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1.
猫和老鼠
——
Mrs Brown went to
visit
one
of
her
friend
and
carried
a
small
box
with
holes
punched in the top.
—
—
What's
in
your
box?
——
I've
been
dreaming
about
mice
at
night
and
I'm so
scared! This cat is to catch them.
——
the
friend.
——
布朗夫
人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小
眼儿的盒子。
“<
/p>
盒子里装的是什么？
”
朋友问道。
“
一只小猫，
”
布朗
夫人回答说，
“
你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常
害怕。
这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。
”“
可老鼠都是假想的呀。
”
朋友说。
“
小猫也是假想的。
”
布朗
夫人小声说道。
d Shore Fast
快速靠岸
A
guy
I
know
was
towing
his
boat
home
from a
fishing trip to Lake
Huron when his car
broke
down. He didn't have his cell
phone with him,
but
he
thought
maybe
he
might
be
able
to
raise someone on his
marine radio to call for
roadside
assistance. He climbed into his boat,
clicked
on
the
radio
and
said,
mayday.
A
Coast Guard
officer came
on and
said,
your
location.
two
miles
south
of
Standish.
After
a
very
long
pause,
the
officer
asked,
fast
were
you
going
when you reached shore?
在休伦湖钓完鱼后，我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回
家。路上车坏了
。他没带手机，不过，他想，也许他可以通
过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。
于是，
他爬到他的船里面，
启动了无线装置，喊道
，
“
求救，求救
”
。一名海岸护卫队警
官作出了回应，
“
报告你的位置
”
。
“I
-75
号公路，
Standish
的南面两英里
”
。沉默了好一会之后，警官问我的朋友
，
“
你
的船靠岸时开得有多快？
”
Mean Man's Party
吝啬鬼的聚会
The
notorious
cheap
skate
finally
decided
to
have a party. Explaining
to
a
friend
how
to
find
his
apartment, he said,
and ring
the doorbell with your elbow. When
the
door open, push with your foot.
gosh,
was
the
reply,
not
coming empty-
handed, are you?
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。
他在向
一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：
“
你上到五楼，用你的胳
膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。<
/p>
”
“
为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？
”
“
天哪！
”
吝啬鬼回答，
“
你总不会空着手来吧？
”
g clock
会说话的钟
——
While
proudly
showing
off
his
new apartment to friends, a
college
student led the way into
the
den.
is
the
big
brass
gong
and
hammer
for?
one
of
his
friends
asked.
is
the
talking
clock,
——
the
man
said
and
proceeded
to
give
the gong an ear shattering pound with the
hammer.
Suddenly,
someone
screamed
from
the
other
side
of
the
wall,
it
off,
you
idiot!
It's two o'clock in the morning!
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公
寓，
甚是得意。
“
那
< br>个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？
”
他的一个朋友问他。<
/p>
“
那玩
意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟
”
，学生回答。
“
这钟怎么
工作的
”
，他的朋友问。
“
看着，别眨眼了
”
< br>，那学生走上前
一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突
然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，
“
别敲了
，你这白痴！
现在是凌晨两点钟了！
”
5.
那就更糟了
Much Worse
----Policeman:
Why
didn't
you
shout
for
help
when
you
were
robbed of your watch?
----Man:
If
I
had
opened
my
mouth,
they'd
have found my four gold teeth. That
would be
much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那
就更糟了。
6.
需要推一下吗
Need a push?
——
A
man
is
in
bed
asleep
with
his wife when there is
a rat- a-tat-tat
on the door.
——
He rolls over
and looks
at
his
clock,
and
it's
half
past three in the
morning.
of bed at this time
——
Then, a louder knock
follows.
going to answer
that?
——
So
he
drags
himself
out
of
bed,
and
goes
downstairs.
—
—
He
opens
the
door
and
there
is
man
standing there. It
didn't take the homeowner
long to
realize the man was drunk.
——
there.
slurs
the
stranger,
you
give me a
push??
——
get
lost(
走开
!),
it's
half
past
three.
I
was in
bed.
——
He goes
back up to bed and tells his wife
what
happened
and
she
says
that
wasn't very nice of you. Remember that
night
we broke down on the pouring rain
on the way
to
pick
the
kids
up
from
the
baby-
sitter
and
you had to knock
on that man's house to get us
started
again?
What
would
have
happened
if
he'd told us to get lost??
——
—
—
doesn't
matter.
says
the
wife.
needs our help, the right
thing to do would be
to help
him.
—
—
So
the
husband
out
of
bed
again,
gets
dressed,
and
goes
downstairs.
He
opens
the
door,
and
not
being
able
to
see
the
stranger
anywhere he shouts:
push??
and
he
hears
a
voice
cry
out
please.
——
So, still being
unable to see the stranger he
shouts:
——
And
the
stranger
replies:
over
here,
on your
swing(
秋千
).
7.I
know who God is !
A boy says to her
mother,
is God a man or
woman?
The mom thinks a while and says,
God is both man and
woman.
The son is confused, so he asks,
or white?
The
mother
replies,
is
both
black
and
white,
honey.
The
son,
still
curious,
says
after
a
while,
God gay or
straight, mommy?
The mother, getting a
little worried, answers,
straight.
The son
thinks about it, and his face lights up
when he thinks he finally has
answered
his
question:
God
Michael
Jackson?
儿
子：妈妈，上帝是白人还是黑人？
妈妈：宝贝，上帝是白人也是黑人！
儿子：那上帝是男人还是女人？
妈妈：宝贝，上帝是男人也是女人！
儿子：哦。我知道了，上帝是迈克尔
·
杰克逊！
Lines In Heaven
Everybody on earth dies
and
goes to heaven.
God comes and says
two lines.
One
line
for
the
men
that
dominated
their
women on earth
and
the
other
line
for
the
men
that
were
whipped
by their women.
Also,
I
want
all
the
women
to
go
with
St
Peter.
Said
and
done,
and
there
are
two
lines.
The
line
of the men
that were whipped was 100
miles long,
and
the
line
of
men
that
dominated
women,
there was only one
man.
God
got
mad
and
said.
men
should
be
ashamed of yourselves.
I
created
you
in
my
image
and
you
were
all
whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that
stood up
and made me proud.
Learn from him! Tell them, my son,
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