-
Shame
羞耻
Who
felt
ashamed?
And
ashamed
of
谁感到羞愧？什么使他羞愧？为
what?
Why
did
the
narrator
write
什么作者要描写他对这个小女孩青涩
about his
calf love for the little
的暗恋？爱与自卑之间到底有什么联
girl?
What
’
s
the
relationship
系？理解了这些，你将找到这个故事的
between
love
and
shame?
Having
主题。
（
48
）
understood these, you will have got
the
key
to
this
story.
（
48
）
I
never
learned
hate
at
home,
or
我在家从未有过憎恶感、羞耻感，
shame.
I
had
to
go
to
school
for
而自从去了学校，我就有了这样的感
that. I was
about seven years old
受。记得大约
7
岁那年，我得到了一次
when
I
got
my
first
big
lesson.
I
was
深刻的教训。那时，我喜欢上一个叫海
in
love
with
a
little
girl
named
琳·塔克的小女孩，她肤色白皙，扎着
Helene
Tucker,
a
light-
complexioned
马尾辫，举止也很优雅。她在校总是衣
little girl
with pigtails and nice
着整洁，成绩优异。我觉得我去学校主
manners.
She was always clean and
要是为了看她。我会梳理好自己的头发
she was
smart in school. I think I
并带上一块旧的小手帕。尽管这手帕是
went to
school then mostly to look
一个妇人的，可我却不想让海琳看到我
at her. I
brushed my hair and even
用手擦鼻涕的样子。天很冷，水管再次
got
me
a
little
old
handkerchief.
It
冰冻，尽管家里没有水，但我仍会在每
was a
lady
’
s handkerchief, but I <
/p>
天晚上清洗我的袜子和衬衣。我会拿上
didn’t
want Helene to see me wipe
一个罐子去本先生的食品杂货店，将它
my nose on
my hand. The pipes were
放在苏打水冷藏柜下面，然后掏出一些
frozen
again, there was no water in
冰块放在里面。到了晚上，我就可以用
the
house,
but
I
washed
my
socks
and
那些冰块化成的水来洗衣服。那年冬天
shirt every
night. I
’
d get a pot,
我常常生病，因为在夜晚炉火会在衣服
and
go
over
to
Mister
Ben
’
s
grocery
烘干之前熄灭。到第二天早晨，不管那
store,
and
stick
my
pot
down
into
his
衣服是湿还是干，我都会穿上，因为那
soda
machine.
Scoop
out
some
chopped
是我唯一的衣服。
ice. By
evening the ice melted to
water
for
washing.
I
got
stick
a
lot
that winter because the
fire would
go out at night
before the clothes
were
dry. In the morning I
’
d put
them on, wet or dry,
because they
were the only
clothes I had.
Everybody
’
s
got
a
Helene
每个人的心中都有一个海琳·塔
Tucker, a
symbol of everything you
克，她就是你所想的一切优点的代表。
want. I
loved her for her goodness,
我喜欢她，
因为她善良、
整洁、
人缘好。
her
cleanness,
her
popularity.
如果她走在我回家的路上，我的兄弟
姐
She
’
d walk down
my street and my
妹就会大声叫道“海琳来了”
，然后我
brothers
and
sisters
would
yell,
会将网球鞋的鞋面在裤脚上擦几下，希
“
Here comes
Helene,
”
and
I
’
d rub
望我的头发不那么凌乱，普通的白色衬
my
tennis
sneakers
on
the
back
of
my
衫更加服帖。接着就冲到路上，如果我
pants and
wish my hair wasn
’
t so
知趣的话，便不会走得太近，这时她就
nappy and
the white folks
’
shirt
会向我眨眼并问好。那是一种很不错的
fit me
better. I
’
d run out on the <
/p>
感觉。
有时候，
我会一直跟在她后面走，
street.
If
I
knew
my
place
and
铲去路上的积雪，并试图和她的妈妈、
didn
’
t come too close,
she
’
d wink
阿姨做朋友。晚上，我会在从小旅馆擦
at
me
and
say
hello.
That
was
a
good
鞋回来的路上将钱放在她家的门阶上。
feeling. Sometimes
I
’
d follow her
她有
个爸爸，
工作不错，
是个糊墙纸工。
all
the
way
home,
and
shovel
the
snow
（
47
）
off
her
walk
and
try
to
make
friends
with her Momma and her aunts.
I
’
d
drop my money on her stoop late at
night on my way back from
shining
shoes in the
taverns. And she had a
Daddy,
and
he
had
a
good
job.
He
was
a
paper
hanger.
（
47
）
I
guess
I
would
have
gotten
over
我猜想到夏天我便会把海琳忘却，
Helene
by
summertime,
but
something
但是
22
年以来，在那间教室发生的事
happened
in
that
classroom
that
made
情，使她的面孔在我脑海里挥之不去。
her
face
hang
in
front
of
me
for
the
我为了她，在高中参加击鼓活动，在大
next
twenty-two
years.
When
I
played
学打破了某项记录。甚至当我站在台上
the drums
in high school it was for
的麦克风边上听到掌声时，我也是希望
Helene
and
when
I
broke
track
她能够听到
这些的。一直到
22
岁，我
recor
ds
in
college
it
was
for
Helene
结婚了，工作赚钱了，她才终于从我的
and when I
started standing behind
生命中淡去，不再影响我。当我为自己
microphones
and
heard
applause
I
感到羞愧时，海琳就坐在那间教室里。
wished
Helene
could
hear
it,
too.
It
wasn
’
t
until
I
was
twenty-nine
years
old
and
married
and
making
money
that I finally got her out of
my
system.
Helene
was
sitting
in
that classroom when I
learned to be
ashamed of
myself.
It was on a
Thursday. I was
那个周四，我坐在教室的后面的位
sitting in
the back of the room, in
子上，座位周围被人用粉笔画了个圈，
a
seat
with
a
chalk
circle
drawn
代表这儿坐着的是个白痴，是个麻烦制
around it.
The idiot
’
s seat, the
造者。
trouble-
maker
’
s seat.
The
teacher
thought
I
was
老师认为我是个笨蛋。我不会拼
stupid.
Couldn
’
t spell,
couldn
’
t
写，不会朗读，不会算术。我就是个笨
read,
couldn
’
t
do
arithmetic.
Just
蛋
！老师从来不会花心思去注意到你
stupid.
Teachers
were
never
因为没有吃早饭因为肚子很饿而没有
interested
in finding out that you
could
n’
t
concentrate
because
you
were so hungry, because
you hadn
’
t
had
any
breakfast.
All
you
could
think about was noontime, would it
ever
come?
Maybe
you
could
sneak
into the cloakroom and steal a bite
of some kid
’
s
lunch out of a coat
pocket. A bite of
something. Paste.
You
can
’
t
really
make
a
meal
of
paste,
or
put
it
on
bread
for
a
sandwich, but sometimes
I’
d scoop
a
few
spoonfuls
out
of
the
paste
jar
in the back of the room.
Pregnant
people
get
strange
tastes.
I
was
pregnant
with
poverty.
Pregnant
with dirt and pregnant with smells
that
made
people
turn
away,
pregnant
with cold and
pregnant with shoes
that
were
never
bought
for
me,
pregnant
with five other people in
my
bed
and
no
Daddy
in
the
next
room,
and
pregnant
with
hunger.
Paste
doesn
’
t taste too
bad when you are
hungry.
（
43
）
The
teacher
thought
I
was
a
troublemaker. All she saw
from the
front
of
the
room
was
a
little
black
boy
who
squirmed
in
his
idiot
’
s
seat and made noises and poked the
kids around him. I guess she could
not
see
a
kid
who
made
noises
because
he
wanted
someone
to
know
he
was
there.
It was on a Thursday,
The day
before the Negro payday. The
eagle
always flew on Friday. The
teacher
was
asking
each
student
how
much
his
father
would give to the Community
Chest.
On
Friday
night,
each
kid
would
get
the
money
from
his
father,
and on Monday he would bring it to
the
school.
I
decided
I
was
going
to
buy
me
a
Daddy
right
then.
I
had
集中注意力。你所能想到的也就是中
< br>午，中午还能不能到得了呢？也许你可
以溜进衣帽间，偷一些孩子们大衣口袋
里的午饭来吃。
一点儿吃的，
比如浆糊。<
/p>
你不可能真的拿浆糊当饭，或者将它们
涂在面包上当三明治；但是
有时候，我
还是会从教室后面的浆缸里舀几匙浆
糊。怀孕的人口
味很怪，而我却是满怀
贫困，满怀污垢和令人掩鼻的臭味，满
怀
凄凉和寒冷。我从来没穿过专为我买
的鞋子，我的床上还挤着另外
5
个人，
可是隔壁房间里没有爸爸。并且饥饿一
直与我同在。当我非常饿的时候，浆糊
吃
起
来
也
就
不
那
么
难
以
< br>下
咽
了
。
（
43
）
老师认为我是一个麻烦制造者。她
总是在教室前面看见一个黑人小男孩
愚蠢地坐在座位上，东张西
望制造噪音
影响其他孩子，却看不见这个孩子之所
以弄出声音是
想引起老师的注意。
那一天是周四，黑人发薪日的前一
天。福利金通常是在周五发放。老师要
求每一位学生问他们的父
亲可以为社
区福利基金捐多少钱。在周五晚上，每
位孩子都会从
他们父亲那儿拿到钱，并
在周一将钱带到学校。我决定我要给自
己买一个爸爸。我口袋里的钱是靠擦皮
鞋、卖报纸挣来的。并且无论海琳?塔
克从她爸爸那儿拿多少钱，我都要超越
它。我现在手里有钱，直到周一才会
以
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