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考场英语作文“三不八要”
(2009-05-15
11:59:20)
英语高考日渐凸显了书面表达的权重。然
而考试日近，在考前的很短时间内还能使书面表达再提高一
步吗？回答是肯定的。高考书
面表达测试，要求短文内容清楚连贯、结构完整、逻辑性强、主题突出、用词
及文体恰当
。教师在评分时主要关注内容要点、应用词汇和语法结构的数量及准确性、上下文的连贯性与语
< br>言的得体性。
以
2008
年安徽题为例：
假定你是李华，
David
是你的美
国笔友。他对中国鼓励使用环保购物袋很感兴趣，来信向你询问此事。
请你给他写封回信
。主要内容如下：
感谢他的关注。简要介绍相关情况。谈谈你的感想。
注意：
词数
100
左右，信的格式已为你写好。
可根据内容要点适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。
参考词汇：环抱购物袋
---environment-
friendly shopping bag;
关注
---concern.
Dear David,
I
’
m glad that
you
’
ve noticed our efforts
directed towards environmental protection. Thank
you for your concern.( David
对中国鼓励使用环保购物袋很感兴趣，来信向你询问此事。感谢他的关注。
两句话将问题
说明白了，用
directed
引导的一个分词短语来体现语法
结构的多样性。
)
As
too
much
use
of
plastic
bags
has
caused
serious
white
pollution,
our
government
encourages
us to use
environment-friendly shopping bags. These bags are
made of a variety of material that
can
be
easily treated when they become
rubbish.
Besides, they can be
reused. More and more people
in China have realized the advantages
of such bags and started using them.(
简
要介绍相关情况，
根据内容要点适当增加了
that can
be easily treated when they become rubbish
< br>等细节，以使行文连贯。
这一段中
besides
很好地起到了承上启下的作用。
)
I
believe that the wide use of these shopping bags
can greatly improve our environment. This
is one of the many steps we are to make
our country an even cleaner place.(
短信至
此
theme
部分
完成，谈个人想法了
。
)
上述短文分三段，连贯清楚，结构完整。在第一段中使用
了非谓语动词短语，中间叙述部分有定语从
句，最后一段又用了
we are to make our country an even cleaner place <
/p>
这样较为复杂的语言结构，达
到了各项要求。对于中等程度的考生
而言，写出这样水平的短文并不难。
结合
2008
年各地高考试卷，不难发现各道书面表达的题目做到了贴近生活、容易表达
，所叙述的内容
发生过、正发生或很快能发生的事。即使稍有难度的题目如湖北要求更换
手机信，福建的英语招聘广告也没
有超出考生认知和应当掌握的范围。
< br>
下面就以
2008
年北京卷作
为实例，与同学们谈组织短文应注意的方方面面，了解什么叫好文，得分低
的文章问题所
在，如何改进。
假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华，为校
刊英语园地写一篇题为“
Our Spring
Outing
”
的英文
稿件。
请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序，叙述上周你们班从准备春游到春游结束的完整过程。
注意：
词数不少于
60.
提示词：游乐园
amusement park
垃圾箱
bin
例文
Last week, our
class decided to have a spring outing. Everyone
was creativity to enjoy the
discussion
about the destination of the outing. Someone said
to go the amusement park. Someone
said
to go boating and then, our monitor said
“
How about to go the
mountain?
”
everyone agreed
her idea.
So,
next
day
morning,
we
began
our
outing.
We
arrived
the
destination
by
bus.
As
we
had
planed
before, everyone of us all taking a big
bag many plastic bags. Because, except playing, we
have
another destinate is to protect
the environment. The mountain is so beautiful that
we all very
excited to climb the
mountain. During the way, when we found the
rubbish on the ground, we pick
them up
and then put them into our plastic bags.
When we arrived the top of the
mountain, we found a lot of rubbish on the ground.
It was so
dirty so we cleaned the
ground clearly and carefully. After a short time,
the ground was clean
again.
After we
got down from
the mountain,
we
put
the
rubbish
into
the bin but before this, we part
the rubbish in two kinds, recycle or
unrecycle. I think, spring outing was very useful.
上面是篇三类文。
第一段长处是基本
介绍了第一幅画的内容，但是语言、语句错误较多，比如
Everyone
was
creativity,
很可能是
active; Someone said to
go the amusement
park,
常识告诉我们，
英语中没有
say to do
sth.
这一用法。更不可能
how about to go
?
,
因为介词后面不是不定式。
第二段作
者对第二幅画描述，依照常理，文章的重点应当是后两张画，但是作者却用了较多笔墨，给
人喧宾夺主的印象，
更何况作者根本就忽略了天气、
季节、<
/p>
美景。
此外语言语法错误频出，
如：
the
next
morning;
We arrived at the destination; As we
had planned before; everyone of us all taking a
big bag many
plastic
bags
中谓语是谁？
we have another
destinate is to protect the environment
姑且不论此句在
文章中的作用，单就语法而言就无法说通，另外
we all very excited to climb the mountain
，能这样写
吗？正确写法是
we were all
excited.
至于
we pick them
的时态，与其他错相比，在这段中都算不得大
错了。
在山上捡拾垃圾的第三段用词最明显的错误是
we
cleaned the ground
，与图示大相径庭。
最后结尾部分
I think, spring outing
was very useful.
与全文有何逻辑关系？
总之，描述上的疏漏和诸多的错误影响了达意。这样的小文只能不及格。
如果此文的作者能依照提示将第二幅画写足，文章的最后一句的
useful
换成
unforgettable
，至少能
升格为这个档次的最高！那样的话不就是及格分了吗？
Last week, the students in my
class decided to go out for a spring outing. Some
of us wanted
to
go
to
the
amusement
park.
Some
wanted
to
go
boating
and
some
wanted
to
climb
the
mountain.
Finally
we decide to climb the mountain.
I was a shiny day. All of us were
happy. But when we reached the top of the
mountain. We foud
that rubbish
everywhere! We picked the rubbish and threw them
into the dustbin.
I think, we
shouldn
’
t throw the rubbish
everywhere and we should do our best to protect
the
environment. The more we do. The
more beautiful the earth will be!
同学们读过
上面短文后会得到什么样的印象？肯定不佳！其实第一段交待第一幅画还是基本合格的，
虽然
we
decide
是个时态错，
但能看出是忽略。第二段寥寥三两句就把后面的三幅画解释了，这与提示从准
备春游到春
游结束的完整过程这一要求相去太远了！
其实本文的作者对语
言的把握较强，凭他的水平把二至四几幅画描述清楚，从而晋升至二类文应当没
有疑问，
然而，看题不认真使得他的文章落到四类文档次，多可惜！这难道不是技术层面的问题吗？为此，
向广大考生提出英语作文写作的三不和八要。
三不：
切忌蜘蛛文，英语词句写的像
蜘蛛爬，使改卷老师难于辨认，有此类毛病者多为男生或英语基础相对
薄弱的男同学；<
/p>
不写蚂蚁文，词小得像蚂蚁，阅读起来颇费力，这种文章多出自
女生之首；
坚决摒弃作战地图文！这里特别提醒书写习惯欠佳
的同学，不能在书面表达过程中胡涂乱改瞎划。改
进的办法是事先打草稿。用
7~8
分钟打草稿，搭个架子，然后再润色。
八要：
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