英语幽默小短文

英语幽默小短文

Wake up! Wake up! It's time for sleeping pills!

醒来！醒来！现在该吃安眠药了！

The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

and then she said that two and four were six too.....

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then

he

started

again,

and

said

he:

me

ask

the

evolutionist

a

question

---

if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?

venture

an

answer,

said

an

old

lady.

have

worn

them

off

sitting

here so long.

Late one night at the insane asylum (

疯人院）

one inmate shouted,

Napoleon!

Another one said,

The first inmate said,

Just then, a voice from another room shouted,

Improvement

One student to another:

it's the English men who can't understand me.

Half or Five Tenths?

Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

Gerald:

Because

you

lose

too

much

juice

when

you

cut

the

orange

into

five

tenths.

The Reason of Being Late

Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?

Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go

Slow'.

When Do People Talk Least?

Student A: When do people talk least?

Student B: In February.

Student A: Why?

Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.

The plural Form of

Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?

Tom: Men.

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

Tom: Twins.

All Except the Music

A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of

classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To

make

the

occasion

even

more

memorable,

she

treated

everyone

to

lemonade,

cake,

chocs

and

ices.

Just

as

the

party

was

getting

back

into

their

coach,

she said to little Sally,

is.

My Sister's Fingers

Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the

nail.

The Climate of New Zealand

Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

Teacher: Wrong.

Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

Lightning

Teacher:

Why

is

it

said

that

lightning

never

strikes

the

same

place

twice?

Roy: Because after it's

struck once the

same place isn't

there any more!

Who Discovered Australia?

Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.

Johnny: It's there, sir.

Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?

Sammy: Johnny, sir.

Essay

Teacher

had

set

his

class

an

essay

in

Game

of

Cricket

After

two

minutes

Simon

Steel

handed

his

paper

in

and

was

allowed

to

go

home.

His

essay

read:

How Many Rabbits?

Teacher:

Now,

Jonathan,

if

I

gave

you

three

rabbits

and

then

the

next

day

I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?

Jonathan: Nine, sir.

Teacher: Nine?

Jonathan: I've got one already, sir.

To Go to Heaven

Sunday

School

teacher:

Hands

up

all

those

who

want

to

go

to

Heaven?

Hands

up

.....

what

about

you,

Terry?

You

haven't

got

your

hand

up

--

don't

you

want to go to Heaven?

Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.