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英语幽默短剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑
< br>7
人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：西门吹雪、叶
孤城、花满楼、
king
、路人、上官雪儿
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：
A quiet
village is covered with white snow .
Birds are dancing in the cold .
A man is walking
along the street ,step by step .
Wind is ing in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y
与
X
相遇．
X
：
oH ,I am sorry to knock
you !
Y:, Never mind
baby.
X:Excuse
me
，
who are you on earth?
Could you tell me your
name?
Y:,I
won
’
t
change
my
name!
no
matter
what
happens.
I
’
m
the
most
famous
——
-YeGucheng. Who are
you?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y
惊讶
:Ar, ximenchui xue?the
best MartialArts?
X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!
Y
抱腿：
Please,
please
……
Don
’
t kill me! Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you
!
Y:I
don
’
t want to be killed.
There are a eighty-year-old
mother and
a three-year old son to be looked after by me!
X:No way! Because we
are fighting now ! you know ?
Y
突然站起冷冷的说：
Don<
/p>
’
t force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y
拿出一袋牛奶
)
X
抢过牛奶
:milk, very good ! I
like drinking it. How do you
know that?
Y:please drink it!
X
喝完牛奶
:Thanks,
Y:Do you still want to kill me ?
X:Sure, must! Milk is
milk.
Y(
恼
怒
+
冷酷
):Very good !
very good ! I hope you will not
forget
what you said!?
X:I
’
m sure I
won
’
t!
Y:I
must
give
you
a
lesson
!
If
I
don
’
t
beat
you
this
time,
you
’
ll never
behave properly ! 3-2-1!
X
捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：
Oach,Oach !
Y
大笑：
HaHa
……
the milk is
exceed the time limit
（一人路过，
x
起身跑过去）
X
可怜状
: excuse me! Help , help
, Where is the
washroom?please ,tell me
.
Y:Oh,I
see
,go
along
this
street
and
turn
right
when
you
see
a
corssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y:byebye (
以胜利者的语气，转头
,
看见
花满楼
)
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua
—
man
—
-lou! Have you
seen ximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in
“
WC
”
.
H
惊讶
:Now you are the best in
the world !
Y:You
are right !
H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for !
do you
want join in us? If you follow
my
king,he will give
what you want.
Y:Yes,It
’
s very good.
H:Ok, follow me,
Let
’
s go to see my king!
第二幕：无间道
H:My dearest ! let me introduce
yegucheng to you!
（指
Y
）
this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
Y:excuse me,I have a
you give me what I want
just if I
follow you?
King:yes,I will.
Y:That
’
s good. Can you give
me a MM ?
K:of are
the one who has the similar taste with
me! Hahaha
……
Y:of course.
美女出场
M:hello
，帅锅
..
K: this is ,now
let
’
s have a ritual.
H
走到
Y
前，
《婚礼进行曲》
起，<
/p>
H
神甫状
:Yegucheng!
Do
you
want
to follow my king no matter
what happens such as
cold headache , poor ,rich?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Huamanlou, e . put the ring on
his finger!
（音乐停）
X
唱着上
:(
看到戒指
) this ring
should be mine!
K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?
Y
急切
:
king!
Dear
king
!
I
must
go
now
,
my
brother
is
looking
for me.
X
冷酷
:yegucheng!
Come
here !
I
want to tell
you
something!
Y
抱
< br>X
的腿
:old brother ! Forgive
me!
X:Forgive you?
Why ?
Y: Once there
was a chance before me , I lost it . If the
god give me another chance,
I
’
ll tell
you
“
I
love
you
”
,
If
the
remustbea
limited
period,I
hope
it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me
! all you did are wrong ! how can you
tell me the
lady
’
s
“
WC
”
!
Y:I like going lady
’
s WC .I<
/p>
……
I
……
I
think that you like what I
like.(
Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶
)
X:milk?I love you.
K:Don
’
t say
that
“
you love
me
”
.
I
’
ll kill you for you
saying dirty word to me !
X:What?
(
侧耳装着听不到
) You
—
kill
—
-me?e, e
…
(
Ｘ上去抓住
K)
K:Fuck you. I must
kill you!
X:How can
you kill me? haha
……
Y:Let me have a try!
3-2-1(X
捂着肚子，蹲下
)
M: oh,what happened?
（看着
X
，做惊吓状）
are you
ok?
（跑
到西门吹雪身边）
Y :do you want to go
to wc?
X:Yes,I
……
I
……
do.
Y:haha, the milk was
added
三聚氰胺
beyond standards.
M: you , stupid , bad
behavior ! go away !
K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are
you ?
M:
actually,I
’
m a spy sended by
LuXiaofeng,and I fell in
love with
ximenchuixue. K
惊讶
: !you
—
you
—
You
are X
’
lover?
Y: do you know, you are the first
person who cheated me !
I hate you
.(
轻声说
)let me tell
you,
Ｘ
will die.
M
扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ
,do<
/p>
’
t die ,you should be alive
,there
are much hope in the future and
tomorrow is a good
beginning !
K:what a
moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a
progress ,but it is depressed that it
can not resume !
M:
life is a progress ,and it is delight that it
needn
’
t
resume !
(M
忽然将一把匕首插
进
Y
的心脏，Ｋ吓跑
.
音乐《再见，警察》
起
)
Y
痛苦状
:I never
anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell
me why?(Y
死，音乐停
)
（
X
咳，
H
扑到身边，电影《我的父
亲母亲》原声音乐起）
M: X , oh , no ,you can
’
t
die ,we will go home together .
X:go home ! ?
M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you
have the last second
to
live
,you
should
be
alive
,not
only
for
me
,
but
for
our
love.
X:
promise
me,you
’
ll
get
on
well,and
you
’
ll
never
let
go.
M I promise . I will
never let
go
（
X
死）
,
M: be alive !yeah
, be alive ! be alive without ahendance !
搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》
人物：农夫，兔子
A
，兔子
B
，大树
。
农夫：
I
’
m
a farmer.
（稍停顿）
[
走两
步
]A cool farmer.
（掏
出墨镜戴上）
[
冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷
酷
]Eh...When I was yong,I
studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle
,
I
’
m rich now
！
[
开始展示名牌，边说边掏
]Look
！
This
is my modern
mobile
——
Nokia
WC
250
！
This
is
my
watch!This
is
my
MP3!These
are my shoes
——
(
夸张低沉地
)ADIDAS!This
is
…
[
不经意地掏出一
个苹果
]Oh,sorry.[
扔掉苹果
]It
’
s
this![
从怀里掏出痒痒挠
] Do
you
know
what
’
s
this
？痒痒挠？
No
no
no~~You
are
out!!It
’
s
my
modern
——锄头
~
！！
[
看下表
]
It
is
time
to
do
some
farming
！
[
开
始弯下腰做出锄地的动作
< br>]
树：
I
’
m
a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![
做出疯狂
摇滚歌手的动作，
哼哼哈西！
！
！
]I
can
dance![
跳四小天鹅
]
Oh?There
es a rabbit! [
引导观众看兔子
A)
。树站回后台
]
兔子<
/p>
A
：
OK,I
’
m
a
rabbit.
Now
I
’
m
just
walking
around
here.
[
农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子
]
农夫：（惊喜地）
Lunch
！
[
扔
掉痒痒挠
]I will catch
it
！
[
偷
偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走
]
[
农夫跟在兔子后面。
两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看
手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天
气。两人继续走。兔子