Teach girls to be brave-TED演讲

0:12

So a few years ago, I did something really brave, or some would say really stupid. I ran for Congress.

0:22

For years, I had existed safely behind the scenes in politics as a fundraiser, as an organizer, but in my heart, I

always wanted to run. The sitting congresswoman had been in my district since 1992. She had never lost a

race, and no one had really even run against her in a Democratic primary. But in my mind, this was my way

to make a difference, to disrupt the status quo. The polls, however, told a very different story. My pollsters

told me that I was crazy to run, that there was no way that I could win.

1:01

But I ran anyway, and in 2012, I became an upstart in a New York City congressional race. I swore I was

going

to

win.

I

had

the

endorsement

from

the

New

York

Daily

News,

the

Wall

Street

Journal

snapped

pictures of me on election day, and CNBC called it one of the hottest races in the country. I raised money

from everyone I knew, including Indian aunties that were just so happy an Indian girl was running. But on

election day, the polls were right, and I only got 19 percent of the vote, and the same papers that said I was a

rising

political

star

now

said

I

wasted

1.3

million

dollars

on

6,321

votes.

Don't

do

the

math.

It

was

humiliating.

1:55

Now, before you get the wrong idea, this is not a talk about the importance of failure. Nor is it about leaning

in. I tell you the story of how I ran for Congress because I was 33 years old and it was the first time in my

entire life that I had done something that was truly brave, where I didn't worry about being perfect.

2:20

And I'm not alone: so many women I talk to tell me that they gravitate towards careers and professions that

they know they're going to be great in, that they know they're going to be perfect in, and it's no wonder why.

Most girls are taught to avoid risk and failure. We're taught to smile pretty, play it safe, get all A's. Boys, on

the other hand, are taught to play rough, swing high, crawl to the top of the monkey bars and then just jump

off headfirst. And by the time they're adults, whether they're negotiating a raise or even asking someone out

on a date, they're habituated to take risk after risk. They're rewarded for it. It's often said in Silicon Valley,

no one even takes you seriously unless you've had two failed start-ups. In other words, we're raising our girls

to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave.

3:20

Some

people

worry

about

our

federal

deficit,

but

I,

I

worry

about

our

bravery

deficit.

Our

economy,

our

society,

we're

just

losing

out

because

we're

not

raising

our

girls

to

be

brave.

The

bravery

deficit

is

why

women

are

underrepresented

in

STEM,

in

C-suites,

in

boardrooms,

in

Congress,

and

pretty

much

everywhere you look.

3:45

In the 1980s, psychologist Carol Dweck looked at how bright fifth graders handled an assignment that was

too difficult for them. She found that bright girls were quick to give up. The higher the IQ, the more likely

they were to give up. Bright boys, on the other hand, found the difficult material to be a challenge. They

found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts.

4:11

What's going on? Well, at the fifth grade level, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including

math

and

science,

so

it's

not

a

question

of

ability.

The

difference

is

in

how

boys

and

girls

approach

a

challenge. And it doesn't just end in fifth grade. An HP report found that men will apply for a job if they

meet only 60 percent of the qualifications, but women, women will apply only if they meet 100 percent of

the

qualifications.

100

percent.

This

study

is

usually

invoked

as

evidence

that,

well,

women

need

a

little

more

confidence.

But

I

think

it's

evidence

that

women

have

been

socialized

to

aspire

to

perfection,

and

they're overly cautious.