新加坡植物园写作unit 3答案

2021年1月20日发(作者：金素娟)
Unit 3
PART II FOCUS

Conciseness
Suggested answers to the exercise
a.

Redundancy may result when modifiers are used that do not add to the meaning of
the sentence.

Poor

we really need to listen to want he would say.
Better


we need to listen to what he would say.
More examples:
Poor

I was simply too tired to clean the house after working for a whole day.
Better


I was too tired to clean the house after working for a whole day.
b.

Redundancy may occur from redundant phasing
（
i.e. spelling out the meaning of a
word or phrase that can and should stand alone
）
.



Poor

The criticisms I will make are major ones which ought to be given careful
consideration because of their important.



Better

The criticisms I will make are major ones.
More examples:
Poor


Over the
years, she because suspicious
that she was
being exploited by
people who wanted to take advantage of her and use her.
Better

Over the years, she became suspicious that she was being exploited.
c.

Redundancy may result if the writer fails to use pronouns in reference to previous
noun phrases.
Poor


The
volunteers
in
the
fire
department
a
lot
of
credit.
The
volunteer
firemen answer alarms any time in all kinds of weather.
Better


The
volunteer
firemen
deserve
a
lot
of
credit
because
they
answer
alarms any time in all kinds of weather.
More examples:
Poor




In
large
cities
school
teachers
are
usually
paid
higher
wages
than
the
teachers of a school in a small town.
Better


In large cities school teachers are usually paid higher wages than those
in a smaller town.
d.

Redundancy may occur when words or phrases are awkwardly inserted rather than
implied.
Poor



One
of
the
most
difficult
decisions
I
have
ever
made
in
my
life
was
whether I should go to university after finishing high school or not to go college
after high school.
Better


One of the most difficult decisions I have ever made was whether or not
to go to college after high school.
More examples:
Poor


Fudan
University
is
a
very
good
university
because
of
many
distinguished professors teaching there.
Better



Fudan
University
is
a
good
university
because
of
its
distinguished
faculty.
e.

Redundancy may result when related ideas are stated in more than one sentence.
To solve this problem, it is often advisable to combine sentences into one.
Poor



People who both work full time and go to school have a lot of problems.
These
people
don’t

have
much
time
for
recreation.
Often
they
live
under
more
pressure.
Better


People
who
work
full
time
and
go
to
school
usually
live
under
more
pressure because they don
’
t have much time for recreation.
More examples:
Poor




In a small town there are very few businesses. And the businesses that
are there are usually operated on a small scale.



Better


In
a
small
town
there
are
very
few
businesses,
which
are
usually
operated on a small scale.



Poor



I got up at six. Then I had breakfast. Around seven I left for school.



Better


Getting up at six, I had breakfast and left for school around seven.
Reference for the Classroom Activities
1.

All these phrases are redundant in the written context.
2.

a. Xianming High School has a faculty that do their jobs well.
b. One of the requirements is a term paper of three thousand words on subject of
your choice.
c. College is difficult to adjust to because you are left on your own to solve many
problems.
d. A career in the Army has both advantages and disadvantages. So does the return
to the civilian life from the military.
e. Teenage pregnancy has created a lot of controversy.
Preciseness
Reference for the Classroom Activities
1.

Words like
awful, bad, fine, funny, great, lovely, nice, pretty, thing,
and
wonderful,
are classified as weak because they are too general and hardly add anything to the
meaning.
a.

Kate said she had a
boring
time at the homecoming party.
b.

I think Mr Brown is an
unconvincing
speaker.
c.

The husband gave the wife a
diamond
necklace for her birthday.
d.

These are certain
traits
I look for in judging person
’
s character.
2.

Student should be encouraged to replace general words with specific ones in order
to convey a clearer massage.
3.

Ask student to go over their work in pairs, and to improve each other
’
s writing.
Effectiveness
Reference for Classroom Activities
1. a.

Jo
’
s mouth
Decided
Her nose
Comical
Her eyes
Shape, gray, fierce, funny, thoughtful
Her hair
Long, thick