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英语幽默小笑话
1
、
Little Robert
asked his mother for two
cents.”What
did you do with the
money
（<
/p>
that/which/
不填
）
I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he
answered. “You
are
a good
boy,”said
the
mother
proudly.”Here are two
cents why are
you so interested in the
old woman?”
“She is the one who sells
the candy.”
好孩子
小罗
伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“
昨天给你的钱干什么了？
”
“
我给了一个可怜的老太婆。
”
他回答说。
“
你真
是一个好孩子，
”
妈妈骄傲地说
. “
再
给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣？
”
“
她是个卖糖果的。
”
2
、
Ivan came home
with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What
happened?”
“A
kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“W
ould you recognize him if
you sa
w him again?”asked his mother.
“I?d know him any
where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡
鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问
，
“
发生了什么事？
”
“
一个男孩
咬了我一口。
”
伊凡
说。
“
再见到他你能认出来
吗？
”
妈妈问。
“
他走到哪里我都能认出他，
”
伊凡
说，
“
他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。
”
3
、
Teacher: Here
are two birds, one is a swallow
（
燕子
）
, the other is sparro
w
（
麻雀
）
.
Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know
the answer.
Teacher: Please
tell us.
Student: The
swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is
beside the
swallow.
两只鸟
老师：
这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。
谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
4
、
Teacher:Why are
you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to
the corner,a sign says,
老师
:
为什么你每天早晨都迟到
?
汤姆
:
每当我经过学校的拐角处
,
就看见一个牌子上写着<
/p>
学校
----
慢
行
5
、
Drunk
One day, a
father and his little son were
going
home
. At this age, the boy was
interested in all kinds of things and
was always asking questions. Now, he
asked,
father replied,
policemen as four then I am
drunk.
醉酒
一天，
父亲与小儿子一道回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，
老是有提不完的问
题。
他向父亲发问道：
“
爸爸，
?
醉
?
字是什么意思
？
” “
唔，
孩子，
< br>”
父亲回答说，
“
你瞧那儿站着
两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算
醉了。
”
“
可是，爸爸，
”
< br>孩子说，
“
那儿只有一个警察呀！
”
6
、
Big
Head
“All the kids
make fun of
me”the boy cried to his mother.“They
say I have a big
head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother
comforted him.“You have a beautiful
head .Now stop crying and go to the
store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your
hat.”
大脑袋
“
所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，
”
小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：
“
< br>他们说我长了一个大脑袋。
”
“
别听他们的，
”
他妈妈安慰说：
“
你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买
< br>10
磅土豆来。
”
“
购物袋在哪？
”
“
我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。
”
7
、
Second language
A mother mouse was out for
a stroll
（散步，闲逛）
with her
babies when she
spotted
（发现）
a cat
crouched
（蹲伏）
behind a
bush
（灌木丛）
. She watched
the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked
fiercely
（凶猛的）
,
terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and
said,
value
（价值）
of a second language?
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛
中虎视耽耽。
< br>母老鼠向着猫叫道：
“
汪，汪，汪
”
，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说
：
“
现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。
”
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