-
英语课堂小笑话
英语笑话（一）
Q: Which
is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on
its back.
因为
snail
（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的
生物是不足为奇的
。你说呢？
Q: What do people do
in a clock factory?
A: They make faces
all day.
一看到
make faces
这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼
脸呀！因为除了
这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q:
How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his
sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（
sleepwalker
）梦游（
walk
in
his
< br>sleep
）呢？最简单的
方法就是不让他睡觉。
虽然这不是治疗方法，
但如果让梦游者醒着呢，
他的确就
不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is
really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000
men under him.
-- He is really
somebody. What does he do?
-- A
maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
--
我叔叔下面有
1000
个人。
< br>
--
他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
--
墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long
after an old Chinese woman came back to China from
her visit to
her daughter in the
States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US
dollars
her
daughter
gave
her.
At
the
bank
counter,
the
clerk
checked
each
note carefully to see
if the money was real. It made the old lady out of
patience.
At last she could
not hold any more, uttering.
the money.
They are real US dollars. They are directly from
America.
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：
“相信我，先生，也请你相
信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。
”
英语笑话（四）
my little
dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my
dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an
advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.
Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。
”
英语笑话（五）
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one
claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have
been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the
winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
--
服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
--
对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
--
哦，
那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）
The mean man's party.
The
notorious
cheap
skate
finally
decided
to
have
a
party.
Explaining
to
a friend how to find his
apartment, he said,
doorbell with your
elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.
gosh,
was
the
reply,
not
coming
empty-hangded,
are
you?
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。
他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他
家
时说：
“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门
铃。门开了之后，
再用你的脚把门推开。
”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
< br>“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话故事
He Won
Tommy:
How
is
your
little
brother,
Johnny?
Johnny:
He
is
ill
in
bed.
He hurt
himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We
played who could
lean
furthest
out of the
window,
and he
won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with
a bloody
nose
and his mother asked, <
/p>
他的耳朵在我衣
兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，
< br>“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，
”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，
”伊凡说。
“他的耳朵还在我衣
兜里呢。
”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two
cents.
the
money I gave you yesterday?
more. But why are you so interested in
the old woman?
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我
给了一个可怜的老太婆，
”
他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，
”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。
”
Drunk
One day, a father and
his little son were going home. At this age, the
boy
was
interested
in
all
kinds
of
things
and
was
always
asking
questions.
Now, he asked,
son,
regard the two policemen
as four then I am
drunk.
醉酒
< br>一天，
父亲与小儿子一道回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什
么事都很感兴趣的年龄，
老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道
：
“爸爸，
‘醉’
字是什么意思？”<
/p>
“唔，
孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧
那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那
么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸，
”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess
apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an
apple-pie
without any cheese. The
little boy of the family left the room quietly
for a moment and returned with a piece
of cheese which he laid on the
guest's
plate.
The
visitor
smiled,
put
the
cheese
into
his
mouth
and
then
said:
find the
cheese?
好客
由于客人在吃苹
果馅饼时，
家里没有奶酪了，
于是女主人向大家表示歉意。
这家
的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。
过了一会
儿，
他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，
把奶酪放
在客人的盘子里。
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，
你的眼睛就是比你
妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”
“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
学英语笑话（由天河区体育东路小学苏珊老师转载）
一则：
一个初中生的英语笔记：爸死（
bus
）
、爷死（
yes
）
、哥死（
girls
）
、妹<
/p>
死（
Miss
）
、死光了
（
school
）
。
二则：
上高中的时候，英语老师英文
水平颇高，无奈汉语不佳。某日上课，老
师讲解
独立结构
，举一经典例句：
<
/p>
book
under
arm.
然后翻译成中文：
老师进了教室，胯下夹
着一本书。
顿时
课堂上狂笑不已。
三则：
上初中时，英文老师讲到英文
字词的词根：
Landlord
地主，是由
land
土地，
lord
主人，两
部分组成的－－
土地
< br>＋
主人
就是
地主
接着
，老师又
向大家提问：
motherland
< br>是什么意思？
地主婆！
大家异口同声回答。
狂笑加强版
70
< br>年代学校里学英文，第一课是：
Long Live Chairman
Mao.
我等愚笨之辈第
一次接触英文，背诵不
出，于是在英文下面加注，曰：狼来了牵着猫。
某男约某女晚上看电影，约定会面地点后，该男道：
I
no
see
you
I no
go,
you
no see me you no go, no see no go.
中文翻译为：我见不到你我不走
,
你见不到我你别走
,
不见不散！
！
！
！
英语短篇笑话
70
篇
S
hort Jokes
____________________________
____________
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he
doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does
he ever come home late?
A: No, he
doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have
the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He
will be six months old next Wednesday.
________________________________________
Girl: You would be a good dancer except
for two things.
Boy: What are the two
things?
Girl: Your feet.
Submitted by Bob Waldman
__
______________________________________
A
family
of
mice
were
surprised
by
a
big
cat.
Father
Mouse
jumped
and
and
said,
Mouse.
son,
that's
why
it's
important
to
learn
a
second
language.
Submitted by BH LEE
_______________________________________
_
My friend said he knew a man with a
wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him
(Try this one with your students the
next time you are teaching a lesson
that includes this type of grammer.) <
/p>
________________________________________
The doctor to the patient: 'You are
very sick'
The patient to the doctor:
'Can I get a second opinion?'
The
doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'
I use this joke for retelling in
reported speech.
Submitted by: Adriana
Luchetti
_____________________________
___________
A man goes to the doctor
and says,
The doctor asks,
The man says,
knee - OUCH!
When I touch my forehead, it really, really
hurts.
The doctor says,
finger!
Submitted by Sean
McLoughlin
___________________________
_____________
Patient: Doctor, I have a
pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug
before you drink.
Submitted by: Irene
Pellegrini
___________________________
_____________
Patient:
Doctor!
You've
got
to
help
me!
Nobody
ever
listens
to
me.
No
one
ever pays
any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico
________________________________________
Two boys were arguing when the teacher
entered the room.
The teacher says,
One boy answers,
whoever
tells the biggest lie.
should
be
ashamed
of
yourselves,
said
the
teacher,
I
was
your
age I didn't even know
what a lie was.
The boys gave the ten
dollars to the teacher.
______________
__________________________
A
snail
walks
into
a
bar
and
the
barman
tells
him
there's
a
strict
policy
about
having
snails
in
the
bar
and
so
kicks
him
out.
A
year
later
the
same
snail
re-enters the bar and asks the barman
Submitted by Steve
________
________________________________
A:
Just look at that young person with the short hair
and blue jeans. Is
it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know
that you were her father.
B: I'm not.
I'm her mother.
______________________
__________________
Mother:
Girl:
Submitted by Miguel de
Paco Moltó
________________
________________________
Headmaster:
I've
had
complaints
about
you,
Johnny,
from
all
your
teachers.
What have you been
doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
Submitted by Maria del Pilar Villlegas
Martinez
_____________________________
___________
Teacher:
Nick:
Teacher:
Nick:
Submitted by Bernadette Kelly
< br>________________________________________
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
Submitted by Cláudia Almeida
___________________________
_____________
A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A:
Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the
one who must dig his grave.
Submitted
by Joe, from Indiana
_________________
_______________________
A teenage girl
had been talking on the phone for about half an
hour, and
then she hung up.
said
her
father,
was
short.
You
usually
talk
for
two
hours.
What h
appened?
____________________
____________________
PUPIL:
TEACHER:
PUPIL:
Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltó
___________________________
_____________
A teacher asked a student
to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another
5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to
write the other 5!
Submitted by
Mahmoud Zeidan
_______________________
_________________
When I want to teach
the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the
phone is ringing and they will answer:
Phone rings: