-
引导语：
It
’
s
not the fall that kills you
，
it
’
s the sudden stop at the
end
。跳楼的时候，
“啊—
—”的时
候还没死，
“啪！
”那才是死了。
1
、
I asked God for
a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I
stole a bike and
asked for forgiveness.
开始我
直接求上帝赐辆自行车。后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。于是老子偷
了一辆然后求
上帝宽恕。
2
、
I want to die
peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not
screaming and yelling
like the
passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，
安静地在睡梦
中死去??
而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴
乘客一样死法啊！
3
、
Do
not
argue
with
an
idiot.
He
will
drag
you
down
to
his
level
and
beat
you
with
experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯
SB
，因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平
,
然后用
丰富的经
验打败你。
4
、
The last thing
I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the
list.
直译：在这个世界上
,
我最不愿意做的事就
是伤害你
,
但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
a
：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
b
：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
5
、
If sex is a
pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
a.
如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞。
b.
若
XXOO
是下体的痛，那么，是你操
错。
6
、
The
early bird might get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese.
a.
早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
b.
早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
7
、
We live in a
society where pizza gets to your house before the
police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快
.
8
、
Having sex is
like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner, you'd better have a
good hand.
XXOO
就象打桥牌。
如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
9
、
Some
people
are
like
Slinkies ...
not
really
good
for
anything,
but
you
can't
help
smiling when you see one tumble down
the stairs.
有些人就像
Slinkies
（弹簧玩具）
，没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣
腾去还是很有喜感。
10
、
Politicians
and
diapers
have
one
thing
in
common.
They
should
both
be
changed
regularly, and for
the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，
而且因为同一个理由
——脏了！
！
11
、
War does not
determine who is right - only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
12
、
Women might be
able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole
relationship.
a.
女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人
< br>TMD
可以整段感情都是装出来的！
b.
女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
13
、
We never
really grow up, we only learn how to act in
public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
14
、
Men have two
emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without
an erection, make
him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿和性饥渴。
要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
15
、
Light travels
faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright unl you hear
them speak.
光总是
比声音跑的快点，这就是为嘛有些
SB
只有在开口说话之后你才
发现他是在
装
B
。
16
、
My mother
never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-
bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
17
、
I thought I
wanted a career, turns out I just wanted
paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
18
、
If you think
nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活
,
那你不妨尝
试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫
~~
19
、
Sex is not the
answer. Sex is the question.
XXOO
并不是结论而是个问题，爽不爽才是答案。
20
、
Evening news
is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you
why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
21
、
How is it one
careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a wholebox to start a
campfire?
直译：
一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
22
、
If
4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does
that mean that one enjoys it?
如果<
/p>
4/5
的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下
1
/5
咋回事？很享受吗？
23
、
Knowledge is
knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
直译：
知
识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；
智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
a
：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放
进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进
一个篮子。
b:
所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于
8
0
后，但智慧的
mp
告诉你这终还是男
女
有别
~
24
、
If God is
watching us, the least we can do is be
entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
25
、
Never, under
any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on thesame night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要
在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
26
、
I didn't fight
my way to the top of the food chain to be a
vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
27
、
A bus station
is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I
have a work
station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站?
28
、
If I agreed
with you we'd both be wrong.
要是我听你的，咱俩就都
2B
了。
29
、
Did you know that dolphins are so smart
that within a few weeks of captivity, they
can train people to stand on the very
edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养
几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们
扔鱼吃
了。
30
、
A computer
once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me
at kick boxing.
a.
下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
b.
下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
31
、
I saw a woman
wearing a sweat shirt with
瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“
Gu
ess
”
...
俺就问了一句：
“
...
隆过？”
32
、
Children: You spend the first 2 years
of their life teaching them to walkand talk.
Then you spend the next 16 years
telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花
2
年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花
16
年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
33
、
Why does
someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check
when you say
the paint is wet?
为什么当你说天上有
400
亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
34
、
Better to
remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak
and remove all doubt.
a.
宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
b.
越解释越
SB
< br>，不说话最
NB
。
c.
剽悍的人生不需要解释。
d. mp
里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当
SB
，也不张口解释所有疑。
35
、
A bank is a
place that will lend you money, if you can prove
that you don't need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
36
、
Laugh at your
problems, everybody else does.
a.
对你
的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
b.
你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。
37
、
The voices in
my head may not be real, but they have some good
ideas!
a.
我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真
TM
有用！
b.
我幻
想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫。
38
、
A clear
conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
a.
无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
b.
自从
那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜??”
c.
意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
39
、
Good girls are
bad girls that never get caught.
a.
所
谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的
JP
女。
b.
想立牌坊就得会装。
40
、
He who smiles
in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟。
编后语：
Hospitality:
making your guests feel like
they
’
re at home, even if you
wish they
were
。好客就是：让客人觉得他们像
在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。
41
、
Women will never be equal to men until
they can walk down the street witha bald
head and a beer gut, and still think
they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女
能平等。
42
、
The shinbone
is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
43
、
The main
reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有
YD<
/p>
妞住哪儿啊！
44
、
To steal ideas
from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.
剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
45
、
Some cause
happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they
go.
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。
.
46
、
I
discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about
to be devoured by a great
white shark
or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现
，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏
时的惨叫声是
一样滴。
47
、
Crowded
elevators smell different to midgets.
直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小
矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
48
、
I didn't say
it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！
49
、
Whenever I fill out an application, in
the part that says
put
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急
情况联系：
”
我填上了“医生”
，到时候我妈能帮
上什么忙？！
50
、
God must love
stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱
SB
，不然他造这么多！
日常用语
1. My time is your time.
请你吩咐！
2. My hands are
tied.
我很忙，无能为力。
3. To make a long story
short.
长话短说。
4. It's a date.
一言为定。
5. That's a steal.
真便宜。
has no sense.
她不懂事。
7. It's not big deal.
没什么了不起。
8. What's the fuss?
吵什么？
9. Don't push me.
别逼我。
10. Have a good of it.
玩得高兴。
down to business.
言归正传。
12. Does it serve your
purpose.
对你有用么
13. It's long story.
一言难尽。
14. Don't play possum.
别装蒜！
15. Make it up.
不计前嫌。
16. Don't over do it.
别太过分了。
17. You want a bet?
想打赌吗？
18. Who wants?
谁稀罕？
19. December heartbeat.
黄昏恋
20. Follow my nose.
凭直觉
21. Cheap skate.
小气鬼！
22. Big mouth.
多嘴。
23. I'm going to go.
我这就去。
24. can-do
能人
25. Leave me alone.
别理我。
26. Don't pass the buck.
不要推卸责任
27. I can't put up with
her.
我受不了她。
28. She is just thick-
skinned.
她真是厚脸皮。
29. I see eye to eye with
you.
我与你的意见一致。
30. We are on good terms.
我们关系很好。
31. Many people. many
tastes.
各有所好。
32. One man's meat is
another man's poison.
对一个好的事对另外的人并不
是好事。
33. Many hands
make light work.
人多好干活。
34. I won't
live on the handouts of other people.
我不会靠人家的施舍过活。
35. He is on his high horse
these days.
他这几天有点趾高气昂。
36. You give
him an inch and he will take a mile.
得寸进尺。
37. He is a fast talker.
他是个吹牛大王。
38. I can't make two ends
meet.
青黄不接
月光一族。
39. None of your keyhole.
不准偷看。
40. I am totally messed up.
我心乱了。（凑数，我补充一个）。
quit it!
别闹！
Don't mention
it.
没关系，别客气。
Who knows!
天晓得！
It is not a big deal!
没什么了不起！
How come?
怎么回事，怎么搞的。
Don't push me.
别逼我。
Come on!
快点，振作起来！（
come on
的
含义很多，主要体现在语气上，
使用时请注意语气）