英汉对照-黄西(Joe Wong)脱口秀演讲 ,看美式幽默和美国人的包容

(very funny)

2010-03-31

Good evening everyone,

my

name

is Joe Wong.

But to

most people, I am known as

security question.

各位晚上好，我是

Joe Wong

（ 黄西）

。但是对你们中的很多人来说，听到我的名

字，你们会问 “谁啊？”

（注意看他说这句话时侯的表情）

，

who

（同音“胡”

）

恰恰是 我妈妈出嫁前的姓，这也是我信用卡密码问题的答案。

（和很多网站注册

一样，

美国的信用卡也会设置密码问题，

比如

“你妈妈姓什么”

，

“你家小狗叫什

）

But joking aside I just want to reassure everybody that I AM invited here tonight.

但是玩笑归玩笑 ，我想要提醒大家我的确是受到邀请而来的（他重读了

I

am

的

am

）

（这 里是讽刺

Salah

的夫妇闯入白宫晚宴的新闻，

大家可以搜索

Michaele and

Tareq Salahi

）

I grew up in China. Who didn't? And my childhood memories are totally ruined by my

childhood. When I was

in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I had to work

in a rice paddy

right

next

to a quarry

where

they

use explosives

to break rocks.

And

that

was

when

I

learned

light travels

faster than

sound,

which

is almost as slow as a

flying

rock. My dad

was a

grumpy

guy

, but occasionally

he

would cheer

me

up with

jokes. But he doesn't do it right. When I was seven one day he said to

me,

, son,

why

is

tofu

better

than

centralized

socialist

economy?

So

five

minutes

later

I

said

1

我从小在中国长大。

谁不是呢？

（ 这是讽刺美国人的自大，

以为世界只有一个美

国）而我童年的所 有记忆都被我的童年给毁了。

（这句话可能是和后面的炸药玩

笑 有关）

读小学的时侯，

作为课程的一部分，

我不得不去一个稻田里劳动，

这稻

田的旁边就是一个采石场 ，在那里他们用炸药来炸开石头。也就是在那个时侯，

我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快 ，

声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。

我

< br>爸爸是的脾气很暴躁，

但是有些时侯他会用笑话来鼓励我。

可是他的表达方式有

问题。当我还是七岁的时侯，有一天他对我说，

< br>“嘿，儿子，为什么豆腐比社会

主义计划经济要好？”我想了五分钟，然后问他“ 为什么呢？”

，他说“因为我

说好就是好！

”

（这段笑点在：豆腐，计划经济，极端的父权。豆腐和经济放在一

起本来就没有可比性，

就好像这种

“我说了算”

的父权也很不可理喻，

让人又好

气又好笑）< /p>

I came to the United States

in, when

I was twenty

four to study at

Rice

University

in

Texas. That wasn't a joke, until now. < /p>

我

24

岁的时侯来到美国，

在

Texas

的

Rice Univer sity

求学。

（下面的观众在笑。

）

我不是在讲笑话，不过现在是了。

And I was driving this used car that had a lot of bump stickers that were impossible to

peel off. One of them said

you don't speak

English,

go

home

And I didn't know

this for two years.

我当时开了辆二手 车，

保险杠上贴了好多贴纸

（就类似于我们贴的

“注意有熊出

没”那种）

，那些贴纸贴的很牢，根本没 可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不

会说英文，那就回家去”

。而我连着两年都没看懂这句话。

And

like

many other

immigrants, we all

want our son to

the become the president of

this

country

and

we

are

trying

to

make

him

bilingual,

you

know,

Chinese

at

home,

English in the public, which is really tough to do because many times I have to say to

him in public,

, listen, if you don't speak English, go home.

me,

，

the

president

of

the

United

State,

you

are

gonna

have

to

sign

the

legislative

bills

in

English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese.

和很多其他的移民一样，

我们都希望自己的儿子能成为这个国家的总统，

于是我

们努力让他们说两种语言，

在家说中文，

在外说英文，

真的操作起来其实挺困难，

很多时侯我不得不对他说“嘿，听着，如果 你不说英文，就给我回家去。

”

（这段

对应了他上文说的汽车贴纸的笑话）

我儿子总是会问我

“爸爸，

为什么我一定要

说两种语言呢？”我告诉他：

< br>“儿子，一旦有一天你成为了美国总统，你就必须

要用英文来签署立法议案，然后 用中文跟债主们讨论债务问题。

”

（ 这段经地主大人提醒：

讲到用中文讨论债务时，

你看底下美国人 反应并不剧烈，

只有部分人狂笑，因为美国人压根儿不知道，中国是他们的大债主。

）

When I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the United States because in China, I

can't do

the

thing I do best

here, being ethnic.

And

in order

for

me

to become a US

citizen, I had to take these American history lessons, where they ask us questions like

is

Benjamin

Franklin?

I

was

like

the

reason

our

convenience

store

gets

robbed?

is

the

second

amendment?

I

was

like

the

reason

our

convenience

store

gets

robbed?

is

Roe

versus

Wade?

I

was

like

two

ways

of

coming

to

the

United

States?

Later

on,

I

read

so

much

about

American

2

history that I started to harbor white guilt.

从

Rice

毕业后，我 决定留在美国，因为在中国，我做不到我在这里做的最好的

事情

--

成为一名外来民族。而为了让我自己成为一名美国公民，我必须学习美国