whistle ]

You look great !

Thank you.

Here we are, Charlie:

the Oak Room.

Now, read me

the bill of fare.

Uh, let's see.

You got the Oak Room Burger

and fries for $$.

Where's the booze ?

Flowin' like mud around here.

A $$ hamburger ?

W-What's the story ?

What story ?

- Are you a rich miser or something ?

- Hah !

No, I'm just your average

blind man.

Your average blind man.

How do you plan on

paying for all this stuff ?

Crisp, clean dollars...

American.

I saved up my

disability checks.

How much did you save ?

I mean, we flew first class,

we're at the Waldorf-Astoria,

a $$ hamburger restaurant.

- All part of a plan, Charlie.

- You want to let me in on it ?

Why should I ? You're not interested.

You don't give a shit !

You're leavin' on that

last shuttle out of La Guardia.

Hmm ? Ooh !

You got

minutes, son. I don't think

you're gonna make it,

unless the Oak Room keeps some

complimentary helicopter on the roof.

No, sir. No !

You're here till tomorrow.

You said the last shuttle

leaves at

hours.

That's :, right ?

Last I heard, yeah.

It's only :.

I lied. Leaves at :.

- It leaves at : ?

- Calm down. Calm down.

Ahh ! The truth is, Charlie,

- I need a guide dog

to help me execute my plan.

- What plan ?

You have a right to know.

It's not really a plan, Charlie.

It's sort of a --

more like a tour,

a little tour of pleasures:

stay in a first- class hotel,

eat an agreeable meal,

drink a nice glass of wine,

see my big brother.

Nothing like family,

you know.

And then, make love

to a terrific woman.

After that...

Yeah ?

I'm gonna lie down on my big,

beautiful bed at the Waldorf...

and blow my brains out.

- May I tell you our specials ?

- You may, sir.

Tonight we have charred venison with

buckwheat spaetzle and green peppercorn.

Grilled veal, tomato tapenade,

and roasted eggplants.

Get me a napkin.

My mouth's watering.

If you like our souffle for dessert,

it would be good to order it now.

Yes, on the souffle. Give us

a half a minute on the rest.

Very good, sir.

[ Clearing Throat ]

- I'm leaning towards the spaetzle.

- Colonel Slade --

Charlie, rolls on the table ?

Give 'em to me.

You should

try these rolls.

I used to dream about them

when I was at Fort Huachuca.

- Colonel Slade --

- Bread's no good west of the Colorado.

- Water's too alkaline.

- Colonel Slade, did you say --

Did I hear you right ?

Y-You said you're gonna

kill yourself ?

No, I said I was gonna

blow my brains out.

Try one of these rolls, Charlie.

I buttered it for ya.

I don't want a roll,

all right ?

Okay. Have a radish !

Hah !

Hello ! Bring me a double

Jack Daniels on the rocks.

Yes, sir.

Right away.

[ Clearing Throat,

Mouthing Words ]

Please, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Hmm.

[ Sniffing ]

What a marvelous place !

Okay.

Yeah.

Your billet is here.

You'll find bedding

in the closet on the shelf.

In the morning, the area will be

returned to sitting-room mode...

no later than

hours.

What was that ?

Nothing.

Next time...

snap it out !

Thumb to palm, index finger

through little digit, smartly aligned,

sharp to the hairline,

down !

Too many men,

far better than you,

have executed

that courtesy.

And if you're smart,

you won't try it again.

This bat has got sharper radar

than the Nautilus.

Don't fuck with me,

Charlie.

See you get

a good night's sleep, son.

[ Groaning ]

[ Frank ]

?It's a lovely day today ?

?So, whatever

you gotta do ?

?You got a lovely day

to do it in that's true ?

Good morning, Charlie.

- [ Sigh ] Good morning.

- This is Sofia, Charlie.

She's a magician

with a needle.

Sofia's workin' me up

a little

and I've asked her if she'd

put something together for you.

- Uh, I don't need any clothes, Colonel.

- Standard issue...

for an upscale

urban assignment.

You don't like the clothes,

Charlie, on completion of duty,

you can give 'em away.

Juice, coffee, and other assorted

goodies on the trolley over there.

Get yourself up,

get yourself together !

?It's a great day

for singin' a song ?

?And it's a great day

for movin' along ?

?And it's a great day

from morning to night ?

?And it's

a great day ?

for everybody's plight.

[ Frank Chuckling ]

How are you feeling

today, Colonel ?

Super !

Superior !

Superfluous !

Young Sofie here

is working Thanksgiving...

because she's trying to

put herself through college.

I told her,

Charlie's headed for college.

- Uh, excuse me.

- Where you goin' ?

- I-l need to use the phone.

- What's wrong with the phones in here ?

I don't want

to disturb you.

You're not disturbing me.

Make your call.

I'd kinda like

to be private.

Stay outta my room !

This is as private

as you're gonna get.

?But if you've got somethin'

that must be done ?

?And it can only

be done by one ?

Sofia...

what are the chances

of suitin' you up sometime ?

- [ Operator ] Sugarbush Lodge.

- George Willis, please.

- [ George ] Hello !

- George ! Hey, it's Charlie.

Hey, Chas. Next year you gotta

come up with us.

White powder on

a base of snow bunnies.

Chas,

are you there ?

Yeah, I'm here.

Um --

- you told me to call you for the moves.

- All right.

For now, the move's

no move: status quo.

Everything's

the way we left it.

How did we leave it ?

See no evil,

hear no evil.

You know

what I mean, Chas ?

Yeah. See no evil,

hear no evil.

- Okay, then, walk like you talk !

- All right, good-bye.

- George Willis, huh ?

- Yeah.

George Willis.

That makes his father probably

George Willis, Senior.

Charlie, I ask ya,

what do you think Big George

is gonna feel about Little George...

seeing no evil,

hearing no evil ?

Well, we're not gonna

tell our parents.

We're just gonna keep it

between ourselves.

Oh, George isn't gonna tell

his father about this thing !

Damn decent of him.

Ooh ! Aw ! Hah !

- Scusi.

- Prego.

I love it

when you hurt me.

Uh, tell me now,

Charlie.

This, uh, George Willis, Junior,

what's his father do ?

I don't really know.

Well, I'm gonna tell ya.

When George Willis, Sr., isn't busy as a

million-dollar man for Aetna Casualty --

or is it New England Distributor

for the Chrysler Corporation ?

He concerns himself with his young son,

George Willis, Junior.

George isn't going

to say anything to his father.

Oh, Charlie.

Big George is gonna

wind up Little George,

and Little George is gonna sing

like a canary.

And if you're hip, kid,

you're gonna hop to, too.

You've got this

all figured out, don't you ?

It don't take no Young America merit

scholarship to figure this one out.

Charlie, you had a little life,

so you decided to go to Baird...

to put yourself in the market

for a big one.

Now, in order to stay

in the running,

you're gonna have to tell these people

what they want to know.

You think so ?

- Are we finished, Sofia ?

- Yes.

Grazie. Grazie.

Charlie,

if you don't sing now,

you're gonna end up,

not only shelving biscuits...

in some convenience store

in the Oregon burbs,

probably the last word you'll ever hear

yourself say just before you croak...

gonna be,

and come back soon.

Sofia !

Measure up Charlie, pronto.

We got a date for Thanksgiving.

We got a date ?

My brother's place.

W.R. Slade,

White Plains, New York.

Colonel, I can't go with you

to your brother's place.

I mean, I should be

getting back to school.

Uh, well you gotta have

Thanksgiving somewhere.

I mean, eats and treats.

I could use the company.

All right.

D-Does he know I'm comin' ?

He doesn't know I'm comin'. But wait

till you see the look on his face...

when I walk through

the door.

Oh, he loves me !

Oh, uh, Charlie,

about your little problem,

there are two kinds of people

in this world:

those who stand up

and face the music,

and those who

run for cover.

Cover's better.

Okay, Sofia, suit 'im up !

Make him pretty !

Careful.

- Should I ring it ?

- Yeah.

Yes ?

Yes !

Who is this ?

- It's Randy.

- Randy ? You new ?

I'm your nephew.

Hah !

Here I am !

Your sister's been

hoarding me long enough.

- Thought it's time to spread

the riches around.

- Uncle Frank !

- Gloria !

- Gail.

Of course.

Say hello to the potluck

party from New York City.

Good old Uncle Frank and this here

with him is Charlie Simms,

star halfback of the

Baird football team.

They not only beat Exeter and Groton,

but Aquinas High School too.

Where's your

miserable father ?

Wait ! No, no.

Let's surprise him.

Give that fat heart

of his an attack. Willie !

Oh, Willie !

Hello, Frank.

- How you doin' ?

- Okay.

Here's my hand.

Charlie, meet W.R. Slade.

Nice to meet you, sir.

The original bulging

briefcase man.

Gretchen, I smell those prunes !

We talkin' Turkey Marbella ?

- Yes, we are.

- Whoo !

Let's have a whiff.

Come on.

You know, I always had a sneaker

for you. Come here.

[ Sniffing ]

Mmm.

Hah !

- Where are you, Garry ?

I heard you cough.

- Who are you again ?

I'm just here at the Waldorf-Astoria

with -- Is it your brother ?

W.R.'s final issue.

How ya doin' ?

- Yes. Who the hell are you ?

- I'm kinda takin' care

of him for the weekend.

Charlie !

Jesus !

Sorry. Where's the booze ?

Flowin' like mud here.

To tell the truth, the colonel's

not well, I don't think.

- Not well ?

- I think he's a little lonely.

Why didn't you take him

to your family's for dinner ?

I heard that !

I heard that.

Pay no attention to him.

That's his big- brother talk.

He's been watching out for me

since day one.

Bailed me out of more trouble...

than he'd like to remember.

- Hmm ?

- [ Gretchen ] Let me take your coat.

I meant to pick up some vino

on my way, but I blew it.

I'll send you the Rothschild

again for Christmas,

- only let's see how Thanksgiving goes.

- I'll set two more places.

- Here's your drink, Frank.

- Thank you, Randy.

Still with

Snow Queen sugar ?

Snow Flake. Why do you

always get that wrong ?

Because it's not important for me to

get it right. What are you doing there ?

I'm Vice President

for Marketing.

Whoo-ah ! Congratulations !

Sugar is shit, though.

I told General Abrams to install

honey in the commissaries.

If the K-s didn't blow your brains

out, sugar, sure as shit, was gonna.

- Why don't we all sit down ?

- Ooh !

Mitsouki. Rhymes with nookie.

Be careful.

- When the wife gets restless,

the wife gets racy.

- Let's go and eat.

By all means.

Thank you, Charlie.

Where you wanna sit, Frank, or you gonna

arrange yourself at the head again ?

Any old card table

will do. This is fine.

[ Frank ]

Where was I ? Oh !

I wake up. It's four in the morning.

I don't know who I'm with,

why I'm there

and where I am.

What am I gonna do ?

I got this Asian flower,

all giggly and dewy-like;

and this hard-boiled

navy nurse outta Omaha, on the other.

We're three across the bed,

not a stitch of clothes on.

It comes to me.

Let east meet west.

We'll build a golden bridge.

[ Frank ]

Hah-hah !

I felt like I'd just joined

the corps of engineers !

We all still here ?

It's a beautiful story.

[ Cough ]

- Do you always enjoy

shocking people, Uncle Frank ?

- Honey.

I didn't know you were

so easily shocked.

I admire your sensibilities.

I'm touched.

Dad, remember the time

you persuaded Frank...

- to go to the kennel ?

- What about it ?

- He almost put the seeing eye

dog business outta business.

- Cool it, Randy.

- It's over and done with.

- Indeed it is, Garry.

Indeed it is.

So is dinner.

Charlie, what time do you have ?

I think we better be gettin' back.

- You ever given any thought

to a braille watch, Frank ?

- Randy.

- Stevie Wonder wears one,

or do you rank on him too ?

- Honey, please.

It's all right, Gloria.

I enjoy Randy's observations.

My wife's name is Gail, Frank.

Can you hear that ? Gail.

Excuse me.

Gail.

Gail strikes me as

a very beautiful woman,

but there's a

little tension in her voice.

It could be one

of two things:

either Gail is nervous

or unsatisfied.

What's your point,

Uncle Frank ?

You oughta go down

on her.

Cut it out, Frank,

will ya ?

You're so wrapped up in sugar, you've

forgotten the taste of real honey !

Frank,

for God's sake !

Hear that voice ?

There's fire under that dress.

- Will you cut it out ?

- Just get the fuck outta here.

- Whoo-ah !

- Get in your limousine.

Go down to the bowery, get with the

other fucking drunks where you belong !

- Wait a minute.

- What ?

- Could you take it easy ?

- What for ?

You want me to lay off him,

Chuckie, 'cause he's blind ?

- No, but I mean --

- My friend's name is Charles.

He doesn't like

to be called Chuckie.

- This is supposed to be a family

get-together. This is --

- A warning.

Jesus Christ. Another sucker who thinks

this shitheel's a war hero.

Whoo-ah.

Well, once... maybe.

I suppose he told you about his days

on Lyndon Johnson's staff ?

I was gonna go.

Now I'm not leaving.

- Frank was earmarked for general.

- Earmarked, good word.

- But Frank likes to spit

in everybody's eye !

- Randy, that's enough.

So -- What do they call it when they

give you the shaft in the military ?

- Passed over !

- Frank was passed over for promotion...

Couple times.

- You want to know what happened then ?

- Will you shut your mouth ?

- He blew himself up.

- Stop it, Randy.

Our colonel, here, had a grenade

juggling act at Fort Bragg or wherever.

- Fort Benning.

- He was teaching hand-to-hand combat --

Randy, look at me when

you're talking to me, son.

I'm lookin', Frank.

His partner in the act was some captain.

- Major Vincent Squires.

- Yeah, whoever he was.

Before going on, they'd have themselves

a lo-cal breakfast:

a Screwdriver for Frank,

Bloody Mary for his partner.

No, Vincent drank

Sea Breezes.

Judge Advocate at Benning said Col.

Slade had four to his partner's one.

Judge Advocate at Benning said Col.

Slade had four to his partner's one.

He's flying in class.

He gets all excited.

He starts pulling

the pins out.

[ Randy ] One grenade

got away from him.

Boom.

The one that got away.

Oh, the pin was in...

Frank claims.

In or out, what

difference does it make ?

What kind of fucking lunatic

juggles grenades ?

Vinnie came out okay.

And all Frank lost

was his eyesight.

- Wanna know the truth ?

- You got a handle on that,

do you, Randy ?

- He was an asshole before.

- Whoo-ah !

Now all he is

is a blind asshole.

Whoo-ah.

Hey, God's a funny guy.

God doth have

a sense of humor.

Maybe God thinks some

people don't deserve to see.

[ Sigh ]

Whoo-ah. Hah !

You get the point...

Chuckie ?

- Aah !

- His name is Charles.

You can say that,

can't you ? Charles.

Know what this is, Randy ? It's a choke

hold I'm teaching those lieutenants.

- Little pressure, I bust your windpipe.

- I don't care what he said.

- Charles.

- Just let go, please !

[ Gasping ]

Gretchen ?

You outdid yourself.

If you twist my arm

hard enough,

we're talking