电影英语老友记第一季第六集剧本

One With the Butt

[Scene:

A

Theater,

the

gang

is

in

the

audience

wating

for

a

play

of Joey's to start.]

Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look,

there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!

Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of

his

plays

before.

Notice,

no

fear,

no

sense

of

impending

doom...

Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me.

(Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!

(The lights dim.)

Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.

(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to

a female patient.)

Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I

vould

have

to

say,

your

pwoblem

is

qviiite

clear.

(He

goes

into

a song and dance number.)

All you want is a dingle,

What you envy's a schwang,

A thing through which you can tinkle,

Or play with, or simply let hang...

Opening Credits

[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is

applauding. As

soon

as

the

cast

leaves,

the

gang

all

groan

and

sit down heavily.]

（直到演员离场，大伙们）

Rachel: God. I feel

violate< /p>

d.

（我感觉被亵渎了）

Monica:

Did

anybody

else

feel

they

just

wanted

to

peel

the

skin

off their body, to have something else to do?

Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten

o'clock.

Ross: Is it? Feels like two.

Chandler: No, ten o'clock.

Ross: What?

Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful

woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!

Ross: Oh. Hel-lo!

Chandler:

She's

amazing!

She

makes

the

women

that

I

dream

about

look like short, fat, bald men!

（她使我的梦中情人看起来是 个

又矮又胖的秃顶男人）

Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.

Chandler:

Oh

yeah,

and

what

would

my

opening

line

（开场白）

be?

'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'

Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!

Chandler: Oh please, could she

be more out of my league

?

（她

还有让我更加配不上的地方吗？）

Ross, back me up here.

Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.

Chandler: Thank you, buddy.

Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really

beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be

one of those guys.

Monica: You could do that!

Chandler: Y'think?

All: Yeah!

Chandler:

Oh

God,

I

can't

believe

I'm

even

considering

this...

I'm very very aware of my tongue...

Ross: C'mon! C'mon!

Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands

there.)

Aurora: ...Yes?

Chandler:

Hi....

um...

okay,

next

word...

would

be...

Chandler!

Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat

noisily)...hi.

Aurora: Yes, you said that.

Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was

about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like

to

go

out

with

me

sometime,

thankyou,

goodnight.

(He

walks

back

to the others but she calls him back.)

Aurora: Chandler?

(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at

once.)

All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You

had a beard!

Joey: Whadja think?

(Pause)

All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance!

You had a beard!

Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than

that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my

head.

All: (admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head.

Chandler:

(running

back)

She

said

yes!!

She

said

yes!!

(To

Joey)

Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's

Italian,

and

she

pronounces my

name

'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand- lrr'.

I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the

usher

gave

me

this

to

give

to

you.

(He

fishes

a

card

out

of

his

pocket.)

Rachel: What is it?

Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left

me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!

Phoebe: Based on this play? ...Based on this play!

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler

enters.]

Chandler: Hey, kids.

All: Hey.

Phoebe:

(reading

Monica's

palm)

No,

'cause

this

line

is

passion,

and this is... just a line.

Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven

seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.

Monica: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?

Chandler:

It

was

unbelievable.

I-I've

never

met

anyone

like

her.

She's

had

the

most

amazing

life!

She

was

in

the

Israeli

army...

(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central

Perk is denoted by italics.)

Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block.

So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've

been

talking

about

myself

all

night

long,

I'm

sorry.

What

about

you? Tell me one of your stories.

Chandler: Alright.

Once

I

got

on

the

subway,

right, and

it

was

at

night,

and

I

rode

it

all

the

way

to

Brooklyn...

just

for

the

hell of it

（只是为了好玩）

.

Chandler:

We

talked

'til

like

two.

It

was

this

perfect

evening...

more or less.

Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon.

Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?

Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick.

Joey: Who's Rick?

Chandler: Who's Rick?

Aurora: My husband.

All: Ooooohhh.

Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced?

Aurora: No.

Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're wi dowed

（寡

妇）

?...Hope fully?

Aurora: No, I'm still married.

Chandler:

So

tell

me,

how

do-

how

do

you

think

your

husband

would

feel

about

you

sitting

here

with

me?...Sliding

your

foot

so

far

up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?

Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because

really, he's okay with Ethan.

Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?

Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.

All: What?!

Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a

relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a

husband and a boyfriend?

Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual.

Chandler: ...Hm.

Monica: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Chandler:

What

'not

work

out'?

I'm

seeing

her

again

on

Thursday.

Didn't you listen to the story?

Monica:

Didn't

you

listen

to

the

story?

I

mean,

this

is

twisted!

How could you get involved with a woman like this?

Chandler:

Well,

y'know,

I

had

some

trouble

with

it

at

first

too,

but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the

fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the

responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!

Phoebe:

Oh,

yeah.

That

is

not

true.

Ross,

is

this

your

fantasy?

Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is.

Monica:

What?

So

you

guys

don't

mind

going

out

with

someone

else

who's going out with someone else?

Joey: I couldn't do it.

Monica: Good for you, Joey.

Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out

with more people than she is.

Ross:

Well,

y'know,

monogamy

（一夫一妻制）

can

be

a,

uh,

tricky

concept

（复杂的概念）

. I mean, anthropologically

（人类学）

speaking-

(They all pretend to fall asleep.)

Ross: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know.

Monica: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us!

All: Yeah! C'mon!

Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-

(They all fall asleep again.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except

Joey enter.]

Rachel: Tah-daaah!

Chandler:

Are

we

greeting

each

other

this

way

now?

'Cause

I

like

that.

Rachel:

Look!

I

cleaned!

I

did

the

windows,

I

did

the

floors...

I

even

used

all

the

attachments

on

the

vacuum

（吸尘器）

,

except

that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what

that's for.

Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.

Rachel: Well, whaddya think?

All: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific!

Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman

（垫脚凳）

.

All: Uh-oh...

Monica: How- how did that happen?

Rachel: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I-

and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.

Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just

for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She

moves

it.)

Alright,

just

to

compare.

Let's

see.

Well,

it

looks

good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.

Phoebe:

(to

Rachel)

I

can't

believe

you

tried

to

move

the

green

ottoman.

Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines.

I

mean,

she'll

scratch

your

eyes

right

out

（把你眼睛挖出来）

.

Monica: You guys, I am not that bad!

Phoebe:

Yeah,

you

are,

Monica.

Remember

when

I

lived

with

you?

You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!

Monica: That is so unfair!

Ross: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy

Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!

（我们小时候，只有你的破烂布娃

娃是唯一不烂的）

Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised

（井井有条）

.

But hey, I can be a kook

（邋遢）

.

Ross: Alright, you

madcap gal

（疯婆子）

. Try to imagine this.

The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.

Monica: Why not?

Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send

you a notice.

Monica: I could do that.

Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy

laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour

spout.