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英文已如此搞笑
,
翻译却更加残暴
冷推荐
,
冷英文
|
易水寒
|
33
评论
|
星期二
,
十二月
1st, 2009 | 114499
浏览
1
、
I asked God for
a bike, but I know God
doesn’t
work that way. So I
stole a bike and asked
for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。
后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。
于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽
恕。
2
、
I want to die
peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not
screaming and yelling like
the
passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去??
而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！
3
、
Do not argue
with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个
纯
SB,
因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平
< br>,
然后用丰富的经验打败你
4
、
The last thing
I want to do is hurt you. But
it
’
s still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上
,
我最不愿意做的事就是伤
害你
,
但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
意译
a
：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼
我。
意译
b
：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
5
、
If sex is a
pain in the ass, then you
’
re
doing it wrong
?
a.
如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞?
b.
若
XXOO
是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
6
、
The early bird
might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
a.
早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
b.
早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
7
、
We live in a
society where pizza gets to your house before the
police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快
.
8
、
Having sex is
like playing bridge. If you
don
’
t have a good partner,
you
’
d better have a
good hand.
XXOO
就象打桥牌。
如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
9
、
Some people
are like Slinkies
?
not
really good for anything, but you
can
’
t help smiling
when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
有些人就像
Slinkies
（弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。
< br>
10
、
Politicians
and
diapers
have
one
thing
in
common.
They
should
both
be
changed
regularly,
and
for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了！！
11
、
War does not
determine who is right
–
only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
12
、
Women might be
able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole
relationship.
a.
女人的高潮可能是装出来
的。但是男人
TMD
可以整段感情都是装出来的！
b.
女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装
感情以获取真实的高潮。
13
、
We never
really grow up, we only learn how to act in
public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
14
、
Men
have
two
emotions:
Hungry
and
Horny.
If
you
see
him
without
an
erection,
make
him
a
sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿
和
性饥渴。
要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
15
、
Light travels
faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them
speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点?
.
这就是为嘛有些
SB
只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装
B
?
17
、
I thought I
wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
18
、
If you think
nobody cares if you
’
re
alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活
,
那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债
主玩躲猫猫
~~
19
、
Sex is not the
answer. Sex is the question.
“
Yes
”
is the answer.
XXOO
并不是结论而是个问
题?爽不爽才是答案?
20
、
Evening news
is where they begin with
‘
Good
evening
’
, and then proceed
to tell you why it
isn
’
t.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
21
、
How is it one
careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a
campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
22
、
If 4 out of 5
people SUFFER from diarrhea
?
does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果
4/5
的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下
1/
5
咋回事？很享受吗？
23
、
Knowledge is
knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水
果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译
a
：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都
放进一个篮子。
意译
b:
所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于
80
后，但智
慧告诉你这终还是男女有别
~
24
、
If God is
watching us, the least we can do is be
entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
25
、
Never, under
any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
无论，在任何情况下，永
远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
26
、
I
didn
’
t fight my way to the
top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
27
、
A bus station
is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I
have a work
station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站?
28
、
If I agreed
with you we
’
d both be wrong.
要是我听你的，咱俩就都
2B
了。
29
、
Did
you
know
that
dolphins
are
so
smart
that
within
a
few
weeks
of
captivity,
they
can
train
people to stand on the very edge of the
pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要
驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。
30
、
A computer
once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me
at kick boxing.
a.
下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b.
下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
31
、
I saw a woman
wearing a sweat shirt with
“
Guess
”
on
it
?
so I said
“
Implants?
”
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“
Guess
”?俺就问了一
句：“?隆过？”
32
、
Children: You
spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
them to walk and talk. Then
you spend
the next 16 years telling them to sit down and
shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花
2
年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花
16
年教丫们坐定和闭嘴
。
33
、
Why does
someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you
say
the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有
4
00
亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
34
、
Better to
remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak
and remove all doubt.
a.
宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
b.
越解释越
SB
< br>，不说话最
NB
。
c.
剽悍的人生不需要解释
d.
宁可闭口被人当
SB
，也不张口解释所有疑。
35
、
A bank is a
place that will lend you money, if you can prove
that you don
’
t need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
36
、
Laugh at your
problems, everybody else does.
a.
对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
b.
你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。
37
、
The voices in
my head may not be real, but they have some good
ideas!
a.
我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些
话真
TM
有用！
意译：我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫
38
、
A clear
conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
a.
无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
意译
b
：
<
/p>
自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜??”
c.
意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
39
、
Good girls are
bad girls that never get caught.
a.
所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的
JP
女·····
b.
想立牌坊就得会装
40
、
He who smiles
in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟
~
41
、
Women will
never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and
a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以
秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。
42
、
The shinbone
is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
43
、
The main
reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有
YD
妞住哪儿啊！
44
、
To steal ideas
from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
意译：窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
45
、
Some cause
happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they
go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。
.
46
、
I discovered
I scream the same way whether
I
’
m about to be devoured by
a great white shark
or if a piece of
seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海
藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨叫声是一样滴。
47
、
Crowded
elevators smell different to midgets.
直
译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。