-
106 The One With the
Butt
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the
audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Rachel:
(reading
the
program)
Ooh!
Look!
Look!
Look!
Look,
there's
Joey's
picture! This is so
exciting!
Chandler:
You
can
always
spot
someone
who's
never
seen
one
of
his
plays
before.
Notice,
no fear, no sense of impending
doom...
Phoebe:
The
exclamation
point in the
title scares me. (
Gesturing
)
Y'know, it's not
just
Freud
, it's
Freud!
(The
lights dim.)
Ross:
Oh, shhh,
shh. Magic is about to happen.
(The
lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is
talking to a female patient.)
Joey:
well, Eva, we've done
some excellent work here, and I would have to say,
your problem is quite clear. (He goes
into a song and dance number.)
All you want is a dingle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A
thing through which you can tinkle,
Or
play with, or simply let hang...
Opening Credits
[Scene: The
Theater, the play has ended and everyone is
applauding.
As
soon as
the
cast
leaves, the gang all
groan
and sit down heavily.]
Rachel:
God. I feel
violated
.
Monica:
Did anybody else
feel they just wanted to
peel
the skin off their
body, to
have something else to do?
Chandler:
(staring at a
woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Ross:
Is it? Feels like two.
Chandler: No, ten o'clock.
Ross:
What?
Chandler:
(sighs
and
gestures
to
explain)
There's
a
beautiful
woman
at
eight,
nine,
ten o'clock!
Ross:
Oh. Hel-
lo!
Chandler:
She's
amazing!
She
makes
the
women
that
I
dream
about
look
like
short, fat, bald men!
Monica:
Well, go over to
her! She's not with anyone.
Chandler:
Oh
yeah,
and
what
would
my
opening
line
be?
'Excuse
me.
Blarrglarrghh.'
Rachel:
Oh, c'mon. She's a
person, you can do it!
Chandler:
Oh
please,
could
she
be
more
out
of
my
league?
Ross,
back
me
up
here.
Ross:
He
could never get a woman like that in a million
years.
Chandler:
Thank you,
buddy.
Phoebe:
Oh, oh, but
y'know, you always see these really beautiful
women with
these really nothing guys,
you could be one of those guys.
Monica:
You could do that!
Chandler:
Y'think?
All:
Yeah!
Chandler:
Oh
God,
I
can't
believe
I'm
even
considering
this...
I'm
very
very
aware of my tongue...
Ross:
C'mon! C'mon!
106
屁股秀
你们看，是乔伊的照片
真是令人兴奋
你总是能看见
从未在自己作品中出现
的某人，注意力强，
无畏无惧，
就算死到临头也不自觉
标题上的惊叹号，令我有点害怕
这不只是佛洛依德，而是佛洛依德
!
安静，奇迹就要出现
伊娃，你今天的表现不错
我得说
你的问题相当清楚
……
^_^
；
我感觉自己受到冒犯了
还有其他人感
觉
,
只想剥自己的皮
,
如果他
们还有其他事可做
?
罗斯，十点钟
是吗
< br>?
感觉像是两点
不，十点钟
什么
?
一位美女在
< br>8
，
9
，
10
点钟方向
她简直就是仙女下凡
她让我的梦中情
人
,
变得有如矮胖的秃子
过去啊，她旁边没人
对，我该用什么开场白
?
对不起
,
啦啦啦啦之类的
拜托，她只是个人，你罩得住
请告诉我，我配得上她吗
?
罗斯，帮我壮壮胆
他这副德行
一辈子都别想把到这种美女
谢了，老兄
但这种美女，
身边总是跟着蹩脚货
你也可以成为其中之一
没错，你能办到
你也认为
?
是的
.
没想到我竟有这种念头
我一向谨言慎行
快去
我上了
有事吗
?
Chandler:
Here goes. (He
walks over to her but just stands there.)
Aurora:
...Yes?
Chandler:
Hi.... um... okay,
next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my
name, and, uh...(He clears his throat
noisily)...hi.
Aurora:
Yes,
you said that.
Chandler:
Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I
was about to say, what
I wanted to say
was, uh... would you like to go out with me
sometime, thankyou,
goodnight. (He
walks back to the others but she calls him back.)
Aurora:
Chandler?
(Joey enters from behind a
curtain.
The others all talk at once.)
All:
Hey! You're in a play!
I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey:
Whadja think?
(Pause)
All:
...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could
dance! You had a beard!
Joey:
C'mon, you guys, it
wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I
did with
the trolls, at least you got
to see my head.
All:
(admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head.
Chandler:
(running
back) She
said
yes!!
She
said
yes!!
(To
Joey)
Awful
play,
man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora,
and she's Italian, and she pronounces
my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I
think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh,
listen, the usher gave me this to give
to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
Rachel:
What is it?
Joey:
The
Estelle
Leonard
Talent
Agency.
Wow,
an
agency
left
me
its
card!
Maybe they wanna sign
me!
Phoebe:
Based on
this play
? ...Based on this
play!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone
else is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler:
Hey, kids.
All:
Hey.
Phoebe:
(reading Monica's
palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, and this
is... just
a line.
Chandler:
Well,
I
can't
believe
I've
been
here
almost
seven
seconds
and
you
haven't asked me how my date went.
Monica:
Oh, right, right.
How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?
Chandler:
It
was
unbelievable.
I-I've
never
met
anyone
like
her.
She's
had
the
most amazing life! She was in the
Israeli army...
(A flashback of Aurora
and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is
denoted by
italics.)
Aurora:
...Luckily none of
the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it
to the
border, but just barely, and I-
...I've been talking about myself all night long,
I'm
sorry. What about you? Tell me one
of your stories.
Chandler:
Alright.
Once
I
got
on
the
subway,
right,
and
it
was
at
night,
and
I
rode it all the way to
Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler:
We talked 'til
like two. It was this perfect evening... more or
less.
Aurora:
...All of a
sudden we realised we were in Yammon.
Chandler:
Oh, I'm sorry, so
'we' is?
Aurora:
'We' would
be me and Rick.
Joey:
Who's
Rick?
Chandler:
Who's Rick?
Aurora:
My husband.
All:
Ooooohhh.
下个字是…
Chandler
我叫
Chandler
我知道，你说过
对，我说过
但我没说我想说
...
愿意与我约会吗
?
谢谢，晚安
钱德
他出来了
想不到你会跳舞
你演戏了
你刮掉胡子了
感觉如何
?
想不到你会跳舞
你演戏了
拜托，没那么糟吧
我是主角
这次我在轮唱中出现
至少你们可以看见我的头
对没错，我们有看见你的头
她答应了…
好烂的戏
她叫亚萝拉，来自义大利
她叫我
”
Chandlerrrrrrr
”
我喜欢她这样称呼我
领座员要我把它交给你
Estelle
Leonard
经纪公司
经纪公司拿名片给我
或许他们想和我签约
因为这场戏
?
因为这一场戏
嘿
,
伙计们
?
嘿
不，因为这是感情线
而这一条只是普通线
我无法相信
我坐在这儿七秒钟
竟没人问我的约会如何
?
你的约会如何，钱德
?
真是令人难以置信
我没见过像她那样的人
她的生活真是太令人称羡了
她穿过以色列阵地
幸好子弹没打中引擎
我们才能越过边界
真是有惊无险
我整晚都在谈我自己，抱歉
你呢
?
说来听听嘛
有一回晚上我搭地铁
到布鲁克林区
Chandler:
Oh, so you're
divorced?
Aurora: No.
Chandler:
Oh, I'm sorry,
then you're widowed?...Hopefully?
Aurora:
No, I'm still
married.
Chandler:
So tell
me, how do- how do you think your husband would
feel about
you sitting here with
me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you
can count
the change in my pocket?
Aurora:
Don't worry. I
imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's
okay
with Ethan.
Chandler:
Ethan? There's,
there's an Ethan?
Aurora:
Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.
All:
What?!
Chandler:
So explain
something to me here, uh, what kind of a
relationship do
you imagine us having
if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
Aurora:
I suppose mainly
sexual.
Chandler: ...Hm.
Monica:
Oh. I'm sorry it
didn't work out.
Chandler:
What
'not
work
out'?
I'm
seeing
her
again
on
Thursday.
Didn't
you
listen to the story?
Monica:
Didn't you listen to
the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you
get
involved with a woman like this?
Chandler:
Well,
y'know,
I
had
some
trouble
with
it
at
first
too,
but
the
way
I
look at it
is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the
talking, all the sex; and
none
of the responsibility.
I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Phoebe:
Oh, yeah. That is
not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Ross:
No, of course not!
(Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Monica:
What? So you guys
don't mind going out with someone else who's going
out with someone else?
Joey:
I couldn't do it.
Monica:
Good for you, Joey.
Joey:
When
I'm
with
a
woman,
I
need
to
know
that
I'm
going
out
with
more
people than she is.
Ross:
Well,
y'know,
monogamy
can
be
a,
uh,
tricky
concept.
I
mean,
anthropologically speaking-
(They all pretend to fall asleep.)
Ross:
Fine. Fine, alright,
now you'll never know.
Monica:
We're kidding.
C'mon, tell us!
All:
Yeah!
C'mon!
Ross:
Alright.
There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
(They all fall asleep again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is
there as enter except Joey enter.]
Rachel:
Tah-daaah!
Chandler:
Are we greeting
each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.
Rachel:
Look! I cleaned! I
did the windows, I did the floors... I even used
all the
attachments on the vacuum,
except that little round one with the bristles, I
don't
know what that's for.
Ross:
Oh yeah, nobody knows.
And we're not supposed to ask.
Rachel:
Well, whaddya think?
All:
Very clean! It looks
great! Terrific!
Monica:
...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.
然后活着回来
我们一直谈到两点
那真是个美好的夜晚
可以这么说
突然我们发现自己身在叶门
我们
,
我们是谁
?
我和瑞克
瑞克是谁
?
我丈夫
噢呜呜呜呜呜呜呜
这么说你们已经离婚
没有
对不起，这么说你是寡妇
?
希望如此
不，我们还是夫妻
告诉我你丈夫做何感想
?
你坐在我身旁脚伸到我大腿
足以数我口袋里的零钱
?
别担心，我想他会接受的
因为他也接受伊森这么做
伊森
?
有伊森这号人物
?
伊森是我的男友
什么
?
告诉我你期待
我们之间会有什么关系
既然你已有丈夫和男友
大概是性关系吧
真是遗憾，你们吹了
什么吹了
?
周四我还要和她约会
难道你没听懂
?
难道你没听懂
?
这太离谱了
你怎能和这种女人交往
?
开始我也无法接受
但后来我想此事百益而无一害
只有谈天说笑和做爱
不用负任何责任
这是每个男人的梦想
是吗
?
未必吧
罗斯，这是你的梦想吗
?
当然不是
没错，是
你们男生不介意
和已有对象的女人交往
?
我办不到
干得好，乔伊
和女人交往时
我必须确定
All:
Uh-oh...
Monica:
How-how did that
happen?
Rachel:
I dunno..
I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and
also, it's an extra
seat around the
coffee table.
Monica:
Yeah,
yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for
fun, let's see what
it looked like in
the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to
compare. Let's see.
Well, it looks good
there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
Phoebe:
(to Rachel) I can't
believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler:
Thank
God
you
didn't
try
to
fan
out
the
magazines.
I
mean,
she'll
scratch your eyes right out.
Monica:
You guys, I am not
that bad!
Phoebe:
Yeah,
you
are,
Monica.
Remember
when
I
lived
with
you? You
were
like, a little, y'know,
(psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
Monica:
That is so unfair!
Ross:
Oh c'mon! When we were
kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that
wasn't raggedy!
Monica:
Okay, so I'm
responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a
kook.
Ross:
Alright, you
madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill
arrives, but
you don't pay it right
away.
Monica:
Why not?
Ross:
Because you're a kook!
Instead you wait until they send you a notice.
Monica:
I could do that.
Rachel:
Okay, uh, you let me
go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent,
but it's not the one with the easy-pour
spout.
Monica:
Why would
someone do that?! ...One might wonder.
Chandler:
Someone's
left
a
glass
on
the
coffee
table.
There's
no
coaster.
It's
a
cold drink, it's a hot day. Little
beads of condensation are inching their way closer
and closer to the surface of the
wood...
Monica:
STOP IT!!
...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I?
Ross:
Monica? You're Mom.
(Monica gasps.)
Phoebe:
Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
Ree!
(Joey enters and he's on the
phone.)
Joey:
(on phone) Uh
huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be
there! (He
hangs up and to all.) That
was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.)
My
agent has just gotten me a job...in
the new Al Pacino movie!
All:
Oh my God! Whoah!
Monica:
Well, what's the
part?
Joey:
Can you believe
this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an
actor!
out
of
order?
Pfeeeh.
You're
out
of
order!
This
whole
courtroom's
out
of
order!
Phoebe:
Seriously, what-what's the part?
Joey:
Ross:
C'mon, seriously,
Joey, what's the part?
Joey:
...I'm his (mumbles)
Rachel:
..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?
Joey:
...I'm his butt
double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He
goes into
the shower, and then- I'm his
butt.
Monica:
(trying not to
laugh) Oh my God.
Joey:
C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al
Pacino's in it, and that's big!
我交往的对象比她多
一夫一妻值得商榷
就人类学的观点而言…
行…这是你们的损失
逗你的，告诉我们吧
快说，我们想知道
好吧理查李奇提出这样的理论…
现在
都这样打招呼吗
?
我喜欢
瞧，我大扫除了
我擦窗户，拖地板
我甚至还用了吸尘器上的所有装置
除了圆形有鬃毛那个之外
因为我不知道用途为何
没人知道，我们也不该问
你们感觉怎样
?
你移动了垫椅
怎么会呢
?
我不知道
我以为摆那儿会更好看
咖啡桌旁就多了一个座位
这倒有意思
这样好了，只是好玩
我们看它在原来位置的感觉如何
只是做个比较
放那儿也不错
就摆那儿一阵子吧
我无法相信你竟敢搬动垫椅
幸好你没摊开杂志
否则她铁定会挖出你的眼睛
各位，我没那么凶吧
你就那么凶
记得我们住在一起时吗
?
你就像个…
这太不公平了
拜托，我们小时候
你的
”
破娃娃
”
是唯一不破的<
/p>
我有责任感有组织性
可是我也能很懒散
好吧，懒女人，想像这个情况
电话单来
但你不立刻去交钱
为什么
?
因为你是个大懒人
直拖到他们寄催缴通知单来
我可以办到
你让我去买日常用品
我买了洗衣粉
,
但是是不容易弄出来那种
.
有人会那样做吗
?
有人会想…