英文笑话

Ten Candies

Mother

asks

her

son,

“Jim,

if

you

have

ten

candies,

and

you

eat

four,

then

how

many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.

Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?”

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the

shop.

One

was

$$5,000;

another

one,

$$10,000;

and

the

third

one,

$$30,000.

The

customer asked the owner, “How come this

guy is

$$5,000? That’s

so expensive for

this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So

the

customer

asked

him,

“How

about

this

guy?

What

can

he

do

tha

t

makes

him

so

expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing

actions,like dancing and so on. That’s why he’s so expensive.” Then the customer said,

“How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” T

he owner

of the shopsaid, “I don’t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor

whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ‘The Boss.’”

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg

Student:In the cake,Sir.

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the

first

time

for

him

to

do

that.

He

buys

a

ticket

and

goes

in.

But

after

two

or

three

minutes

he

comes

out,

and

buys

the

second

ticket

and

goes

in

again.

After

a

few

minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that

he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him,

“Why do you buy s

o

many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big

woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400

years.

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes?

Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think

they fall in lov

e when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they’re

eight

or

ten

years

old

or

something

like

that.

So

the

eight-year-oldkid

came

back

home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said,

“Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the

father said, “I don’t know, son. I’m still paying.”

yesterday

that

everything

you

told

me

went

in

one

ear

and

out

the

other

,

so

I

am

trying to stop it.

“I'm sorry

，

Madam

，

but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your

boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why

，

I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars

for such work!”

“

Yes

，

but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the

office .”

TWO

：

Teacher

：

We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to

contract. Now

，

can anyone give me a good example?

John

：

Well

，

in the summer the days are long

，

and in the winter the days are short.

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

you yesterday?

said the mother proudly.

the old woman?

Drunk

One

day,

a

father

and

his

little

son

were

going

home.

At

this

age,

the

boy

was

interested

in

all

kinds

of

things

and

was

always

asking

questions.

Now,

he

asked,

the word

'Drunk', dad?

son,

father replied,

am drunk.