-
SCENE 1
BRYCE:
All
I
ever
wanted
was
for
Juli
Baker to leave me alone. It all began
in the
summer of 1957, before the start
of second
grade.
STEVEN:
Here we are.
PA
TSY: Ha, ha.
What do you guys think?
LYNETTA: I like
this place.
BRYCE: It's cool.
LYNETTA: Uh, what color is my room?
PA
TSY: Just you wait.
BRYCE: Let's see what's inside.
STEVEN:
Hey,
come
on,
buddy
Bryce.
Why
don't,
uh,
you
and I
go
help
unload
the
van and the womenfolk here can get in
the kitchen and start setting up.
BRYCE: Okay, Dad.
BRYCE:
For
me,
it was
the
beginning
of
what would be more than half a decade
of
strategic avoidance and social
discomfort.
JULI: Hi, I'm Juli Baker.
STEVEN: Hey, hey, what are you doing?
JULI: Don't you want some help?
STEVEN:
No.
There's
some
valuable
things in there.
JULI: - How about this one?
STEVEN:
No,
no,
no.
Run
home.
Y
our
mother's
probably
wondering
where
you
are.
JULI: Oh, no, my mom knows where I am.
She said it's fine.
BRYCE:
It didn't take
long to realize this
girl could not take a hint.
STEVEN:
It's
crowded
in
here
with
three
people.
better.
But
finally,
in
the
sixth
grade,
I
JULI: I don't mind.
took action. I hatched the plan.
BRYCE: Of any kind.
BRYCE:
Sherry. Sherry, wait up.
JULI:
Y
ou wanna push this one together?
SHERRY: Hi, Bryce. Heh.
STEVEN: Bryce, isn't it time for you to
go
BRYCE: I asked out Sherry Stalls.
help your mother?
BRYCE:
I
was wondering
if
you
wanted
BRYCE: Huh? Oh, yeah.
to
go...
BRYCE: I mean, nothing would stop
her. I
BRYCE:
To
full
appreciate
the
brilliance
was
about
to
tell
her
to
get
lost when
the
of
this
plan,
you
have
to
understand
that
weirdest thing happened. I couldn't
believe
Juli
hated
Sherry
Stalls,
though
I
never
it.
There
I
was
holding
hands
with
this
understood why
. Sherry was
nice, friendly
strange girl. How did I
get into this mess?
and she had a lot
of hair.
PA
TSY:
Well,
hello.
I
see
you've
met
my
SHERRY: At first, my
mother wouldn't let
son.
me
get my ears pierced, but I begged...
JULI: Uh-huh.
BRYCE:
The
idea was
that
Sherry would
BRYCE:
Finally,
I
did
the
only
manly
eat
with
me...
maybe
we'd
walk
around
thing available when
you're 7 years old.
together,
and
hopefully
Juli
would
lose
[BELL RINGING]
interest.
BRYCE:
However,
my
troubles
were
far
SHERRY: But I still
can't get the hoops till
from over. The
minute I walked into Miss
I'm 16.
Y
elson's classroom...
BRYCE: Oh, that's a shame.
JULI: Bryce? Y
ou're here.
SHERRY:
So
Melanie
wanted
to
get
her
BRYCE:
...it was clear: School would not
ears
pierced, but of course her mother said
be a sanctuary.
no.
So
she
threw
a
fit
and
smashed
her
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Johnny
Mathis
Greatest
Hits
album...
KID
1:
Hey,
Bryce,
where's
your
[LAUGHS]...and
she
got
grounded,
so
girlfriend?
now
she
can't
come
to
my
pajama
BRYCE: I was branded for life.
sleepover party.
KID 2: Hey,
Bryce, why don't you ask her
BRYCE:
Things
were
unfolding
quite
to marry you?
nicely.
GIRLS [SINGING]: Bryce and Juli sitting
GARRETT:
What
are
you
doing for
your
in a tree, K-l-S-S-l-
N-G
.
science project?
BRYCE:
My
first
year
in
town
was
a
BRYCE:
That
is,
until
my
supposed
best
disaster.
And
the
next
three weren't
much
friend,
Garrett
Einbinder
took
an
interest
1
in Sherry himself.
SHERRY: I was thinking of showing how
split
ends
react
with
different
hair
conditioners.
GARRETT: That's fascinating.
BRYCE:
Loyalty
gave
way
to
desire
and
Garrett,
the
turncoat...
told
Sherry
what
I
was up to.
SHERRY: Jerk.
BRYCE: She didn't take it well. Word
got
back to Juli, and pretty soon she
started up
with
the
goo-goo
eyes
again.
Only
this
time it was worse. She started sniffing
me.
That's right, sniffing me. What was
that all
about? My only consolation was
that next
year
would
be
different.
Junior
high,
bigger school. Maybe we'd be in
different
classes
and
it
would
finally,
finally
be
over.
SCENE 2
JULI:
The
first
day
I
met
Bryce
Loski,
I
flipped.
It
was
those
eyes,
something
in
those dazzling eyes.
JULI:
Y
ou wanna push this one together?
JULI:
His family had
just moved into the
neighborhood...
and
I'd
gone
over
to
help
them.
I'd
been
in
the
van
all
of
two
minutes
when his dad sent him off to help
his
mom. I could see he didn't wanna go.
So
I chased
after
him
to see
if
we could
play
a
little
before
he
got
trapped
inside.
The
next
thing
I
know,
he's
holding
my
hand... and looking right into my eyes.
My
heart
stopped.
Was
this
it?
Would
this
be
my first kiss? - But then his mother
came
out.
PA
TSY:
- Well, hello.
JULI:
And
he
was
so
embarrassed,
his
cheeks
turned
completely
red.
I
went
to
bed
that
night
thinking
of
the
kiss
that
might
have
been.
I
mean,
it was clear
he
had
feelings
for
me,
but
he
was
just
too
shy
to
show them.
My
mother said
boys
were
like
that.
So
I
decided
to
help
him
out.
JULI: - Bryce?
Y
ou're here.
[CHILDREN
GIGGLING]
JULI:
I
would
give
him
plenty
of
opportunity to get over his shyness. By
the
sixth
grade,
I'd
learned
to
control
myself.
Then
Sherry
Stalls
entered
the
picture.
Sherry
Stalls
was
nothing
but
a
whiny,
gossipy, backstabbing
flirt. All hair and no
substance.
And
there
she
was...
holding
hands
with
Bryce.
My
Bryce.
The
one
who
was
walking
around
with
my
first
kiss.
My
solution
was
to
ignore
her.
I
knew
a
boy
of
Bryce's
caliber...
would
eventually see through
a shallow conniver
like
Sherry
Stalls.
It
took
all
of
a
week.
They
broke up at recess. She didn't take it
well. Now that Bryce was out of
Sherry's
evil clutches, he started
being nicer to me.
BRYCE: - Hi, Juli.
JULI: - Hi, Bryce.
JULI: He
was so shy and so cute... and his
hair,
it smelled like watermelon. I couldn't
get
enough
of
it.
I
spent
the
whole
year
secretly
sniffing
watermelon...
and
BRYCE: I can't. My dad
needs me to help
wondering
if
I was
ever
going
to
get
my
him fix... a thing.
kiss.
BRYCE:
That's
all
I
needed.
Climb
up
a
SCENE 3
tree
with
Juli
Baker.
I'd
be
dragged
right
BRYCE:
Seventh
grade
brought changes,
back into
the second grade. Bryce and Juli
all
right. But the biggest one didn't happen
sitting
in a tree. Why don't
you just make
at
school.
It
happened
at
home.
My
me eat
lima beans for the rest of my life.
grandfather
came
to
live
with
us.
Mom
JULI:
It's
three
blocks
away.
Two
blocks.
said he stared like that because he
missed
One block away.
Grandma.
That
was
not
something
BRYCE: Like that's valuable
information.
Grandpa
would
ever
talk
about
with
me.
GARRETT: I
hate it when she does that.
As a matter
of fact, he never talked about
I like
to think there's at least a chance the
much
of
anything
with
me.
That
is,
until
bus
won't show.
Juli appeared in the local
newspaper.
JULI:
I
think
the
tree
looks
particularly
CHET: Oh, Bryce. May I speak with you?
beautiful in this light. Don't you?
BRYCE: What?
BRYCE:
If
by
you
mean
CHET:
Have
a
seat,
son.
Tell
me
about
ugly,
then,
yes,
I
would
your friend Juli Baker.
agree.
BRYCE: Juli. She's
not exactly my friend.
JULI:
Y
ou're
just
visually
challenged.
I
CHET: Oh. Why's that?
feel sorry for you.
BRYCE:
Why do you wanna know?
BRYCE:
BRYCE: Now, Juli Baker did not wind up
challenged
in
The
Mayfield
Times
for
being
an
in
a
house
that
was
the
joke
of
the
eighth-grade
Einstein.
No,
she
got
front-
neighborhood?
They
had
bushes
growing
page
coverage
because
she
refused
to
over windows and weeds all over the
place.
climb
out
of
a
sycamore
tree.
Juli
Baker
It bugged my dad bigtime.
and that stupid sycamore tree. She
always
STEVEN:
Oh,
there
he
is.
The
bricklayer
thought
it
was
God's
gift
to
our
little
who
thinks he's a painter. That truck's not
corner of the universe.
ugly
enough in real life? He's gotta make a
JULI: Hey, Bryce. Wanna come climb the
painting of it?
tree with me
and my brothers?
LYNETTA: No, he does
landscapes. Sells
BRYCE: No, thanks.
them at the county fair. People say
they're
JULI:
Bryce. Come up
here. It's fun. Y
ou
beautiful.
can see
everything.
STEVEN:
Landscapes?
Let
me
tell
you
2
something.
The
world
would
have
more
beauty
in
it
if
he'd
do
a
little
landscaping
on that piece of
crap he calls a yard.
PA
TSY:
I
feel
bad
for
his
wife.
She
married a dreamer.
Because of that, one of
the two of them
will always be unhappy.
STEVEN:
Y
eah, fine. But why do we have
to be unhappy?
BRYCE:
As
annoying
as
the
yard was
to
my dad... it was nothing compared to
how
annoying Juli Baker was in that
tree.
JULI: Three blocks away.
BRYCE:
Every
morning
we
had
to
listen
to the
sound ...of her blow-by-blow traffic
report.
JULI: Two blocks.
WOMAN: There you go.
GARRETT: Why do they call it The Three
Stooges? I mean, there's five of them.
BRYCE: What?
GARRETT: Well,
yeah, there's Moe, Larry
,
Curly, Shemp and Curly Joe.
BRYCE: Y
eah, but they only
have three at
a time.
GARRETT: Y
eah.
Y
ou know, I hate Curly
Joe.
I mean, he shouldn't even be a Stooge.
MAN: Listen, girl, I'm this close to
calling
the
police.
Y
ou
are
trespassing
and
obstructing progress on a contracted
job.
GARRETT: What's going on?
MAN:
Either
you
come
down...
or
we're
gonna cut you down.
JULI:
Y
ou
guys,
come
up
here
with
won't
cut it down if we're all up
here.
GARRETT: Bus, bus, bus.
BRYCE: Juli was frantic. They wanted to
cut
down
her
tree.
I
couldn't
understand
why that mutant
tangle of gnarly branches
meant so much
to her.
JULI: Bryce, please.
BRYCE: I felt bad for her.
GARRETT: Leave her.
BRYCE:
But
I wasn't
about
to cut
school
over it.
GARRETT: Come on, bro.
CHET:
Why isn't she your friend, Bryce?
BRYCE: Y
ou'd have to know
Juli.
CHET: Well, I'd like to.
BRYCE: Why?
CHET:
That
girl
has
an
iron
backbone.
Why don't you invite her over sometime?
BRYCE:
An
iron
backbone?
She's
just
stubborn... and she's
pushy beyond belief.
CHET: Is that so?
BRYCE: And she's been stalking me since
the second grade.
CHET:
Well,
a
girl
like
that
doesn't
live
next door to everyone.
BRYCE: Lucky them.
CHET:
Read this. Without prejudice.
BRYCE:
Like I needed to know anything
more
about Juli Baker.
BRYCE:
Juli
wasn't
at
the
bus
stop
the
next
morning.
Or
the
morning
after
that.
She
was
at school,
but
you'd
never
know
it.
GARRETT:
Little
Joe?
He's
got so
much
makeup on...
JULI: What does that mean?
BRYCE: He doesn't age.
RICHARD:
A
painting
is
more
than
the
BRYCE:
I
told
myself
I
should
be
glad
sum
of
its
parts.
A
cow
by
itself
is
just
a
about it. I mean, isn't
that what I'd always
cow.
A
meadow
by
itself
is
just
grass,
wanted? But still, I felt bad for her.
I was
flowers.
gonna
tell
her
I
was
sorry
,
but
then
I
And
the
sun
peeking
through
the
trees
is
thought,
hey,
no...
that's
the
last
thing
I
just a beam of light. But you put them
all
needed: Juli Baker thinking I
missed her.
together...and it can be
magic.
SCENE 4
JULI:
I
didn't
really
understand
what
he
JULI: I see why you like
to come out here.
was
saying
until
one
afternoon...when
I
RICHARD: Would you mind explaining it
was
up
in
the
sycamore
tree.
I
was
to your mother?
rescuing
a
kite.
It
was
a
long
way
up,
JULI: I
loved to watch my father paint. Or
higher than I'd ever been. And the
higher I
really,
I
loved
to
hear
him
talk
while
he
got, the more amazed I
was by the view. I
painted. I learned a
lot about my dad that
began
to notice
way.
He
told
me
all
sorts
of
things...
like
how
wonderful
the
breeze
smelled.
Like
how he got his first
job delivering hay and
sunshine
and
wild
grass.
I
couldn't
stop
how
he'd
wished
he'd
finished
college.
breathing
it
in...filling
my
lungs
with
the
Then one day he surprised me.
sweetest smell I'd ever known.
RICHARD: What's going on with you and,
BRYCE: Hey, you found my kite.
uh, Bryce Loski?
JULI:
Bryce,
you
should
come
up
here.
JULI: What do you mean? Nothing.
It's so beautiful.
RICHARD:
Oh, okay. My mistake.
BRYCE:
I
can't.
I
sprained
my,
um...
I
JULI: Why
would you even think that?
have a rash.
RICHARD: No reason. Just that you...
talk
JULI: From that moment on, that
became
about him all the time.
my
spot. I
could
sit
there
for
hours,
just
JULI:
I do?
looking
out
at
the
world.
Some
days
the
RICHARD: Mm-hm.
sunsets
would
be
purple
and
pink.
And
JULI: I don't know. I guess it's
something
some
days
they
were
a
blazing
orange
about his eyes. Or maybe his smile.
setting fire to the clouds on the
horizon. It
RICHARD: But what about
him?
was
during
one
of
those
sunsets
that
my
JULI: What?
father's
idea
of
the
whole
being
greater
RICHARD:
Y
ou have to look at the whole
than
the
sum
of
its
parts
moved from
my
landscape.
head to my heart.
Some days I would get
3
there extra early to watch the sunrise.
One
morning
I
was
making
mental
notes
of
how
the
streaks
of
light
were
cutting
through
the clouds
…
so
I could
tell
my
dad when I heard a noise below.
JULI:
Excuse
me.
Excuse
me.
I'm
sorry,
but you can't park
there. That's a bus stop.
MAN
1:
Hey,
what
are
you
doing
up
there?
MAN
2:
Y
ou
can't
be
up
there,
we're
gonna take this thing down.
JULI: The tree?
MAN 2:
Y
eah. Now come on down.
JULI:
But
who
told
you,
you
could cut
it
down?
MAN 1: The owner.
JULI: Why?
MAN
1:
He's
gonna
build
a
house,
and
this
tree's in the way. So come on, girl, we
got work to do.
JULI:
Y
ou can't cut it down. Y
ou
just can't.
MAN
1:
Listen,
girl.
I'm
this
close
to
calling the police. Y
ou are
trespassing and
obstructing
progress
on
a
contracted
job.
Now
either
you
come
down,
or
we're
gonna cut you down.
JULI:
Go
ahead.
Cut
me
down.
I'm
not
coming
down.
I'm
never
coming
down.
Bryce.
Y
ou
guys, come
up
here with
me.
They won't cut it down if we're all up
here.
Bryce, please don't let them do
this. Come
on,
you
guys.
Bryce,
please.
Y
ou
don't
have to
come up this high. Just a little ways.
Bryce,
please. Please.
JULI:
What happened after that was a blur.
It
seemed
like
the
whole
town was
there.
But still I wouldn't
move. Then my father
showed
up.
He
talked
a
fireman
into
letting him come up to where I was.
RICHARD:
Sweetie,
it's
time
to
come
down.
JULI:
Daddy, please don't let them do this.
RICHARD: Sweetie...
JULI:
Daddy,
look.
Y
ou
can
see
everything.
Y
ou
can
see
the whole
world
from here.
RICHARD:
No
view
is
worth
my
daughter's safety. Now, come on.
JULI: I can't.
RICHARD:
Julianna,
it's
time
to
come
down now.
JULI: Please,
Daddy.
RICHARD: It's time.
JULI:
And that was it. I
must've cried for
two
weeks
straight.
Oh,
sure,
I
went
to
school
and
did
the
best
I
could...
but
nothing seemed to matter.
TEACHER: Juli?
JULI: Huh?
TEACHER: Do you know the answer?
JULI: Uh, the Peloponnesian War?
TEACHER:
I'm
sure
that's
the
answer
to
something... but I was
looking for the area
of a rhomboid.
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
JULI:
Somehow, rhomboids and isosceles
right
triangles...
didn't seem
so
important.
I rode my bike so I
wouldn't have to pass
of all the time
you'd save.
by
the
stump...
that
used
to
be
the
earth's
BRYCE:
I
could've
gone
my
whole
life
most
magnificent
sycamore
tree.
But
no
not knowing that snakes eat eggs raw...
if
matter what I did, I couldn't stop
thinking
it
hadn't
been
for
Lynetta.
She
had
a
about it.
major-league thing
for Skyler Brown.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
LYNETTA: I think it's gross.
RICHARD: Are you okay?
BRYCE:
He
and
Juli's
brothers,
Matt
and
JULI: It
was just a tree.
Mark,
had
formed
a
band.
And
Lynetta
RICHARD:
No,
it
wasn't
just
a
tree.
I
would
watch them practice.
never
want
you
to
forget
how
you
felt
MARK:
That
is
so
neat.
How
about
that,
when you were up there.
huh,
Bryce?
JULI: Thanks, Dad.
BRYCE: Y
eah. Neat.
JULI:
It
was
the
first
thing
I
saw
every
SKYLER:
So,
Brycie,
how
do
you
think
morning... and the last thing I saw
before I
he's gonna digest that?
went to sleep. And once I could look at
it
BRYCE: Stomach acid?
without crying... I saw more than the
tree
SKYLER:
Y
ou'd
like
to
think
that.
Wait,
and
what
being
up
there
meant
to
me.
I
everybody
quiet.
Here
he
goes.
[SHELL
saw
the day that my view of things around
CRACKING] Eggs over easy.
me
started changing. And I wondered, did
LYNETTA: Gross. Gross, gross, gross.
I still feel the same things about
Bryce?
SKYLER: Wait, wait.
Y
ou haven't seen the
SCENE 5
best part.
BRYCE:
I've
never
been
a
huge
fan
of
LYNETTA: Ugh! Gross.
eggs.
I
mean,
I
could
always
just
take
BRYCE:
I tried to be casual about it, but it
them or leave them. That is, until one
day
didn't
take.
I
started
having
bad
dreams.
in
Skyler
Brown's
garage..
when
my
I'd be trapped inside a huge egg... and
this
feelings about eggs were
solidified.
monster would
open
his
jaws
and start
to
[BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
devour
me.
I'd
wake
up
just
in
time.
SKYLER:
Hey,
hey,
hey.
Guys.
Edna's
[KNOCKING
ON
DOOR]
Then
the
real
found her breakfast.
nightmare began.
BRYCE:
I
mean,
if
a
slimy
reptile
found
JULI:
Hi,
Bryce.
I
brought
these
over for
them
appetizing...
there
was
certainly
no
you
and
your
family.
My
chickens
are
place for them in my diet.
laying eggs.
MA
TT:
Oh,
man,
that's
so
cool.
She
BRYCE:
What?
doesn't
even
have
to chew. I
mean,
think
JULI:
Y
ou
remember
Abby
and
Bonnie
4
and
Clyde
and
Dexter
and
Eunice
and
Florence?
The
ones
I
hatched
for
the
science
fair.
BRYCE: How could I forget?
BRYCE:
It
was
classic
Juli
Baker.
She
totally dominated the fair. And get
this, her
project was all about
watching boring eggs
hatch.
I
mean,
here
I
had
a
live-action
erupting
volcano...
and
all
anyone
cared
about
was
Juli's
boring chicks...
breaking
out of their boring shells.
JULI: Oh, I think the last one's
hatching.
WOMAN 1: It's hatching.
WOMAN 2: Oh, it's hatching.
WOMAN 1: Kids, come over here.
BRYCE:
But
hey,
she
won.
I
lost.
I've
never
been one to dwell.
WOMAN 2: Here it
comes.
BRYCE:
But that
didn't mean I had to eat
her lousy
eggs.
PA
TSY: I think it was
very sweet of Juli to
bring us those
eggs.
BRYCE:
I
don't
care.
I'm
still
having
cereal tomorrow.
STEVEN:
Y
eah,
how
do
we
know
there's
no chicks in one of
those eggs?
CHET: I used to eat farm-
fresh eggs when
I was a kid. They were
delicious.
STEVEN:
Y
eah,
well,
that's
all
well
and
good... but what if we
crack one open and
a dead chick falls
out?
CHET:
Do
they
have
a
rooster?
If
they
don't
have
a
rooster
the
eggs
can't
be
fertile.
PA
TSY:
And
if
they
had
a
rooster,
we'd
know.
The
whole
neighborhood
would
know.
LYNETTA: Maybe they
got it de-yodeled.
STEVEN:
LYNETTA:
Y
ou
know.
De-cock-a-doodle-
doo'd.
STEVEN:
What
the
hell
are
you
talking
about?
LYNETTA: Like they
de-bark dogs.
PA
TSY:
Bryce,
why
don't
you
just
ask
Juli?
BRYCE: I don't think
that...
LYNETTA:
What?
Y
ou
afraid
to
talk
to
her?
BRYCE: I'm not afraid
to talk to her.
LYNETTA: [MIMICS
CHICKEN]
BRYCE: I know you are, but
what am I?
STEVEN:
Okay.
Just
talk
to
her
and
find
out.
Bryce: How do you tell if one's a
rooster?
GARRETT:
Well,
a
rooster's
bigger.
Longer feathers.
BRYCE: Mm-hm.
GARRETT:
They've
got
that
red
stuff
growing
out
of
their
head.
And
around
their neck too.
BRYCE:
That
shouldn't
be
too
hard
to
spot.
GARRETT: Although,
come to think of it,
chickens
have
the
rubbery
red
stuff
too.
Just not as much.
BRYCE:
Garrett's
expertise
in
roosters...
was the
cornerstone
of
our
plan
to
avoid
contact
with
Juli
Baker.
The
balance
of
chickens.
which
involved
spying
over
her
back
BRYCE: They're all chickens.
fence.
CHET:
I'm
proud
of
you,
Bryce.
Y
ou
BRYCE:
Come
on,
come
on.
Shh.
Shh.
overcame your fear.
Over here.
BRYCE: Huh?
BRYCE: I can't see the stupid chickens.
CHET:
GARRETT:
We gotta get them out of the
CHET:
Y
ou talked to her.
coop.
BRYCE: Oh, heh. Y
eah. It's
no big deal.
[CLUCKING]
STEVEN:
That's
what
she
told
you?
BRYCE: Is that a
rooster?
They're all chickens?
GARRETT: No, it looks like a chicken.
BRYCE: Y
eah.
BRYCE: How can you tell?
STEVEN:
She's
a
genius.
Y
ou're
both
GARRETT: It just does.
genius... Of course they're all
chickens. A
BRYCE: See what I mean?
Expertise.
rooster's a chicken. The
question is: Is one
BRYCE: Shh, shh!
of them a rooster or are they all hens?
GARRETT: What?
BRYCE:
Hens?
Who
said
anything
about
BRYCE: Juli.
hens? Then it
hit me. Garrett didn't know
JULI:
Here,
guys.
Go
on,
there
you
go.
jack shit about
chickens.
Here, guys. Go on.
BRYCE: Do roosters strut?
GARRETT: Yeah, they're all chickens.
CHET: Yes, they do.
BRYCE:
There's no rooster?
STEVEN: What does
that have to do with
GARRETT: What did
I just say?
anything?
BRYCE:
How can you tell?
BRYCE: They're all
hens.
GARRETT:
Well,
none
of
them
are
PA
TSY:
Well,
the
main
thing
is
the
eggs
strutting.
are okay. It's all settled.
JULI: Here, come on.
BRYCE:
Not for me. There was no way I
BRYCE:
Roosters strut?
was
ever
gonna
eat
anything
that
had
JULI: Come on, guys.
anything to do with Juli Baker.
GARRETT: What did I just say?
BRYCE: I'm not eating them.
JULI: Here.
PA
TSY: Well, why not?
GARRETT: Plus, hardly any of them have
BRYCE:
Have
you
seen
their
yard?
It's...
any rubbery red stuff.
There's
not
even
any
grass.
It's
all
mud
JULI:
What are you doing?
and chicken turds.
GARRETT:
Yeah.
They're
definitely
all
LYNETTA: Ew. Gross.
Salmonella.
5
PA
TSY:
Do
you
suppose they could
have
salmonella?
CHET: It's not very likely.
STEVEN: Why take the risk?
PA
TSY: What do we do with
the eggs?
STEVEN: Give them back.
BRYCE: Give them back? To Juli?
STEVEN: Sure. Y
ou talked to
her before,
right? It didn't kill you.
BRYCE: Well, what do I say?
STEVEN:
Tell
her
we
don't
eat
,
we're allergic to them or
something. Come
on, use your brains.
BRYCE: It didn't feel right to lie.
Besides,
even
a
seventh
grader
would
know
that
entire families aren't allergic to
eggs. But I
didn't
wanna
hurt
her
feelings
either.
So
that
left me with only one option. And thus
another
near-death
experience
in
my
ongoing
saga
with
Juli
Baker
had
been
successfully avoided.
Until one week later.
LULI: Hi, Bryce.
Brought you some more
eggs.
BRYCE: Wow. Thanks.
JULI:
Did your family like the first batch?
BRYCE: Do you even have to ask?
JULI: Great. See you at school.
BRYCE:
What
I
hoped
would
be
a
one-time event was just
the beginning of a
life
consumed
with
lies,
intrigue
and
deception.
Every
morning
I'd
be
on
the
lookout
for
Juli
so
if
she
happened
to
come,
I could
whip
the
door
open
before
she knocked.
BRYCE: Thanks.
BRYCE:
Then
I'd
dump
the
eggs
before
anyone noticed. And
why? Why couldn't I
just face her? Why
couldn't I just say:
thanks. Don't want
them. Don't need them.
Give
them
to
the
snake
Was
I
really
afraid of hurting her
feelings or was I just
afraid of her?
SCENE 6
RICHARD:
Now,
you
wanna
make
sure
you get
it...
JULI: When Mrs. Brubeck first
suggested
hatching eggs as my science
project I was
less
than
excited.
That
is,
until
I saw
my
first sign of life.
TRINA:
Is that it?
RICHARD: That's the embryo.
Heh.
TRINA: Wow.
JULI: It
looks like a bean.
TRINA: It does.
JULI: Let's try the other ones.
JULl:
Suddenly
it
felt
real.
All
the
eggs
were
alive.
There
were,
like,
little
bean
babies inside every one. On the day of
the
fair,
all six chicks
hatched. What are the odds?
TEACHER:
This
year's
top
prize
goes
to
Juli
Baker
for
her
wonderful
project:
Chicken
is Born.
JULI: I won first place. And
that was cool,
but
all
I
really
cared
about
were
my
chicks.
JULI: There you go.
There you go, guys.
JULI:
My
mom
wasn't
crazy
about
us
raising chickens. But I
begged and pleaded.
least I
could do. Besides, if I happened to
I
told her I would take care of everything.
run into Bryce, that wouldn't be the
end of
And I did.
the world.
JULI: Where's Clyde? Clyde? Hey, Clyde.
JULI: Hi, Bryce.
What's
the
matter?
Are
you
okay?
Aren't
JULI:
By
the
third
time
I
brought
eggs
you
hungry? Come on. Come here. What's
over
to
the
Loskis
I
realized
Bryce
was
wrong, baby? Come here.
Hey, you're not
waiting
for
me.
Waiting
to
pull
open
the
Clyde. Y
ou're Clydette. Mom!
door
and
say,
Juli.
See
you
at
JULl: As
it turned out, my hens laid more
school.
And
in
return,
I
got
a
few
eggs than
we could eat. At first we tried to
moments
alone
with
the
world's
most
keep
up,
but
after
a
month
of
boiling,
dazzling eyes.
frying
and
deviling
like
that
movie
The
BRYCE: Thanks, Juli. See you at school.
Blob,
we
were
being
overtaken
by
eggs.
JULI:
It
was
a
bargain.
Until
the
day
it
Then
opportunity
in
the
form
of
our
wasn't.
It
was
two
weeks
after
the
neighbor, Mrs. Steuby, knocked.
sycamore tree was cut down and I was
just
STEUBY:
Hello,
dear.
If
you
ever
have
starting to feel normal again.
any
extra, I'd
be
happy to
buy
them from
BRYCE: Hey, Juli. Right on
schedule.
you.
JULI: Yeah, well, neither rain nor
sleet.
JULI: Really?
BRYCE:
Huh?
STEUBY:
Certainly.
And
I
happen
to
JULI: Y
ou
know, the mailman thing?
know that Mrs.
Helms would be interested
BRYCE: Oh.
Right. So, um, will you start
as well.
riding the bus again?
JULI:
Great.
JULI: I don't know. I haven't
been up there
STEUBY: Nothing like
fresh eggs.
since...
JULI:
Thanks, Mrs. Steuby.
BRYCE:
It
doesn't
look
so
bad
anymore.
STEUBY: Y
ou bet, dear. Bye.
It's all cleared away. Well, um, I
better get
JULI:
Between
Mrs.
Steuby
and
Mrs.
ready for school. Guess
I'll see you there.
Helms,
my
egg
overflow
problem
was
JULI:
See you.
solved.
Then
I
realized
that
Mrs.
Loski
JULI:
Maybe
Bryce
was
right.
Maybe
it
deserved
eggs
too.
But
I
didn't
think
it
was
time
I
started
riding
the
bus
again.
would be
right to charge her. She had been
After
all,
didn't
he
just
tell
me
he
wanted
such a
good neighbor, lending us supplies
me
to?
Could
it
be
that
Bryce
Loski
when we ran out,
giving my mother a ride
actually misses
me?
when
our
car
wouldn't
start,
it
was
the
[DOOR OPENS]
6
BRYCE:
Juli?
What
are
you
still
doing
here?
JULI:
I was just thinking.
BRYCE:
It's
pickup
day.
The cans
are
in
front.
JULI: I know.
Y
ou need some help?
BRYCE:
No. Maybe I'll do it later.
JULI: Are
those my eggs?
BRYCE: Y
eah.
Y
eah, I dropped them.
JULI:
They're
not
broken.
Why
are
you
throwing
them
away?
Don't
you
want
them?
BRYCE:
It wasn't me. My dad didn't think
it
was worth the risk.
JULI: Risk? What
risk?
BRYCE: Salmonella.
JULI:
What
are
you
talking
about?
He's
afraid of being poisoned?
BRYCE:
Well,
Juli,
I
mean,
look
at
your
back
yard.
It's
a
complete
mess.
It's
like
covered
in turds.
JULI: That's not true. I
clean up after my
girls every day.
BRYCE:
We
just
didn't
wanna
hurt
your
feelings.
JULI: Have you always thrown them away?
Y
ou
know,
Mrs.
Steuby
and
Mrs.
Helms
pay me
for my eggs.
BRYCE: They do?
JULI: They pay me 60 cents a dozen.
BRYCE: I didn't know.
JULI:
How could you?
BRYCE: I'm
sorry
.
JULI: No, you're not.
SCENE 7
BRYCE:
It
didn't
take me
long
to realize
that
I'd
traded
in
my
old
problems
with
Juli
Baker for a whole set
of new ones. It
was actually worse
having her mad at me
than
having
her
annoy
me.
The
way
she
ignored
me
was
a constant reminder
that
I'd
been
a
jerk.
Then
one
day
I
was
coming
home
from
playing
basketball
with
Garrett...and things got weird.
CHET:
Don't
be
so
timid.
Come
on,
you
won't hurt them.
JULl: Like this?
CHET: Yeah,
that's it.
BRYCE:
My
grandfather.
All
I
ever
saw
him wear was slippers. Now, where did
he
get
those
work
boots?
I
couldn't
stop
looking over there. And
the more I looked,
the
madder
I
got.
My
grandfather
had
already said more to
Juli in one hour than
he'd
said
to
me
in
the
whole
time
he'd
been
living
with
us.
I was
pretty sure I'd
never
seen
him
laugh.
And
what
was
his
deal with Juli
Baker?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
BRYCE: Hi, Grandpa.
CHET:
Juli
told
me
about
the
eggs.
Y
ou
know,
Bryce,
one's
character
is
set
at
an
early age.
I'd hate to see you swim out so
far you
can't swim back.
BRYCE: Sir?
CHET: It's about honesty, son.
Sometimes
a
little
discomfort
in
the
beginning
can
save a whole lot of pain down the road.
BRYCE:
When
it
came
to
holding
a
JULI: I guess so.
grudge,
Juli
Baker
was
truly
impressive.
[BONANZA
THEME PLAYING]
All week I tried to approach her at
school.
BRYCE:
While
Juli's
acceptance
of
my
She'd
always
find some way
to
duck
me.
apology
was
not
all
that
I'd
hoped
for,
at
And
whenever
she
was
in
her
yard,
least the eggs thing
was finally behind me.
Grandpa
was
always
there
with
her.
The
first
time
in
months
I
could
truly
Finally,
one
Saturday
I
saw
my
opening.
enjoy
Bonanza.
My grandfather had gone into
town to buy
CHET:
Where
you
going
and
why
you
some
Bengay.
I
guess
the
yard work was
dressed like that?
starting
to get to him.
LYNETTA:
Skyler's.
Matt
and
Mark
are
BRYCE: It's looking real good.
bringing
over
recording
stuff
and
they're
JULI:
Thanks. Chet did most of it.
gonna make
a demo.
BRYCE: I'm sorry for what I
did.
STEVEN: Demo? Like they know how
to
JULI: I just don't get it, Bryce.
Why didn't
make a demo.
you
just tell me?
LYNETTA: Y
ou
don't even know them.
BRYCE: I don't know. It was dumb. And I
STEVEN: I don't have to. I know the
type.
shouldn't
have
said
anything
about
your
LYNETTA: Y
ou don't know
anything.
yard, either. It wasn't
right.
STEVEN: Don't talk to me like
that.
JULI:
Maybe
it's
all
for the
best.
I
mean,
LYNETTA: I'm late.
look,
I
learned
so
much
from
Chet,
it's
LYNETTA: Be back by 11.
amazing.
Y
ou're
lucky.
I
don't
even
have
BRYCE:
Yep.
Everything
was
back
to
grandparents anymore.
normal.
BRYCE: Oh.
STEVEN:
Is
that
girl
working
you
too
JULI: I feel sorry for
him. He misses your
hard?
grandma.
Can
you
believe
it?
He
says
I
CHET:
That
girl's
name
is
Juli.
And,
no,
remind him of her.
she isn't working me too hard.
BRYCE: What?
STEVEN:
Y
ou've
developed
quite
a
soft
JULI:
I
know.
That's what
I
said.
But
he
spot for
her, huh?
meant
it
in
a
nice
way.
Something
about
PA
TSY:
Steven.
her spirit.
STEVEN:
No,
Patsy
. Just
wanna
find
out
BRYCE: Y
eah. Well... Good
luck with the
why your father has the
energy to befriend
grass. I'm sure
it'll come up great.
a complete
stranger when he won't throw a
JULI:
Thanks.
baseball around with his own
grandson.
BRYCE: I guess I'll see you
around.
BRYCE: It's okay, Dad.
7
STEVEN: No, it's not okay.
BRYCE: Juli reminds him of Grandma.
STEVEN:
Of
Renee?
Heh.
That's
ridiculous.
CHET:
Y
ou know why the Bakers haven't
fixed their yard?
STEVEN:
Y
eah,
because
he's
too
busy
with his paint-by-numbers kit.
CHET: If you had a brother with a
severe
handicap, what would you do?
STEVEN: What the hell does that have to
do with anything?
CHET:
Juli's father has a retarded brother.
STEVEN: So what? He's not the gardener,
is he? Heh.
PA
TSY: Steven.
STEVEN:
Ha-ha-ha.
It
was
a
joke.
Y
ou
know,
other
people
have
family
troubles
and they manage to mow their own lawns.
I
don't
know
where
their
pride
in
ownership is.
CHET:
They
don't
own
that
house.
The
landlord's
supposed
to
maintain
it.
Mr.
Baker
puts
every
extra
penny
he
has
into
caring
for his brother.
PA
TSY:
Don't
they
have
government
facilities for
that sort of thing?
CHET: Maybe they
thought that a private
facility would
be better for him.
STEVEN:
Either
way,
it's
not
our
fault
that
their
family
has
some
chromosomal
abnormality.
CHET:
It
has
nothing
to
do
with
chromosomes. When
Juli's uncle was born,
he had the
umbilical cord wrapped around
his
neck.
If
he'd
had
enough
oxygen,
he
would've
been
a
perfect
little
baby,
just
like
your son.
STEVEN: Goddamn it, Chet.
STEVEN: Patsy? Patsy?
PA
TSY: Leave me alone!
[DOOR SLAMS]
CHET: Sorry
about that.
BRYCE: Why is Mom so upset?
CHET:
Because...but
for
the
grace
of
God...your mother could
be standing in Mr.
Baker's shoes.
BRYCE:
Did
her
brother
have
the
cord
wrapped around his neck
too?
CHET:
Y
ou
did.
Luckily,
the
doctor who
delivered
you
was
on
the
ball
and
got
it
untangled,
but it easily could've gone
the other
way. Wanna go for a walk?
BRYCE: Huh?
CHET: I find it helps clear the mind.
BRYCE: What would they have done with
me?
CHET: Y
ou
can't dwell on something that
might've
been, Bryce.
BRYCE:
The
way
my
dad
was
talking,
sounds
like
he
would've
thrown
me
in
a
nuthouse.
CHET:
No,
no.
Now,
that's
not
fair.
Y
ou
can't condemn
him for something he hasn't
done.
[CHUCKLES]
This
is
where
that
tree was, wasn't it?
BRYCE:
Y
eah.
CHET:
Must've
been
a
spectacular
view.
She's quite a
girl. Some of us get dipped in
TRINA:
Oh, you're sounding really good.
flat...
some
in
satin...
some
in
gloss.
But
MA
TT:
Y
eah.
We'll
record
it
in
Skyler's
every
once
in
a
while...you
find
someone
garage.
who's
iridescent.
And
when
you
do,
TRINA: That's a
wonderful project.
nothing will ever
compare.
JULI: Speaking of projects, I
was thinking
BRYCE: Flat, glossy,
iridescent? What the
it might be cool
to fix up the yard.
hell did that mean?
Juli
Baker had always
RICHARD: What?
just
seemed
plain
to
me.
Until
now.
And
JULI:
I
mean,
how
much
can
grass seed
the way she
talked
about what
it
felt
like
cost?
I
could
plant
a
lawn,
maybe
some
to be
up in that tree...
”
to be
held above the
flowers. I could even
put up a fence.
earth, brushed by the
wind.
”
Who in junior
RICHARD:
Honey,
that's
a
major
high
talks
like
that?
This
weird
feeling
undertaking.
started
taking
over
in
the
pit
of
my
JULI:
I
could
pay
for
it
with
my
egg
stomach, and I didn't like it. I was
slipping,
money.
man. And it
was time to get a grip.
RICHARD:
No.
That's
your
money.
The
SCENE
8
landlord
should
be
the
one
taking
care
of
JULI:
I'd
never
been
embarrassed
by
all this.
where we lived before. I also never
really
JULI:
But
he
doesn't.
And
we
live
here.
thought
about
money. I
knew we weren't
And it looks so bad.
rich,
but I didn't feel like we were missing
RICHARD: Jules. What's going on?
anything. That is, until Bryce Loski
called
JULI: Nothing, Dad.
our home a complete mess.
TRINA: It's okay, sweetheart.
Y
ou can tell
MARK [SINGING]:
What's your name?
us.
MA
TT: [SINGING] What's your
name?
JULI:
The
Loskis
have
been
throwing
[IN
UNISON]
Is
it
Mary
or
Sue?
What's
away
my
eggs
because
they're
afraid
of
your name? Do I stand a chance with
you?
salmonella.
Because
our
yard
is
such
a
It's
so
hard
to
find
a
personality
With
mess.
charms like yours for
me. Ooh-ee, ooh-ee,
TRINA: Did Patsy
say that?
ooh-ee.
JULI: No.
Bryce did.
JULI:
I
had
to
do
something
and
I
knew
TRINA:
But
it
must
have
been
a
family
what it was.
discussion.
A
boy
doesn't
come
up
with
[SINGING] What's your
name?
that on his own.
[BOTH
SCA
TTING]
MA
TT:
Who cares what they think?
[ALL
LAUGHING]
MARK: Y
eah, who
cares?
8
TRINA: I care.
RICHARD: Trina. Let's not get into
this.
TRINA:
No,
I'm
tired
of
living
like
this,
Richard.
I'm tired
of
having
to
take
temp
jobs
just
to
make
ends
meet.
I'm
tired
of
having
to
push
a
chair
up
against
the
washing
machine
just
to
keep
the
door
shut.
I'm
tired
of
having
to
borrow
Mrs.
Steuby's
vacuum cleaner
every
time
ours
breaks down.
RICHARD: Do you
think this is the life I
pictured
for
us?
Sometimes
you
have
to
sacrifice
to
do
the right
thing.
We
always
end
up
agreeing
that
Devonhurst
is
the
right thing for Daniel.
TRINA:
Well,
maybe
we
should
start
thinking
about
what's
right
for
us.
Our
daughter is suffering
because we won't fix
up our own yard.
RICHARD: It's not our yard.
TRINA:
How
can
you
say
that,
Richard?
How?
We've
lived
here
for
12
years,
and
for
12
years
we've
been
saying
it's
temporary, but it's not. This is our
home. Is
it wrong to wanna live
somewhere you can
be proud of? To have
enough to send your
kids
to
college?
Maybe
it's
time
we
considered government care.
RICHARD:
We
are
not
moving
my
brother.
TRINA:
He's
more
important
than
your
own children?
JULI: Dad!
RICHARD: How dare
you!
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