-偏差
高二英语读后续写（
5.21
）
一、阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。
At
first, Surrell
didn't
see
the
black
smoke
or
flames
shooting
from
the
windows
of
his
neighbors' home.
He
and
his
wife
were
just
having
a
dinner
in
their
own
house in
Allentown,
Pennsylvania, when they hear
d someone
screaming, “The house is on
fire!” He went
to
investigate. That's when he saw two women and a
girl crazily at a loss on their porch
(
走廊
). It
was his
neighbor's house.
“The
baby's
inside
there!”
one
of
the
women
cried.
Though
the
f
ire
department
had
been
called,Surrell,
then 64, instinctively(
本能地
)
ran inside. “The baby” was
8-year-old
Tiara Roberts,
who
always
called
him
Uncle
Surrell.
She
was
the
woman's granddaughter
and
a
playmate
of
Surrell's
three
youngest
kids,
8,
10,
and
12.
The other
two
on
the
porch
were
Tiara's
aunt
and
cousin.
Entering
the
burning
house
was
like
running
into
“a
bucket
of
black
paint”.
The thick smoke caused Surrell to walk
blindly around, burned
his eyes, and
made it impossible
for him to breathe.
He felt his throat and lungs
burned,
and every blink stung(
蛰
) his
eyes. The
conditions
would
have
been
very
dangerous
for
anyone,
but
for
Surrell,
who
has
chronic
obstructive
pulmonary
disease(
慢性阻塞性肺病
)
and was
in hospital just
half
a
year
ago,
they
were
life-risking.
After a few minutes in the
smoke-filled house searching but in vain, he ran
outside to catch
his breath. “Where is
Tiara?” he asked desperately.
“
The second
floor
,”
her aunt shouted
back.
Surrell knew he couldn't
hold his breath for long. So he uttered a little
prayer,
“Well, God,
this is
it. You got to help me, because I'm not coming out
without that
little girl.”
注意：
1.
所续写短文的词数应为
150
词左右；
2.
应使用
5
< br>个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；
3.
续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；
4.
续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。
Paragraph 1:
Taking a deep
health, he went in a second
time.____________________________________
Paragraph 2:
Surrell woke up
in the hospital a couple of days later.
_______________________________
【写作思路与分析】
此题要求根据短
文的情节，结合所提供的关键词语以及所续写段落的开头语来进行续写。
短文续写可以遵
循以下步骤：
（一）文本分析
本文叙
述了
Surrell
不顾自己年老体弱，
奋不顾身地冲进火海救护邻居小孩
Tiara
的故事。
在阅读文本时，
我们要带着
when
(having a dinner)
、
where
(Surrell's neighbor's home, the second
floor,
hospital)
、
who (Surrell,
Tiara, Tiara's Grandmother and Tiara's
relatives)
、
what (Fire broke
out and Tiara was trapped on the second
floor)
、
why (The house was on
fire and the house was
full of heavy
smoke, Tiara's grandmother and her relatives were
crazily at a loss)
、
how
(Surrell
dashed into the burning house
to save Tiara)
去理清文本的内容和故事情节的发展脉络。
对于故
事的进展，我们要聚焦
how
(
故事情节的发展和故事人物的情感变化
)
。在梳理故事情节发
展的脉络时，我们要把握住三条线索：时空线、故事
情节线和情感发展线。
时空线：
at
first
having
a
dinner,
Tiara's
grandmother's
house
on
fire,
the
second
floor,
hospital
。
故事情
节线：①
Surrell
在家与妻子一起吃饭时，听到邻居因家
里失火而发出的尖叫声。
②
Tiara
的奶奶、姑姑和表姐
(
妹
)
站在家里的走廊上因害怕而不知所措。③
Surrell
< br>不顾自己
年老体弱（患有慢性阻塞性肺病），奋不顾身地冲进火海营救深陷火海地
Tiara
。④
Tiara
被成功营救了吗？
Surrell
和
Tiara
被烧伤了吗？
Surrell
在医院苏醒后康复得怎样？邻居们对
他的英勇行为又是怎么评价？这些信息
和内容是我们在下文续写中要交待的。
情感发展线：
Tiara
奶奶和亲戚们对房子起火惊吓得手足无措，
Su
rrell
得知情况后奋不顾
身地去救护
Tiara
，从没有救出
Tiara
时的焦躁和救出之后躺在医院的坦然。
在这一环节，我们要聚焦原作者在
文本中所使用人物的肢体语言、心理活动和脸部表情
来描写人物的情感，表达人物的思想
。我们尽可能仿效作者的写作的格调，遵循读后续写
的协同原则来完成自己的故事续写。
（二）下划线词和续写首句解读
1.
下划线词的解读
已知文本中的
10
个下划线词为：
< br>Surrell,
Tiara,
uncle,
smoke,
burned,
lungs,
dangerous,
hospital, outside, the second floor
。根据这
10
个下划线的词，我们可以进行粗略
地分类，然
后进行详细地分析：
Characters
人物类
Time and
places
时空类
①
人物类中的
“Surrell
与
Tiara”
是本文主人公。故事情节的发展自始至终都
是围绕着作
者
“Surrell”
与<
/p>
Tiara
之间展开，
所以
Surrell, Tiara
都是必选词汇。
Su
rrell
与
Tiara
是邻居，
Surrell
对可爱、礼貌、乖巧的
Ti
ara
很是喜欢，于是不顾一切地冲进火海救护
Tiara
。
Surrell
在救
护中受伤，
Tiara
和她的家人心存感恩，在医院一直守
护
Surrell
，一直到他苏醒。这故事情
< br>节反映了邻里之间互爱互助，关系和谐的社区生活。
②
时空类中的
hospital,
outside
和
the second floor
是故事情节发展至高潮的必需地点。
Surrell
冲进火海，
将
Tiara
抱出外面
，
可他自己却受伤送进医院抢救。
因此，
hospital, outside
和
the
second floor
在续写故事中都可以定为必选词汇。
Surrell, Tiara
hospital,
outside, the second floor
Plot
development
故事情节发展类
uncle, smoke, burned, lungs, dangerous
③
故事情节发展类中的
uncle,
smoke, burned, lungs, dangerous
都是故事情节的发
展与推
进词汇，
uncle
称谓体现了
Surrell
与
Tiara
之间的亲密关系，
smoke
增添了
Surrell
救护
Tiara
的难度，
burned
交代了
Surrell
在救护中可能被烧伤某一人体部位，
lungs
是
Surrell
救护
Tiara
前身体不适部位，而他却在身体不适的情况下义无反顾地冲进火海救
护
Tina
，体现了他的
无畏和勇敢，
dangerous
是当时救护时的处境，但故事的发展可以通
过其他形式的渲染，而
不必直接点出危险的处境。
因此，
下划线
uncle, smoke, burned, lungs<
/p>
等词都可以定为续写的
必选或可选词汇。
2.
首句的解读
从续写第二段首句
Surrell woke up in
the hospital a couple of days later.
可知，
Surrell
在救
护
Tiara
过程中受伤住院了，结合续写第一段首句
“
Taking a deep health, he went in a second
< br>time.
的提示，我们可以推断出，
Surrell<
/p>
第一次冲进火海并没有将
Tiara
营救
出来。他第二次
营救是否会成功？
Surrell
受伤严重吗？
Tiara
烧伤了没有？
Surrell
受伤后大家会有什么反应
呢？实施
急救还是送往医院？这些内容都是我们需要在第一段续写中要交代的。
从续写第二段首句
Surrell woke up in
the hospital a couple of days later.
信息中
，
“
我们可
以推断，
< br>Surrell
伤得不轻。对于
Surrell
的伤情，
Tiara
一家会有什么感恩举措，尤
其是被救
的当事人
Tiara
？这些都
是我们第二段续写中要交代的。
（三）写作思路微技能之<
/p>
G
—
N
策略
根据语言学家
Jeanette
Gundelean
提出的
Given-New
策略，我们可以基于原文本和首句
（
Given <
/p>
information
）提供的信息，采用围绕中心词问一些相
关问题，然后回答这些问题
（
New information
）的方法，拓展我们的思路和角度，最终形成合理的故事情节线。
在第一段的续写中，围绕着两个段首句，我们可以尝试问这些问题：
Q1: Did Surrell succeed in saving
Tiara? How?
Q2: What had happened to
Surrell? And what about Tiara?
Q3: What
might be Tiara's grandmother and her relatives'
reaction?
然后进行详细地回答，我们就可以写出这样的一段文章：
Taking a deep breath, he went in a
second time.
The house was full of
smoke. He ran in the dark,
and
finally
made
it
to the
second
floor
.
He
could
hardly
breathe.
“
Tiara
,
where
are
you?”
he
cried.
All
he
could
hear
was
the
sound
of
burning
wood.
Then
a
screaming
cry,
calling Uncle Surrell,
came.
He
quickly
crawled
toward
the
sound.
Finally,
he
touched
something. It was
Tiara. He pulled her on his back and said, “I've
got you.” He ran out of the
burning
house, but he fell on the ground of the porch
在第
2
段的写作中，围绕段首句
“
Surrell woke up in the hospital
a couple of days later.
”
我们可以
尝试问这些问题：
Q1. What did
Surrell find when he woke up? What did he ask?
Q2.
What
might
Tiara/Tiara's
grandmother
have
said
and
done
in
the
hospital
when
she/they
went to visit
Surrell?
Q3. What might be Surrell's
reaction to Tiara's/Tiara's grandmother's
gratitude?