赵本山小品——不差钱 (英文版)

Shenyang

Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't

get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking. < /p>

赵本山：行了，小伙子我跟你说呀，今天我要请一位重要客人吃饭，你一定要招待好。

Uncle Zhao

Alright !I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best.

Shenyang

No problem.

赵本山：来来来，我问问你，你们这个酒店，如果要最贵的都点上， 得多少钱？

Uncle Zhao

How much does a meal cost here if we order nothin' but the best.

小沈阳：得一、两万的。

Shenyang

About 10,000 to 20,000.

赵本山：啊，那啥，有没有这种情况，今儿个吃完了，明儿个来结账？

Uncle Zhao

Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow?

小沈阳：打白条儿啊？

Shenyang

You'll give me an IOU?

赵本山：不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。喏。

Uncle Zhao

Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.

小沈阳：啥意思？

Shenyang

What's it?

赵本山：小费。

ncle Zhao

A tip for you.

小沈阳：妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。

Shenyang

Oh,thank you, sir - you look cool!

赵本山：

我跟你 说这不白给啊。

一会儿客人到了，

你一定要给足我面子，

明白吗？我到点菜的时候，

你得替我兜着点。

Uncle Zhao

Still, you ain't get it for nothin'. When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food,

you should stop me doin' so.

小沈阳：咋兜呢？

Shenyang

Like how?

赵本山：既把 面子给了，但是呢又不能花得

......

太狠。我要点贵菜< /p>

......

Uncle Zhao

Showin' due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin' too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin' dear?

小沈阳：我就说没有呗。

Shenyang

I'll say

赵本山：哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。来来来，拿点。再给你

30

，来。

Uncle Zhao

You're smart. C'me, here's another 30 yuan.

小沈阳：我跟你都明码的哦。

Shenyang

I'm not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.

赵本山：谢谢。

Uncle Zhao

Thank you, boy.

小沈阳：放心吧。

Shenyang

Nothing much.

毛毛：

爷爷，我有点饿了。

Yadar

Grandpa, I'm hungry.

赵本山：饿了？来碗面条。

Uncle Zhao

How much's a bowl of noodles?

小沈阳：呃，

78

一碗。

Shenyang

78 yuan.

赵本山：啥面？这么贵。

Uncle Zhao

Whut noodles can be so expensive?

小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面。

Shenyang

Scottish sauced noodles.

赵本山：是不是卤子贵？

Uncle Zhao

Does the sauce cost much, too?

小沈阳：卤不要钱。

Shenyang

It's free.

赵本山：那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。快去，快去。

Uncle Zhao

Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste's right. Quick.

小沈阳：妈呀，没这么上过呀。

Shenyang

That's no way to serve a meal, sir.

赵本山：那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。

Uncle Zhao

You think so only becuse I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make s'me change.

小沈阳：这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。

Shenyang

(to himself) Had I said the noodles are free, he would've asked for noodles. (Exits)

赵本山：来，站起来。跟你说，一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了 ，你一定要给我争个脸，好不？这是人生最好的一次机

会，知道吗？爷爷培养了你，都已 经四十多年了。

Uncle Zhao

(to Yadar) Listen here, Yadar. When Mr. Bi from CCTV's Starlight Broadway c'mes, you must show you' best, OK?

It's the best opport'nity for you' own future. Grandpa's been preparin' you over the past 40-plus years.

毛毛：

爷爷，我才多大。

Yadar

Grandpa, see how old I am now.

赵本山：我还培养你爸三十多年呢。你爸那是个 半成品，我都给培养成文化站站长了。你一定要超过他，有决心吗？

Uncle Zhao

I prepared you' daddy for 30 extra years. Though he ain't good enough, he's the chief of the township's cultural

center. So you really should outdo him. Can you make it or not?

毛毛：

有。

Yadar

I can.

小沈阳：哎，来了。

Shenyang

Here's the sauce for you.

赵本山：来，先把这卤子喝了，这孩子饿了。

Uncle Zhao

(to Yadar) Eat this, so you won't be too hungry.

毛毛：

爷爷，有点咸了。

Yadar

Grandpa, it's a bit salty.

赵本山：没事，给她整碗水去。

Uncle Zhao

(to Shenyang) Fetch her s'me water to drink.

小沈阳：免费的水，不是？

Shenyang

You mean free water?

赵本山：白开水就行。真够抠的。

Uncle Zhao

Just plain boiled water, you miser.

（毕福剑上）

(Bi Fujian, MC / anchorman of CCTV's Starlight Broadway program, enters.)

小沈阳：

哟，你 不是那谁吗，你是那个

......

蒙住了。朱军？！不是朱军 。白岩松？！不是。老毕

......

你是毕老师吗？！

Shenyang

Why, aren't you that one - Zhujun! Oh sorry. Bai Yansong? Oh no. Or a Bi something! Are you Mr. Bi?

毕福剑：我姓毕。

CCTV Man

I'm Bi Fujian.

小沈阳：哎呀我的妈呀，毕老 师来了。你咋出来了呢？哎呀我的妈呀，快来人啊，毕老师，一会儿该跑了。

Shenyang

Come here everyone, it`s Mr. Bi here. (To CCTV Man) Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up! Come here!

He can go elsewhere at any minute.

赵本山：干啥，吵吵巴火的，让狼撵了咋的？

Uncle Zhao

Whut the hell's going on? Anythin' to be so fussy abut? You're being hounded by a wolf?

小沈阳：毕老师

......Shenyang

He's Mr. Bi...

赵本山：我知道，这就是我要请的客人。

Uncle Zhao

I know, an' he's the guest I'm honored to keep comp'ny today.

小沈阳： 哎呀我的妈呀，毕老师，你给我照个相呗！

Shenyang

Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr. Bi?

赵本山

:

你先等一会儿。刚到是吧？

Uncle Zhao

(to Shenyang) Wait, wait. (To CCTV Man) Welc'me, Mr. Bi.

毕福剑：刚到，刚到。

CCTV Man

Nice to meet you.

赵本山：我在这儿等半天了。

Uncle Zhao

I've been waitin' all this time for you.

毕福剑：你好你好。请问您是

. .....

？

CCTV Man

Thanks a lot really. May I have your name please?

赵本山：你找谁？

Uncle Zhao

Which man did you expect to see?

毕福剑：我找莲花乡文化站站长赵铁柱。

CCTV Man

I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Township's cultural center.

赵本山：找对了，这就是赵铁柱的爹，我是

......Uncle Zhao

You got it. Here's his daddy and I'm...

毛毛：

赵铁柱是我爹。

Yadar

Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.

赵本山：我是赵铁柱的爹。你不是找爹吗？啊不，找就对了。

Uncle Zhao

An' I'm Tiezhu's daddy. Aren't you lookin' for a dad... I mean it's right to be looking my way.

毕福剑：爹

......

不是，我找您儿子。

CCTV Man

Hi, daddy... I mean buddy. So where's your son?

赵本山：他在乡里等你呢。

Uncle Zhao

He is waiting you in town

毕福剑：咱去乡里吧。

CCTV Man

Let's go there, then.

Uncle Zhao

The center asked me to feast you here in town first. How abut that?

毕福剑：在这儿吃饭？

CCTV Man

Why here?

赵本山：这是铁岭最贵的，你来吧。

Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling. Do c'me this way please.

毕福剑：别别，大爷，不，老哥，我在飞机上吃了。

But I've had my meal on the plane.

赵本山：那客随主便，好不好？给你怎么安排你就听话，来来。

Uncle Zhao

You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.

小沈阳：毕老师，你不给照个相吗？毕老师。

Shenyang

A picture of the two of us, please.

毕福剑：你是男服务员？

CCTV Man

(to Shenyang) You're... a male waiter?

小沈阳：嗯哪。

Shenyang

Yup.

毕福剑：长得挺委婉的。

CCTV Man

You look awfully, awfully sweet, boy.

赵本山：我刚开始来就 误会了，你说哪有这打扮，哎呀妈呀。坐，刚到是吧？

Uncle Zhao

I, too, took him to be a woman when I first came. How funny he is dressin' up like this? Sit down here. Did you

enjoy your trip?

毕福剑：刚到，刚到。

CCTV Man

Yes, quite.

赵本山：咱是老乡。

Uncle Zhao

We mus' be fellow townsmen.

毕福剑：是吗？

CCTV Man

Are we?

赵本山：你不是大连人吗？

Uncle Zhao

Ain`t you from Dalian?

毕福剑：对对，大连人。

CCTV Man

Sure.

赵本山：你住哪儿？

Uncle Zhao

Which part?

毕福间

我住大连老鳖湾。

CCTV Man

Old Turtle Bend.

赵本山：哎呀妈呀，有亲戚，孩子她姥爷也在老鳖湾，也姓毕

Uncle Zhao

Where her mummy's daddy used to live, too. So we're even relatives

赵本山：

这一笑，你看看，多像你姥爷临走那张照片。

Uncle Zhao

：

(To Yadar) Look, he smiles like the last picture of you' dead grandpa.

毛毛：

爷爷，你快看，不笑更像。

Yadar

Look, even more like it when he doesn't.

毕福剑：我今儿个躲不开了。

CCTV Man

So I'm hopeless either way.

赵本山：孩子这一辈子，跟爷爷不行，就跟姥爷亲。姥爷临走把她哭完了。快认姥爷。< /p>

Uncle Zhao

The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me. Sort of cried her heart out when he died. Say hello

to you' new grandpa.

毛毛：

姥爷好。

Yadar

(kneeling down / with a kowtow) How do you do, grandpa.

毕福剑：别别别 ，起起

......

。大过年的，你要来这个，我得给你压岁钱 了。

CCTV Man

Don't, please. It`s Spring Festvial now, and I should've given you some gift money.

赵本山：不用，不用。哎呀，这家伙，来

......Uncle Zhao

Don't bother with that, sir. You're indeed...

小沈阳：毕老师，你给我照个相呗。

Shenyang

We haven`t had our picture taken, sir.

赵本山：这没吃饭呢，你先揣起来。点菜，快点。

Uncle Zhao

We haven't ordered our dishes yet. Put this damn' thing away. We'll see whut to eat first. C'me.