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养宠物的利弊问题。
There are
numerous reasons that more and more people,with
the city
developing,pet some animals
like dogs.I finally think this phenomenon is worth
to
be admited and I cannot skip it.
（
30words
）
结构点评：第
1
段是
1+1’的模式，即第
1<
/p>
句介绍题目背景，第
2
句提出作者的观点
。
巧妙
之处：
第
1
段的内容比较简单清晰，<
/p>
没有任何废话，
句型尚可，不是很刻板的那种
（就是
100
个人会
60
人用的那种），避免了考官的审美疲劳！
语言方面：看了第１段，我的感觉并不好，我的预判是顶多６
分（要注意，考官也会有
预判的，
他们都是批了ｎ百份卷子的人
，
看了一些内容就能大致预判的出作者的水平的，
所
以第１段应该尽量减少错误，
留个好印象。
ｆｉｒ
ｓｔ
ｉｍｐｒｅｓｓｉｏｎｓ
ｌａｓ
ｔ
ｆ
ｏｒｅｖｅｒ！
）
．
蓝色出为语言错误
的地方！
！
！
应改为
< br>there
are
numerous
reasons
why... I think...
worth admitting
（这个内容上很莫名！）
The
point
on
the
top
of
my
list
for
my
propensity
is
that
pet
can
spend
people's
leisure of the animals have their own
nature,for instance,a dog need to
walk
like a man need to we have to supply their need,
of course,they will
cost
us
a lot of
if
we had free
time,we would go out with them,by the
way,
for their also is an entertainmen
t.
（７１
words
）
结构点评：此段是１
’＋４模式，即第１句是主体句，后接４句支持句！！！
语言方面：
红色出为采用的套句。<
/p>
作者选择用套句引出主题句
（这种方式在雅思考试中
的确比较实用）。但是这句表达的不够好（果然作文不是我教，呵呵）。应改为：
The
point
on top of the
list for my propensity is that petting animals may
require a spate
of spare time.
此外：
a dog needs to ... a man
needs to...
最后两句不知道作者想说
什么，内容上
有些重复和空洞，表达的不清楚！！！
Another factor we cannot
neglect is that a part of pet can be the right
hands
and left of the person
who has a
bodily
example,the dog can help
the
blind
cross
a
street
and
others
which
they
can't
do
by
there
were
no
these pets in the world,they would not live alone.
Actually,they are very
useful,aren't
they?Why not to pet them?(64 words)
点评：
由于写的很差，所以就简单的
评几句。
看了正文段第２段，
我大致已经了解了作
者的水平了。
在具体举例说明和分析自己分论点的时候，
作者表现出了语言功底的不足！
！
！
套句以外的句子都写的很空洞，
没有具体内容
（可能是因为具
体的内容不知道用英语怎么表
达）。即使写出来得句子，也含有很多语法错误！！！词汇
也很单一。以下是大致按照作者
的意义改写而成的：
Another
factor
we
cannot
neglect
is
that
some
pets
are
indipensible
under
special
circumstances. Take,
as an example, a guide-dog. It can not only be a
loyal
companion to the blind but also
assist them in crossing the road. An excellent
guide-dog
is,
if
not
better
than,
as
good
as
the
eyes
of
the
blind
in
that
it lets
the
owner feel loved and relieved.
自我点评：
写的时候感觉内容很难写
，
这可能也是同学们会遇到的问题。
所以平时即使
懒得写作文，至少也
要对找些题目来构思一下（<
/p>
brainstorming
），免得考试的时候由于
构思太长而来不及答题！！！
Also, it is sagacious to
general citizens can get mental satisfaction from
is
to
say,it
is
a
striking
fact
that
every
amenity
city
for
a
citizen
boasts
not
only
of
its
advanced
establishment
but
also
of
its
mental
this
just can shows that our city is a fit
place for heroes to live in.
点评：
１’＋２的模式，这种模式我
说过是高手用的。因为，
句数那么少就必须运用长
句来弥补词数
的不足。
而且语法功底不好的人，
一写长句不仅会犯错，
而且严重的时候会导
致句子本身根本无法理解！！！所以，要量力而行
啊！！！（不是牛牛的学生，就不要打肿
脸冒充牛！！！呵呵）
语言方面：第１句印象极差！！！
犯了如此严重的错误，最多５分了（一个句子竟然有
两个谓语动词！！！）。以下是改写
的段落：
Also, it is apparent that the owners
can gain mental satisfaction from their
pets.
In
other
words,
a
prosperous
city
with
amenities
provides
the
residents
with
advanced
facilities
and
an
environment
in
which
the
pets
together
with
their
owerns
can
enjoy life as well.
自我点评：按照作者的原意，自己也不知道在说些什么，只能把语言写的稍微顺一点。
有时候碰到冷门的题目时，的确构思都比较难。大家要当心，
越是碰到这种情况
，
越是要挑
些容易发挥的内容写。像本篇作者就是在自找麻烦（
我也跟着麻烦）。
To put all into a nutshell,there are so
many benefits on petting
what
I
have
presented
above,
we
can
safely
draw
the
conclusion
that
it
is
advisable
to allow petting animals.
最后一段由于大量使用了套句，
所以
也没什么好说的了。
基础上表达是没有问题的！
！
！
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