badlandswhy_we_love_who_we_love_翻译

2021年1月22日发(作者：奸杀)
1
、
Have
you
ever
known
a
married
couple
that
just
didn't
seem
as
though
they
should
fit together -- yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out
whyI know of one couple: He is a burly ex- athlete who, in addition to being a
successful
salesman,
coaches
Little
League,
is
active
in
his
Rotary
Club
and
plays
golf
every
Saturday
with
friends.
Meanwhile,
his
wife
is
petite,
quiet
and
a
complete
homebody. She doesn't even like to go out to dinner.

你见过 这样的夫妇吗他们看起来根本不像一对
----
但他们的婚姻很幸福。你也不知道为什么我认识 这么一
对夫妇：丈夫高大魁梧，曾经是名运动员。现在是一名成功的推销员，还在少年棒球联合会当教练 ，同时
还是“扶轮国际”分社的活跃会员，每个星期六还与朋友一起打高尔夫。而他的妻子，小巧玲珑， 不喜说
话，整天待在家里。她甚至不喜欢外出吃饭。

2
、
What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us
away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer
是什么神秘力量使我们投入某人的怀抱，而把我们推离另外一些人而这些人用旁人公 正的目光来看，同样
适合我们

Of
the
many
factors
influencing
our
idea
of
the
perfect
mate,
one
of
the
most
telling,
according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics
at
Johns
Hopkins
University,
is
what
he
calls
our

map
--
a
group
of
messages
encoded
in
our
brains
that
describes
our
likes
and
dislikes.
It
shows
our
preferences
in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of
personality
that
appeals
to
us,
whether
it's
the
warm
and
friendly
type
or
the
strong,
silent type.
影响我们选择伴侣的 因素很多，其中最有说服力的是约翰·霍普金斯大学医学心理学和儿科的名誉教授约
翰·莫尼提出的理论 ，
他称为“爱情图谱”
---
我们脑海里有一组数据编码，
描述了我们喜欢或 不喜欢的特
征。这组数据显示了我们偏好的发型，眼睛的颜色，声音，气味和体型，它还记录了吸引我们 的个性，喜
欢热情友好型还是强壮安静型。

In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map.
And
this
love
map
is
largely
determined
in
childhood.
By
age
eight,
the
pattern
for
our ideal mate has alreadgun to float around in our brains.
总之，我们迷恋、寻找那种最符合我们爱情图谱的人。爱情图谱基本上在童年就定型了。到
8
岁时 ，理想伴侣的类型早已在我们脑海里浮现了。

3
、
When
I
lecture,
I
often
ask
couples
in
the
audience
what
drew
them
to
their
dates
or
mates.
Answers
range
from

strong
and
independent
and

go
for
redheads
to
当我演讲时我经常 会在观众中挑选夫妇来提问，我问他们是什么力量驱使他们约会结婚。答案不等，有的
说“她健壮而独立 ”或“我喜欢红头发的人”，有的说“我喜欢他的幽默感”或“他那坏坏的笑容，使我
迷上了他。”
I believe what they say. But I also know that if I were to ask those same men and
women
to
describe
their
mothers,
there
would
be
many
similarities
between
their
ideal
mates
and
their
moms.
Yes,
our
mothers
--
the
first
real
love
of
our
lives
--
write
a significant portion of our love map.
我相信他们所说的话。
我还知道如果让这些人描述他们的母亲时，
他们所描 述的母亲和理想
伴侣之间必定有许多相似之处。是的，我们的母亲
-----
使我们在 生命中第一次真正的感受
到爱的人
----
在心爱图像上占了很大的比重。

4
、
When
we're
little,
our
mother
is
the
center
of
our
attention,
and
we
are
the
center
of
hers.
So
our
mother's
characteristics
leave
an
indelible
impression,
and
we
are
forever
after
attracted
to
people
with
her
facial
features,
body
type,
personality,
even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be
attracted
to
people
who
are
warm
and
giving.
If
our
mother
was
strong
and
even-tempered,
we
are
going
to
be
attracted
to
a
fair-minded
strength
in
our
mates.
在我们小的时候，
我们眼中只有母亲，
母亲 也把所有精力放在我们身上。
所以母亲的形象留
给我们无法磨灭的印象，
我们永远会被 这样的人吸引，他们有着母亲的面貌特征，
体型，个
性，甚至幽默感。如果我们的母亲温暖而毫 无保留，那么成年后我们会被类似的人吸引。如
果我们的母亲强壮而温和，我们就会被伴侣身上这种不偏 不倚的力量所吸引。

The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues
to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about
women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's
the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be
cooperative around the house.
母亲会对儿子有另外一些影响：她不仅给孩子“线索”，使他 们在伴侣身上寻找那些优点，
而且会影响他们对女性的看法。
所以，
如果她是一位温和 而漂亮的女性，
那么她的儿子就会
认为女性都是这样的。
他们自己也会成为一个温和敏 感的爱人，
而且在家庭生活中也乐于协
作。

Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly
but
then
suddenly
turns
cold
and
rejecting,
may
raise
a
man
who
becomes
a

lover.
commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.
相反，
如果母亲 个性忧郁，
时而友好，
时而冷漠，
排斥他人，
那么她培养的儿子可能成为“落
跑新郎”。因为母亲给他的爱是如此恐怖，他害怕承诺，很可能因此离开他的女友。

5
、
While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate,
it's the father -- the first male in our lives -- who influences how we relate to
the
opposite
sex.
Fathers
have
an
enormous
effect
on
their
children's
personalities
and chances of marital happiness.
在很大程度上，母亲决定了伴侣身上的哪些特质吸引我们，而父亲
-- -
我们生命中的第一位
男性
---
会影响我们与异性的关系。父亲对孩子的个 性，以及将来婚姻生活幸福与否有着巨
大的影响。

Just
as
mothers
influence
their
son's
general
feelings
toward
women,
fathers
influence
their
daughter's
general
feelings
about
men.
If
a
father
lavishes
praise
on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a
worthwhile person, she'll feel very
good
about
herself
in
relation
to
men.
But
if
the
father
is
cold,
critical
or
absent,
the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.
就像母亲影响着儿子对女性的一般看法，
父亲影响着女儿对男 性的看法。
如果父亲经常盛情
赞美女儿，
证明她是个有用的人，
女儿在与男性 交往时会非常自信。
但如果父亲冷漠，
挑剔，
缺乏关爱，女儿会觉得自己既不可爱也没 有魅力。

In
addition,
most
of
us
grow
up
with
people
of
similar
social
circumstances.
We
hang
around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational
backgrounds
and
career
goals.
We
tend
to
be
most
comfortable
with
these
people,
and
therefore
we
tend
to
link
up
with
others
whose
families
are
often
much
like
our
own.
另外，
大部分人都是与类似背景的人一起长大的。
我们与同一个镇子上的人混在一起，
我们