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Effective Sentences
Elements of Effective Sentences
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Correct
sentences alone can not necessarily make good
writing. Effective Sentences and paragraphs
need the following qualities:
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1
Unity 2
Coherence 3
Conciseness
4
Emphasis
5
Variety
Unity
is
regarded as the most important, or the primary
quality of an effective sentence. It means that
a sentence should express one, and only
one complete idea. What it actually does is to
make sure that
we will follow the
following rules:
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There
should
be
a
complete
idea
in
a
sentence.
Sometimes
the
writer
does
not
provide
enough
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Jane is the most beautiful girl.
information,
and
then
readers
will
fail
to
form
a
complete
piece
of
information
in their
mind.
So
a
sentence
without
a
complete
idea
cannot
be
effective
in
real
communication.
We
can
look
at
the
following example:
There should be only one
idea in the sentence.
A
sentence
is
expected
to
express
a
complete
idea,
which
is
actually
a
unit
of
information
in
communication. But if you put two ideas
into one sentence, then that sentence will be
overloaded. It
will not help readers to
understand you. We can look at this sentence:
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Born in a small village in Southeast
China, he later became a great
scientist.
Coherence
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Sentence
coherence means there is a clear and reasonable
connection between different parts of a
sentence. It is actually difficult to
say what kind of connection is clear and
reasonable, but we can tell
you what is
usually not clear and reasonable. They may appear
in the following ways.
A.
Misused Parallel
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Parallel may be very
effective in description or reasoning, mainly
because it can build up its force
with
recurring patterns. But this effect depends on the
similarity
in structure of these
parallel parts.
Therefore,
if
you
used
different
structures
in
these
parts,
your
sentence
would
sound
awkward.
For
example:
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A man
is usually judged not only by what he says, but
also by his deeds
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It is clear that the writer wanted to
apply a parallel structure with his not only...but
also..., but he used
different
structures, i.e., a clause and a noun phrase. If
keeps these two parts in the same structure, the
sentence would immediately stand out:
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A man is usually judged not
only by what he says, but also by what he does.
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A man is usually judged not
only by his words, but also by his deeds.
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So if you try
to use parallel structures, try your best to keep
them in the same form.
B.
Vague pronoun
Usually we use pronouns to represent
some parts in a sentence in order to avoid
repetition, and
naturally
we
know
their
references.
The
effect
of
pronouns
is
based
on
the
readers'
unmistakeable
understanding
of
what
they
refer
to.
However,
if
readers
find
that
they
can
explain
one pronoun
in
more than one way, and different
explanation leads to different ideas, then your
sentence is not clear in
idea. We call
this kind of sentence ambiguous. Here are two
examples:
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He told his
father that he'd better leave as soon as possible.
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I bought a new computer,
but it was not very helpful.
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You can see that in the
first sentence, the second he is not clear,
because it may refer to the father or
the son. Unless in certain context,
this sentence would be regarded as a bad one. In
order to make this
reference clear, we
may use direct speech:
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He told his father:
Or
He told his father that
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Similarly, in
the second example, the “it” is not
clear. It may refer to the new computer, or refer
to the action of buying a computer. We
can also adjust it to make this sentence clear:
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I
bought a new computer, but the machine was not
very helpful.
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Or
I bought a new computer,
but that
was not very
helpful.
ced Modifier
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We cannot avoid using
modifiers, because they help to make our writing
more vivid or more exact.
However,
sometimes, modifiers, especially long modifiers
present much difficulty. We generally put
them after the noun, but sometimes we
may put them too far away to mean what we want to
mean.
Look at this example:
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The story he told at first
sounded very terrifying.
What does this sentence mean? I'm sure
we may read two meanings from it, this is because
the at
first is
misplaced.
It
may be regarded as a
modifier for told, or a
modifier for
sounded. Maybe the
following sentences
are better:
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The first story
he told sounded very terrifying.
–
Or
The story he told sounded very
terrifying at first.
Conciseness
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Conciseness
means
that
effective
sentence
should
not
contain
unnecessary
words,
that
is,
there
should
not
be
any
word
in
the
sentence
that
does
not
add
something
to
the
information.
These
redundant words can
only cover up the real meaning and confuse your
readers.
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The following are some
examples of lack of conciseness.
The
flower is red in color.
The war ended
in the year of 1945.
Professor Smith is
a very learned and kind professor.
In
my opinion, I think the second plan is better.
Methods to achieve conciseness
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1. Eliminate unnecessary
determiners and modifiers
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Writers
sometimes
clog
up
their
prose
with
one
or
more
extra
words
or
phrases
that
seem
to
determine narrowly or to
modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually
add to the meaning of the
sentence.
Although such words and phrases can be
meaningful in
the appropriate context, they are
often used as
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Wordy
Any
particular type of dessert is fine with me.
—
Any dessert is fine with
me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is
an impossibility without some kind of extra help.
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More Concise
Balancing the budget by Friday is
impossible without extra help.
2.
Change phrases into single words
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Using phrases to convey
meaning that could be presented in a single word
contributes to wordiness.
Convert
phrases into single words when possible.
Wordy
The
employee with ambition...
The
department showing the best performance...
More Concise
The ambitious
employee...
The best-performing
department...
3. Change
unnecessary that, who, and which clauses into
phrases
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Using a clause to
convey meaning that could be presented in a phrase
or even a word contributes to
wordiness. Convert modifying clauses
into phrases or single words when possible.
Wordy
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The report, which was
released recently...
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All
applicants who are interested in the job must...
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The system that is most
efficient and accurate...
More Concise
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The recently released
report...
All job applicants must...
The most efficient and accurate
system...
4. Avoid
overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences
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Expletives
are
phrases
of
the
form
it
+
be-verb
or
there
+
be-verb.
Such
expressions
can
be
rhetorically
effective
for
emphasis
in
some
situations,
but
overuse
or
unnecessary
use
of
expletive
constructions creates wordy prose.
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Wordy
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It is the
governor who signs or vetoes bills.
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There are four rules that
should be observed: ...
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More Concise
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The governor signs or
vetoes bills.
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Four rules
should be observed:..
Wordy
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There was a big explosion,
which shook the windows, and people ran into the
street.
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More Concise
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A big explosion shook the
windows, and people ran into the street.
5 Use active rather than passive verbs
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Wordy
An account was
opened by Mrs. Simms.
Your figures were
checked by the research department.
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More Concise
Mrs. Simms opened an
account.
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The research department checked your
figures.
6. Avoid overusing noun forms
of verbs
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Use
verbs
when
possible
rather
than
noun
forms
known
as
nominalizations.
Sentences
with
many
nominalizations
usually
have
forms
of
be
as
the
main
verbs.
Using
the
action
verbs
disguised
in
nominalizations as the main verbs--
instead of forms of be--can help to create
engaging rather than dull
prose.
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Wordy
The
function of this department is the collection of
accounts.
The current focus of the
medical profession is disease prevention.
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More Concise
This department collects
accounts.
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The medical profession
currently focuses on disease prevention.
7. Reword unnecessary infinitive
phrases
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Some
infinitive
phrases
can
be
converted
into
finite
verbs
or
brief
noun
phrases.
Making
such
changes also often
results in the replacement of a be-verb with an
action verb.
Wordy
The
duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and
to record it.
-------A clerk checks and
records all incoming mail.
Wordy
customers
to become dissatisfied with service.
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A
shortage
of
tellers
at
our
branch
office
on
Friday
and
Saturday
during
rush
hours
has
caused
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More
Concise
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A teller shortage
at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during
rush hours has caused customer
dissatisfaction.
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8
.
Replace circumlocutions with direct expressions
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Circumlocutions
are
commonly
used
roundabout
expressions
that
take
several
words
to
say
what
could be said more
succinctly. We often overlook them because many
such expressions are habitual
figures
of speech. In writing, though, they should be
avoided since they add extra words without extra
meaning.
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Of
course,
occasionally
you
may
for
rhetorical
effect
decide
to
use,
say,
an
expletive
construction
instead of a
more succinct expression.
Wordy
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At
this/that point in time...
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In accordance with your
request...
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More Concise
Now/then...
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As you
requested...
9. Omit words that explain
the obvious or provide excessive detail
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Be sure always to consider
your readers as you draft and revise your writing.
If you find passages
that explain or
describe in detail what would already be obvious
to readers, delete or reword them.
Wordy
It goes without saying
that we are acquainted with your policy on filing
tax returns, and we have every
intention of complying with the
regulations that you have mentioned.
More Concise
We intend to
comply with the tax-return regulations that you
have mentioned.
Wordy
rules
are for how to play the game of chess.
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Imagine a mental picture of
someone engaged in the intellectual activity of
trying to learn what the
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More Concise
Imagine someone trying to learn the
rules of chess.
10. Omit repetitive
wording
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Watch
for
phrases
or
longer
passages
in
your
writing
in
which
you
repeat
words
with
similar
meanings.