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英语幽默小笑话大全
1.a kiss
At
a
dinner
party,
the
speaker,
who
was
the guest of honor, was
about to deliver a
speech
when
his
wife
sitting
at
the
other
end of the table, sent
him a piece of paper
with the word
The guest seated next to the speaker
said,
her
send
you
a
'KISS'
before
you
begin
your speech.
The
speaker
smiled
and
explained,
don't
know
my
wife.
The
'KISS'
she
give
me stands for 'Keep It Short,
Stupid.'
2
.A teacher was trying to
make use of her
psychology
courses. She
started her
class
by
saying,
who
thinks
you're
stupid, stand
up!
Little Johnny then stood up.
The
teacher
said,
you
think
you're
stupid,
Johnny?
there all by
yourself!
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，
“谁认为自己蠢就
站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，
老师，
< br>我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。
”
3.a great man
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great
man if he were still alive today?
Student:
Of
course.
He
must
be
a
great
man,
for
so
far
nobody
has
lived
to
over
400 years.
一名伟人
老师：
如果莎士比亚还活着，
他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：
当然。
因为到目前为止，
还没有人活到
400
多岁。
4Two Cute dogs
A man
walks into a
shop and
sees
a cute
little dog. He asks the shopkeeper,
your dog bite?
my
dog
does
not
bite.
The
man
tries
to
pet
the
dog
and
the
dog
bites
him.
dog
does
not
bite!
The
shopkeeper
replies,
6
.Policeman:
Why
didn't
you
shout
for
help
when
you
were
robbed
of
your
watch?
Man:
If
I
had
opened
my
mouth,
they'd
have
found
my
four
gold
teeth.
That
would be much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗
金牙。那就更糟了。
little
girl did not like the look of the
barking dog.
afraid.
Don't
you
know
the
proverb:
Barking dogs don't
bite?
the
proverb,
but
does
the
dog
know
the
proverb,
too?
一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，
”一位先生说，
“不用害怕，你知道<
/p>
这条谚语吗：
‘吠狗不咬人。
’
”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
and Ass
Professor
Laurie
of
Glasgow
put
this
notice on his
door
：
“
Professor
Laurie will
not meet his classes
today
．
”
A student
，
after
reading
the
notice
，
rubbed
out
the
“
c
”
．
Later Professor Laurie came
along
，
and
entering
into
the
spirit
of
the
joke
，
rubbed out t
he
“
l
”
．
格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：
“劳里教授今天不会他的班。
”
< br>一个学生读了通
知后，擦掉了字母“
c
< br>”
。
后来劳里教授来了，也<
/p>
想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“
l
”
。
matter which girl he brought
home
，
the young
man found disapproval from his
mother
．
A friend gave him
advice
．
“
Find
a
girl
just
like
your
mother
—
then
she's
bound
to
like
her
．
So
the
young
man
searched and
searched
，
and
finally found
the
girl
．
He told his friendly
adviser
：
“
Just
like you
said
，
I found a
girl who looked
，
talked
，
dressed
，
and
even
cooked
like
mother
．
And just
as you said
，
mother liked
her
”
“
So
，
”
as
ked
the
friend
，
“
what
happened
？”
“
Nothing
，
”
said the young
man
．
“
My father hates
her
！
”
无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母
亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：
“找一个和你母亲
一样的女孩——那她一定会喜
欢她。
”
于是这位
< br>青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。
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