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Letters to His Son, 1746-47
by The Earl of Chesterfield
LONDON, October 16, O. S.
1747
DEAR BOY:
The
art of pleasing is a very necessary one to
possess; but a very difficult one to
acquire.
It can
hardly be reduced to rules; and your own good
sense and observation
will teach you
more of it than I can. Do as you would be done by,
is the surest method
that I know of
pleasing. Observe carefully what pleases you in
others, and probably
the same thing in
you will please others.
If
you are pleased with the complaisance
and attention of others to your humors,
your tastes, or your weaknesses, depend upon
it the same complaisance and attention,
on your part to theirs, will equally please them.
Take the tone of the company that you
are in, and do not pretend to give it; be serious,
gay, or even trifling, as you find the
present humor of the company; this is an attention
due from every individual to the
majority.
Do not tell
stories in company; there is
nothing
more tedious and disagreeable; if by chance you
know a very short story, and
exceedingly applicable to the present
subject of conversation, tell it in as few words
as
possible;
and
even
then,
throw
out
that
you
do
not
love
to
tell
stories;
but
that
the
shortness of it tempted you.
Of
all
things,
banish
the
egotism
out
of
your
conversation,
and
never
think
of
entertaining people with
your own personal concerns, or private, affairs;
though they
are interesting to you,
they are tedious and impertinent to everybody
else; besides that,
one cannot keep
one's own private affairs too secret.
Whatever you think your own
excellencies may be, do not affectedly
display them in company; nor labor, as many
people
do,
to
give
that
turn
to
the
conversation,
which
may
supply
you
with
an
opportunity of exhibiting them.
If they are real, they will
infallibly be discovered,
without
your
pointing
them
out
yourself,
and
with
much
more
advantage.
Never
maintain an argument with heat and
clamor, though you think or know yourself to be
in
the
right:
but
give
your
opinion
modestly
and
coolly,
which
is
the
only
way
to
convince;
and,
if
that
does
not
do,
try
to
change
the
conversation,
by
saying,
with
good humor,
so let us talk
of something else.
Remember that there is a
local propriety to be observed in all companies;
and that
what is extremely proper in
one company, may be, and often is, highly improper
in
another.
The
jokes,
the
'bonmots,'
the
little
adventures,
which
may
do
very
well
in
one
company,
will
seem
flat
and
tedious,
when
related
in
another.
The
particular
characters, the
habits, the cant of one company, may give merit to
a word, or a gesture,
which
would
have
none
at
all
if
divested
of
those
accidental
circumstances.
Here
people very
commonly err;
and fond of something
that has entertained them in one
company, and in certain circumstances,
repeat it with emphasis in another, where it is
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