哈佛大学幸福课第二十二课中英文讲义

哈佛大学幸福课第二十二课中英文讲义

哈佛学习障碍协会

Harvard Learning Challenged Association

受到这门课的启发

我们将举行一个论坛

And we are hosting a forum inspired by this class

名叫学习缺陷

entitled Learning Disabilities

学习障碍和积极心理学

Learning Challenges and Positive Psychology

很多校内学生都有学习缺陷

A

lot

of

students

on

campus

are

registered

with

learning

disabilities

有些甚至有学习障碍

and even more have learning challenges

包括学习困难和长期拖延症

which

can

include

a

difficulty

studying

or

chronic

procrastination

而且

很多学习障碍

Also, a lot of learning disabilities

都与抑郁症高发率和低自尊有关

are

associated

with

higher

rates

of

depression

and

low

self-esteem

所以在这个论坛上

我们会问

So in this forum, we hope to ask questions like

如何积极看待学习障碍

?

< br>

我们如何用积极心理学

And

进一步探索这片研究领域

?

to further explore this field of studying?

欢迎大家参加

不管是你有学习障碍

All are welcome, whether you have learning challenge

还是你的朋友

or your friend does

或者你最近遇到学习困难

or you just have a tough time studying

或者你只是感兴趣

or you are just interested

都请来参加

Please come and join us

时间很方便

It's convenient time

一周后

< br>星期二

11

点半

one week from now, Tuesday 11:

< br>地点是

Adams

宿舍音乐院

at the Adams House Conservatory

就在入口和

Adams

宿舍的食堂中间

which is between the entrance and the dining hall of Adams

House

记住在日程表上标出来了

So mark your calendars

这会是一次很愉快的讨论

希望到时能见到大家

It should a good discussion. We hope we'll see you there

非常谢谢

Thank you so much

我叫

Holly

My name is Holly

我是校内一个协会的主席

And I'm the president of an organization on campus

这个协会叫哈佛大学领导才能协会

called the Leadership Institute at Harvard College

David

和我想简单跟大 家介绍一下我们的协会

And David and I want to just quickly mention what the club

does

我们的一位创立人就是你们的助教

John Deutch

One of our founders actually is one of your TFs-John Deutch

他几年前开始成立这个协会

over here helped get the group started a few years back

简单来说

我们的协会组织各种活动

So very briefly what the club has-forming programs

旨在提高校内学生的领导能力

all aimed up promoting leadership on campus

我们有一个发展活动

在这个活动里

我们会请人

We have a development program where we bring in speakers

在研讨会和互动会上演讲

to work on workshops and interactive seminars

教会我们真正有用的技巧

that help all of us on really useful skills

例如主持会议

谈判

公众演讲

like running a meeting and negotiation and public speaking

这些活动对所有本科生免费开放

They are all free and open to all undergraduates

我们还会举行午餐会和论坛

让学生主席

We also enable collaboration between student presidents

总编辑

chief editors

校园队长进行合作

captains on campus through luncheons and discussion forums

我们还有一个拓展计划训练哈佛本科生

We

have

an

outreach

program

where

we

train

Harvard

undergraduates

当领导才能课程的讲师

as instructors for leadership curriculum

我们有一个长达一年的活动

每周六举行

And we run a one year program on Saturdays

是和我们这里的

Cambridge

中学生一起参加的

with middle school students here at Cambridge

最后

我们正在成立一份专注于领导才能的杂志

And

lastly,

we

are

starting

a

student

leadership

magazine

在将来不久就会发行

that will be distributed in the future

大家好

我叫

David Tebaldi

Hey guys, My name is David Tebaldi

我是领导才能协会发展领导才能活动的

I'm the leadership development initiative director

首要负责人

at the Leadership Institute

我来为大家简单介绍一下

I'm here to give you a little bit of idea

focused

我们秋季会有什么活动

of what's in store for the fall

首先我们会举行主席论坛

First of all we have the Presidents Forum

这是一个聚集全校

which is a banquet that brings together the students all across

the

学生领导的宴会

students leaders from all across the campus

他们会分享他们

to discuss their own experiences

对领导才能以及相关挑战的经验

with leadership and challenges related to that

然后我们会出版我们第一份杂志

非常激动人心

Afterwards we had a very first magazine coming out which is

pretty exciting

里面会有很多文章关于以前

It'll have a lot of articles about leaders that we

主持过活动的领导

hosted the past events

以及他们在领导才能这方面的经验

and their own experience with leadership

我们接下来还会有很多活动

正如

Holly

刚才提到

We

have

a

lot

of

other

events

following

that

as

Holly

mentioned before

我们会有关于谈判和公众演讲的活动

with

negotiations

and

a

lot

of

public

speaking

events

are

in

store

如果你们想了解更多

If you'd like to know more

请搜索哈佛大学领导才能协会

you can just google leadership institute at Harvard college

大家就能找到我们的网页

and you should be able to find our website

谢谢你们

Thank you for your time

希望在下一年的活动上能看到大家

And I hope to see you at some of our events next year

我们今天早上和班上的助教吃了早餐

So we had a breakfast this morning with the teaching staff of

this class

这是我们最后一次的早餐聚餐

It was our final breakfast get-together

我有点伤心

And I'm a little bit sad

希望上完这节课后我能开心一点

So hopefully I'll be happier by the end of the class

今天我们会讲完自尊

Today we'll finish up on self-esteem

下节课是我们最后一次上课

and the next time is the last time we meet

至少是这个学期

for this semester at least

我会总结一下我们讲过的内容

And I'll summarize what we have done

我们讲过的

where we have been

和我们将要讲的内容

and all the places that we will go

先回顾一下我们讲过的

Just a recap on what we did

就在幻灯片上

which is on the slide now

有很多研究

There's been a lot of research

有很多观点都说了自尊有多重要

a lot of talk of how important self-esteem is

自尊确实很重要

and it is important

有研究表明它与我们的健康

There's

research

suggesting

that

it's

connected

to

our

well

being

成功有关

低自尊通常与犯罪

to our success that is inversely related to crime

00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,400

药物滥用

substance abuse

心情低落

焦虑

抑郁有关

unhappiness, anxiety, depression

所以自尊很重要

这我们知道

So self- esteem is important - we know that

但是在自尊这个课题里

也不是天下太平的

However, not all was well in self-esteem land

我们上节课讲过了

as we discussed last time

问题之一就是自相矛盾的证据

Part of the problem is that there is contradictory evidence

一方面

On the one hand

高自尊的人通常都仁慈

慷慨和富有同情心

self- esteem

is

associated

with

benevolence

and

generosity

and empathy

但另一方面

on the other hand

高自尊的人又会表现出敌意

high

self-esteem

has

been

shown

to

be

hostility

缺乏合作精神

有抵触情绪

lack of cooperation, defensiveness

另一个问题就是人们误解

There's also misunderstanding about or

自尊对表现的影响

about how self-esteem affects performance

对幸福的影响

how it affects happiness

以及当中的原因

and where that comes from

自尊的矛盾

The paradox of self-esteem

有时候我们觉得自己表现得很优秀

associated

with

Sometimes we feel like we are doing so well

受到很多赞扬

we are getting so many accolades

但自尊上升后

很快又回落到基本水平

our self-esteem increases only to go back to its base level

甚至更糟

only worse

因为我们要尽更大努力

because now we have to do even more

才能让自尊回到基本水平

to come back to our base level of self-esteem

我们要得到更多的赞扬

have to get more accolades

取得更多的成就

more achievements

做什么都不够了

Nothing is enough anymore

所以有证明表明自尊的来源

So there are these contradictory evidence

以及它的后果

where self-esteem comes from

存在矛盾

and its consequences

解释这些矛盾的方法之一就是借鉴别人的研究

And one of the ways to explain it is by drawing on the work

例如

Maslow

of people like Maslow

Nathaniel Branden

people like Nathaniel Branden

或者

Carl Rogers, Rollo May Lovinger

people like Carl Rogers, Rollo May. Lovinger

看看我们能怎么分解自尊的基本构成

to

see

how

we

can

perhaps

break

down

self- esteem

into

its

components

这就是我的论文的内容

that's what my dissertation did

也是我上节课跟大家讲的内容

this is what I presented to you in the previous class

基本上就是讲了自尊这个领域里的研究人员的观点

basically take the ideas of the select field researchers

那些思考这个问题的人

who had been thinking about it

例如马路对面的教育学院的

Robert Kegan

people like Robert Kegan across the road from the Ed school

他研究自尊的角度更倾向于发展心理学

thinking about self-esteem more developmentally

我给大家介绍了那个渐成模型

渐成

And I presented the epigenetic model

–

epigenetic

再说一次

它的意思就是必须实现了一层

once again, meaning that one level has to be fulfilled

或者至少部分实现了一层

才能去到下一层

or at least partly fulfilled before we can go the next level

128

这三层分别是依赖型自尊

And the three levels are dependent self-esteem

独立型自尊

independent self-esteem

和无条件型自尊

and unconditional self-esteem

依赖型自尊

它有两个构成部分

Dependent self-esteem - the two components of it

首先

first of all

有高度依赖性自尊的人时刻需要他人的赞扬

person with high dependence needs the accolades of others

constantly

不管是选择职业

还是决定下午做什么这样的小事

chooses whether it's a career path or what to do this afternoon

都是根据他人的认同来做决定的

based on how much approval that will gain him or her

有依赖型自尊的人

Person with dependent self-esteem

在能力感方面

when it comes to competence

总是拿自己跟别人比较

always compares him or herself to others

我比他们好还是差

?

比他们优秀还是不如他们

?

Am I better or am I worse? Superior or inferior?

独立型自尊是一种取决于自我的自尊

Independent

self-esteem

is

self-esteem

that's

contingent

on

the self

这样的人在评价自己时

in terms of how I evaluate myself

用的是自己的意见

that's my internal voice that's speaking

他们的能力感取决于

In terms of how my levels of competence are determined

自己认为自己进步了多少

it depends on how much I have improved

改善了多少

how much better I've got

觉得自己的潜力发挥了多少

how much I feel that I have fulfilled my potential

这就是独立型自尊

That's independent self-esteem

并不取决于他人的言论或想法

not contingent on what other people say or think

无条件型自尊是最高层次的自尊

Unconditional self-esteem is the highest level

也就是

Maslow

自我实现

the

level

that

Maslow

would

talk

about

-

self- actualization

David Schnarch

所 说的

分化良好型

what David Schnarch talks about as

想被了解

而不是被认可

or

at

the

level

of

being

known

rather

than

desiring

to

be

validated

无条件型自尊是指我们的自尊高到

Unconditional

self-esteem

is

when

our

self-esteem

is

high

enough

让我们对自己感觉很好

we feel good enough about ourselves

所以我们并不在乎别人怎么看自己

not to be concerned with evaluations with others

甚至不在乎自己怎么看自己

or even with self evaluations

在比较方面

In terms of comparison

我们不会比较

我们是相互依存的

we don't compare; we are inter-dependent

相互联系的

connected to others

我上节课举的一个例子是写书

So the example that I gave last time is of a book

假设我出版一本书

我是一个高度依赖型自尊的人

Let's

say

I

publish

a

book

and

I

have

high

self-esteem

首先

我写这本书

First of all, I write it

我出版这本书

是为了得到赞扬

I publish it so that I can get accolades

我的首要动机是获得外界认同

dependent

My primary motivation is external approval

我的首要动机是想出版一本

My primary motivation is wanting to bring out a book

比别人的书都好的书

that will be better than the other books out there

相比较而获得的能力感

以及取决于外界

so relative competence as well as externally other- determined

又假设我写了一本书

So if I bring in a book and write a book

我是一个高度独立型自尊的人

and I have high independent self-esteem

我写了书

我自己评价

I write it and I evaluate it myself

这是一 本好书

或者

这 本书不怎么样

需要修改

needs improvement

在比较方面

In terms of comparison

我跟自己比较

我比起刚开始写时进步了很多

I

compare

to

myself

-

improved

a

lot

since

I

started

writing

这本书比我之前一本要好

This book is actually better than my previous book

我的书写得更真实了

My work has become more authentic, more real.

这是独立型自尊的评价

That's independent self-esteem evaluation

无条件型自尊

Unconditional self-esteem

是我们所知的最高层次自尊

the highest level that we know of:

我写了一本书

我不在乎评价

I write a book and I'm not concerned about evaluation

不管它是好是坏

我当然想变得越来越好

whether it's good or bad - of course I want to be better and

better

但这并不影响我对自己的感觉

but that doesn't affect how I feel about myself

我就是我

I simply exist

我写了这本书

我处于心流状态

I write the book; I'm in a state of flow

我体验这种经历

experiencing the experience

至于这本书是不是比别人的好

In terms of whether it's better than others

或者比我以前写的好

or better than I've written

这都不重要

it doesn't matter

我高兴的是

What I'm happy about

我写成了一本书

what makes me happy is bringing a good book into existence

如果别人也写了一本书

And I would be as happy

我也会同样替他感到高兴

if someone else wrote the book

193

别人写了一本更好的书

我会同样高兴

甚至更高兴

I'd be as happy or happier that someone else wrote a better

book

这本书更能帮助到人

that can help others more

这个模型有很重要的一点是需要明白的

Important thing to understand about this model

我们从很小的年纪开始就有这三层自尊

the

three

levels

is

that

we

all

have

all

three

basically

from

a

very young age

并非只有达赖喇嘛或特蕾沙修女

It's not that the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa

曼德拉或者玛格丽特米德

or Nelson Mandela or Margaret Mead

这样的名人

that people who we know have been

才是自我实现的人

are self-actualized

他们并不是不在乎别人的看法

it's not that they don't care about what other people say

但他们

However, they are mostly

大部分时候

most of their lives, most of the time

都是自己决定的

做自己相信的事

self- determined - do what they believe in

和他人相互联系

feel a sense of connection to others

想让世界变得更美好

want to make the world a better place

但他们并非不在乎

But it's not that they don't care

并非他们评价自己时不会跟自己比较

it's

not

that

they

don't

evaluate

themselves

relative

to

themselves

也不会跟他人比较

or relative to others

这是人的天性

That's part of human nature

我犯过一个错误

当我开始这个研究时

My error, when I started with this research

我跟自己说

was that I said to myself

好的

我想有独立型自尊

当后来我明白无条件型自尊是什么时

and later when I understood what unconditional self-esteem < /p>

我说

我想有无条件型自尊

I said,

我把这两种自尊列为好的

And I situated those two on the good side

把依赖型自尊列为坏的

and dependent self-esteem, bad

结果呢

?

And what then happened?

只加剧了我对他人的依赖

It only intensified my dependency on others

因为当我们有违天性时

Because when we fight nature

天性就会跟我们作对

我们赢不了

nature fights back and we can't win

就像第二节课一样

You know, it's like going back to the second class

如果我跟自己说

If I say to myself

别紧张

别紧张

别心急

结果呢

?

我看到粉红色大象出来了

What happens? The pink elephants begin to come out

我变得更焦虑更紧张了

And I become even more anxious and more nervous

但当我接受这种天性时

whereas I accept it is part of my nature

放任它

不强求自己

Let it be

–

permission to be human

它就顿时威力大减

It loses a lot of its vitality and force and control

因为我可以说

Cause I can say

好的

这个人不喜欢我的书

我无所谓

不喜欢我的课

无所谓

didn't like my class

我接受它

这是天性

我会伤心

And I accepted it, It's nature, It hurts me

我当然想他们都喜欢

I would much rather that they all like it

但转念一想

我就想通了

But I can move on then, and said

我要怎样做才能活出自我

?

我作为一个老师要怎样才能被了解

How can I the teacher who is known as opposed

而不是整天想着得到别人的认同

?

to constantly concerned about validation?

积极接受

回顾一下

Active acceptance. Revisited

接受我的天性

然后决定

Accepting my nature and then deciding

最合适的做法是什么

what would the most appropriate action to take

我的榜样之一是

Warren Bennis

One of the, my role models is Warren Bennis

Warren Bennis

在领导才能这个领域

Warren Bennis has done a lot of research and a lot of speaking

做过很多研究

演讲和工作

and a lot of work in the area of leadership

他先在南加州大学教旁听课

He teaches audit in University of Southern California

后来才来哈佛和麻省理工

was before he was at Harvard and MIT

他来哈佛商学院教了三年

And he came to Harvard Business School for three years

第一年

作为一个客座教授

and the first year - as a visiting professor

第一年我上了他的班

The first year I took his class

一次非常特别的经历

which was an extraordinary experience

第二年他教那个班时

The second year when he taught it

我当了他的助教

I was his teaching assistant

我经常和他一起工作

互动

And I used to work a lot with him and interact with him

< br>我经常为

Warren

折服

and was constantly amazed by Warren

Warren

当时

80

岁

他现在

83

岁了

Warren, at the time was 80 years old - now he's

他走进教室时

整间教室都亮了起来

would walk into the room and the room would light up

他的微笑

姿势

直率

It was his smile, his posture, his openness

他丰富的表达

his expressiveness

都是为了和同学发生互动

was there about his interacting with people

他的一举一动让其他人

and making the other person just by being there

对自己感觉更好了

feel better about themselves

他自信坚强

And he was confident and strong

我把这样的人视为自我实现的人

and what I would classify as self- actualized as a person

他有很高的无条件自尊

with very high unconditional self-esteem

我们走得很近

他在很多方面都给了我帮助

And we became very close and he helped me in many areas

最大的帮助就是他活出自我

我观察他

most of all just by being himself - me observing him

学习他

吸收他给这个世界带来的东西

learning from him, assimilating what he had to give the world

吸收他每天给数百万读他的书的人

and what he was giving day in and day out

听他演讲的人

to thousands and millions of people who have read his books

和他有过接触的人

who have been to his lectures

所带来的知识

who've had the privilege of interacting with him

几年后

有一天

And one day after a couple of years

我是他的助教

I was his TA

我们关系很亲近

and we were close

我跟他说

I said to him

你是怎么变成现在这样的