-
Ladies and gentlemen, family
and friends, and...um, others:
女士们先生们，家人们朋友们，还有……其他人：
John
Watson.
My
friend
John
Watson.
John...
When
John
first
broached
the
subject
of
being Best Man, I was confused.
约翰·华生，
我的朋友，
约翰·华生。
约翰……约翰提出让我做伴郎的时候，
我很困惑。
I
confess
at
first
I
didn't
realize
he
was
asking
me,
when
finally
I
understood
I expressed
to him that
I was both
flattered and surprised.
I nonetheless
promised
that I would do my very best
to accomplish a task which was, for me, as
demanding
and difficult as any I had
ever contemplated. Additionally, I thanked him for
the
trust he placed in me and indicated
that I was, in some ways, very close to being
moved by it.
我承认刚开始，
我没有意识到他是在请我做伴郎，
< br>后来当我明白了。
我向他表示我很荣
幸也很惊喜。
但是我承诺会竭尽全力完成任务。
这项任务对我来说比之前遇到的更具
挑战更
艰难。另外，非常感谢他对我的信任。在某种程度上，我几乎被感动了。
I'm
afraid
John,
I
can't
congratulate
you.
All
emotions
and
in
particular
love,
stand opposed to the
pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A
wedding is, in
my considered opinion,
nothing short of a celebration of all that is
false and
specious
and
irrational
and
sentimental
in
this
ailing
and
morally
compromised
world.
Today we honor the
death watch beetle that is the doom of our society
and in time
one feels certain our
entire species. But anyway, let's talk about John.
恐怕我不能恭喜你，约翰。所有的
情感，尤其是爱，与纯粹冷静的理智相违背。而我认
为这种理智高于一切。
在我的信念中，
婚礼简直就是为了庆祝这个病态的道德败坏的世界中
一切虚伪、华而不实、荒谬、感伤的东西。今天我们是在庆祝宣告死亡的蛀虫，它注定了我
们社会的消亡。也注定了整个人类的灭亡。但是，我们还是谈谈约翰吧。
If
I
burden
myself
with
a
little
helpmate
during
my
adventures,
this
is
not
out
of sentiment or caprice,
it is that he has many fine qualities of his own,
that he
has overlooked in his obsession
with me. Indeed, any reputation I have for mental
acuity
and
sharpness
comes
in
turn,
From
the
extraordinary
contrast
John
so
selflessly
provides.
It
is
a
fact,
I
believe,
that
brides
tend
to
favor
exceptionally
plain
bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain
analogy there, I feel, and
contrast is,
after all, God's own plan to enhance the beauty of
his creation. Or
it would be if God
were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a
career
opportunity for the family
idiot.
如果我在旅途中增
加一个负担找个帮手，
这个不会是出于情感需要或是心血来潮。
而是
由于他本身的一些美好品质。只不过由于迷恋我而忽视了。的确，大家都知道我精神
敏锐。
事实上，
这不过是和约翰对比出来的，
< br>约翰无私地提供了如此强烈的对比。
我相信，
事实上，<
/p>
新娘总是愿意选择姿色平庸的伴娘，
我觉得这也是一种对比。
但是，
毕竟对比是上帝展现他
的创造之美的
一种手段。或者上帝并不是可笑的幻想。为结婚的傻瓜们提供了职业机会。
The point I'm
trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant,
rude, ignorant,
and
all
round
obnoxious
asshole
that
anyone
could
possibly
have
misfortune
to
meet.
I am dismissive of the
virtuous, unaware of the beautiful and
uncomprehending in
the face of the
happy. So if I didn't understand I was being asked
to be Best Man.
It is because I never
expected to be anybody's best friend. And
certainly not the
best friend of the
bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have
ever had the
good fortune of knowing.
我想说的是，我是最讨厌、最粗鲁
、最无知的人、彻头彻尾的讨厌鬼，任何人遇到我都
是一种不幸。我轻视美德、无视美、
不了解幸福。所以如果我不明白为什么找我做伴郎，那
是因为我从没想过我会是任何人的
好朋友。当然没想过会是我有幸认识的最勇敢、最仁慈、
最聪明的人的好朋友。
John, I
am ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth and
constancy of your
friendship. But as I
am apparently your best friend, I cannot
congratulate you on
your choice of
companion. Actually, now I can.
约翰，
我是个荒谬的人。
但是被你的热情和对友谊的忠贞拯救了。
尽管我是你的好朋友，
我还是不能祝贺你的婚姻。但是，现在我要祝贺你。
Mary, when I
say you deserve this man, it is the highest
compliment of which
I am capable.
玛丽，你值得拥有这个男人。这是我能表达的最高的称赞。
John,
you
have
endured
war
and
injury
and
tragic
loss,
so
sorry
again
about
that
last
one, so know this-today you sit between the woman
you have made your wife and
the
man
you
have
saved.
In
short,
the
two
people
who
love
you
most
in
all
this
world,
and I
know I speak for Mary as well when I say, we will
never let you down. And we
have a
lifetime ahead to prove that.
约翰，你经历过战争、受过伤、有过悲惨的损失。我再次对你
遭受的损失表示遗憾。要
知道今天你坐在你的妻子和你拯救过的人中间，
简言之就是世上你最爱的两个人。
我知道玛
丽也是这么
想的：我们永远不会让你失望。我们会用一生的时间来证明。
Now onto some funny stories
about John. So for funny stories on has to look no