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When I was in my 20s,I saw my very first
psychotherapy(
心理诊疗
) client.I
was
a Ph.D. student in clinical
psychology(
临床心理学
) at was a
26-year-old woman named Alex walked
into her first session
wearing jeans
and a big slouchy(
宽松的
)
top,and she dropped onto the couch
in
my office and kicked off her flats and told me she
was there to talk about guy
when I
heard this,I was so classmate got an
arsonist(
纵火犯
) for
her first I got a twentysomething who wanted to
talk about boys. This I thought I could
I didn't handle the
funny stories that
Alex would bring to session,it was easy for me
just to nod my
head while we kicked the
can down the road.
say,and as far as I
could tell,she was happened later,marriage
happened later,kids happened later,even
death happened
somethings like Alex and
I had nothing but before
long,my
supervisor(
导师
) pushed me to
push Alex about her love life.I pushed
back.I
said,
她的对象很差劲
) she's sleeping
with a
knucklehead(
傻瓜
),but it's not like she's going to marry the
guy.
supervisor said,
time to
work on Alex's marriage is before she has one.(
结婚之前
)
psychologists
call an
顿悟时刻
).That was the
moment I
realized,30 is not the new
,people settle down later than they used
to,but that didn't make Alex's 20s a
developmental downtime.(
没错，现在人们
< br>结婚的年龄比以前大一些，
但这并没有使
Alex
的
20
岁成为发展的搁浅期。
)That
made Alex's 20s a
developmental sweet spot,and we were sitting there
blowing(
挥霍
) was
when I realized that this sort of benign
neglect(
善意
的忽视
)was
a real problem,and it had real consequences,not
just for Alex and
her love life but for
the careers and the families and the futures of
twentysometings are 50 million
twentysomethings in the
United States
right 're talking about 15 percent of the
population,or
100 percent if you
consider that no one's getting through adulthood
without
going through their 20s first.(
都要先经历过他们的
20
岁才能进入成
年
)If you
work with
twentysomthings,you love a twentysomething,you're
losing sleep
over twentysomethings,I
want to e,twentysometings
really I
specialize in twentysomethings because I believe
that every
single one of those 50
million twentysomethings deserves to know what
psychologists,sociologists,neurologists
and fertility specialists already
know:that claiming your 20s is one of
the simplest,yet most
transformative,things you can do for
work,for love,for your happiness,maybe
even for the is not my are the know
that 80
percent of life's most defining
moments take place by age means that
eight out of 10 of the decisions and
experiences and
make your life what it
is will have happened by your know that the
first 10 years of a career has an
exponential impact on how much money
you're going to konw that more than
half of Americans are married or
are
living with or dating their future partner by
know that the brain caps
off its second
and last growth spurt(
高峰
) in
your 20s as it rewires(
开启
…
模式
)
itself for
adulthood,which means that whatever it is you want
to change about
yourself,now is the
time to change know that personality changes more
during your 20s than at any other time
in life,and we know that female fertility
peaks(
生育能力高峰
) at
age 28,and things get tricky after age your 20s
are the time to educate yourself about
your body and your when we
think about
child development,we all know that the first five
years are a critical
period for
language and attachment in the 's a time when your
ordinary,day-to-day life has an
inordinate impact on who you will
what
we hear less about is that there's such a thing as
adult development,and
our 20s are the
critical period of adult this isn't what
twentysomethings are hearing.(
但是很少有人告诉
20
多岁的人这些
话。
)Newspapers talk about the changing
timetable of chers
call the 20s an
ectended adolescence(
青春的延长期
)
.Journalists coin silly
nicknames for
twentysomethings like
夹在中间者
)
and
（
成年
孩子）
.As a culture,we have
trivialized(
习惯忽视
) what is
actually the defining
decade of d
Bernstein said that to achieve great things,you
need a plan and not quit enough what
do you think happens when you
pat a
twentysomething on the head and you
say,
start your life
and
ambition,and absolutely nothing then every
day,smart,interesting twentysomethings
like you or like your sons and
daughters come into my office and say
things like this:
no good for me,but
this relationship doesn't count.I'm just killing
time.
say,
be
fine.
nothing to show for myself.I had a
better resume the day after I graduated from
college.
chairs(
抢椅子
).Everybody was running around and having
fun,but then
sometime around 30 it was
like the music turned off and everybody started
sitting down.I didn't want to be the
only one left standing up,so sometimes I
think I married my husband,because he
was the closest chair to me to 30.
not
do ,now that sounds a little flip,but make no
mistake,the
stakes(
风险
) are
very a lot has been pushed to your 30s,there is
enormous thirtysomething pressure to
jump-start a career,pick a city,partner
up(
结婚
),and have
two or three kids in a much shorter period of of
those things are
incompatible(
互不相容的
),and as
research is just starting to
show,simply harder and more stressful
to do all at once in our
post-
millennial midlife
crisis(
千禧年后的中年危机
) isn't by a
red sports 's
realizing you can't have
that career you now 's realizing you can't have
that child you now want,or you can give
your child a sibling(
姊妹
).Too
many
thirtysomethings and
fortysomethings look at themselves,and at
me,sitting
across the room and say
about their 20s,
thinking?
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