英语经典幽默故事

”

Chaude and Cold

A

patron

in

Montreal

cafe

turned

on

a

tap

in

the

washroom

and

got

scalded.

is

an

outrage,

Montreal.

热与冷

蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客 拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。

“

这太可恶了，

”

他抱怨道，

“

标着< /p>

C

的龙头流出的是开水。

”

“

可是，先生，

C

代表

Chaude

－法语里代表

?

热

?

。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得

知道这 一点。

”

“

等等，

”

那位顾客咆哮一声，

“

另外一个龙头同 样标的是

C

。

”

“

当然，

”

经理说道：

“

它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。

”

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to

go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the

plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except

for

one.

There

was

a

soldier

sitting

in

the

seat

beside

this

one,

and

Mr.

Robinson

was

surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards

it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and

said,

seat

is

preserved

for

proper

load

balance,

thank

you.

Mr

Robinson

had

never

seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying

something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside

a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the

notice

and

went

on,

when

the

plane

was

nearly

full,

a

very

beautiful

girl

hurried

into

the

plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off

the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the

whole trip.

士兵的高招

由于生意方 面的事，

罗宾逊先生得出趟门。

因为有点紧急，

他决定坐飞机。

乘机旅行时，

他喜欢靠窗坐，

故而一登机，

他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。

他发现 只有一个靠窗的座位还

空着。

在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。

令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，

这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位

< br>置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而， 等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：

“

为保持 装载平衡，

特预设该位置，

谢谢合作。

”

罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。

不 过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两 三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。

当快满座时，

一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。

一直在注意进舱旅客的那个 士兵赶紧

拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴 。

New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a

pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while

the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled,

新发现

一个乡下人第一次到大城市游 逛。

他走进一座大楼，

看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进

一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位

年青漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地 说：

“

我应该把我的老婆带来

!”

A Bad Impression

Six

people

were

travelling

in

a

compartment

on

a

train.

Five

of

them

were

quiet

and

well

behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other

passengers.

At

last

this

young

man

got

out

at

a

station

with

his

two

heavy

bags.

None

of

the

other

passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away

and

then

opened

the

window

and

shouted

to

him,

left

something

behind

in

the

compartment!

The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he

arrived, but he shouted through the window,

As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window

and said,

一个坏印象

有六个人搭乘火车旅行，坐在同一车箱内。其中五个很安静，也很规矩。但第六个是个

粗鲁的年轻人，给其他乘客招惹了许多麻烦。

最后，

这 位年轻人在一个车站带着两个沉重的皮箱下了车。

没有一个旅客帮他的忙。

有个人一直等到这位粗鲁的年轻人走得很远了，才打开窗户，对着他大声喊：

“

你把东

西留在车厢里了

!”

然后，又把窗户关了起来。

年轻人转过身子，拎着两个沉甸甸 的皮箱，匆匆赶了回来。他转回来时，显得非常

疲倦，对着窗户大声喊：

“

我把什么东西留在车上了？

”

当火车 再次启动时，叫他回来的旅客打开窗户说：

“

一个极坏的印象< /p>

!”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed

some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took

his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss:

getting up this morning.

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天 晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛

达进去，对老 板说：

“

我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。

”

“

好啊

!”

老板吼道，

“

那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？

”

Creative

Applying

for

my

first

job,

I

realized

I

had

to

be

creative

in

listing

my

few

qualifications.

Asked about

additional

schooling and training,

I answered truthfully that

I had spent three

years in computer programming classes. I got the job.

I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.

创造性

第 一次求职时，

我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，

得 有点创造性。

当问及

我是否受过其它的培训时，

我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。

我得

到了那份工作。

我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。

Reminder

In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for

vaccinations.

Bruno,

a

German

shepherd,

arrived

for

his

annual

rabies

shot,

and

we

were

required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days.

in fact that's why we're here,

because of our reminder.

催

单

我是一家兽医站的技师。

当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，